Saturday, April 30, 2016

Why office affairs seem difficult to break (2)

Last Saturday, we started a series on why office affairs seem difficult to break. Today, we shall proceed with the continuation. Lopsided libidoral match is a common complaint among women who seek office sexual pleasure outside their matrimonial bed, particularly among those married to men far older than they are, or women who possess a higher sexual libido. It is also common among women in their second or third marriages.
It is no longer a taboo today to see women possessing a high insatiable sexual appetite, and the moment these cravings are in short supply, the tendencies to seek for availability is usually on the rampage. The other Thursday, I paid a visit to a famous shop on Victoria Island and  as I was about entering the store, I noticed a loudspeaker van neatly parked not too far from the store. As I moved nearer, the salesman came out with a microphone singing the praise of some aphrodisiac drug for women. To my surprise, a number of women crowded round this man to examine the products in public! Before now, such was not common, but times are changing fast. Many husbands are not aware of the fact that their wives have more sexual taste bud than they have especially when these wives are highly enlightened and exposed. Many wives with high insatiable sexual appetites now go for artificial penis, younger penis and any available penis while they give excuses of working late at work. One of the reasons why this is rampant is the fact that many of their husbands do not really care to sexually satisfy them or they are down with different kinds of erectile dysfunction cases and are not ready to find solution to such ailment. Also sometimes, such husbands are not sexually experienced, relevant or inspiring  sexually. They either don’t care or do not take the feeling of the wives into recognition.
Imbalance sexual drive is a culprit why married women seek sexual pleasure at work places.  I have seen what happens to marriages when husbands have little or no desire for sex and the wives yearn for it desperately.
Read what a woman said during a recent visit to my office.
‘Please help me. I am 38, married to a 53-year-old man with a three-year-old daughter. For the past three years, my husband has avoided being sexual with me. We have gone from having sex twice a week to now, if I am lucky, once in four months. I am miserable and I cannot keep living like this; sex means a lot to me. Many times, I have to excuse myself from the living room to anywhere to masturbate. I am not only addictive masturbator but I have all sorts of didos but I will give all these up for my husband to just give me sex just once in a week. I am ashamed to say this to my friends but please, I am dying gradually without sex. And to make it worse, I have begun to fall for one of my office workers who has history of going for more than one rounds with sexually starved women with no fees attached. This is not a new thing in my office but my problem is, will this not destroy my marriage?’
One out of every three couples struggle with problems associated with low sexual desire. One study found that 20 per cent of married couples have sex fewer than 10 times a year! In addition, low sexual desire is not only “a woman’s thing.” Many sex experts believe that low sexual desire in men is the world’s best-kept secret. People with low sexual desire are generally married to partners who want more sex; those whose sexuality, intimacy, physical closeness, and connection are extremely on high demand. Sex is an extremely important part of marriage. When it is good, it offers couples opportunities to give and receive physical pleasure, to connect emotionally and spiritually. It builds closeness, intimacy, and a sense of partnership. Husband, if your libido is lacking, remember that your most powerful sexual organ is your brain. In order to feel more sexual, you first have to decide that a loving, satisfying sex life and marriage are important. Then commit to finding your untapped sexuality strength within.
 Although once in a while, every man, even with the highly sexed husbands, experiences occasional lows in their sex drive. However, when a husband’s libido is nowhere to be found, there is danger. There are many reasons to stretch oneself for solution because unsatisfying sexual relationships often cause disaffection, isolation, division, alienation, free office infidelity, and divorce. In most relationships, the spouse with the lower desire sets the pace for the sexual relationship, controlling when and how it happens. Am I saying you should have sex any time your spouse desires or that you should go through the motions just to keep peace? No! Many husbands with lower sex drives are essentially saying, “I know you’re sexually unhappy. I won’t do anything about that, but I still expect you to remain faithful.” Can you see what is wrong with this picture? What many of such husbands get at the end of the day is a woman who has got hooked with an office affair and finds it hard to break because of the satisfaction and fulfilment. It is best for a partner not to be sexually involved with another fellow who makes the victim sexually satisfied than his or her legally married partner. When this is the order of the day, such victim may be forever hooked sexually to the person that brings him or her to the point of no return when it comes to sexual satisfaction.  When you decide to make sexuality more important, you and your wife will become more emotionally connected and you can trust her sincerity. You will not only feel closer to your wife, but you might also discover your sexual appetite has not really vanished; it was merely camouflaged maybe because of stress, sickness or work!  Knowing why you are not so interested in sex will not boost your desire, doing something about it will.
 There are practical ways out. You can adopt the ‘old Nike slogan solution’ which says, “Just do it.” Are you wondering how? Will having sex when I am not in the mood boost my desire? Human sexuality experts once assumed all people experience sexual desire in a similar way: something triggers a sexy thought, which triggers an urge to act. Sexual stimulation then makes you feel aroused. However, recent studies show that for some husbands, sexual desire does not precede arousal; it actually follows it. Some husbands rarely (or never) find themselves fantasising about sex, but when they become sexual with their wives anyway, they become aroused. Once aroused, there is a desire to continue.
 Just because a husband is not hungry for sex does not mean he has a problem with arousal. Lots of husbands with low sexual desire actually enjoy sex once they get started. Now listen, hormones do not have to be raging; you do not need an overwhelming feeling of passion. Many times, husbands with lower desire have sexual urges; they are just more subtle than their wife’s is. Husbands, you might notice your wife looks great in her tight short jeans and have a fleeting thought about sex. The thought may not linger, but it is there. Rather than allow these moments to go unnoticed, heed them and act on them fast.
Quickly seize the opportunity; take her there and march her straight to the bedroom. Make her bend over the side of the bed so her stomach and breasts are against the mattress and her feet are on the floor, legs spread comfortably. As you, the husband penetrate her from behind, lift her legs from just above the knees, hold them apart, and thrust in and out. With her body angled slightly downward and her legs apart, you will get deep penetration. Moreover, since her hips are in your grip, you can thrust away with total abandon. In addition, you can easily view her sexy rear and watch yourself move in and out of her. Your penis is perfectly slanting for her pleasure and when you are getting close to climaxing, shift your hands from her hips to her clitoris. This sudden but subtle adjustment will make for an extra lively ending as you gain even more control.
Alternatively, you may decide to give her the ‘stand and deliver sex’ still wearing her tight short jeans by making her lean against a wall with her legs slightly spread, facing you. Just grab onto the back of her thighs and hold them against your hips, lifting her up and pushing her back into the wall for an advantage, then thrust away as though you are cruising a new car. The fact that you both are up-close-and-personal, your wife’s cravings for face-to-face intimacy is fully delivered with guarantee. In addition, stand-up sex also scratches that I-need-you-now itch that plagues passionate wives; this position is primal and versatile — perfect for a quickie.” In addition, tell her to squeeze her thighs together, this will narrow her vaginal canal, which in turn enhances the friction you will feel.
Again, tell your wife to lie on her side with her arms above her head. With you on your side and your body perpendicular to hers, tell her to slowly raise her top leg while you inch your lower body between her legs. Once you are joined at the groin, grab her shoulders while she anchors herself on the floor. This sideways sex position is one for the record books that your wife would not forget in a hurry! On top of the typical thrusting, you two can enjoy some serious shallow grinding. Moreover, this new entry angle allows you to explore every inch of her inner chamber, especially the often-ignored sides, providing you with an array of options; it will not take much to send your sex drive flying.
Some husbands with low desire say they’re more interested in making love under certain conditions—at certain times of the week, after a huge contracts, or a good raise at work, on vacation or after a long erotic massaging.  Identify what is different about the times you feel more inclined, and take advantage of those moments. In other words, if cold baths turn you on, go into the shower or bathroom with your wife and act it out. Try acting more sexual. Mr. Victor, a 42-year-old orthopaedic nurse, was in my office with his wife. After intensive counselling section, he discovered that the key to boosting his interest in sex was watching his wife bathing/ sleeping naked under the cloth and watching erotic educative films together. This does not only heighten his interest in sex, but also draws him closer to his wife.
 To those older husbands who are married to younger women, there will be times when you really do not feel like having sex. Instead of just saying no or “I’m too old for that,” which feels like a rejection to your wife, offer an alternative. You could say outright, ‘come have sex with me’. Alternatively, “honey my body needs a massage’ after which I’d love to go on a sex trip with you”. Remember sex is a gift; make up your mind to give the gift of being sexual even when you do not feel like it. Some studies suggest that as many as high percentage of men say their sex drive is not what it used to be before initiating sex but after initiating it, the sex drive skyrocketed. In addition to this, the use of natural herbs against weak erection, erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation is available for a permanent one off cure and the permanent effect of this will take you from a zero level to surplus level.
Another reason why many married women secretly seek sexual pleasure outside their marriage is when they find themselves married to husbands with small penis and who do not smartly put it to use or ready to do anything about it. The bigger the better is the slogan of many women today. As I said earlier on, husbands with such challenge can now smile because of the newly discovered Chinese herbs that have been making waves with fantastic result. Do not let your union become a sex-starved union; create intimacy by meeting her desires, it serves as an assurance of commitment to one another. According to researches, many wives with husbands who are not well endowed crave for bigness and fullness. Although many may and will not voice it out, nature has made it in such a way that you always yearn for what you don’t have.
By Funmi Akingbade   

