Natural ways to delay ejaculation

Lifelong premature ejaculation starts early. This usually occurs when as a teenager, you start experimenting with sex and experiencing first sexual contact with under-developed sexual capacity. Ideally, teenager hood period is the last stage of the sexual formative period, it is not a good time to start off sex; this is the late stage of the sexual parts of all the sexual organs. There is a need for those organs to fully develop all their sexual capacity before addictively engaging such organs in active services.

This type of premature ejaculation case is usually harder to treat and often has deeper psychological causes. Bad habits may also contribute (such as masturbating to ejaculate as fast as possible in order to avoid getting caught).

Acquired PE happens later in life and is usually triggered by either psychological (stress or relationship issues) or physical causes (diabetes or high blood pressure, use of substances like marijuana, smoking, eating of synthetic food items, untreated ulcer diseases, some blood type groups, consumption of alcohol, some side effects of some drugs, some local herbal substances, obesity, mid-life-year-crisis).

Acquired PE suddenly begins in a man who has had normal sexual performance up until then.

We also have variable – PE that occurs irregularly and inconsistently, perhaps with one partner or only with specific partners. This is the most dangerous type and it is extremely difficult to treat.

We also have subjective PE – a condition in which a man thinks he experiences PE, but a medical doctor or sex therapist determines that there is no issue. This is psychosomatic in nature and it is easily treatable. When the mindset is well, handling every issue of premature ejaculation becomes a walkover.

This is an old school method most of our forefathers used in their relationships; it is simple but highly effective. But many husbands ignore it. Never ignore but take good care of your wife’s foreplay need. Longer foreplay can help increase satisfaction of your wife as well as delay your ejaculation. Longer foreplay can improve your relationship by reducing dissatisfaction, frustration and performance-related anxiety.

Be aware that the more pressure men feel during sex, the more likely they are to suffer from PE, but when you take time to give and enjoy giving your wife heavy erotic and breathtaking foreplay, you both will develop a good communication.

And good communication will help you overcome many issues and any discrepancies between your desires and those of your wife.

Good communication also helps you to focus on other sexual pleasures: this can decrease anxiety and help you gain better control over your ejaculation.

During heavy and stimulating foreplay, you and your wife should try breathing deeply together during sex.  While both of you are breathing deeply together, you, the husband, should try controlling your breathing. Then go for deep, long breaths. Breathe in through the nose and out from the belly. This is surprisingly effective and relaxing, and automatically helps to delay ejaculation.

One way to get even with premature ejaculation is for couples to cultivate the habit of getting naked together when alone with full privacy in view. Not just when you’re having sex, but around the house.  It has been discovered by sex therapists that when husbands get to see their wives’ luscious body a lot, it will most times not get him quite as excited and that might help him keep going during sex until they are both satisfied in bed. However, with this way, I always tell wives to come up with something new and be creative so that they will still turn him on. He will not get tired of seeing your body. This simply gets him used to having a hot wife and keeps him from being overly aroused when you’re getting it on.

Another way is to slow down the tempo and pace of your thrusting in and out. This technique requires you to slow the pace of pelvic thrusting and varying the angle and depth of penetration before the “point of no return.” When done in conjunction with engaging your pelvic muscles, this approach becomes very effective.

You can also try climax control condoms. This has been specially designed in such a way that with or without sensitivity, you can delay premature ejaculation at your own pace.

This is because men with PE condition cannot identify the feelings that happen right before orgasm – this is the point of no return. In other words, men with PE are unable to recognise that they are about to come until it’s too late. This makes it difficult for them to pace themselves and prevent ejaculation from happening too soon, which also means that their stamina never has a chance to improve. But with climax control condom, this can be achieved.

Do all you can to keep calm and breathe. If you find yourself breathing too fast and shallow, or making more noise than usual when breathing, it could be a sign you’re getting closer to the point of no return. Fortunately, you can reduce your arousal by controlling your breathing during sex. Breathe IN slowly for four seconds. HOLD for four seconds. Then breathe OUT for four seconds. If you can maintain this pattern, especially when feeling more aroused, it can help you stay in control of your body.

One of the reasons some positions are better for control is because it’s easier to stay relaxed in them. If you notice yourself tensing your stomach muscles, thighs and buttocks especially, then try to relax instead. If you lie on your back with your wife on top, it’ll be much easier to stay relaxed, and you should find you can breathe deeper and get back in control again.

