Sexual order

The best of anything or everything is best enjoyed when it is done well and done properly. One of the frequent complaints of many married lovers is that their spouses are not orderly or the act of sex is very clumsy and un-interesting. One of my quotes of good sex is usually ‘a place for everything and everything in place.’ Whenever couples give priority to good organography for sexual intercourse, they do not only enjoy lasting sex; they enjoy bounding sex, they enjoy sex till old age, they enjoy the type of sex each party looks out for. So today, I want to assist couples on how to take their spouse into attaining the best sexual responses. The sexual response is actually the natural sequence of physical and emotional changes that occur as a spouse becomes sexually aroused and participates in sexually stimulating activities, which include releasing their minds, bodies and will in total abandonment during sexual act. Knowing how your spouse responds during each phase of the cycle enhances the relationship and helps married couples pinpoint the cause of any sexual challenge.

This sexual order is in four phases- excitement, plateau, orgasm, and resolution. Both men and women experience these phases, although the timing usually is different. For example, it is unlikely that both married couples will reach orgasm at the same time. In addition, the intensity of the response and the time spent in each phase varies from person to person. Understanding these differences would definitely help spouses better understand one another’s bodies and responses, and enhance the sexual experience.

Phase 1: excitement: general characteristics of the excitement phase, which can last from a few minutes to several hours, include the following: muscle tension increases, heart rate quickens and breathing is accelerated. Skin may become flushed (blotches of redness appear on the chest and back). Nipples become hardened or erect, blood flow to the genitals increases, resulting in swelling of the woman’s clitoris and labia minora (inner lips), and erection of the man’s penis, vaginal lubrication begins, the woman’s breasts become fuller and the vaginal walls begin to swell, the man’s testicles swell, his scrotum tightens, and he begins secreting a lubricating liquid. This does not just occur if some steps are not taken. For instance, couples can learn to give good sexual speech through whispering, phone calls and text messages. Do you know that with a single sexual and sensual call, you can get your spouse so aroused at his or her desk and he or she will be counting minutes just to get to you.

Hello, now, before you make that call, pick your tone: flirty, seductive, romantic, macho, dominator. When he or she answers, stay silent for a few seconds. Then, in your sexiest voice, describe how you would like him or her to kiss you, touch and undress you. Then take him or her through the finer details of how you are going to give him or her the most amazing oral sex ever. Non-verbal communication is a good element to spark up the best sexual response cycle in our partner. You can groan and moan, but you can also breathe, stay silent and then repeat such. By the time you hang up, you’ll have your spouse  so hot, his or her main problem will be hiding the fast breathing, and erected penis(for men)  from colleagues as he or she sneaks away from his or her desk with a head full of sexual  thoughts, treats and escapade for the night.

Put to use the power of the smooching. This speeds up the response of the other party. While you are smooching, try kissing around the edges of the lips, then run the tip of your tongue over them. The longer you can delay before inserting your tongue, the more sensual it will be. Lift your spouse’s face and teasingly kiss him or her around the chin and jaw, moving down to the sensitive areas of the neck and throat. Then extend your passion to a tongue bath: where you cover every inch of your spouse’s body with kisses.

Phase 2: plateau: general characteristics of the plateau phase, which extends to the brink of orgasm or climaxing,  include the following; the changes begun in phase 1 are intensified, the vagina continues to swell from increased blood flow, and the vaginal walls turn  darker in dark women and purple dark in fair complexioned women. The woman’s clitoris becomes highly sensitive (sometime may even be painful to touch) and retracts under the clitoral hood to avoid direct stimulation from the penis. The man’s testicles are drawn up into the scrotum. Breathing, heart rate, and blood pressure continue to increase. Muscle spasms may begin in the feet, face, and hands. Muscle tension increases. Believe you me, this stage can also be ignited if couples become more creative such as giving each other deep  caressing even with the clothes on. This can deliver some certain sexual thrill. Spouses can simulate each other with all the moves they would perform if both of them were nude, but make up your mind to stop yourselves from shedding your clothes. Then when you both notice you have got to the stage of no return, pull off your clothes and slid into this stage of sexual response cycle.

Phase 3: Orgasm stage: this is the climax of the sexual response cycle. It is the shortest of the phases and generally lasts only a few seconds. General characteristics of this phase include the following: involuntary muscle contractions begin; blood pressure, heart rate, and breathing are at their highest rates, with a rapid intake of oxygen; muscles in the feet spasm, there is a sudden, forceful release of sexual tension. In women, the muscles of the vagina contract. The uterus also undergoes rhythmic contractions. In men, rhythmic contractions of the muscles at the base of the penis result in the ejaculation of semen, a rash or goose pimple or sex flush may appear over the entire body. Two basic things accelerate this stage; careful clitoral stimulation and excellent high quality thrusting in and out.

