Marital Infidelity Why do married women cheat?

This week we serve you the concluding part of our last week cover on marital infidelity

More questions than answers

When the Durex report was published, the question on the lips of many was why on earth would Nigerian women be the most promiscuous? The authenticity of the report has been queried and the question is, why should a sample of 29,000 people be used to make hasty generalisation for whopping populations of 36 countries when Nigeria alone has population of 160 million with half of them being women? Why would Nigerian women emerge the most sexually promiscuous?

If Nigerian women are as promiscuous as claimed , what did the report say about countries where artificial penis, synthetic vaginal, clitoral stimulator and all other paraphernalia and tools of sexual perversion are produced?

Nigerian women are not familiar with the practice of Bondage and Discipline, Sadism and Masochism (BDMS) that has taken firm root in Europe? The kind of lifestyle where men and women enter into self-imposed slavery by surreptitiously maintaining relationships in which they voluntarily yield up their bodies and freewill for the domination and mastery by other men and women or conversely where men and women exercise sexual domination on other men and women who voluntarily yield up their “bodies, souls and spirits” to them, as it were is not in the character of the Nigerian woman.

Nigeria women emerging as most promiscuous in the world is not real and should a condom manufacturer tell us about virtues of Nigerian women?

Everything a man does is right

Johnson Okafor, a traditional chief in Igbo land said that a man’s sexual escapades cannot be queried. “Extramarital sex by men is socially tolerated and, in many respects, even socially rewarded. In Nigeria, marriage is as much an economic, social, reproductive, and reputational project as it is a sexual and emotional endeavour.”

Many women observed a dramatic change in their relationships with their spouses after marriage. Before marriage, husbands were more attentive and more willing to do the sorts o f things that they associated with romantic love, for example, saying affectionate things, buying gifts like jewelry or perfume rather than just commodities for the household, or helping out with domestic work that is socially defined as female.

These changes are attributed to the relative shift in power that occurs at marriage. During courtship, a woman has two authoritative vetoes: she can deny sexual access and she can refuse to marry. But once a woman is married, the ability to opt out of either marriage or marital sex is dramatically reduced. Divorce is highly stigmatized, and women are expected to be sexually available for their husbands.

Vivian, a mother of four, lamented that marriage and parenthood encroached on the quality of her emotional relationship with her husband. “When I married my husband, I used to worry all the time about him. Was he happy? Did he still love me? Was he following another woman?

Sometimes I would get very jealous, even when there was no reason. But now I am married to my children.”

Vivian could not say categorically that her husband cheated on her but he said he did and suspects his wife knew. But like a lot of men in extra marital relationships, Vivian’s husband viewed his family as his highest priority and so, he was discreet about his infidelity. “Nothing can interfere with taking care of my wife and children.”

Cynthia, mother of five and married for 12 years recalled her rage when she discovered that her husband, Eddie had a girlfriend. “ When it dawned on me that my husband had another lady he was interested in. I confronted him and told him I would not tolerate that sort of business. I stopped everything. We had no sexual relations at all for sometime and I did not even serve him food.

He became sober. He sent friends to beg me. He even recruited my sister to plead for him. Eventually I forgave him, but I put him on notice that I would not stand such nonsense.” Cynthia was hurt when her husband cheated on her. She saw his infidelity as contradicting his avowed love. But reconciliation strengthened their love relationship.

Promiscuity is a taboo for women

Marital promiscuity is a taboo in Nigeria. In many cultures, a newly married woman is made to sit on a traditional stool in a shrine to guarantee total fidelity. If such a woman cheats on her husband, it’s either she dies or runs mad. Among the Edo kingdom in the Mid-Western region of Nigeria, a Bini (Edo) man has liberty on issues of polygamy but such liberty does not allow him to have sex with another man’s wife.

In the Benin society, the matrimonial bed belongs to the wife and not necessarily the husband. Consequently, extra marital affairs were not counted against the male as it still is in most contemporary African societies.

In Yoruba tradition, magun which means , don’t climb” is an anti-promiscuity or anti-infidelity charm, usually laced stealthily on a woman by the husband, with the belief that should she have an extra-marital intercourse, the man she has it with will immediately after the act, suffer convulsions or epileptic-like seizures leading to instant death. In current times, there have been reports of of deaths by magun in the Yoruba community of South-West Nigeria. The existence of magun reveals indeed that there have been sexual promiscuity amongst married women.

Why do married women cheat?

This is one big question with several answers from our respondents. “Some women have insatiable appetite for sex ,” said Chidi, a businessman. “ If you recall, sometime last year, a lady posted her profile on facebook asking for both male and female sex mates. The lady said she loves sex so much that she loves to do it with both men and women. She went an extra mile of putting up a message on Facebook to announce her status.

If a woman is bold enough to come out to the open with her weird sexual life, you can imagine several others who operate in secret because of social stigma? But left to me, there are many decent ladies. I have four sisters and two are married. I know also that their husbands came back to thank my mother because they found their wives to be virgins at marriage. So, if Nigerian women are said to be the most promiscuous in the entire world, I will doubt it.”

Pedro Johnson, an accountant believes Nigerian women are promiscuous

“Yes, Nigerian women are as promiscuous as the men. They can keep several boyfriends on the go without their men knowing about it and from what I am hearing these days, many are doing it whilst in marriage. In my community in my village, we have treated many cases of marital infidelity and each time, the women either blamed it on the devil or financial problems. But to say they are the most promiscuous in the whole is a different thing. I don’t believe that either because we value decency here.”

Florence Chinonye said married women cheat and she saw one with her eyes,“I don’t understand it, I was shocked the day I caught my neighbour’s wife cheating with a stranger inside his car around the neighbourhood where I live. I was coming back late from work but stopped by the dry-cleaner to pick my clothes. There was a car parked close-by and two people were inside. Initially, I didn’t pay attention because it was not my business who was inside the car parked by the roadside.

But my driver’s attitude drew my attention and I realised it was my neighbour’s wife smooching with another man. I saw her and she saw me but we said nothing to ourselves. “ What I don’t understand is why she was doing it. She is a mother of three and her husband owns two cars and has a good job. The lady has just finished from the University and is waiting for national youths service. In her case, I suspect high libido because she has a young and virile-looking husband who is comfortable and has a good job.

For Christ sake, her husband even bought her a car. As I’m telling you this, we have never discussed this. But what I discovered is that the woman started greeting me since that time. Before then, we hardly talked.” “Ebenezer Matthew, a boutique owner shared the view that married women are promiscuous. “What I cannot say is whether they are the most promiscuous as reported by Durex. But married women in Nigeria cheat. I have a boutique and sell female clothes. I know what I see.

