Have you ever given it a thought that one of the most important things in your marriage relationship is the matrimonial bed. But most couples go about it is as if it is the least important. But I want to emphatically say that this is one area that couples often ignore to their own peril.
Though we are often caught up in the several activities that define our daily lives, we can’t afford to ignore the sex bed. Couples must always remember that ‘beds’ are not only made for sleeping but for keeping up the spark in sexual relationships.
How can couples have the best sex and still have it regularly? Although married couples struggle to agree on a variety of issues, regular sex is one area in which many often give up trying to find solution to. Nearly always, one partner wants sex more than the other. And, contrary to conventional wisdom, it is not always the men who ask for more.
If you and your mate are struggling in this area, try this to improve sexual satisfaction for both of you. First, make sure you are both observing the same mutual sex view rules. Then approach the sexual aspect of your marriage in the context of your entire relationship.
The mutual sex view rules recognise a few overarching truths about sexual intimacy. Settle the fact that God is the creator of sex and all its pleasures; and that it was God who decided that sex in marriage should be extraordinarily, incredibly, unbelievably and exceptionally enjoyable.
Then, couples must agree to keep talking about it. Great sex begins with talking together even in an open environment. And do not assume anything about your mate. Many factors lie behind each person’s desire for more sex or less.
Do not assume that it is simply a male versus female inconsistency in desire or that you know what your spouse’s “problem” is.
And do not insist that your spouse must conform to your libido and timetable, instead give him or her so much sexual pleasure that he or she will agree to any of your terms unconsciously. On the flip side, do not assume your mate knows why you feel the way you do. You have to express your own feelings, preferences and concerns in a selfless manner.
Instead of assuming, commit yourself to understanding your spouse and to helping him or her understand you. That is part of your lifelong commitment to care for and treasure each other.
Then, always look out for how the other will be best satisfied by employing any of the types of sex to re-energise your sexual life. It is when couples unite sexually that one can say that their marriage is really living!
Recently, some British researchers asked 254 businessmen and women where they got their best and most creative ideas outside of the office. Their top five thinking zones are in the car, while socialising, while lazing around, in the toilet and after a good bout of lovemaking with their spouses. Whoa!
So, why limit your sexual experience, adventure and exploration to the same routine when there are lots of erotic, sensational and sensual sexual bouquets that you and your spouse could sample from?
This week, in my quest to re-energise your sex beds, I am going to suggest special secrets that would certainly enliven your marriage and protect it from the troubles that an inactive sex life brings to couples.
Remember when you have the gift of time, languishing in super sensory, soulful love-making can be a rhapsodic revelation…and a relationship booster. With sensual sex, it’s not all about where you and your spouse are going, but the process that gets you there. When you slow down and attempt to keep your orgasm at bay, you’re more focused on exploring every inch of each other’s bodies and savouring your time together. The emotional benefits are long-lasting too. Knowing that he cares enough to lavish his love on you for hours, and that you’re his number one priority, builds confidence and security. Your bond, in general, will be stronger because you’ve made the bedroom a place to enjoy each other – not just sexual, but a place where better life decisions are made due to the effect of sex on the mind and body. The effect of this kind of sex is that it helps to keep both partners sex-logged, full, fresh and satisfied.
Due to our day-to-day pressure and demands, sometimes, a quickie is highly recommended. This kind of sex is like an earthquake, an eruption and an internal unexplainable release. It gets one’s (especially the man) adrenaline rushing within a second and before you know it, it’s over in a flash, and leaves you extremely satisfied. Initiating a quickie can be the ultimate compliment a wife can give to her husband because it does not only show how deeply she desires him, but understands that the sexual desire of her man is basically a matter of hormonal functions and regulations. It is also ‘ever-present.’ And this needs the physiological release. She is aware that when she maintains an enthusiastic sexual interaction in the marriage relationship, her husband feels more secured, ready to face anything and looks at life from a better perspective.
In addition, when he’s had a stressful day, a fast and furious romp really takes the edge off. When you can tell he’s in a horny, hasty mood, don’t bother fully undressing. All you need for a successful speedy sex is ‘be prepared.’ It’s your best friend when you don’t have time to get completely warmed up.
Come to think of it, have you ever given it a thought that it would be easier to give a speech in front of a crowd than to help your wife reach orgasm first? Taking that plunge, it may be worth it. Experts say that watching a wife flow in the pleasure of orgasm is near the top of most men’s fantasy wish lists. But it’s not just a very personal peep show; it’s a chance for the wife to teach her husband exactly how she likes to be fondled, caressed and taken to the seventh heaven. Revealing to your husband how he can master your sexual areas is one of the most secretive and intimate things you can do together.
Anyone with a pulse would be unwise not to crave a hot and spicy sexual session. But sometimes, all you want is the sexual equivalent of let just have fun; it may not be exciting, but it makes you feel so good. Married lovers have sex for a lot of different reasons. One of the reasons is to be soothed and comforted. Making each other feel loved and cared for is the most powerful way to bring the psychological and physical elements of your relationship together. This type of sex is always recommended for couples facing one physical challenge or the other. In other words, sickness and physical challenges should not be strong enough to stop your sexual escapade.