Saturday, April 23, 2016

Why office affairs seem difficult to break

Regrettably and sadly, I have witnessed countless marriages and relationships that have been irrevocably ruined by the negative effects of office affairs/romance. Many homes have been damaged by this menace and many children have become fatherless and destitute all because of a simple office affair. Cheating in marriage by means of office affairs is a common phenomenon today. In one way or the other, spouses cheat on themselves and defile their matrimonial beds, in their offices, shops, and places of work and even inside their matrimonial homes with their paid workers. Statistical record shows that by the eighth  and tenth year of marriage, a great  percentage of couples would have been actually unfaithful! Why is this so? Why do spouses cheat on each other? Why is office affair a common phenomenon that many couples are now very comfortable with? Can our marriage be free from this plague? What are the causes of this terrible behaviour and can there be any solution?
The first reason while spouses cheat on each other or prefer the warmth of some other fellows than their married spouse is when one partner feels that he has been forced or trapped into the marriage against his or her wish. Unwanted pregnancy or an arranged marriage where there is actually no genuine love and commitment could be reason for any of them to cheat on the other especially in their different places of work.
As much as parental advice or counselling from a resource person is good, when it comes to decision making, the will and decision and choice of the person involved should be paramount. Even God who has the final authority over our lives still allows us to take decisions on our own. It is wrong to marry someone against your wish; the moment the love is not flowing, it may never flow. As much as parents want the best of life for their children, when it comes to marriage, the best thing for parents to do is guide those intending to marry and help them make the right choice.
Be man enough to make a firm decision on your choice of marriage partner; it will go a long way to stabilise your marriage and help the two of you to weather the storm of life together.
                  It is also advisable not to patch up a problematic and faulty courtship. If those problems or challenges are obvious reason why the relationship should not be solemnised, it is better to call it quits. A broken courtship is better than a frustrated, heartbreaking and hypertensive marriage that may invariably lead to divorce. Many people are consenting adults and live-in adults all because they are careful of challenges. Instead of living in with someone to examine if he or she is good enough, why don’t you look at the red lights and make up your mind on time?
Let’s dialogue for a minute here, why do people desire marriage? Why do people love marriage? Why does everybody dream of a good marriage?  Firstly, you want to be loved, cared for, appreciated and fulfilled. Secondly, it is the desire for a committed relationship based on the readiness. The third reason for desire for good marriage is the deep belief that it will make us complete, secure and happy or provide something lacking in our lives. I would love to say that the third reason for marriage may not be valid in most cases. Because it has been researched that marriage can become many things, but there is no guarantee that it would make anyone to be completely happy or secure. Your happiness depends on you as an individual.  If you cannot be secure and happy as a single person, you will never be as married, because the single ‘you’ is the same married ‘you’.
 No miracle will happen after the wedding. If you are unhappy, unproductive, insecure, or immoral as a single person you will be the same as married; no other human being can make you happy apart from God. Miracle can only happen when you work on yourself and develop a positive mindset about life. Marriage should not be a goal we aspire to, but a decision we make after God has assisted in the choice of partner. Because one of the many reasons for office affairs is the fact that many partners keep saying that the other married partner is not making them happy and they have finally found happiness in either someone else’s wife or husband. They claim the fellow they are having affairs with understands them more than their married partner and so on. These are all excuses not to work on your marriage relationship.
  Too often, I see singles forcing themselves on any available person. The result is usually a life of misery, compromise and cheating on each other, finding solace in office or place of work affairs and eventually divorce. As much as you attach importance to marriage, it should never be rushed into. After all, it is not a do-or-die affair, neither is it an eternal state.
Another reason many married partners start office affairs and are forever hooked on it is mere curiosity. Curiosity, they say, kills the cat. There are instances where a partner wants to try something new, either for the fun of it or out of boredom or out of not being appreciated or just to satisfy his or her curiosity. Most times, a partner may not just get curious unnecessarily and deliberately cheats on the other. It may just because the other partner is not being sensitive to the other’s sexual desire, craving, fantasy, high libidoral differences and needs, and desire to try something new, something spicy and something tasty, just to experience some fun and get out of the routine of having sex only in the bedroom with the light out, with the same bedspread and the same [missionary] position. I am sure you will laugh and think it is not enough reason for a partner to cheat on another, but you will be shocked to hear the agony in the voice of some spouses after the deed has been done, and the worst has caught up with them. Before marriage ceremony or wedding ceremony, many intending couples can have stolen sex anywhere, everywhere and even inside the ‘molue’ or  bus’ but immediately after the official marriage rites, many [wives] just forget that sex is very important in marriage relationship. And before you know it, many husbands are having serial sexual partners not even bothering to ask their wives for sex, because they are tired of daily flimsy excuses, the love they have for their wives notwithstanding.  And of course, that is why such ‘other women’ have a strong grip on such wives’ husbands. Because it is the person that feeds the dog that will successfully put a rope on the neck of the dog. Many of our husbands’ necks are in the hands of office co-workers, call girls, house helps, road side bread sellers and so on.