Some married women bring their boyfriends to the boutique to buy them clothes their husbands could not afford. There is this lady that patronises me. She always comes to my shop every week dressed in Iro and buba. But she would either buy new clothes from me and change into them before going to her destination and on her way back, she comes back to change back into her Iro and buba.

She is one of my biggest customers and usually before embarking on her kurukere movement, she would come here and change into jeans trouser and body-hug top before embarking on her mission. She would remove her Iro and buba and keep them somewhere and put on tight jeans trouser and body-hug top. I always marvel at the transformation of a local woman that enters my shop and a city babe that leaves after she transforms herself.

I know she is cheating on her husband but I think she is from a polygamous marriage. Sometimes, she dresses like a muslim woman when she comes and after she changes, I can attest that even her husband cannot recognise her on the road if she walks across him in her new attire. She does this all the time. She must have children because the last time she came, she was pregnant and I doubt that child belongs to her husband. That woman too waka!”

For Tiola, the problem tore her marriage apart. She was married and has three kids but according to her, none of her kids belongs to her husband. “The doctor told me my husband is incapable of impregnating a woman and after five years, I decided to look elsewhere without telling him.

I already had the first two children and was pregnant with the third before my husband found out. I guess they told him but the wicked part of it is that my husband kept the knowledge to himself.

After I put to bed the last child, he sent me out of the home and kept all the children. As I’m telling you this, I have not been able to tell my parents and siblings that my husband was not the father of my three kids and that was why he sent me packing.”

Women protest husbands’ sexual weakness

Recently, the media was agog with a story of a group of women from the Rido community in Kaduna State who took to the streets on Wednesday, February 19, 2015 to publicly complain about their husband’s sexual weakness, asking that they start performing their matrimonial duties or face mass divorce. The women, who were assembled in the state capital, blamed the Kaduna Refining and Petrochemical Company (KRPC) for their husbands’ inability to perform as a result of the chemical waste and fumes from the company into their environment.

Some of the married women revealed that their husbands suffer weak erection and infertility, while the women suffer miscarriage and other health complications. A married woman, Jummai Isaac, 27, said she has not taken in since she got married in the year 2000. “I haven’t conceived since I got married in the last fourteen years, and doctors have, on several occasions, confirmed to me absence of any known cause of inability to get pregnant.

“Initially, doctors thought I had fibroid in my womb, but after several scans and some medical tests, they dispelled that notion.” A community leader, Mohammed Bashar, explained that, “Most of the complaints could be associated with secondary infertility, because victims have, in the past, given birth to children before they suddenly stopped.

“There was widespread belief that smoke and poisonous gases emitted from the refinery have reproductive health effect on people living in the area, but no medical report has confirmed the allegation due to inability of villagers to seek comprehensive medical tests, perhaps owing to lack of awareness and poverty.”

Indeed, male impotence is one reason why married women cheat on their spouses. A divorce case in a court in Enugu several years ago had a twist when the issue of custody of the children came up. The wife who did not contest the divorce stood against her husband having custody or visiting rights because, according to her, “he is not the father of my five children.”

A name of a prominent politician from the South-East was mentioned as the father of the five children and when he was summoned, he proudly acknowledged he fathered the children and made the woman, a proud mother. The case degenerated to a DNA being performed which proved the woman’s claims to be correct.

There is a common place saying among Africans that only a woman knows the father of her children. Few years ago, a Nigerian man currently serving life jail in America killed his wife when he realised he is not the father of his twenty-one year old son. His wife was impregnated by her boyfriend and the husband one day stumbled on the exchanges between her and her lover boy living in Nigeria where they discussed the next time he would come over to see his son.

The worried husband had confronted his wife with his findings and she admitted that her husband was not the father of their twenty-one year old son. The man killed his his wife and got a life sentence.

Other reasons for marital promiscuity

Nigerian men are known to be polygamous. They marry younger women as they grow older and because they could not sexually satisfy these younger women or give them the sexual prowess they crave for, these younger wives go outside in search of younger men who are stronger to give them what they yearn for.

In polygamous households where there are many wives, a husband sometimes could not meet up or match up with the sexual needs of his wives and this inability on his part creates room for sexual infidelity on the part of the various women he acquired but could not satisfy sexually. Even among men who are not polygamous, the quest to go after younger women as mistresses and the neglect suffered by their legally married partners creates room for these wives to go after younger men popularly called toyboys.

Ameh, a housing agent said he helped a middle-aged woman to rent an apartment and that was how he entered into trouble. “ She told me that she hardly sees her husband who junkets all over the world and therefore suggested that I pally with her whenever her husband is away. She has two grown up daughters who are my mate and a son a bit younger than me. The last time she invited to her house, she almost raped me but I managed to escape. I have not crossed her path since that time but I learnt she has a reputation for sleeping with both old and young men.

There was even a rumour that she sexually harasses her son’s friends and seeks the attention of her two daughters ‘boyfriends even when her husband is around.” In a society where women are increasing taking posh jobs and competing with the male folk, there are also women who tend to sleep their way to the top, according Josephine, a lawyer and career counselor.

“ It happens a lot in our society. Women sleep with their superiors in offices to get promoted or keep their jobs. They sleep around for business contacts and contracts and to remain relevant in the job. When a woman sleeps with her boss or influential superior, she can become relevant in that establishment or become untouchable because of who she is sleeping with as against her female contemporaries who are not doing so. These measures sometimes don’t help them but a lot of women do that.

“For instance, some new generation banks in Nigeria tend to employ loose ladies who dress half-naked to work in their marketing departments. These ladies use their female prowess to generate high capital base for the banks. On employment, these women, some of whom are married target top society billionaires whom some of them sleep with as the banks’ customers.

“In our universities, some of our young girls who don’t read believe that they have to sleep with their lecturers to pass exams. It is the same group of ladies that keep sugar daddies who give them money, sleep with lecturers who help them pass their examinations and still, they keep their regular boyfriends. That is almost prostitution but it happens”.

There are endless reasons why women, even the married ones are promiscuous but the last group are those who do so for the fun of it. Such women according to a psychologist Felicia Osagie are hot-blooded. “ They are nymphomaniacs and have insatiable appetite for sex. Even in marriage, there is nothing you can do about them and sometimes, their husbands know their problems and when they realise they cannot measure up, they look the other way and leave them to do whatever they want.

“ As bad as the situation may appear, there is a social and physical well-being associated with regular sex and a lot of women who are termed promiscuous just crave for that”.

Benefits of sex

A 10-year Welsh study found that those who enjoyed an active sex life were 50 per cent less likely to die young than those who did not. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to sexual health benefits, says relationships therapist Dr Gabrielle Morrissey. “It makes sense that sex is good for you because we need lots of inducements to do it so that we stay on the planet,” she says.