Relax your mind. Relaxing the mind is a trickier beast to pin down. According to sex therapists, if you go into sex worrying about coming too soon, you’re more likely to do so. So, try using positive affirmations during sex to relax yourself. I know it’s easier said than done, but it’s not impossible. Tell yourself you’re a good lover, feel calm that everything is just fine.

I would appreciate men to know that there is a condition called androgen deficiency, a problem of low testosterone level in the body. This is a condition where men experience a decline in the reproduction of the male hormone testosterone with aging, but this also occurs with a disease like diabetes. Along with decline in testosterone, some men experience symptoms such as fatigue, weakness, depression and sexual/erectile problems.

Unlike menopause in women which represents a well-defined period in which hormone production stops completely, testosterone decline in men is a slower process. The testes, unlike the ovaries, do not run out of the substance it needs to make testosterone. A healthy male may be able to produce sperm well into his eighties or longer.

It is also relatively easy to diagnose menopause in women – their menstrual period stops. Diagnosing decreased testosterone level in men is trickier and requires a blood test to check the level.  So, consequently, the condition often goes undetected.  That is why I always recommend that men close to 40 should undergo PSA test (Prostate-specific antigen test).

Definitely, loss of testosterone in men leads to testosterone deficiency, which has a bad impact on a man’s ego and takes toll on his health.  Among other potential causes of testosterone deficiency are: injury or infection to the testicles, chemotherapy or radiation treatment, genetic abnormalities such as extra x chromosome, too much iron in the body, dysfunction of the pituitary gland, medications, stress, and alcoholism.

Of the estimated 4 to 5 million men with low testosterone, only 5 per cent are currently being treated. About one in every 10 men between the ages of 40 and 60 has low testosterone. Among men over the age of 60, the numbers jump to one in every 5 men, according to researchers. The handy treatment is TRT – Testosterone Replacement Therapy, but some schools of thought have queried whether it is healthy or needful.

A few numbers of studies have shown that TRT in men who have low levels of the hormone may improve libido, enhance sexual performance/ function, increase bone mineral density, increase muscular mass/strength, and help improve mood; however, the adverse effects of TRT outnumber the advantages. One of them is sleep apnea, a potentially serious sleep disorder in which breathing repeatedly stops and starts. TRT causes the body to make too many red blood cells, which can increase the risk of heart disease. It causes acne or other skin reactions, stimulates noncancerous growth of the prostate and possibly stimulates growth of existing prostate cancer, enlarges the breasts, limits sperm production and causes testicle shrinkage. So, if you are considering testosterone therapy to help you feel younger and more vigorous as you age, know the risks before you make your decision.

There are the second categories of men who have low level of testosterone, not because of aging but because of a disease called hypogonadism, a condition in which the body is unable to produce normal amounts of testosterone due to a problem with the testicles or with the pituitary gland that controls the testicles.

Testosterone is a hormone produced primarily in the testicles. It helps maintain men’s bone density, fat distribution, muscle strength, mass red blood cell production, sex drive and sperm production. Testosterone peaks during adolescence and early adulthood.

As man gets older, his testosterone level gradually declines typically about one per cent a year after age 30. It is important to determine in older men if a low testosterone level is simply due to the decline of normal aging or if it is due to a disease (hypogonadism). TRT can improve the signs and symptoms of low testosterone in men with hypogonadism case with fewer side effects than in old age men.

Testosterone therapy can help reverse the effects of hypogonadism, but it’s unclear whether testosterone therapy would have any benefit for older men who are otherwise healthy.

Many also want to know if testosterone therapy helps increase sex drive in women. Well, research shows that testosterone hormone does impact sex drive as well as remedies other sexual problems in certain women with sexual dysfunction. But the long-term safety of testosterone therapy for women is unknown. Testosterone therapy usually is prescribed only for women who have low libido but sufficient estrogen levels.

Testosterone is one of the best sex hormones present in both gender but more pronounced in men. It regulates mood and fuels up sex drive. A slow drop in testosterone is a normal part of aging. Low testosterone can cause visible changes in some men, such as thinner muscles, loss of body hair, smaller, softer testicles, and larger breasts. As testosterone level drops in a man, the bones may get thinner, weaker, and more likely to break. Less energy, mood changes and poor concentration are a sign of low testosterone.

A drop in testosterone level doesn’t always interfere with sex, but it can make it more difficult for a man’s brain and body to get aroused. Some men may notice a drop in libido, while others may lose interest in sex completely. Low testosterone can also make it tougher to get or keep an erection. Testosterone helps a man’s body make sperm. When levels of the hormone are low, his sperm “count” can be low too. Without enough sperm, he may not be able to father a child.