 Partners should not take each other for granted, thinking, once married, ever committed. Ordinarily and ideally, our spouses should be committed to us after marriage regardless, Yes, but that is when we are ‘on point’ on our marital roles. Been ‘on point’ is not enough or sufficient reason to neglect our ever-green, relevant on-time sexual responsibilities. Taking each other for granted [especially on sexual matters] leads to spouses cheating on each other and having unbreakable office affairs. Do not leave your marriage life to chances; at times, what goes up does not necessarily come down. In essence, be a sensitive lover. You must be able to code and decode your partner, learn how to spice up your marital bed, look for avenues to keep the flame of romance, seduction, friendliness, and newness burning. Marriage is sweet; do not lose your partner as a result of insensitiveness. Besides, outright denial of marital dues leads to either of the spouses cheating on each other.
 When a spouse is denied of love, affection, appreciation and sex due to one flimsy excuse or insensitivity, there is a possibility of seeking for such things outside the home. God does not support sexual denials. As a matter of fact, He says that we do not have the right of ownership over our bodies, when it comes to sex. Even in the case of fasting and prayer, there must be a mutual agreement, the consent of your partner must be sought. Do not allow sex, affection and understanding to become a scarce commodity in the home. There is a likelihood of searching for it outside, especially in the offices and different places of cheap substitutes by all means, simply because they are essential commodities. Just like air, water and food, these are the things we need to grow; we cannot grow without them. Human beings are products of love who respond to affectionate gestures. Many unyielding husbands or wives claim they are naturally not romantic, they shouldn’t  have got married in the first place, that you are not romantic is not an excuse, you can learn how to if you put your heart in it. Learning to appreciate your spouse over the little or big thing they do is a beautiful source of growth in marriage, it enhances good sex. Learn to display unexpected love, learn to ‘out-love’ your spouse, even when it is obvious that they do not deserve it. It is a magic that works wonders, because you do not know the extent someone else outside is putting in place just for a one night stand with your husband or wife. Do not be heady when it comes to learning for change; do not deliberately hoard money. Many married wives are victims of deliberate money starvation. Let there be a free flow of money between both of you, in case of obvious short supply, let there be a display of honesty and sincerity, so that the temptation may not arise for the weaker partner. Spouses should not dogmatically display ownership right on money, nor should couples personify properties. For instance, when a spouse says ‘you can’t enter my car,’  ‘if you are not pleased you can leave my house,’ ‘don’t touch my television set.’ The habits of buying things in their names only or in the names of their parents goes a long way to negatively affect the other party, producing a sense of ‘I don’t think I belong here.’ and such partners are highly vulnerable. Your marriage can be affair- proof if you work at it. Office affair has claimed many homes and our partners that are involved in it are very smart with their action. Please beware.
QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS
I am afraid of having sex
 It is always nice reading your column. I am a virgin at 28, I am pretty and admirable, but I am scared of sex. This caused me many failed relationships. Now I am married, the problem is still the same and I am worried. What do I do?
 Enechilo Ebube
        Hi Ene,
 There is actually nothing to be afraid of, the most important thing is to marry a man that will both love you and respect you as a wife and a woman, which I think you have now. And since this is in place, you can now share your thoughts with him and ask him to help you work out the issue of sex together. I am sure things will actually fall in place. Nothing is scary about sex. It is to be enjoyed. Have a better perspective towards it. Besides, take things one after the other, you cannot have the same sexual experience like someone who has been in it for a while. I would advise you relax and let romance, foreplay flow naturally. Wait till you get wet fully and participatory; take the bull by the horn by putting the penis inside your vagina yourself. This goes a long way to remove fear and help you overcome clumsiness.
Mouth odour threatens my marriage
 I am in my early thirties, I met a guy a year ago, and we have started talking about settling down together. He has passed the test that I, my family and pastor did for him. As a matter of fact, my parents and his are close. I really like him, but the only challenge I have is that he has mouth odour. I noticed this three months ago. He is the kind of person I want to spend my entire life with, but the odour is really offensive to me. What can I do? I will appreciate if you can help.
Bukolawole
   Hello Bukola,
There is actually no problem at all; all you need to do is introduce him to a lot of mouth washes available and mints that would last for several hours. Also introduce him to hydrogen peroxide, this helps a lot. Lime wash also helps to remove products that can make mouth smell. With wisdom, assist him to do a proper mouth wash whenever he is washing his mouth. Do you know that mouth odour is a typical human thing? Due to the fact that some of us were not good at oral hygiene while we were younger and because of poor health information, some do not take proper care of their mouth. No matter how good the oral hygiene, mouths do smell because of the effects of germs and bacteria that work on the remnants of the pieces of food items left in the mouth cavity. So if he can brush immediately after meals, it will help a lot. That is why dentists recommend mouth wash at least twice a day.
How can we handle this wisely?
I am writing on behalf of my elder sister who is married with three kids. Recently, she took in and her husband asked her to abort it as he was not ready for another baby. Now, she bleeds whenever she makes love with her husband. She has been treated several times for infection but the husband has refused to go for a test, not to talk of getting treated, especially when it is a well-known fact that the husband engages in extra-marital relationships.
Concerned sister
 I am not in support of abortion. However, if she is sure of her husband having affair and each time she gets infected after a sexual act with her husband, I think it is wise she stays off sex till she delivers her baby. She should do so till she is fully treated and till the man is fully treated. Which means            NO SEX until she if fully aware of his free STD status. There should not be sentiment attached to this. STDs have a lot of health hazard and it is one of the potential causes of infertility and cervical cancer.   