Sex involves our circulatory, nervous and muscular systems and brains, so it’s a tune-up and workout of everything that’s important.”Sadly, it’s often the first thing to go when our health is on the blink. We have the attitude that sex is a luxury item instead of a necessity for wellness. We also think of it as something only for the young and strong, but its effects are a bonus as we age.”

“Sex releases feel-good hormones such as dehydroepiandrosterone and oxytocin,” says Dr Darren Russell, president of the Australasian Chapter of Sexual Health Medicine. “You get more blood moving through the blood vessels.” Those who have regular sexual intercourse respond better to stress than those who engaged in other sexual activities or abstained. A partner’s hug can do wonders, too.

A US study found it can lower blood pressure and heart rates in pre-menopausal women. Touch releases quantities of oxytocin, so you don’t have to orgasm,” Dr Morrissey says. Feel-good hormones also help keep depression at bay. Semen contains the hormone prostaglandin, which may be absorbed through the vagina and act like an antidepressant. But this doesn’t mean you should not be sexually responsible.

Men and women who have regular sex have higher testosterone levels, which are linked to a lower risk of osteoporosis and bone problems,” says Dr Russell. Research shows that sex can alleviate an aching noggin, especially in women. The endorphins and corticosteroids released have an analgaesic effect, alleviating the pain of headaches, arthritis, cramps and body aches. “Endorphins are a natural painkiller,” Dr Russell says. The production of oestrogen in women may also ward off period pain.

Dr Russell also prescribes sex for people with sleep problems. “Sex helps people sleep better and is less addictive than things like Valium.” Some experts say that 30 minutes of vigorous sex is comparable to 15 minutes on a treadmill or walking up two flights of stairs, and burns between 360 and 835 kilojoules. Sex works the pelvis, thighs, buttocks, arms, neck and thorax. Your pulse rate doubles from about 70 beats per minute to 150, the same as an athlete mid-stride.

The muscles that stem the flow of urine, reducing leakage and incontinence, are given a workout during sex, says Dr Morrissey. “Orgasm is best because the entire pelvic floor contracts.” Flexing your pelvic muscles during sex maximizes the benefits and makes sex more pleasurable.

Last line

Every single day, women have sexual propositions directly or indirectly thrown at them. As a result of this, women have the final decision to act on or ignore such propositions, and the men looking for long-term mates fear this. Men appreciate and place great value on women who can control themselves and demonstrate a certain degree of sexual discipline because most men certainly can’t.

If a woman can show men that she is honest, loyal, trustworthy, and sexually responsible, then she will have the most powerful weapon to attract men. If, on the other hand, a woman abuses her sexual power with many men, it will backfire on her. Unfortunately, women only realize this when it’s too late and the only choice they have is to lie.

Most women have lost a sense of value for their sexuality over the years. They’ve realized that sex is fun and pleasurable, but in the process, they’ve forgotten that it’s the one gift that they can offer their lover, and that so many men value.

What men want

Most men will agree that they’re always on the lookout for a serious soul mate. But this doesn’t mean that they can’t have fun in the process. So if there are women giving themselves away without commitment, men will definitely pounce on the opportunity.

When men meet women, they usually categorize them into two categories: the potentially serious relationship kind, or the “have fun in the process” girl. The outcome of the man’s decision will ultimately be based on how a woman behaves around him.

If she sleeps with him on the first few nights, he’ll definitely throw her in the fun category. But if she can show him that her body is worth a lot more and that he’s going to have to commit to a serious relationship before he can taste her, he’ll definitely consider her as serious potential.

Women need to realize that their bodies are temples or at least men like to think so and that they shouldn’t be shared with any Tom, Dick or Harry.

By CHIOMA GABRIEL

Vibrator wife: the way the cookie crumbles

A few days ago, I received a call from “Worried guy”. It was simply to inform me that his wife has packed out of their matrimonial home after four years of marriage. I was not sure if I felt relieved or sad by the news. I had seen it coming for a while now but kept hoping that things would not degenerate to such a level. In the last couple of months, a series of developments had taken place that had caused me to think that a separation, even if temporary, might help douse all the tension in their home. For regular readers of this page, worried guy needs very little introduction.

He is the guy who brought about most of the frenetic discussions about sex toys on the Nigerian internet discussion groups when he reported catching his wife with a vibrator on their matrimonial bed. Hundreds of responses were sent in by readers to help counsel him, some quite informative and educative, some rather stiff in the typical Nigerian style laced with hypocrisy and religion, while others were simply hilarious! The messages still running in hundreds have remained inexhaustible due to space constraints.

Let me briefly refresh our memory on worried guy and his wife. Worried guy is a young banker, with a budding career and typical young born again Christian. He is married to a young lady, a teacher with a similar background in Christianity. At least, so it seemed until he came home early one evening to find her masturbating on their bed with a vibrator. Naturally, she denied ownership and insisted she was only trying to experiment with it, after a discussion on its usage with some female friends. And though she pleaded and promised not to engage in such a debasing unchristianlike action again, he caught her with it a second and third time.

It was only after this that she confessed to being the owner of the sex toy and that she could not do without it as it has become her best friend. She thereafter revealed that she was not enjoying their sex life and since all her subtle attempts to let him see things differently had failed, she had no choice but to help herself out. She wanted her husband to look the other way if he could not partake in her pleasure game, insisting that it had nothing to do with their marriage and cannot have any negative effect on it. Naturally, it would be a bit difficult to find a guy who would pretend that its business as usual, after such a discovery. Which was where this platform came in.

At the time, he did not want to share his discovery with his mother, insisting that it might mean the end of the marriage. At the same time, talking to their pastor meant that the whole church congregation might hear about it, making them the butt of jokes, as had been the case for some couples who had reported their matrimonial problems to some elders in their church. He wanted readers to assist them as he felt safer his identity would remain anonymous. Interestingly, responses to worried guy’s story were huge, in fact, I still receive messages and demands for update on the story almost on a weekly basis.

In counselling worried guy I had to meet the woman at the  centre of it all. Madam had a lot to say in defence of her actions too. She insisted that worried guy had no time for her. Had very little knowledge about sex and did not show any sign of interest in changing his views and approach to the issue. She accused him of refusing to grow up and still hanging on to his mother’s wrapper and dancing to her tunes in almost all things. She said his mother had over pampered him and turned him into a girl. She said that after reading the responses of readers from all over the world on their problem, she was now convinced that she was not the one with the problem but her husband of three years (at the time) who had refused to grow up and live up to his responsibilities.