 Questions and answers

I have lost hope in him and his penis. What should I do?

 It is sad but the truth is that banana is stronger than my husband’s penis. When we newly got married, all went well sexually. The penis was hard, strong and active, but lately what I noticed is that my husband’s penis shrinks inside him by the day. As if that is not enough, it takes him ages to get aroused and sometimes he may never ‘get up’. Then as soon as we are celebrating his arousal, he goes softer like an overripe banana. I am fed up; I need you to get me a vibrator. I am not sure things can ever get better because it has been like this for years. I have lost hope in him and his penis. For me, his penis is just a decoration and nothing more. Please, do not preach to me; just get me a good vibrator.

Mrs. Odopolo Ejiro

Hi Odopolo, you said when you were newly married; sex was ‘ebano.’ Now that things are not rosy, you want to back out? No! Please, before you resign to fate, both of you can visit a sex therapist together. Remember the marriage relationship is for better, for worse. I am certain both of you can weather the storm together and get a permanent solution to the problem.

 Can I really cope with this arrangement?

 I am an ardent reader of your column. I appreciate your prowess. But can I really cope with this arrangement? I love my wife and we have a wonderful marriage and a fantastic sex life. But whenever she is pregnant, we MUST abstain from sexual activities. The reason is that few years ago, we had a premature baby but lost the baby after few weeks in spite of all medical interventions and experts’ skills. And shortly afterwards, we lost another pregnancy. On the basis of this, the doctor advised we should abstain from sex whenever my wife is pregnant. This really worked when a new baby was added and we eventually became parents. The joy of the new addition of children really did not make me feel the burden of the instruction against sex whenever my wife was pregnant. But recently, anytime she is pregnant, I struggle a lot to keep to the commandment of the doctor. Now she’s pregnant, although I have abstained from sex as previously advised, my problem is that I find it so difficult to handle or control my urge for sex. As a matter of fact, my urges are becoming unbearable; I don’t want to engage in extramarital affairs and I get irritated with the idea of masturbation. What is the alternative?

Bisilimu Opagunjelo

 Mr. Bisilimu, due to the fact that the joy of having a healthy baby born to the family is very important in the union, yet it does not rule out the fact that your sexual urges are important. But from the look of things, it seems that you have to pick between sex and going through the stress you went through during the first pregnancy. However, there are other ways you can manage your sexual urges with your wife while she is pregnant.

One, both of you can engage in heavy romance – foreplay and caressing –while you can replace her vagina with her inner thighs. Thereby, you will still wisely, carefully with all discretion, engage in your usual sexual activities but this time around, your point of ejaculation will not be her vagina but in-between her thighs. However, this has to be with doggy style position while both of you are securely lying on the bed.  

Secondly, she can perform a blow job on you in a very comfortable position considering the fact that her extreme comfort matters.

How to create delicate lovemaking moments

Sex can always be beautiful within and without all year round in every marriage. I am strongly of the opinion that much more can be added to the wealth of knowledge any couple out there may have acquired. Creating delicate lovemaking moments has been researched to be one of the many ways sex can be enhanced between married lovers.

 Many couples take sexual techniques for granted but believe me, they are still the best of many links to sexual fulfillment.

Sexual technique is simply the act of treating your spouse in a very special way during sex to enhance their passion for sex. In other words, sexual technique is following a sexual and sensual pattern.

To start with, there must be a proper preparation if sex must be enjoyed; careful groundwork is essential. Preparation begins long before bedtime; sex starts in the morning and not at bedtime.

The first homework is to settle any known or foreseen quarrel as soon as possible. Get ready for sex with a positive mindset. Many a time, couples find it difficult to have good sex because of life challenges but I have observed that if couples always wait for a perfect situation for sex, they might not find one. So, a positive mindset for any sexual activity is very important.

At any given time, filth, uncleanness and poor sense of orderliness have ruined many anticipated sexual thoughts. You must be neat and clean, and at the same time be seductively attractive and sexually appealing. Oral, armpit, vulva and penis hygiene should be well-observed, especially when the penis is uncircumcised.

 The pubic hair should not be shaved in a way that will be coarse and cause irritation to the skin of your spouse. Most times, as simple as it appears, this has ruined good passionate sex and made some husbands develop quick ejaculation while some wives have to apply hot water to heal themselves.