Phase 4: resolution or the after play experience or often-called ‘aftercare’. During resolution, the body slowly returns to its normal level of functioning and swelled and erect body parts return to their previous size and colour. This phase is marked by a general sense of well-being, enhanced intimacy and, sometimes, fatigue. Some wives are capable of a rapid return to the orgasm phase with further sexual stimulation and may experience multiple orgasms. However, many husbands need recovery time after orgasm called a refractory period, during which they cannot reach orgasm again. The duration of the refractory period varies among men and usually lengthens with advanced age. This is actually not the same thing as inability to go for the second or third round of sex though but a stage of recuperation which more often than not corrects itself within a short period. Women take longer to relax and recoup after orgasm; this is the best time for reassuring communication and comforting cuddling. Few sweet caresses and gentle cuddling can be enough to wrap up a full life sexual encounter; husbands, do not leave your wife hanging.

From research, the fear of pregnancy most time prevents some couples from experiencing this sexual response cycle and they are not very comfortable with many available family planning methods. Condom can still do the trick. Condoms, when used properly, are very effective in preventing unintended pregnancies. Please, use only water-based lubricant oil- lubricants based such as Vaseline will weaken the condom and cause it to break. You can contact me for some of these lubricants. To prevent overflow of semen after sex, husband should withdraw from his wife immediately, holding onto the base of the condom. This will prevent the condom from slipping off and possibly leaking inside his wife’s uterus. Until I come your way, again this is your bedroom instructor. Wishing you a sexy and sweet weekend.

By Funmi Akingbade

Sexual health challenges (II)

Adequate, relevant and up to date information, they say, is the best life saver and best friend. Last week, we started the series on sexual health and today, by the special grace of God, we shall be rounding off our discussion on it.

The issue of low or inadequate testosterone is one area both husband and wife should be knowledgeable about. Many signs of low or inadequate testosterone have been mistaken for heart problems or fever problems or sometimes typhoid problems.

In many men, low testosterone can alter some typical masculine features and these men may start experiencing painful breasts or breast enlargement or rapid loss of body hair. Also, they start noticing shrinkage in their testicles and in most cases, it may be difficult for them to get or keep an erection. In fact, hot flashes are most often seen in men who have very low testosterone. Many men believe that testosterone only relates to sex, no. It also helps to build bone in men and when it is in low supply, it may lead to frail bones and osteoporosis. Testosterone may also help keep muscles strong. It helps produce red blood cells, boosts mood, and aids thinking. Low testosterone may cause anaemia, depression and trouble concentrating.

I always suggest that when men approach the age of 40, it is just wise to go for random check-ups because one of the life threatening dangers of low testosterone is that men with low testosterone don’t have symptoms. Only a blood test can tell what your testosterone levels are. When a boy starts to get a beard and pubic hair, testosterone has fully manifested.  It affects hair growth in men.  Addictive consumption of processed substances such as alcohol, smoking, some steroid medications and extreme processed foods can lower testosterone. Sadly, alcohol is directly toxic to the testicles, especially during the production of testosterone and it seems to affect the release of other hormones related to men’s sexual function and fertility. Shrunken testicles are a common sign of low testosterone in alcoholic men with liver disease, as well as lower libido and sexual potency. Enlarged breasts are common in heavy drinkers because alcohol sometimes may help convert testosterone into the female hormone, oestrogen.

When it comes to sexuality, many couples blame sexual dis-satisfaction on many things but the real one. One thing is certain; and that is when the purpose of a thing is not known or discovered, abuse is inevitable. Many married couples mix libidoral challenge with sexual challenges and emotional challenges. We will do our best to help find solutions to these. Firstly I need every couple out there to know that faulty gender libidoral expression, sexual health challenges such as premature ejaculation, weak erection, erectile dysfunction, frigidity both in husband and wife and animalistic expressions of sexual desires and need are all interwoven; so therefore we can actually use almost same method to cure them all. So relax and read attentively.

To prevent many mistakes, bear it in mind that sexual satisfactions should not be solely directed to an individual alone in the relationship. You first satisfy your spouse before thinking of your own satisfaction. This means you have to be really present during the act; you have to pay passionate attention to your spouse. In the moments of lovemaking, there is nothing more important than your eyes, your lips, and theirs. The best love happens when the world falls away and you are the only two beings that matter. And when the world really does fall away, you’ll be one being, delighting in each other’s bodies, minds, and souls. This should not be the moment when the wife will remember the food on her gas cooker or the cry of the baby or the downpour of rain while her clothes are on the cloth line. Monotony of these actions and attitude over the years kill libido and accelerate premature ejaculation.