Hmm! I must confess that it was a tough one for me indeed. We were arrived at some possible solutions. Wifey must find something very useful to do with all the spare time on her hands, such as taking up a hobby, vocation or getting her Master’s degree. Worried guy must make a very concerted effort to change from his old ways, such as climbing down from his very high horse of sexual morality and ignorance; be a husband and not a baby brother; especially desisting from falling asleep over meals and having his wife wash his hands and put him to bed, while also improving his physical well-being and fitness as well as broadening his knowledge on sex and related matters. However, as with all counselling processes, the most important aspect is the resolve of the subjects to take decisions and implement steps to actualise proffered solutions to the problems.   The buck would always end with them. Which is what has now happened.

Shortly after the Christmas holidays, worried guy, unable to deal with all the issues surrounding their marriage and sex life, in a moment of weakness, divulged his wife’s secret to his dotting mother. Alarmed that such a “sinful and wayward act” could be going on in her son’s life, she refused to listen to any entreaties, stormed the flat and confronted the wife. Worried guy’s sisters were briefed and they naturally supported their mother. The wife’s parents were informed and when all pleadings fell on deaf ears, they informed the church. Eventually, a big scandal that could have been avoided as it was already being managed, finally erupted. Worried guy’s mother is insisting that a “common prostitute who had aborted all her children” would not remain in her innocent son’s house, wasting his time and money.  Recall that their four years marriage has remained childless. Yours truly received some flacks too from this angry mother, and so did the several hundreds who advised worried guy to bear his cross and manage the situation as his wife was a good woman. After all, she could have sought her satisfaction in some other men’s arms.

I am still convinced that we could not have all been wrong on this matter. It is just the motherly love and instinct to protect her only son that has overwhelmed her. Perhaps, in another few weeks or months, she may review the situation and change her mind. The separation might also be an opportunity for wifey to review her action, resolve in her mind to desist from succumbing to the lure of the flesh and find the will power to do so. This might be the important key to saving this marriage or any other marriage she might contract in future. But for now, that’s the way the cookies crumble, as the saying goes. Do have a wonderful weekend!

Remember that you may reach me via e mail address yetty5050@yahoo.co.uk or inthesunlovezone@yahoo.com if you wish to counsel worried guy in this new development, or share your views/opinions on any other issue raised on this page. Will be glad to read from you. cheers!

Sperm count: A reality, misconception or a myth?

I have received countless of mails, text messages and calls from our ardent readers all over the globe wanting to know what could be done to correct insufficient sperm count, sperm motility and semen volume problems. Many want to know why the semen is less in volume as they grow old, or why some semen are either coloured with blood or cloudy. Many want to know the ideal colour of the semen and why some never ejaculate any at all.

We will be providing relevant information on sperm, semen and sexuality. Sit back, read and enjoy with your wife.

There are a lot of people who use the term sperm and semen interchangeably and truly believe that they are one of the same. First, I want to clarify this myth. They are not the same but they do bear several similarities. Let’s take a look at some of the things these two terms have in common.

Sperm for instance has a tail and a head and takes over 70 days to develop. It is produced solely in the testicles. The head actually contains the DNA which is the blueprint for human life. In other words, when the sperm mates with the female egg, it is the head part that enters the egg to create a baby. Sperms produced by the testes represent two to five per cent of the semen volume. The concentration of sperm in an ejaculation should be at least 20 million per ml, even though the total volume of semen should be at least 2ml. The total number of sperm ejaculated should be at least 40 million and at least 75 per cent of the sperm should be alive and at least 30 per cent of the sperm should be of normal shape and form while at least 25 per cent of the sperm should be swimming with rapid forward movement. Howbeit, it must have an indication of fertilising capacity. On an average ejaculation, a man expels 2 to 5ml containing 200 to 300 million sperm.

Whereas the semen, also called seminal fluid, is the whitish fluid which occasionally appears yellowish [if you don’t drink enough water regularly] is released from the male reproductive tract that contains both sperm and liquid. During ejaculation, some liquid from the prostate gland and seminal pipe dilute the sperm and provide a suitable slightly alkaline environment. Lower volumes of semen may occur after very frequent ejaculation and higher volumes are seen after prolonged abstinence. Semen clots almost immediately after ejaculation, forming a sticky, jelly-like liquid. It will turn to liquid again in 5 to 40 minutes. So, men that complain that their sperm is watery should kindly take note of the timing. If you start noticing it watery five minutes after ejaculation, you may be nursing a misconception.

Both semen and sperm are produced by the male testicles, the fluid produced by the testicles contains several chemicals, but it is particularly rich in testosterone. The sperm is created by the body for the purpose of procreating while semen is created for protecting sperm as it travels through the female reproductive system. Another way to look at this is that semen is really like a bodyguard and its purpose is to take sperm to its destination unharmed.

The male body only produces a certain amount of sperm cells, the quantity of which cannot be changed very much. The volume of semen, unlike sperm, can be increased significantly with changes in diet and life style or using supplements specifically formulated to increase semen volume. Kindly call me for these natural supplements. Even when men undergo vasectomy surgery, the volume of the semen may still be relatively voluminous while there is a drastically or total reduction of sperm. The advantage of increasing semen volume is that it can protect the sperm better and thus increasing the chances of fertilising the female egg. This helps to increase male fertility.

In addition, greater volume of semen drastically increases the intensity of the male orgasm. The more semen a man has to ejaculate, the longer it takes and more contraction are required to ejaculate it. Therefore, semen is sperm combined with bodily sugars which give it the ability to shoot out the way it does. That way, husbands have better chances of getting their wives pregnant. Although ejaculation of semen accompanies orgasm and sexual pleasure, erection and orgasm are controlled by separate mechanisms and semen emission is not essentially for enjoyable sex in most people.

Many of our readers have asked, ‘how long do sperm live? Really, it depends on a number of factors, the most important of which is where the sperm is located at that particular time. If on a dry surface, such as clothing or bedding, they are dead by the time the semen has dried. If in water, sperm will likely live longer because they thrive in warm, wet environments. Inside the vagina, they can live for up to five days depending on the conditions of the vagina. If the environment of the vagina is not healthy, sperm will die by the second. If the vagina is too wide, the sperm pour out immediately the man pulls off and spill and die instantly. If couples have sex even a few days before the wife’s ovulation, there is a chance of achieving a pregnancy.

A couple once asked me, ‘Madam, how many sperm do we need to achieve a pregnancy?’ It takes just one sperm to fertilise an egg and achieve pregnancy, but for each particular sperm to reach and fertilise an egg, it takes lots of effort like swimming well to its destination and there are millions of sperm competing for such. The average ejaculation contains close to 100 million sperm, according to the World Health Organisation, but men who have fewer than 20 million sperm per millilitre of semen may be at risk for having infertility issues.