For couples celebrating their honeymoon right now, please, this is when you should go wild, go uncivilised with each other. Don’t try to tame your passion. Awaken the sexual giant in you. This sexual giant is the raw, primitive and rumbles kind of sex that makes the bed spring make rhythmic sound, rattles bed frames, romps the sheets – the more writhing and bucking, the better.
This is the time you should practise all, go rear, go frontal, go down and make sure you do not leave any stone unturned. Let it be that when you make reference to the honeymoon experience, it would be with a satisfactory notion that you actually did justice to the time. Basically because honeymoon is purely a celebration of sexuality, you are not permitted to be shy during this time for any reason. When you need more, just grab your husband’s hands and wrap them around your waist – a cue that you want him to hold on and thrust – and he’ll answer your call of the wild. Keep your neck down. It’ll help you loosen up all the way down your spine so you can have the best, try this and mail me.
Well, men generally are conquest-loving creatures, which is why they get so hot when their wives let them take over. If your husband feels like he’s at the top of his game, your surrendering is a power trip and huge turn-on. Wives, please, during foreplay, let your legs fall open and hold the headboard or pillows above you so your whole body is exposed to him. Then invite him to slide on top of you. Meet his thrusts halfway by rocking your pelvis upward against his and lifting your legs in the air with your feet spread far apart. This gives him room to manoeuvre his body and alternate between deep thrusting and short pumping. Then drape your legs over his shoulders so he can grab your ankles and position them where he wants them. Tell him you want him to assist you reach orgasm. It means you want him running the show because he has the skills to get you there.
Wives, gone are the days when you are only to be seen and not be heard. It is no longer the man’s world; it is our world. He’s been doing all the pouncing and pawing lately. At this point, you take the reins. But a truly titillating takeover has to be authentic and not staged. So, aggressively take over. This is the time. If you don’t, some other lady may and I am sure you don’t want that. All you just need to do is send him an SMS and say, “I’d love to be in charge tonight.” Then gently grab his organ and rub it around your G-spot as if you are so sure of what you are doing. He’ll happily submit to your sexy request.
QUESTION AND ANSWER
My wife is never in the mood
My wife doesn‘t want sex as often as I do, she is never in the mood. The other time, she went as far as to rob‘aboliki’ on her face just to give back up her catalogue of excuses. I understand that this is typical of some women but if my need seems great and she‘s ever not in the mood, is it okay for me to try to warm things up? I‘m wondering if there‘s any way I can be considerate and self-sacrificing, and still get enough sex, I love my wife.
Saidi Rahimni
The avenue to sexual satisfaction for women is definitely relational. When you are trying to ‘warm things up, try and do the things that your wife needs and you are much more likely to succeed. Those things include listening to her (sometimes, what seems very trivial and irrelevant to you are very important to her), sharing your own feelings (even when they seem trivial to you), giving her lots of attention (eye contact) and not pressuring her for sex (give her plenty of nonsexual touching and attention).
When you‘re sharing your feelings, you can make clear to your wife what you have in mind. But make sure you stress that you want the time together to be pleasurable for her also. It might be a good idea to try this approach when you are not feeling desperate for sex.
I find there are times when I‘m not really in the mood for sex, but I‘m still willing to be available to my spouse. It‘s helpful if he understands this and is able to lower his expectations for how much time I can offer. Discuss that possibility with your wife, and strive for openness and honesty with each other. Talking is a wonderful way to connect emotionally before you try to connect sexually.
Understanding female sexuality can be a real challenge, but it‘s essential if you want to connect with your wife. This could help you understand your wife, and it could be a springboard for talking with her about your differences. She needs to understand the intensity of your feelings and drive just as much as you must discover what increases her responsivity.
Am I out of place?
After having a hot and passionate sex life for the first four years of marriage, my husband and I finally talked things out. Now, we have wonderful, incredible sex. My problem is that I am somehow addicted. It doesn‘t seem right for me to be so consumed with sexual thoughts and desire, or to want sex as much as I do, which is constantly. I feel out of control, my urge is directed toward my husband mostly but sometimes to other men. How can I control this?
Ekedeli Ekkaite
It‘s fairly unusual for a woman to find herself consumed by sexual thoughts and desires, but it‘s not pathological or even necessarily “out of place.” Sexual drive and pleasure are part of God‘s creative design. The problem comes when a person‘s sexual feelings and fantasies go outside the marital boundary. It‘s important for you and your husband to keep on talking in order to protect your faithfulness in marriage.
It‘s also problematic when sexual thought or behaviour begins to interfere with other responsibilities. For instance, if you withdraw from other relationships, become negligent in caring for your children or abandon your own spiritual life, some control would become necessary. The good news is that compulsive behaviours can be controlled.
First, try a spiritual approach. For instance, when negative sexual thoughts enter your mind, you can substitute prayerfully devotional reading to change the obsessive thought patterns. Or you can try focusing your mind on a noble and worthy event. You‘ll discover that the frequency of your sexual thoughts decreases.
A second approach is to do some physically challenging jobs, which can reduce sexual drive.
BY FUNMI AKINGBADE