Sexuality mistake also comes when couples do not deliberately find a good place for sex; passion has its place; a place that’s clean and uncluttered, not the mattress that is filled with the urine of the baby or room cluttered with the head ties, dresses and make up gadgets of the wife. The sheets are fresh; do not reserve new bedspread for visitors only. Pamper yourself and your spouse with the luxury of the new bed spread. The pillows are plump. The laundry is out of sight. The music is pleasant. Or spicy. Or slow. Or hot. There are fresh flowers or well-tended plants that can spice your room. Sex can take place in your bedroom, where the door is locked, so your hearts can open. But don’t limit your place of passion to the bedroom. Erotic passion can take place in the living room, the kitchen, the pantry, the backyard, the pent house, the grazing land, the beach–wherever you and your lover connect and privacy is hyped.

Many couples [especially some husbands] believe that it is when they do some out of this space action that they can rectify their libidoral mistakes or sexual health blunders, but do you know that novelty is actually an aphrodisiac? Passion ignites when the mind is curious. The excitement of the new has been proven from ages to always challenge the old and leads to new pathways of ecstasy. When your sexual script gets tired and desire fades, trying new ways to delight each other can amplify your appetite and your spouse’s. Simple changes can be stimulating too. Try a new room, a new fragrance, a new technique. Or try a new touch, a new kiss, a new endearment, or a new dirty talk such as the use of local language to describe the sexual organ of your spouse while having foreplay. But oddly, this is the time and moment many married husbands start having extra marital affair, thinking their wives were actually the cause of either their premature ejaculation, weak erection, quick ejaculation, inability to go for many rounds, erectile dysfunction, lack of libido and even impotency. The truth of the matter is familiarity actually breeds contempt. When and if you are so conversant, acquainted, accustomed and familiar with the same woman sexually, display libidoral expression, sexual and erotic fantasisies over some period of years, the possibility of you being able to easily interpret, decipher and decode all her sexual moves and even surprises is very high. And simply because of this, many husbands start off with extramarital escapades but if you give such new sexual relationship some few years, you also experience the same sexual dissatisfaction you had with the first woman. In other words, extra marital affairs mistake does not enhance good sexual performance nor keep good libido.

Another mistake couples make is using sickly tool to want to run a marathon. Many of our vaginas are sick. High percentage of the penises is quarter to pack up, while the prostrate is clamouring for survival. To experience best of sex, you must be healthy. Strength, stamina and flexibility, all enhance the passionate experience. Steadily work towards boosting each. You’d be amazed what simply losing five per cent of your body weight will do for all of these. If you also take conscious effort to alkalinize your body system and take less of acidified and synthetic meals, you’ll have more energy for lovemaking.  And if a wife takes time out to firm her vagina and works on her clitoris and the same time use good natural supplement, you’ll feel better about your body. Many prostrate problems like inflammation of the prostrate, cancer of the prostrate can really be handled by simply eating raw tomatoes and beetroot fruit on a daily basis while eating blended onions, egg, small raw pap, local banana, apple and milk and two cloves of garlic and ginger once in two weeks will rectify penis tissue abnormalities, especially it will prevent premature ejaculation. And the consumption of unripe plantain and cucumber with bitter kola will take care of weak erection with early stage of impotency. It is very important to recognise that there is a connection between diet and sex. Make eating fresh, healthy foods a passion and discover new depths to your enjoyment. And also bear it in mind that food eating by people who love healthy sex must be 80 per cent raw and 20 per cent cooked.

Couples do not give priority to hygiene. Never be too lazy to get up and brush your teeth. Shave, shower, brush the teeth, use fragrance sparingly, watch out for little sharp things like fingernails. Be smooth. Be touchable. On the other hand, don’t become obsessed with your appearance; that’s generally unattractive. Just notice anything that might take away from someone enjoying your body, and take care of it. Don’t let the trap of culture seal your lips; be flirtatious, say sexy, funny little things. Like so many things that give rise to passion, that will make your husband get instant erection and your wife’s vagina starts vibrating for a penis to enter fully. These gestures make erotic lovemaking starts long before you end up in the bedroom.

Saying something that only your partner would understand, placing your hand in an unexpected spot on your partner’s body, you can go as far as carefully putting your clean hands on his penis and start caressing it, or you the husband can trickily dip your fingers inside the panties of your wife, place one of the fingers on the clitoris while the two or three others inside the tip of the vagina and start thrusting in and out with the fingers while looking into  her eyes with fire that can easily signal your desire such as  ‘I am hot’. Everyone loves to be wanted. Flirting lets your spouse know just how much you want them.