A curious couple asked, ‘Why are so many sperm released if it takes only one to make a baby? To meet the waiting egg, the semen must travel from the vagina via the fallopian tubes, and this is essentially a strenuous journey that eventually few sperm survive due to the fact that they die easily. Besides those who eventually complete the trip, penetration of the egg is still not easy at all. Because the egg is covered by a thick layer that makes fertilization difficult, experts believe this process may be nature’s way of allowing only the healthiest sperm to fertilise the egg, thereby providing the best chances to produce a healthy baby. So the bone of contention here is that it is very paramount for a man to produce enough fit sperm cell with healthy semen.

Countless of couples have asked me over and again, ‘Is there anything a man can do to improve the health of his sperm? Yes; many of the things men do to keep themselves healthy can also improve the health of their sperm. This they do primarily by adopting a healthy lifestyle and maintaining a healthy weight with a balanced diet and regular exercise; avoid smoking or abuse of drugs. Keep alcohol consumption within recommended limits. Try to avoid exposure to industrial and occupational hazards by following safety procedures and wearing protective clothing. Avoid exposure to sexually transmitted diseases, wearing boxers/shorts or immersing the testicles in cold water will improve semen quality as stress reduces semen quality.

Lastly, frequently going for semen analysis just to be on the safe side cannot be over-emphasized. A couple once asked me why it is necessary to do semen analysis. Semen analysis is a test that helps determine the causes of infertility; it provides information about sperm and semen. Here are some of the things the doctor looks for: amount and thickness of semen, the typical ejaculation is 2-6 milliliters of semen, or around a half teaspoon to one teaspoon. Anything less than this indicates that the semen may not contain enough sperm to achieve a pregnancy. And even more than enough semen indicates that the semen could dilute the concentration of sperm and may not be healthy either. Semen should be thick to start with and become thinner 10 to 15 minutes after ejaculation. Semen that stays thick may make it difficult for sperm to move. They also look out for sperm concentration, also called sperm density. This is the number of sperm in millions per millilitre of semen. Twenty million or more sperm per ml is considered normal. They look out for sperm motility; this is the percentage of sperm in a sample that are moving as well as an assessment of their movement. One hour after ejaculation, at least 50 per cent of sperm should be moving forward in a straight line. While the last thing they look out for is the morphology. This is just an analysis of the sperm size, shape, and appearance. Semen analysis is also used to check for the presence of sperm following vasectomy.

I had an elderly couple, both of them are way into their 60s; they wanted to know if men stop making sperm when they are older. Good news, unlike women whose fertility ends at menopause, men can continue to be fertile throughout life. Although sperm production decreases with age, men continue to produce sperm, and even elderly men have fathered children. There are various causes of drop in sperm count and increase in male infertility and I usually tell couples still wanting to have children to make sure these causes are treated and avoided.

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS

She sweats profusely at the peak of orgasm and this drives me nuts

I am in a dilemma between continuing having sex with my wife and looking for another mistress for sex. Please understand that my wife is one of the best that one can ever ask for in bed but what drives me nuts is the fact that she sweats too profusely at the peak of her climax so bad and the sweat stinks so much even after she must have had thorough scrubbing before sex. My question is, why this unusual sweating only at the peak of her reaching orgasm? I have had sex with few other ladies and this is not the case. So, I am thinking of keeping a mistress because I can’t stand the stench oozing out of her sweat whenever this happens, help.

Mr Jamiu Jamaica

Sweat itself doesn’t stink. It’s the bacteria on our skin that makes it funny. Sweat is the body’s way of cooling itself down. I think one of the reasons your wife would sweat so profusely at the peak of orgasm is because people’s emotions can also affect the sweat glands. We sweat when we’re nervous, tense and elated. The solution to this is not only using a good body deodorant but having sex in a cool environment. Make sure the fan or the air-condition is on. This is one way your wife reacts to her sexual satisfaction; encourage her instead of getting a new mistress.

I fart from my vagina and I am still a virgin

I am a 19-year-old virgin. I have never been sexually active and I fart more than 30 times from my vagina on a daily basis. I do Kegel exercise but the condition still remains the same. Please, what is the way out?

Cynthia Udomajo

Watch the type of food items you eat. Many of these food items may be the reason for the farting. Apply vaginal tightening cream; it will help a lot but still continue with the Kegel exercise.

My case is profuse vaginal discharge

What is the importance of this discharge? I feel so uncomfortable each time I have to change my underwear. I have not even started my menstrual cycle, yet I discharge a lot. Are these discharges safe?

Nonoabi John

Normal vaginal discharge has a lot of benefits. It keeps the vagina clean and moist and helps prevent infection. It should be clear, white, or off-white. It shouldn’t itch or burn. Discharge that causes discomfort or is green, yellow, has a strong odour, or looks like cottage cheese or pus can mean an infection. A normal vaginal discharge can start six months to a year before a girl starts her period.

By Funmi Akingbade

The good and the bad about genital piercing....Does it enhance sexual performance?

I have received several mails and messages from couples wanting to know if genital piercing actually enhances good sexual performance. A particular wife said her husband prefers her to wear her wedding ring on the tip of her clitoris rather than the second index finger on her left hand.

Genital piercing among some particular set of men and women is seen as a form of body adornment. They argue that it is similar to other, more visible types of body piercings like the ear, nose or lip piercing.

In genital piercing, a needle is used to make a hole into the desired part of the genitals and a piece of jewellery is attached to the body by threading it through the hole. Most times because the piercing is usually carried out around the genital areas, it is not advisable to go for such but for the sake of those that feel they are under marital obligation to perform such procedure, it is advisable not to have a piercing done at places where only piercing gun is used. This is simply because the piercing gun comes with a lot of health risk.

One of the most common types of female genital piercings is done on the clitoris. This kind of piercing typically takes four to six weeks to heal. The clitoris itself is seldom pierced directly. But most women’s clitoris is not large enough to support jewellery. Also, there is a very high risk of nerve damage if the clitoris is pierced. Some piercing is done to the outer or inner lip of the vagina.

One of the most common male genital piercings is the Prince Albert type, a ring is inserted through the urethra at the tip of the penis and then out through the bottom of the glans of the penis, which is the rounded head. After the piercing heals, the ring increases sensitivity of the pierced area, enhancing sexual pleasure for some men. Sometimes the upper side of the head of the penis, the foreskin or the rim of the glans on circumcised men could also be pierced, but it has been discovered that these other types make intercourse difficult. Another one is carried out on the scrotum. This piercing is considered more decorative than a sexual enhancement.