Neatness is one of the guiding rules for successful lovemaking. Sex has turned out to be a nightmare just because of some offensive odour from the genitals. Since sometimes sex might be unpredictable, it is important to brush the mouth twice daily, especially when retiring at night.

 This is very important because if there is a need to have oral sex, you must brush your teeth to prevent giving each other infections. Many couples contact some form of toilet disease just from unwashed mouth, because the same bacteria responsible for toilet disease are mostly also found in the mouth.

The bed should be laid with clean or new bedspread; old, stinking bedspreads are a turn-off for spouses. Get enough privacy; make sure your doors are locked to prevent the mind from being distracted. At no time should a lover disapprovingly take off their partner’s clothes in an offensive manner. It is important that both husband and wife slowly undress each other; this is an exciting part of the technique. The moment this has been done, the best part of the groundwork has been achieved. As a matter of fact, these particular habits mostly usher in the love play.

Getting each other aroused before the husband penetrates his wife is important; this can be done by holding each other lovingly, caressing each other tenderly, kissing, and carefully touching and fondling each other’s sexual organs.

At this point, couples should submit to each other by letting their partners know their sensitive areas and points of triggers. For many ladies, it is the clitoris and the breasts, especially the nipples. Let him know that it takes time before your sexual organs respond, especially the clitoris.

Make him kiss and use his tongue to caress your breasts, nipples and neck gently and lovingly, then later your genitals. As this goes on, the nipples become erect and the clitoris increases in size. Caressing should not be done in a hurried way. Take enough time to fully enjoy each other! It is important to understand the timing in lovemaking. The emotions and sensations should build up and be intensified gradually. Do not stop the stimulation once it begins; continue in an ever-increasing manner.

Basically, the whole body of a loving couple is an erotic zone. For the man, the nape of the neck, the back of the ears, the breasts, the armpits, the navel, the inner parts of the thighs, the groin, the pubic hair, the shaft of the manhood and the eye of the manhood are especially their most sensitive areas. All these should be kissed tenderly or caressed gently with the hand and tongue. If the man’s skin is too dry, you can get a bottle of baby lotion and seductively rub on the body parts; it will send sexual signals to the whole body.

The female erotic zone includes the base of the neck, the base of the hair, the lips, the armpits, the breasts, especially the nipples, the tummy, the navel, the inner parts of the thighs, the pubic hair, the clitoris, the lips of the vagina and the inner parts of the vagina.

All these could be tenderly touched and caressed with the man’s hands or tongue. Caressing various areas of your partner’s body shows an interest in the whole person.

In foreplay, the husband and the wife should talk freely to each other. They should tell each other what they want.

While gently caressing each other, it is advisable for the wife to take a comfortable position with legs apart so that the man will be able to gently play with her genitals. As her husband caresses her, she in turn plays with his nipples and the shaft and eye of his manhood.

Aside from the things already mentioned above, do you know how much hugging and cuddling your lover needs before and after intercourse? How about the sexual fantasies each partner nurtures? Paying a little extra attention to your sex life may be all it takes to transform it from a boring experience to an intense experience.

Couples put lots of efforts into their careers, friendship and parenting-they read books and improve on all other areas in their lives. Well, that is not a bad idea at all. But good sex requires the same level of research, information and attention, which means that making time for sex matters a lot.

Hug each other for 20 seconds each day and flirt with each other. Even when there isn’t time for sex, make sure your partner knows you want to have one with them at any available time. Send a romantic message to your partner’s phone or e-mail. Daydream about making love to your spouse while doing the laundry, dishes, and while at work or during your free time and so on.

What is the appropriate time to teach children about sex?

In this computer age, when everything is computerised, what is the appropriate age for children to read about sex?

Mr. Martins Paul

All children are not alike. But parents’ primary focus each time they want to start introducing sex education to each child or children in general should be to be real friends with them. It is very easy to pass any message across to someone you have already won their confidence, friendship, trust and love. Such persons will not only accept whatever idea you are bringing to them but will consider your idea as the best. This is why some rapists and child molesters try to become so friendly with the child they want to abuse that it will be so difficult for the child to break away even when they know the act is not right. So be a friend, hero and confidant to your child. Then the next step is to be able to understudy the child’s peculiarity; that is, their level of intelligence, exposure, and area of interest. Also, know your child’s circle of friends, his special games and aspirations. Then study his pattern of questions. Now while studying their pattern of questions, make sure you are not reprimanding them or curtailing their originality. Whenever you choose to start, always make the subject matter appear as if it’s not really a big deal. When you put up a face and posture that suggest that it is serious, they will likely keep quiet.