To be continued

 QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS

Alcohol and erection

I see many people drink alcohol and they are still fine sexually. I really don’t want to buy that crap and lies that alcohol is the reason for my poor erection. Although I have been having issues with my ejaculation for three years now, a friend talked me into taking alcohol insisting that it helped in his inability to perform sexually. Initially, it helped; I could go for five rounds and still wanting more but now, the reverse is the case. I can barely sustain erection. The point is I try to reduce my alcohol consumption. Please, do you think it is alcohol that is disturbing my erection? Honest reply please.

Mr. Michela olokolale

 I would say yes with authority. I think you got deceived because you think everybody is alike, no.  Our genes differ and that is why your friend’s issue with alcohol and erection has not gone bad. But I can assure you that it will be sooner or later. But alcohol has only one assignment: destruction of our system. Alcohol never makes you sober; you can’t be sober-minded if you are not sober. It is a depressant; anything that depresses should be avoided at all cost. It leaves you worst not better, what you do in moderation, your children will do it in excess. Show me a family where alcohol has made a positive difference in their lives and health, you will not find one. Alcohol does not allow you to have self-control; it is a mind altering legal drug and the simplest drug is a silent poison. Alcohol is addictive. It is a numbing agent for pain and sorrow that only God can heal. Many regrets are associated with alcohol. Alcohol makes us to act in ways we normally would not have. Alcohol kills the brain cells, destroys the nerves and tissue of the penis. It is provided for false peace. It is a money, time and destiny waster. It leads to all bad behaviours. Alcohol makes you behave stupidly; it has ruined many marriages. If you do not want your teenager to start drinking, do not show them how. Alcohol lowers the ability to resist evil. Alcohol fills our mind with impure thoughts. Instead, drink water or water melon, fruits with egg white every night, it will restore your potency. Drinking two glasses of water in the morning helps activate the internal organs. Drinking one glass of water before a meal helps in digestion and weight loss. Drinking one glass of water before bed time helps prevent stroke or heart attack.

No climaxing in spite of high libido

I have never experienced orgasm. I am not circumcised, I love sex, I demand it from my husband more regularly than he asks me. I cannot stay two days without it but I have never experienced orgasm but I like missionary position. Help

Lola Oghoku

 Frankly, the missionary position is the position least likely to bring a woman to climax.

But there is a subtle adjustment you can make that can increase your chances of having an orgasm: the Coital Alignment Technique, or CAT. Have your husband move his entire body up about two inches. Your husband’s pubic bone will rest on top of yours so that the base of his penis presses on your clitoris. This position provides continuous stimulation of your clitoris during intercourse, increasing your chances of having an orgasm. Besides, let him concentrate more on your clitoris to the extent that you start breathing fast and panting; this is the starting point of orgasm. Although when it comes to sexual behaviour, no two people are always alike, some women can reach orgasm with any position. A wife who thinks about sex has more orgasm than those who do not.

 I need more facts about penis

I am a new bride to be, can you tell me some facts and figure about penis/vagina and their functionality?

Nicole Enjupo

On the lower part of the penis is a V shape tissue that is very sensitive to stimulation. Bigger testicles produce more sperm but not necessarily better quality. On average, the heart beats 70 times per minute but during orgasm, the heart races at 115 beats per minute. It takes 17 muscles to smile and over 100 muscles to have an orgasm. On average, couples spend two weeks of their lives kissing, the record for the longest kiss is 29 hours. In a one minute kiss, you actually burn 26 calories, 80 per cent of husbands are turned on when wives wear sexy lingerie and expose their nipples and clitoris. Women’ skin thins out when they are aroused, most men can maintain an erection for 40 minutes. In the US, the average time for sex is 10; 34pm, but Nigeria has no viable data. A woman’s sex drive is at its peak just before her period. During sex, the testicles retract into the body to protect them from getting knocked around especially during vigorous thrusting in and out and some clumsy movement. Married couples have sex 52 times a year, that is once a week, men experience an average of seven erections in a day five of them when he is asleep. Men’s nipples have the same level of pleasure receptors as women’s nipples, orgasm releases chemicals that curb appetite,  so sex helps you lose weight.

The average speed of an ejaculation is 20 mph, husbands find it incredibly sexy when women take the initiative and swing their breast and buttocks, cold shower can increase the production of sex hormone in men and women.