First and foremost let us look into the daily maintenance routine. When you pierce your genitals, it’s important not to handle or let others handle the genital while it is healing. Sometimes you may have to stay off work or business till it is permanently healed. While the piercing is undergoing healing process, you must always wash your hands before touching or cleaning the genital area, and you have to make sure your defecation is not done with straining. You must avoid sexual intercourse for at least two weeks after a piercing. When you do have sex, you must always clean the pierced area with saline solution afterward to prevent infection. If you are a man, you must use a condom or other barrier protection. When engaging in sexual activity, always to prevent it from injuring your wife. If the piercing is located near the urethra, you have to always clean the area prior to urination and rub it with some baby oil. Remember that infections can occur at the site of the piercing even after it has healed due to vigorous thrusting in and out. Bacteria can enter under the skin at that point. So you must always watch for signs of infection such as redness, swelling, discharge, bad smell, some rashes at or around the piercing site and fever.

Are there risks associated with genital piercings? Yes there are, as a matter of fact, health professionals point out that the practice is not without risk and should not be considered lightly. The most common complications associated with genital piercing include bacterial infection, bleeding, nerve damage, allergic reaction to the jewellery and thick scarring at the piercing site. There is also a potential risk of hepatitis B and C as well as HIV/AIDS, sexually transmitted diseases. Particularly with male piercings, there is a risk of narrowing of the urethra as a result of scar tissue. Impotence is also a potential risk if the needle mistakenly pierces the erectile tissue. It has been observed that many years after the procedure is carried out, many people who got pierced always show sign of regrets and discouragement. People with chronic medical conditions should seek medical advice about piercing beforehand. And if you have to pierce any part of your genitals, the piercing should always be done by a licenced professional. I am sure you may likely want to think twice before going for genital piercing.

Breaking news: Airbus A320 Crashes In French Alps

A plane carrying 148 people has crashed in southern France today, Tuesday, March 24.

Airbus A320 flying from Barcelona to Dusseldorf disappeared from radar before crashing in the French Alps, The Telegraph reports.

President Francois Hollande confirmed the information saying that “there are not thought to be any survivors”.

This is the first major disaster involving a Germanwings aircraft. The low-cost airline was founded in 2002.

Recent years have been marked by several air tragedies around the world. The world is in shock. People are taking to social media to condole with the families of the victims.

Handy information from sex researchers

One thing that is very obvious about life is that it is not static; everything in life appreciates and information increases. Today, we shall be looking at some information from sex researchers and I have gathered some of these facts, especially in the patterns of men and women’s sex drive. Couples should bear it in mind that individuals may vary from these norms. According to the National Opinion Research Centre, the average couple reports having sex 66 times a year. Couples under the age 30 say they have sex an average of 109 times a year. The average number drops to 70 times a year for couples in their 40s and 52 times a year for couples in their 50s.

Experts say that sex drive differs between men and women. They say women’s sexual inclinations are more complicated than men’s. While men may be rigid and specific about what they are aroused by, women have less-directed sex drives. Researchers say women are more likely to be influenced by irrelevant things and factors. Sexual desire in women is extremely sensitive to the environment and context.

Experts say men’s libido is higher, while women’s sex drive is more about intimacy. However, it does not mean that men do not seek intimacy, love and connection in a relationship just as women do. Most men crave more foreplay, but view the role of sex differently.

Women want to talk first, connect first, and then have sex. For men, sex is the connection. Sex is the language men use to express their tender loving vulnerable side.

It is their language of intimacy. Study after study illustrate that a man’s sex drive is not only stronger than a woman’s, it is also much more straightforward. The sources of women’s libido, by contrast, are much more difficult to pin down. It is common wisdom that women place more value on emotional connection as a spark of sexual desire.

Men want sex more often than women at the start of a relationship, in the middle of it, and after many years of it.

About two-thirds of men say they masturbate, even though they feel guilty about it. But they are forced to masturbate because they are constantly being denied sex by their wives. Over 80 per cent of married men confessed having cheated on their wives, though, they say they feel guilty about it. But they also gave reason for this – their wives’ deliberate insensitivities to their sexual fantasies and need. They also blame it on their wives’ tastelessness and lack of innovation.

Men and women travel slightly different paths to arrive at sexual desire.

I hear women say in my office that sexual desire originates much more between their ears than between their legs. For most married women, there is a need for a plan; hence, the romance, affection and foreplay. It is more about the anticipation, how you get there; it is the longing that is the fuel for desire. Women’s desire is more contextual, more subjective, more layered on a lattice of emotion. Men, by contrast, don’t need to have nearly as much imagination, since sex is simpler and more straightforward for them.

Most married women are more influenced by their peer group in their decisions about sex. Wives who are not ‘religious’ are likely to have liberal attitudes towards sex, they let go and release themselves to the pleasure sex has to offer than the more ‘religious’ ones. Married women with higher education levels are more likely to have performed a wider variety of sexual practices, but education makes less of a difference with men. Women are more likely to show inconsistency between their expressed values about sexual activities.

Most married women under the age of 60 think about sex less than once a day.

While the majority of married men under 60 years think about sex at least once a day, only about one-quarter of married women report this level of frequency. As men and women age, each fantasises less, but married men still fantasise about twice as often as women. Men reported more spontaneous sexual arousal and had more frequent and varied fantasies. There are natural libido enhancers that can help women; please contact me.

Older married women are more likely to experience orgasm when sex is within the context of a faithful and loving relationship.

Married women over 50 are more likely to report orgasm when a sexual event takes place in a totally strange environment. Researchers speculate that coming together of long separated partners may find the novelty of a new experience arousing.

Most second round sex is safe and healthy, sex therapists say. In addition, it can improve sexual function and relationships by teaching both spouses about their own sexual responses, so they are better able to explain to their partner what feels good to them. However, a spouse who becomes too obsessed with third round sex may develop sexual problems or lose interest in sex with their partners.

Women experience orgasms differently than men, while researchers find it tricky to try to quantify issues like the differing quality of male vs. female orgasms. There is a data on how long it takes men and women to get there. Men, on average, take 4 minutes from the point of entry until ejaculation; [ideal time should be at least 10 minutes], anything lower than this is considered to be premature ejaculation. If you suffer premature ejaculation, please contact me.

Women usually take around 15 to 18 minutes to reach orgasm. That is another difference between the sexes on how often they have an orgasm during sex. Among married men 75 per cent of them report that they always have an orgasm with their wives while 29 per cent of married women report that they always have an orgasm with their husbands.

Most married women cannot have an orgasm without direct stimulation of the clitoris, so they need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. For women who have trouble achieving orgasm, incorporating clitoral stimulation into sexual activity may be all that is necessary. The G-spot is a sexually sensitive part of a woman’s anatomy found in the anterior vaginal wall.