Why office affairs seem difficult to break

Regrettably and sadly, I have witnessed countless marriages and relationships that have been irrevocably ruined by the negative effects of office affairs/romance. Many homes have been damaged by this menace and many children have become fatherless and destitute all because of a simple office affair. Cheating in marriage by means of office affairs is a common phenomenon today. In one way or the other, spouses cheat on themselves and defile their matrimonial beds, in their offices, shops, and places of work and even inside their matrimonial homes with their paid workers. Statistical record shows that by the eighth  and tenth year of marriage, a great  percentage of couples would have been actually unfaithful! Why is this so? Why do spouses cheat on each other? Why is office affair a common phenomenon that many couples are now very comfortable with? Can our marriage be free from this plague? What are the causes of this terrible behaviour and can there be any solution?
The first reason while spouses cheat on each other or prefer the warmth of some other fellows than their married spouse is when one partner feels that he has been forced or trapped into the marriage against his or her wish. Unwanted pregnancy or an arranged marriage where there is actually no genuine love and commitment could be reason for any of them to cheat on the other especially in their different places of work.
As much as parental advice or counselling from a resource person is good, when it comes to decision making, the will and decision and choice of the person involved should be paramount. Even God who has the final authority over our lives still allows us to take decisions on our own. It is wrong to marry someone against your wish; the moment the love is not flowing, it may never flow. As much as parents want the best of life for their children, when it comes to marriage, the best thing for parents to do is guide those intending to marry and help them make the right choice.
Be man enough to make a firm decision on your choice of marriage partner; it will go a long way to stabilise your marriage and help the two of you to weather the storm of life together.
                  It is also advisable not to patch up a problematic and faulty courtship. If those problems or challenges are obvious reason why the relationship should not be solemnised, it is better to call it quits. A broken courtship is better than a frustrated, heartbreaking and hypertensive marriage that may invariably lead to divorce. Many people are consenting adults and live-in adults all because they are careful of challenges. Instead of living in with someone to examine if he or she is good enough, why don’t you look at the red lights and make up your mind on time?
Let’s dialogue for a minute here, why do people desire marriage? Why do people love marriage? Why does everybody dream of a good marriage?  Firstly, you want to be loved, cared for, appreciated and fulfilled. Secondly, it is the desire for a committed relationship based on the readiness. The third reason for desire for good marriage is the deep belief that it will make us complete, secure and happy or provide something lacking in our lives. I would love to say that the third reason for marriage may not be valid in most cases. Because it has been researched that marriage can become many things, but there is no guarantee that it would make anyone to be completely happy or secure. Your happiness depends on you as an individual.  If you cannot be secure and happy as a single person, you will never be as married, because the single ‘you’ is the same married ‘you’.
 No miracle will happen after the wedding. If you are unhappy, unproductive, insecure, or immoral as a single person you will be the same as married; no other human being can make you happy apart from God. Miracle can only happen when you work on yourself and develop a positive mindset about life. Marriage should not be a goal we aspire to, but a decision we make after God has assisted in the choice of partner. Because one of the many reasons for office affairs is the fact that many partners keep saying that the other married partner is not making them happy and they have finally found happiness in either someone else’s wife or husband. They claim the fellow they are having affairs with understands them more than their married partner and so on. These are all excuses not to work on your marriage relationship.
  Too often, I see singles forcing themselves on any available person. The result is usually a life of misery, compromise and cheating on each other, finding solace in office or place of work affairs and eventually divorce. As much as you attach importance to marriage, it should never be rushed into. After all, it is not a do-or-die affair, neither is it an eternal state.
Another reason many married partners start office affairs and are forever hooked on it is mere curiosity. Curiosity, they say, kills the cat. There are instances where a partner wants to try something new, either for the fun of it or out of boredom or out of not being appreciated or just to satisfy his or her curiosity. Most times, a partner may not just get curious unnecessarily and deliberately cheats on the other. It may just because the other partner is not being sensitive to the other’s sexual desire, craving, fantasy, high libidoral differences and needs, and desire to try something new, something spicy and something tasty, just to experience some fun and get out of the routine of having sex only in the bedroom with the light out, with the same bedspread and the same [missionary] position. I am sure you will laugh and think it is not enough reason for a partner to cheat on another, but you will be shocked to hear the agony in the voice of some spouses after the deed has been done, and the worst has caught up with them. Before marriage ceremony or wedding ceremony, many intending couples can have stolen sex anywhere, everywhere and even inside the ‘molue’ or  bus’ but immediately after the official marriage rites, many [wives] just forget that sex is very important in marriage relationship. And before you know it, many husbands are having serial sexual partners not even bothering to ask their wives for sex, because they are tired of daily flimsy excuses, the love they have for their wives notwithstanding.  And of course, that is why such ‘other women’ have a strong grip on such wives’ husbands. Because it is the person that feeds the dog that will successfully put a rope on the neck of the dog. Many of our husbands’ necks are in the hands of office co-workers, call girls, house helps, road side bread sellers and so on.
 Partners should not take each other for granted, thinking, once married, ever committed. Ordinarily and ideally, our spouses should be committed to us after marriage regardless, Yes, but that is when we are ‘on point’ on our marital roles. Been ‘on point’ is not enough or sufficient reason to neglect our ever-green, relevant on-time sexual responsibilities. Taking each other for granted [especially on sexual matters] leads to spouses cheating on each other and having unbreakable office affairs. Do not leave your marriage life to chances; at times, what goes up does not necessarily come down. In essence, be a sensitive lover. You must be able to code and decode your partner, learn how to spice up your marital bed, look for avenues to keep the flame of romance, seduction, friendliness, and newness burning. Marriage is sweet; do not lose your partner as a result of insensitiveness. Besides, outright denial of marital dues leads to either of the spouses cheating on each other.
 When a spouse is denied of love, affection, appreciation and sex due to one flimsy excuse or insensitivity, there is a possibility of seeking for such things outside the home. God does not support sexual denials. As a matter of fact, He says that we do not have the right of ownership over our bodies, when it comes to sex. Even in the case of fasting and prayer, there must be a mutual agreement, the consent of your partner must be sought. Do not allow sex, affection and understanding to become a scarce commodity in the home. There is a likelihood of searching for it outside, especially in the offices and different places of cheap substitutes by all means, simply because they are essential commodities. Just like air, water and food, these are the things we need to grow; we cannot grow without them. Human beings are products of love who respond to affectionate gestures. Many unyielding husbands or wives claim they are naturally not romantic, they shouldn’t  have got married in the first place, that you are not romantic is not an excuse, you can learn how to if you put your heart in it. Learning to appreciate your spouse over the little or big thing they do is a beautiful source of growth in marriage, it enhances good sex. Learn to display unexpected love, learn to ‘out-love’ your spouse, even when it is obvious that they do not deserve it. It is a magic that works wonders, because you do not know the extent someone else outside is putting in place just for a one night stand with your husband or wife. Do not be heady when it comes to learning for change; do not deliberately hoard money. Many married wives are victims of deliberate money starvation. Let there be a free flow of money between both of you, in case of obvious short supply, let there be a display of honesty and sincerity, so that the temptation may not arise for the weaker partner. Spouses should not dogmatically display ownership right on money, nor should couples personify properties. For instance, when a spouse says ‘you can’t enter my car,’  ‘if you are not pleased you can leave my house,’ ‘don’t touch my television set.’ The habits of buying things in their names only or in the names of their parents goes a long way to negatively affect the other party, producing a sense of ‘I don’t think I belong here.’ and such partners are highly vulnerable. Your marriage can be affair- proof if you work at it. Office affair has claimed many homes and our partners that are involved in it are very smart with their action. Please beware.
QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS
I am afraid of having sex
 It is always nice reading your column. I am a virgin at 28, I am pretty and admirable, but I am scared of sex. This caused me many failed relationships. Now I am married, the problem is still the same and I am worried. What do I do?
 Enechilo Ebube
        Hi Ene,
 There is actually nothing to be afraid of, the most important thing is to marry a man that will both love you and respect you as a wife and a woman, which I think you have now. And since this is in place, you can now share your thoughts with him and ask him to help you work out the issue of sex together. I am sure things will actually fall in place. Nothing is scary about sex. It is to be enjoyed. Have a better perspective towards it. Besides, take things one after the other, you cannot have the same sexual experience like someone who has been in it for a while. I would advise you relax and let romance, foreplay flow naturally. Wait till you get wet fully and participatory; take the bull by the horn by putting the penis inside your vagina yourself. This goes a long way to remove fear and help you overcome clumsiness.
Mouth odour threatens my marriage
 I am in my early thirties, I met a guy a year ago, and we have started talking about settling down together. He has passed the test that I, my family and pastor did for him. As a matter of fact, my parents and his are close. I really like him, but the only challenge I have is that he has mouth odour. I noticed this three months ago. He is the kind of person I want to spend my entire life with, but the odour is really offensive to me. What can I do? I will appreciate if you can help.
Bukolawole
   Hello Bukola,
There is actually no problem at all; all you need to do is introduce him to a lot of mouth washes available and mints that would last for several hours. Also introduce him to hydrogen peroxide, this helps a lot. Lime wash also helps to remove products that can make mouth smell. With wisdom, assist him to do a proper mouth wash whenever he is washing his mouth. Do you know that mouth odour is a typical human thing? Due to the fact that some of us were not good at oral hygiene while we were younger and because of poor health information, some do not take proper care of their mouth. No matter how good the oral hygiene, mouths do smell because of the effects of germs and bacteria that work on the remnants of the pieces of food items left in the mouth cavity. So if he can brush immediately after meals, it will help a lot. That is why dentists recommend mouth wash at least twice a day.
How can we handle this wisely?
I am writing on behalf of my elder sister who is married with three kids. Recently, she took in and her husband asked her to abort it as he was not ready for another baby. Now, she bleeds whenever she makes love with her husband. She has been treated several times for infection but the husband has refused to go for a test, not to talk of getting treated, especially when it is a well-known fact that the husband engages in extra-marital relationships.
Concerned sister
 I am not in support of abortion. However, if she is sure of her husband having affair and each time she gets infected after a sexual act with her husband, I think it is wise she stays off sex till she delivers her baby. She should do so till she is fully treated and till the man is fully treated. Which means            NO SEX until she if fully aware of his free STD status. There should not be sentiment attached to this. STDs have a lot of health hazard and it is one of the potential causes of infertility and cervical cancer.   