‎Funke Fajemisin-Ibrahim‎ to Inner Wheel Nigeria District 913

20 September 2015 · 

15 Common Habits That Can Damage Your Kidneys.

Here is a list of habits you should avoid:

1. The Sugary Soda Habit – A study carried out on employees at Osaka University in Japan suggested that drinking two or more soda drinks a day (diet or regular) may be connected with a higher risk of kidney disease. 12,000 employees were included in the study, and those that consumed larger amounts of soda were more likely to have protein in their urine. Protein in urine (proteinuria) is an early sign of kidney damage, but, when discovered at that stage, the disease can still be reversible.

2. Smoking – Smoking has been linked to arthrosclerosis. The narrowing and hardening of blood vessels affects the blood supply to all vital organs, including the kidneys. According to the study published in Clinical Pharmacology and Therapeutics, two cigarettes a day are enough to double the number of endothelial cells present in your blood. This is a signal of arterial damage. Clinical Journal of the American Society of Nephrology cites many different studies conducted since 2003 which all link smoking to decreased kidney function.

3. Vitamin B6 deficiency – A healthy diet is important for good kidney function. According to the studies performed at the University of Maryland Medical Center, vitamin B6 deficiency increases your risk of kidney stones. For optimal kidney function, you should consume at least 1.3 milligrams of vitamin B6 daily. The richest sources of this vitamin include fish, chickpeas, beef liver, potatoes and starchy vegetables, and non-citrus fruits.

4. Lack of exercise – Exercise is another good way to protect your kidneys. A large study published in 2013 in the Journal of the American Society of Nephrology suggested that postmenopausal women who exercised had 31% lower risk of developing kidney stones. Generally speaking, maintaining a healthy weight will reduce your chances of kidney stones, so get moving.

5. Magnesium deficiency – If you don’t get enough magnesium, calcium can’t get properly absorbed and assimilated, which can result in calcium overload and kidney stone formation. To prevent that, consume green leafy vegetables, beans, seeds and nuts. The mighty avocado is a good source of magnesium as well.

6. Frequent sleep disruption – We all like a good night’s sleep. And so do our kidneys. Science Daily reports that chronic sleep disruption can cause kidney disease. According to Dr. Michael Sole, Cardiologist and founding director of the Peter Munk Cardiac Center and Professor of Medicine and Physiology at the University of Toronto, kidney tissue gets renewed during the night, so sleep interruptions can cause direct damage to this organ.

7. Not drinking enough water – Our kidneys need to get properly hydrated to perform their functions. If we don’t drink enough, the toxins can start accumulating in the blood, as there isn’t enough fluid to drain them through the kidneys. The National Kidney Foundation suggests drinking at least 12 glasses of water per day. An easy way to see if you’re drinking enough is to check the color of your urine.

8. Not emptying your bladder early – When nature calls, you should listen. Retaining urine in your bladder is a bad idea. If done on regular basis, it can increase the urine pressure in your kidneys and lead to renal failure or incontinence.

9. Consuming too much sodium – Salt is important for the body, but you should limit your intake. Over consumption can raise your blood pressure and put too much strain on the kidneys. No more than 5.8 grams of salt should be eaten daily, so take it easy with that salt shaker.

10. Consuming too much caffeine – We often consume more caffeine than we think we do. It features in many soft drinks and sodas, and before you know it, your blood pressure goes through the roof and your kidneys start complaining.

11. Pain-killer abuse – Way too often we take medications too fast, in too big doses and not in the right way. When pain occurs, it’s so easy to just swallow the pill. But, you should think twice. All pharmaceutical drugs come with side effects, and many cause damage to the kidneys. Having said that, there are some drugs that you should be taking. See the next point.

12. Missing your drugs – High blood pressure and type 2 diabetes are two very common conditions that are often brought on by our life style and unhealthy diet. If you already have them, be aware of the damage they can cause to your kidneys and protect your precious organs by taking the prescribed medications.

13. Too much protein – According to Harvard University, too much protein in your diet can harm the kidneys. The by product of protein digestion is ammonia – a toxin your hard-working kidneys need to neutralize. More protein means more effort for the kidneys, which can, over time, lead to decreased function.

14. Not treating common infections quickly and properly – We are all guilty of sometimes ignoring simple colds and flu, and pushing our bodies to the brink of exhaustion. But that can cause kidney damage. Studies have shown that people who are reluctant to rest and heal properly, often end up with kidney disease.

15. Too much alcohol consumption – The toxins found in alcohol not only damage the liver, but also your kidneys. According to Kidney Health Australia and American Kidney Fund, one way to avoid kidney disease is to drink alcohol in moderation.

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