The G-spot is a region found behind the pubic bone that has been credited as the trigger for a vaginal (vs. clitoral) orgasm, and even a catalyst for female ejaculation. However, some experts note that there is no unique anatomical structure where the G-spot is supposed to be located. If the G-spot exists, it is best described as an erogenous zone rather than a part of a woman’s anatomy.

A study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that the duration before an average married man ejaculates during sexual intercourse from the beginning of vaginal penetration until ejaculation was 7.4 minutes, while the appropriate time should be 12 to 15 minutes. The average penis length is between 8 and 10 inches when erected and averages around 4.6 inches when flaccid. A man’s flaccid penis varies in size considerably because of various environmental factors and their effects on the sympathetic nervous system. Cold water and cold air are perhaps the best known causes of this “shrinkage” phenomenon, but psychological stress can do the same thing. It is advisable to stay off stress.

Only 10 per cent of married men reported a preference for oral sex to achieve orgasm, while 6 per cent of married women reported that preference. Men are more likely to reach orgasm when sex includes vaginal intercourse, but women are more likely to reach orgasm when they engage in a variety of sex acts that include vaginal intercourse or real foreplay sex.

Masturbation can cause injury; frequent or overly vigorous masturbation can irritate the skin of the penis, and men who masturbate facedown can injure their urethras. This has been a major cause of erectile dysfunction for many who masturbate.

Sexual activity can reduce the risk of stroke and heart attack in older couples.

While couples with a history of stroke or heart disease should consult their sex therapist about sexual activity, for the most part, sex is a healthy form of exercise for older people. Researchers who tracked 914 married men for 20 years found that having sex twice or more a week reduced the risk of fatal heart attack by half, compared with those who had sex less than once a month. They also found out that the frequency of sex intercourse was not associated with stroke.

Questions and Answers

Is her money a blessing or a curse?

I met and married my wife while both of us were still in the banking service but due to the fact that the banking system does not allow both husband and wife to work together in the same service, my wife volunteered to resign her job as a banker to go into a small business so as to manage the home front and take care of our toddlers. Things picked up well in the business and she’s doing great. However, we are beginning to have a rift over the money she makes from the business. Though she did not say this verbally but through her actions, I discovered that she does not only hide the gain she makes in the business but has been buying lots of landed properties in her name or our children’s names without my knowledge. The last time I confronted her about it, she said she did not know how I’ve been spending my money and therefore wondered why she should give any financial account to me since it was her money. I think as her husband, I have the right to know how she spends the money she makes or am I expecting too much? This has greatly affected our sex life to the extent that until I literarily beg her for sex, she sees no reason why she should have sex with me. But before now, she was the one with a higher sex drive and most times, I had to run from her sexual demands. Is her money a blessing or a curse? What should I do?

Sammy Agifidigo

There is no smoke without fire, so goes an adage. Naturally, many things must have been responsible for your wife’s actions. We are in a world and system where surprises spring up daily and these surprises either teach people to be wise or destroy them. New wives learn some things from their mother’s marital experiences, from friends’ encounters and sometimes, even from their husband’s reactions to life challenges and demands. Maybe real life issues made your wife to make such decisions, and maybe you are just discovering a new person altogether. The few questions I would love to ask are these: what is your own stand with money issues? Are you honest with your wife over money matters? Do you spend more on your own extended families than your immediate ones? Were you stingy or liberal with money when you were earning more than her? What was the agreement between you while the business was kicking off? What is your stand on money matters as a couple? When these questions are answered, then you both can sit and talk as a couple to know the way forward. When this is wisely tackled, your sexual harmony will eventually come around.

My husband is under undue pressure.

I am currently nursing our first child and as much as I want to make love to my husband, I just cannot do it because I have discovered that I have a pelvic inflammatory disease. As a result of this, my husband is under undue sexual pressure. What can I do, is there any way out?

Modinatu Arepoloya

Pelvic inflammatory though can be very painful with excruciating pain but at the same time, it can be treated and cured. What you need to do first is to get treated and cured. While you are undergoing the treatment [which may sometimes take a while], there are other ways you could help your husband ease himself from the undue sexual pressure he is in. One, you can give him some non-sexual pleasure such as good love play or foreplay. By this, he will be a bit relieved momentarily. Second, you can both take time out to just relax in each other’s arms and find solace with one another. When you show him you are genuinely interested in him by doing these gestures, he will be encouraged to hold on a little while for you. But you need to treat yourself first so as to fully perform your marital obligations without any pains.

Latent volcano is preventing me from marriage

Latent volcano, that’s the apt description of my fiancé’s temper. He is a nice man and we have been together for close to seven years now and each time we pick a date for our wedding ceremony, my parents are always finding one reason or the other to make sure it does not hold. They are torn apart over whether I should marry him or not. Mum says ‘No! If you marry him, he’ll kill you one day; his temper is destructive.’ While my dad says, ‘Go ahead and marry, there is no perfect human being anywhere; you’re 42 and shouldn’t be too choosy. With time, his temper will calm down.’ But will it? Truly, he’s loving, warm and generous to a fault, except for this. Latent volcano; should I or should I not?

Hmmm! The act of changing someone does not lay with anyone. Whatever character deficiency you see in your spouse while you are in courtship and you feel you can’t manage it, it’s better you have a rethink about your choice. It would be an unrealistic expectation if you expect such character deficiency to disappear in marriage, regardless of the level of love he professes to you. As for your parents’ views, it’s good to take advice from them, but the ball still lays in your court. You are the one that is going into that marriage and experience everything in it, either good or bad. So you need to make your choice which is, if you think you can cope, then go for it. But if otherwise, then you know the option. But bear it in mind that however long the duration of a courtship takes, it cannot be compared to a lifelong marriage. And the emotional trauma of a broken courtship can never be compared with an hypertensive until-death-do-us-apart marriage. A word is enough for the wise.

Having better penis performances (II)

This week, we will be concluding on how best men can cultivate good penis maintenance culture. Before anything else, I would like to submit here that it is very important not to believe what other men say about their performance. This is because many men create distorted pictures of high level of sexual and penis performance, thus making other men wind up thinking that their sex life is missing something. No! this is far from the truth most of the time.

It is not true that great sex universally produces the same feeling and experience for everyone. As a matter of fact, great sex is in the eye of the beholder, inasmuch as men think about sex approximately 19 times per day. For many husbands, great sex might be the ability to produce fantabulous multiple orgasms in their wives; it could also be by being able to last for uninterrupted strong 15 minutes thrusting, which is the ideal timing for good ejaculation. This is not only needful but healthy for the penis. Now, if you have difficulty reaching this level, you may call me for the natural technicality and methods. The inability to differentiate universal differences makes men to be plagued with self-doubt, clinging to myths and misperceptions about sex, sexuality, and penis performance level.