Friday, April 22, 2016

How long should sex last?

many people would describe  sex as good, exciting, electrifying and refreshing, especially if done with consent and in a favourable atmosphere.
The benefits identified to be derivable from the exercise include improved immunity through the increase in the levels of immunoglobulin A; reduction of blood pressure;  a good form of exercise; reduces pain as well as brings about the release of feel good hormones; reduces stress and the likelihood of prostate cancer in men and improved bladder control in women.Interestingly, the duration of the act may not really matter in determining whether the identified benefits would be derived from it or not, and according to experts, the duration does not even matter when it is done for procreation.
But findings have shown that longer sexual intercourse does not only boost a man’s ego, it helps him to enjoy the act the more. While for women, the longer the act, the more the likelihood of them reaching orgasm.
But the question is, How long should good sex last?
According to a study by two scientists, Eric Corty and Jenay Guardiani, from the Pennsylvania State University in the United States, good sex does not necessarily have to last for hours. In fact, they said it could last for minutes. In their post onsciencedaily.com, they noted that satisfactory sexual intercourse should actually be between three and 13 minutes.
The researchers involved 50 members of the Society for Sex Therapy and Research in the study, and these members include physicians, nurses, psychologists, marriage and family therapists and social workers who have attended to thousands of patients over several decades.
These participants categorised the time sex should last, according to experience, into four, namely too short, adequate, desirable and too long, and the measurement of the time starts from the penetration of the vagina to the actual ejaculation.
The experts categorised sexual intercourse that lasts between one and two minutes as “too short”. They said if it lasts between three to seven minutes, it is “adequate”, if it is between seven and 13 minutes, it is “desirable” while any romp in the sack that lasts between 10 and 30 minutes is deemed to be “too long.”
The researchers pointed out that people tend to judge their performance or that of their partner by the dictates from the society, and not what is okay for them.
They said, “A man’s or woman’s interpretation of his or her sexual functioning as well as the partner’s functioning relies on personal beliefs developed in part from society’s messages; formal and informal. Unfortunately, today’s popular culture has reinforced stereotypes about sexual activity. Many men and women seem to believe the fantasy model of large penises, rock-hard erections and all-night-long intercourse.”
Corty, who is an associate professor of psychology, said their survey would help to rekindle people’s confidence in themselves and trim down on their fantasies, noting that the situation at hand had made people to have unrealistic expectations.
He added, “This seems a situation ripe for disappointment and dissatisfaction. With this survey, we hope to dispel such fantasies and encourage men and women with realistic data about acceptable sexual intercourse, thus preventing sexual disappointments and dysfunctions.
“Also, if a patient is concerned about how long intercourse should last, these data can help shift the patient away from a concern about physical disorders and to be initially treated with counselling, instead of medicine.”
Meanwhile, another study by a psychologist, Dr. Brendan Zietsch, from the University of Queensland, Australia, sought to unravel how long penetrative sex should last. For the sake of avoiding complexities, he said given that there are many other activities that come before sex, like foreplay, the actual time of sex should also be when the man enters the woman. But, what did he arrive at?
About 500 heterosexual couples drawn from around the world participated in the study, and what he did was to give each of them stopwatch and he told them to press start at the time of penile penetration and they should press stop at ejaculation. He observed that even though using a stopwatch was not a perfect measure, it was better than asking people to state how long it took them as there would be biases.
He said, “I know there’s a lot more to sex than putting the penis into the vagina and ejaculating, but the rest is not always easy to define (kissing? Rubbing? Grinding?). To keep things simple and specific, we’ll just focus on the time to ejaculation.”
After the study that lasted one month, Zietsch was able to deduce from the data he collated that the range of the time people had sex was between 33 seconds and 44 minutes. He then pointed out that the average across all the participants was five minutes, four seconds.
He also observed that the use of condom, which according to some, reduces the sensitivity of the penis, did not make any difference, noting further that the age of the couples played a role as younger couples, aged between 18 and 30, lasted longer (six minutes, five seconds) than older couples, 51 years and above, who lasted for four minutes, three seconds.
Also, the participants recorded that in spite of the varying times their romp in the sack lasted, they were satisfied. Thus, Zietsch therefore noted that as far as sex is concerned, there is no standard or normal time that it should take as long as the parties were satisfied.
Commenting on the findings of the studies, a psychologist, Prof. Oni Fagboungbe, said it would be difficult and unrealistic to establish a certain time as the standard duration that sexual intercourse should last.
He said the goal of sex is for both partners to be satisfied, such that they would reach orgasm. He noted that regardless of the time it takes, as long as both parties are satisfied (ejaculation in the case of the man and orgasm in the case of the woman), the deed had been done.
He said, “The essence of sex is to make the persons involved to reach orgasm and enjoy it, but we are not the same, so we cannot actually put a time limit on when one should reach orgasm because it depends on individuals.
“Actually, it is the act of the man that makes the lady to reach orgasm, so a man must be able to locate the woman’s erogenous zone so as to assist her to reach orgasm. And since sex is an act, people can practise and learn it to be better in it and that is why some men use drug to delay the ejaculation.”
Speaking on the factors that could make the man not to be able to perform well to the extent of satisfying a woman, he said the factors responsible could be psychological or physiological, adding that the size of the penis also plays a prominent role in sexual enjoyment.
He said, “The ladies’ vagina has walls that are sensitive and responsive to touch. So, if the penis is too small, it is like wearing an oversized shoe, it won’t match, but if the penis is big enough and firm, it will be able to touch all the necessary areas, like the erogenous zones, especially the ones within the walls of the vagina.
“Likewise, the physiological factors have to do with the health of the organs responsible, for example the turgidity of the penis to be able to penetrate well and deep, and the state of health of the man. The psychological factors on the other hand include depression, tiredness, lack of concentration while the act is going on and the psychological acceptance between the parties is also key. Both parties have to be willing and prepared.