Is sharing rooms with our children a subtle form of child abuse?

My husband has two teenagers from his previous marriage while I have one from my previous marriage. We are newlyweds sharing a bedroom apartment with these teenagers. My question is: how healthy is it for us as parents to be caressing each other in the presence of these children since we cannot afford a bigger place for now and the passion for sex is very high between my husband and me?  Is it safe to be sharing rooms with our children? Is this a subtle form of child abuse?

Mrs. Sunday Saheed

You might not be able to afford the type of accommodation you desire but the point is that even when you are living in a seven-bedroomed apartment, you can or may still dress up in the presence of your children or caress in front of them or make love around them. So the issue is not about the number of rooms; it is about making sure you create a sex safe environment for them. Do not unnecessarily expose them to some things or allow some thoughts to cloud their minds because of your actions. There are better ways to have passionate sex without giving the teenagers any clue about your actions. If you bathe together as a couple and have sex while doing that, they won’t know that you have sex while doing that. You could have a quick one when they are away on errand or in school.

My big boy always has an erection while accessing the Internet

I am a woman with three boys aged between five and seven years and in other not to disturb me with their endless demands and questions, whenever I’m busy with domestic chores, I allow them to play games on mobile devices with Internet facilities. But recently, I discovered that my eldest boy always has an erection while he is playing game or accessing the Internet. Please how can I intervene because even when I stop him, he goes to his friend’s house and still comes home with an erection? Help me!

Worried single parent

Unfortunately many games have been programmed with one form of sexual act or the other. As a matter of fact, even Facebook and Twitter are so overpopulated that our children are not only exposed to sexual perversions and pornography, but also are in daily contact with sex perverts and rapists. These sex perverts and rapists using the platforms are growing in number per minute. The number of sexual assault cases related to both social media sites has reached incredible heights; and half of those cases involve victims under the age of 16. Even when you try to stop them, they quickly defend it by saying that it is “harmless” chatting. Some of those chatting with these young children, especially girls, encourage them to send sexually explicit images on their mobile device. Some adults encourage young children to pornographic sites. Facebook and Twitter have billions of users. The point is that almost everyone has an account with the social media platforms and that naturally means exposure to sexually explicit contents and crimes. As much as there’s really no way for Facebook to control who joins the platform, it is important for you to let your children understand the negative effects that such platforms have on lives, future and well-being of children.

I can’t differentiate between normal erection nor prolonged painful one

I am 35 years old and I recently started having sex after a long abstinence from sex due to my profession. I am a professional boxer, and professional boxers sometimes have to abstain from sex for many months or even a whole year.

But my challenge now is that it seems that I can’t differentiate between normal erection or prolonged painful one. I am not sure if I ejaculate either. How long does it take for an average man to ejaculate during sexual intercourse? Sometimes, I get so confused I don’t understand my body at all. Sometimes, I take a lot of alcohol to stay longer during sex but despite that, my system seems to have broken down. I am in a dilemma, can you help me?

Derin Morris

When one alters the normal system of the body, it is possible the body mechanism gets abnormally disrupted; that is when a person starts experiencing this type of interruption. It took you some years to get into this mess, so you have to take things easy and work towards an ideal body system. An erection begins in the brain. Physical and/or mental stimulation cause nerves in the brain to send chemical messages to nerves in the penis, telling the penile blood vessels to relax so that blood can flow freely into the penis. Once in the penis, high pressure traps the blood within the tissue of the penis. This causes the penis to expand and sustain an erection. When you turn off this process, you alter normal erection. A normal ejaculation, which is the release of semen at climax, is triggered when the man reaches a critical level of excitement. That makes sexual stimulation to cause nerves in the penis to send chemical messages or impulses to the spinal cord and into the brain where other chemical messages are sent back to the penis through the spinal cord, causing ejaculation. When this is also altered because you choose not to allow any form of excitement at all, it can affect the average number of minutes it takes to ejaculate. All things being equal, an average man ejaculates within 9.6 to 15.5 minutes. To worsen the situation, you consume lots of alcohol which you have to stop immediately. Alcohol does not assist in prolonging ejaculation; rather, it undermines the quality of your ejaculation and power to stay erect. What alcohol does is that it helps you get aroused quickly and shortly afterwards; it drops your level of energy and competency.  

By Funmi Akingbade