One of the reasons the penis performs badly is when the man thinks that his wife is always ready for sex or that sex with his wife should always end in orgasm. When you mentally condition your penis to perform that way and the penis meets up with an unwilling co-pilot and this situation goes on for a while, the penis loses its potentiality, strength and confidence. So instead of pairing up the penis with an unwilling vagina, first prepare a willing vagina.

Begin with a pillow talk and make the vagina to be fully expectant after which you introduce the penis. By this action, the penis performance is always pronounced, because it is focusing more on pleasurable sensation and this immediately removes all inhibitions such as eye-gazing, body massaging, sensual breathing and sweet low/deep talks. Amazingly, a lot of wives are very responsive to their husbands’ voice during deep penetrative sex. According to research, this act actually helps to tighten the vaginal wall during thrusting in and out. This is because if a man has verbal ability and can entice a woman through his voice, that same ability connects the whole being of the woman to her man during deep penetration, making her to tightly cling to him even with her vaginal wall.

Avoid penis shrinkers; do not smoke. Men who smoke have shrinking penis more than non-smokers. One reason, of course, is that smoking is a known cause of impotence. And there’s some evidence that smoking affects erection size. Inasmuch as some wives may be silent about the size, many prefer their husbands’ manhood to be big. If it is not as big as their desire, it should at least not be smaller than what they first saw. Researchers have found out that smokers’ penises are significantly smaller than non-smokers. In addition to damaging blood vessels, smoking may cause damage to penile tissue itself, making it less elastic and preventing it from stretching.

Do not keep a mistress. It’s common for married men who start having affairs to stop having erections. It is very common; in fact, sex therapists and doctors who treat erectile dysfunction often discover that many of their patients getting sexual favour outside their marriage perform way below those who maintain a marriage sexual relationship. Unless your wife knows about, approves of such affairs (I have yet to meet with such), you’re bound to feel at least a little guilty about sex outside marriage when you’re with the other. Guilt can turn to anxiety and that can kill performance, especially with the legal wife.

Fight diabetes to the utmost level. More than 50 per cent of all men with diabetes are impotent. The disease hits the penis with a double blow. It accelerates the process of arterial disease and it slows the transmission of stimuli along nerves throughout your body. And, trust me, a numb penis is not a happy penis. Staying trim is the best way to avoid diabetes. If it’s too late for that, be vigilant in checking your blood sugar. Men who are careless about controlling their levels have 70 per cent more erection problems than those who stay on top of it.

Yes, men love to go deep and hard but it may amuse you to know that aiming your erect penis at the trunk of a tree is roughly the same density as hitting hard on your wife’s pubic bone. Therefore, do not rupture the corposa cavernosa, the elongated erectile chambers that run the length of your penis. A complete rupture will require surgery within 24 hours to stop internal bleeding and reduce the risk of permanent damage. A partial tear may cause problems later on. As the linings of the corposa heal over with scar tissue, they lose their elasticity—leading to curvature, pain, and eventually impotence. By some estimates, more than a third of impotent men have a history of penile trauma.

To protect yourself, be careful when your wife is on top. That’s the position most likely to cause damage.

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS

Is sperm a healthy protein supplement?

I have been drinking sperm for some time now because I was told it is a good source of protein. But for some months now, I have been having series of infections spreading from my face to other parts of my body. Can you kindly tell me what to use to prevent this spread of infection?

Tobiloba Tochukwu

To prevent spread of infection is not as difficult as to making sure you stop the intake of sperm product. Sperm semen and sperm cells are not natural supplement or protein that gives good health. Sperm is not meant to be swallowed like pap or akamu. It is a product that should go into the vagina and make babies. You have to first stop swallowing sperm immediately. Besides, how sure are you of the state of health of those people you swallow their sperm and semen? They may be carriers of sexually transmitted diseases and spread them to you also. If I may also advise, I think you may be into sex slavery because a teenager should be in school and not be involved in sexual stuff. It will be proper if you can set yourself free and run away from such a bondage. You definitely need more than medical help; your mind needs to be re-orientated all over again because you are not living a normal life.

His demands are always bizarre

My husband asks me to perform oral sex on him even if I do not like it or we do not have full-blown sexual intercourse. I think God designed sexual intimacy for mutual pleasure, is my feelings not important also? His position is that if I loved him, I would see performing oral sex as an act of love and it would not matter if it led to intercourse. I am not opposed to oral sex, but I feel cheapened when he asks for it outright as if I am a call girl. Am I silly to feel this way, or what do you think?

Ojodunaya Celina

I believe that oral-genital stimulation is an acceptable form of sexual play from a medical, physiological and theological point of view. The issue of mutuality is an important component of sexual intimacy. It applies not only to form of stimulation, but also to frequency, initiation and preference of location. It sounds as though you perceive your husband’s desire for oral stimulation as a self-centred demand for service. However, I think you need to have a full understanding of the male psyche and sexuality. Men have not only a high sexual drive with sexual thoughts occurring frequently throughout the day, but they are also bombarded with sexual images, attractions and distractions that they may build fantasies around. Because of this, your husband may be expecting you to seize the opportunity with him by gratifying his desire to “give him” orally. I think perhaps he just wants to share his sexual fantasies and ideas with you his sweetheart. I would rather you see those desires not as demands, but as opportunities to show selfless love. Therefore, instead of refusing his demand, why not just say, ‘I want us to be closer sexually. If this is what you want, then let’s have it.’

How can I view my wife’s vagina while having orgasm?

I like to view my wife’s’ vagina especially when she is having orgasm. This has been the wish of both of us for sometimes now. But I have been trying to figure out how best to achieve this. I cannot possibly do this while having sex with her. Is there any other way out? Please this is so important to my wife and me. Until I achieve this, I don’t think I have granted her wish. Do you have any idea?

Strange Couple

Very simple; first feed her black licorice. Some people spell it as liquorice. It is a natural vegetable all around us. Black licorice has been shown to speed up female genital blood flow by 40 per cent, making the woman highly aroused and popping up the entire organ for good visual. Besides, it helps them lose any inhibition; it is as if she is drunk with wine. Then to properly position yourself, you can use a chin rest method to view every nook and cranny of the vulva inside out.

All you will do is put one pillow under her hips and another under your chest. It’s easier for her to then adjust her knees and legs. Rest your chin on your fist and use a finger to put pressure on the bottom of her vagina to heighten her sensation.