Thursday, April 21, 2016

QUITTERS DON'T WIN AND WINNERS DON'T WIN

A lady was driving along with her father. They
came upon a storm and the young lady asked her
father, What should I do? He said "keep driving"..
Cars began to pull over to the side, the storm was
getting worse. What should I do. The young lady
asked? Keep driving, her father replied. Ahead of
her, she noticed that eighteen wheelers were also
pulling over. She told her dad, I must pull over
now, I can barely see ahead. It is terrible, and
everyone is pulling over! Her father told her.
Don't give up, just keep driving! Now the storm
was terrible, but she never stopped driving, and
soon she could see a little more clearly. After a
couple of miles she was again on dry land, and
the sun came out. Her father said, "Now you can
pull over and get out. She said But why now? He
said When you get out, look back at all the people
that gave up and are still in the storm, because
you never gave up, your storm is now over. This is
a testimony for anyone who is going through
"hard times" Just because everyone else, even the
strongest, gives up. You don't have to...if you keep
going, soon your storm will be over and the
sun will shine upon your face again.
I read this story when I almost gave up on my
dream and it inspired me to keep moving, I want
to say to you today, keep moving.

WORDS FROM A FATHER TO A SON ABOUT MARRIAGE


fater son.jpg

1. My son, if you keep spending on a woman and she never asked you if you’re saving or investing, and she keeps enjoying the attention, don’t marry her.
2. My son, a woman could be a good wife to you, some could be a good mother to your children but if you’ve found a woman like a mother to you, your children and your family, please don’t let her go.
3. My son, don’t confine the position of your wife to the kitchen, where did you get that from? Even in our days, we had farm-lands where they worked every morning . . . that was our office.
4. My son, if I tell you that you’re the head of the house, don’t look at your pocket; look if you will see a smile on your wife’s face.
5. My son, if you want to have a long life, let your wife be in-charge of your salary, it will be difficult for her to spend it when she’s aware of the home needs and bills to pay but if it’s in your care, she will keep you asking even when all has been spent.
6. My son, don’t ever beat your woman, the pain in her body is nothing to be compared to the wound on her heart and that means you may be in trouble living with a wounded woman.
7. My son, now that you’re married, if you live a bachelor kind of life with your wife, you will soon be single again.
8. My son, in our days, we had many wives and many children because of our large farm-lands and many harvests, there are hardly any land for farming anymore, so embrace your woman closely.
9. My son, under the cocoa tree that I did meet your mother could be your eateries and restaurants of nowadays, but remember, the closet thing we did there was to embrace each other.
10. My son, don’t be carried away when you start making more money, instead of spending on those tiny legs that never knew how hard you worked to get it, spend it on that woman that stood by you all along.
11. My son, when I threw little stones or whistled at the window of your mother father’s house, to call her out, it was not for sex, it was because I missed her so much.
12. My son, remember, when you say your wife has changed, there could be something you’ve stopped doing too.
13. My son, your mother, Asake rode the bicycle with me before I bought that tortoise car outside there, any woman that won’t endure with you in your little beginning should not enjoy your riches.
14. My son, don’t compare your wife to any woman, there are ways she’s enduring you too and has she ever compared you to any man?
15. My son, there is this thing you people call feminism, well, if a woman claim to have equal right with you in the house, divide all the bills into two equal parts, take one part and ask her to start paying the other part.
16. My son, I met your mother a virgin and I took more yams to her father, if you don’t meet your wife a virgin, don’t blame her, what I didn’t tell you is that our women had prestige.
17. My son, I didn’t send your sisters to school because I was foolish like many to think a female child won’t extend my family name, please don’t make that mistake, the kind of female achievers I see nowadays has made the male-gender an ordinary tag.
18. My son, your mother have once locked up the cloth I was wearing and almost tore it because she was angry, I did not raise my hand to beat her because of a day like this, so that I can be proud to tell you that I never for once beat your mother.
19. My son, in our days, our women had more of natural beauty, though I wouldn’t lie to you, some had minor painting of their appellation mostly on their arms, the ones you people now call tattoo, but don’t forget that they didn’t expose any part of their body like your women of nowadays.
20. My son, your mother and I are not interested in what happens in your marriage, try to handle issues without always coming to us.
21. My son, remember I bought your mother’s first sewing machine for her, help your wife achieve her dreams just as you’re pursuing yours.
22. My son, don’t stop taking care of me and your mother, it’s a secret of growing old and having children to take care of you too.
23. My son, pray with your family, there is a tomorrow you don’t know, talk to God that knows everything, everyday.

Friday, April 15, 2016

More on the women spot

Having established the fact that the female G-spot is not only real but highly influential and important in achieving the best sexual relationship between couples, I would love each married lover to explore this timeless gift. Most times, many wives shy away from the fact that they should guide their husbands to locate and stimulate their ‘G’-area. There is no reason to shy away from things that will encourage oneness and deep intimacy between husband and wife. From experience and counselling, I have yet to see a man who will refuse the offer of good sex from his wife, all things being equal. To guide your husband to your ‘G’-spot, here is the easiest way to start off.
  Have him gentle-slip a finger or two inside your vagina, and then softly feel along your upper vaginal wall. If he is having trouble finding the right spot, encourage him to kiss you, touch your nipples or the outer vulva area in a feather-touch manner. Remember, the more aroused you are, the more your ‘G’-spot area will stand out conspicuously, making it easier to locate. Also consider placing a few pillows under your buttocks and your legs, which will open your vagina more and give him greater access. Once he hits the spot, ask him to massage it in slow, gentle circle. I jokingly tell husbands that this is the time your gentleman-ess is mostly appreciated. If you put too much pressure on that spot, you will not only be hurting her but will make your wife have good reason to say no to sex the next time. Let him try different caresses, such as figure eight or rapid sequence of pulses. The ‘G’-spot area can take a lot of pressure, so you may want him to treat you to light tapping. Have him use just the tip of his finger to tap firmly and repeatedly on the ‘G’-spot, but kindly make sure your nails are well cut and clean, if not you will constantly treat yeast infection popularly known as toilet disease all because of your carelessness, clumsiness and lack of good hygiene.
There is a biological reason for this awesome, the most intense moment of touch. By tapping, it is as if your husband is touching your ‘G’-spot for the first time over and again, building waves of sensation that can culminate in an incredible climax or orgasm. Like I said earlier on, I am here to do justice to all that the ‘G’-spot has to offer. To further booster the joy of stimulating the ‘G’-spot area, there are some sex moves that increase ‘G’-spot pleasure.
A woman on top position is a definite ‘G’-spot winner at any time even when she is few months into her pregnancy, or she has been labelled frigid. Just think about it when you are facing your husband, yet leaning back at a slight angle, his penis naturally rests against your upper vaginal wall, and even the slightest thrusting means he can easily stimulate your ‘G’-spot area. Being on top puts you in control of the depth and speed, letting you adjust your husband’s penis so his stokes can always hit the spot. But I need to emphasise here that husbands that have problem with premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction may not enjoy themselves very well at all because they ‘come’ easily; that is, they reach orgasm in few seconds. If you find yourself in this category as a husband, kindly call me up as a sex therapist to show you the way out. It is just a simple remedy and you will go for this type of treat all the time.
Doggie-style, which can also be called touch your toes or bend-down or thunder-kiss is another style that also offers maximum access especially if you are lying on your stomach with your leg slightly spread out only slightly and your tummy raised up comfortably. While your weight lies on your upper chest giving room for the husband to roam his hands around your breast, and the other one is taking care of the G-spot. Being on your stomach with your legs closed together allows your leg to sandwich your vaginal walls, so it is almost impossible for your man’s penis not to come in contact with your ‘G’-spot.
Missionary position is another style that helps do justice to this G-spot treat. To get the best of missionary position, it is always wise to go with the missionary modified version in which you are on your back with your knees bent and feet resting flat on the bed. Raise your pelvic by propping a few pillows under your buttock. Your husband should sit up and enter you first with one third of his penis so that he is thrusting at a slightly upward angle, which gives his penis access to your upper vaginal wall. This idea of only entering the vagina with the one third of the total length of the penis always helps husband with too big penis or husband with quick ejaculation. This way, you will feel direct stimulation of your ‘G’-spot with each back and forth thrust.
The last but not the least is the ultimate trick for G-spot bliss. And I always tell couples to save this type for their wedding anniversary day or a special holiday occasion. This is one bedroom trick involving the G-spot that tops them all when it comes to a knee-bucking climax; the blended orgasm. This combines G-spot stimulation while your husband plays with the clitoris, working up to a double-your-pleasure-orgasm. The reason why this is so is that the nerves of the clitoris extend very closely to the root of the G-spot, so reaching its sensual peak via the two types of touching at the same time is about as intense as it gets. But to experience a blended orgasm during foreplay, wives should have their husbands caress their clitoris with the man’s fingers while he is massaging your  G-spot with one or two fingers with his other hand. The rule of the game here is that every hand must be on deck. As you get more excited, let your pelvis move to meet his fingers so you rhythmically meet the space of his thrusting and at the same time you are almost thrusting against his hand. Ask him to caressingly brush pass your clitoris with his tongue while he is manually manipulating your G-spot.
Finally, when you cannot take it any more, encourage your husband to stimulate every and all your inside and outside sexual pleasure zone until you surrender to orgasm as if an earthbound volcano explodes. One thing is certainly sure here: you will experience both deep physical pleasure and deep emotional connection and most of it all any physical illness or ailment will disappear and you both will be relaxed, stress free and re-energised. However,   I would love to sound a note of warning here; you may not experience this as a fresher but I can assure you that constant practice creates perfection. The more you stimulate and incorporate it into your sex collection, the easier it becomes to achieve G-spot paradise. Beside having more sex, you can deepen the sensation you feel by regularly doing Kegel exercises, deep breathing exercise and deep clitoral foreplay. Repeatedly doing Kegel exercise will strengthen your vaginal muscle and gives you a tighter grip during sex that helps to add more pleasure to your G-spot. Besides, it also aids in normal vaginal delivery and prevents the minor surgery called episiotomy. Once more, here is how to practise  Kegel exercise: zero in on the muscle of your pelvis that can stop the flow of urine; squeeze as tight as you can, hold for five seconds and then release. Repeat ten times in a day. Do the exercises during your downtime while stuck in the traffic, in the shower, or sitting at your desk at work, ten minutes of Kegel exercise in a day should make your G-spot more responsive and serviceable. This also helps husbands with weak erection. Aside from this, there are also some recently discovered natural remedies in diets and supplements that will take care of this type of disappointing turgidity one time off. For details, kindly contact me for help.
QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS
My female patients are ready to give me more sex than my wife
 I am a medical doctor in my fourth year of marriage with two children.
Before I got married, I was a playboy and loved having sex a lot. I also know that I am good at satisfying ladies’ sexual desire. I had exposed a lot of ladies to discover how much they can actually enjoy sex. I am a very selfless lover and also very patient.
I had two months of ecstatic love making with my wife two months into our relationship before we got married. Then we could not just have enough of each other. But she has gradually lost interest in sex.
I have also tried many tricks and efforts to make her find sex interesting, but when she seems to start picking up, she will fall back again. At times she shows all the eagerness to improve on her love making, but this never lasts. I am also a man who would like a woman to initiate sex once in a while, otherwise it becomes boring. Tell me is sexual intercourse twice in a week too much?  I love my wife and I do not intend to engage in extra marital affairs, but my penis is complaining of being underutilised and I am tempted to break my vows especially when I daily see the nudeness of lots of patients in the hospital. On a daily basis, these patients will give more than I ask for. Please help.
Dr. Aaron Brown
 Dr. Brown, I can understand you perfectly well, but have you taken quality time out to discuss this issue with your wife in details as you did now? I have observed that it is far easier for some married men to discuss with other women about their sexual challenges than to do same with their wives. Secondly, have you taken quality time out to really understudy the female sex and sexuality behaviours, a female libidoral physiology, her love language, her peculiar sexual preference, fantasies and so on? How about her temperament? I am asking you this because you are well educated. I am sure that if you do this, half of the job is done. Besides, if I may ask, is she having babies every year or every other year or is she in her child rearing age? Does she have anyone to help her out with the house chores? If she is in that state, there would be a likelihood that sex may not appeal  to her. More also when a woman  is overburdened with house chores coupled with  the task of raising children, she won’t be the kind of sex partner you so much desire.
More so, how do you view communication, affection, and open display of attention, compassion, tenderness and love play? Do you skip all this or see them as unnecessary? If yes your  wife will always look for an avenue to give excuses. Or are you always in a rush to finish fast, skipping foreplay? If you do, she will always look for avenue to refuse you the joy of sex. Or are you suffering from premature ejaculation but refuse to seek medical help or sex therapist’s advice? Always remember that undiluted attention, affection, and expressed love, opens a husband up to his wife’s sex ‘tank.’ She will and can go miles with multiple sexual rounds if such is in place. Remember a woman who you can easily gain access into her heart will open her legs any time of the day.
How can I retain my wife’s first love?
        Thank you for that insightful column in Saturday Punch, especially your recent publication. I am a pastor and I had a very close knit marriage relationship before with my wife but I took her love for granted; I betrayed her trust, lorded other women over her, presented them as being more valuable than her. I sense she stopped loving me because along the line, my wife started keeping late nights and endlessly chatted with people I don’t know. Recently, I discovered that the frequency of love making has dropped, she is not bothered and we are not really talking about it. It is killing me because I still love her. I want my wife back. What should I do?
Depressed pastor
 You must have hurt your wife to the extent that she stopped loving you, maybe if you start all over again she will respond better. Naturally, a wife finds it easier to forgive in a marital relationship more than the male spouse.  It is wrong to lord other people over her because there is nothing that threatens the security of a wife than the thoughts of another woman competing for the attention and affection of her husband. Nothing is more painful, more disrespecting, belittling and degrading than that. I am sure you saw her as an asset, that is why you can’t bear losing her but you should have considered this before hurting her. You should know that wives love to be in a marriage relationship as a team where both parties are committed to make the other happy. When a husband puts his wife first above everyone and everything except God, it gives such wife the sense of security and honour. This is what any married wife hungers for. Such wives oversaturate their husbands with good erotic sex; they obey your last command in anything. If you give your wife undying commitment, relate to her with all honesty and selfless love, she will turn around. Do not take your wife for granted anymore. When a partner in marriage relationship takes the advantage of his spouse’s meekness, loyalty and goodwill for desperation, the effect is always brutal. Do not misuse or abuse your spouse’s  trust; you will definitely end up regretting after losing her.

Friday, April 8, 2016

How many sexual spots does a woman have?

There are lots of controversies about the many spots in a woman’s body; how many are they? What are their functions? Are these spots real? Well, there are many sexual zones in a woman’s body but only one spot is recognised by sexologists and medical personnel and that is called the ‘G-spot. Yes the G-spot, what on earth is so extraordinary about the G-spot area? A lot! Yes, every woman has one. To achieve the G-spot paradise, all you need is information. And today, I am going to give you the details of how you can utilise the stimulating power of G-spot to boost your sex life as a couple.
Even if you have not explored its exclusive power, you must have heard about the G-spot and all its intricacies. The spot is an erogenous zone located inside the vagina. It can produce some pretty intense sensations. At the same time, it can also produce extreme frustrations, disappointment and dissatisfaction because it is, for many women, elusive and mysterious. Although the whole notion of the G-spot is hardly new, sex researchers and therapists have been flaunting it for years in the medical field, though skeptical about whether it really exists.
The G-spot is a real part of the female anatomy. This fact is newly documented in MRI scan and biopsies by medical doctors. Thanks to this new research, one can now realise that every girl is capable of experiencing more concentrated sexual pleasure and powerful orgasm.
There are disagreements about the actual size of the G-spot. It ranges from a quarter inch to a couple of inches along the upper walls of the vagina; about an inch or two past the female vaginal opening. Underneath are highly sensitive tissues that, when touched the right way, trigger feelings of sexual happiness and contentment.
The G-spot sensation, as described by most women, is more intense than those sensations they feel via clitoral stimulation. According to most of those women, there is more of a warm flushing feeling that resonates deeply through and throughout their entire body. Even experts who always believed in the G-spot were not sure whether it was a distinct gland or merely a collection of nerve endings extending from the underside of the clitoris. Here is what researchers are sure of: G-spot is its own entity and is actually equivalent to an organ in the body. This is known as female prostrate because their tissues surround an area that produces chemicals similar to that of male prostrate, a gland that creates fluids to nourish the sperm. Another similarity between the male prostate gland and the G-spot is that when the G-spot is aroused, women experience wetness more than they do during other types of stimulation. Some women disclosed that they ejaculate some clean, clear, colourless fluid when they reach orgasm.                                                              Where and how to locate the G-spot? First and foremost, all you need to do as a wife is to lie back and just relax; embarking on your first G-spot mission location can really be wearisome and it will definitely take a lot of patience and persistence. Locating where it is can be done in two ways.
The first is the wife locating it by herself, or with the assistance of her husband. When I am counselling others, I always encourage the second way, that is, the husband helping out in locating the spot. If you as a wife want to do it yourself, start by spreading your legs and bending your knees, so that your vagina is open and will be easily accessible. With your palm facing up, insert two fingers inside, pressing your finger tips against the center of the upper vaginal wall. By so doing, you are actually seeking a spongy puckered or slightly ridged area, like the roof of your mouth. If after several minutes you are still coming up empty handed, this is the time to call in for your husband’s assistance. Tell him to caress you the more because when you are aroused, the G-spot is filled with fluid and becomes larger because you have an easy time locating it if you are turned on by your husband. One strange tip-off is that you will experience a sudden need to pee. Because the G-spot is so close to the urethra, touching it often triggers the urge to pee feelings. However,  there is no need to run to the rest room because this is just a false alarm. The urge will go after some time. Now locating the G-spot by yourself is just to let you know you have one and nothing more. But I am always of the opinion that the best way out is to engage your husband in locating this mystery spot to take you to this paradise of serial orgasm.
By Funmi Akinbade