The power of the bedroom…

Couples should learn to do their ‘serious’ talking in the bedroom! Elsewhere(in the home) seems more like where rights are dragged and defences are put up….nobody goes to any of those places to get trounced -it is usually ‘to defend my actions, argue my case,’ etc.

When people tell me they stayed up all night to talk, my next question is usually ‘where’? If the response is anywhere but the bedroom, you bet that my reaction will be ‘what happened to your bedroom? You see, the bedroom has a certain ‘union enhancing’ spirit about it. It’s very calming and when a man agrees to talk in the ‘bedroom’ with his woman-he goes there with a sole aim…to listen to her! He might also decide to throw ‘pleasuring her’ into the mix.

I have been carrying out a study of sorts on the married ones around me (coupled with my own personal experience) and my findings are gradually pointing to the fact that ‘most men don’t argue in the bedroom’…the spirit of ‘let’s get this done with and be happy again’ pervades them the moment they enter that room.

What am I saying? The ‘atmosphere’ in your home helps determine (to a large extent) how issues are handled in your relationship and that is why I advise every lady to make her home a ‘safe haven’ of sorts-minimal rancour, good decor, nice fragrance and general neatness.

If you (the man) say you want to talk to me (the woman) and you drag me to the dining table or elsewhere (besides the bedroom)-the outcome of such talks might not be so satisfactory .But if the talk is done in the bedroom (especially while we are seated or lying on the bed), we will emerge from that room with a stronger bond. On such occasions, a woman is more likely not to see most issues as a big deal-especially when other ‘bedroom activities’ would have accompanied the talk.

The bedroom visits a certain spirit on relationships and I want couples to realise this. If you have issues…don’t go talking elsewhere besides the bedroom. In fact, there should be some kind of ‘body language’ for this…if there are issues to thrash out-the partner that is compelled to initiate ‘the talk’ should simply head to the bedroom, the other partner is advised to abandon whatever he/she is doing, join the spouse in the bedroom with an ‘I am listening’ attitude. And if you are saddled with one who does not pay attention to body languages, you can also let them know your intentions by simply saying ‘can we talk.’

If your partner is the type that drops it like it’s hot -please start heading to the bedroom when they start their ‘drama.’ They will get the cue and act accordingly. I don’t know about you but I think it’s sexy when a man says to his ranting woman ‘can we talk about this in the bedroom, please.’ If you succeed in leading her to the bedroom, the atmosphere in your home will be less tensed as you emerge from there, because the spirit of the bedroom (which is calmness) would have pervaded.

Couples that go to the bedroom only to fight-should be prayed for frankly, because it is a sure sign that such a union is unhealthy. There are very few marital ices that a ‘frank bedroom talk’ cannot thaw. Ever wondered why it matters when someone is said to have a ‘bedroom voice’ or why some of us get affected by such voices? And it never occurred to you that the bedroom (itself) has more powers?

By CHUKWUNETA OBY

Good sex impacts couples’ total wellbeing

The way you express your sexuality is shaped by your acquisition of relevant knowledge and also by your individuality and your personal circumstances. Whether you’re newlyweds or in a long time marital relationship, sexually challenged or able-bodied, young or old couples, think of your sexuality as a unique part of who you are. As the saying goes, fine wine and classic cars improve with age, so also let your sexuality and marriage relationship improve as the days go by. There are many “right” ways to experience great sex; today, we shall be looking into how to keep the sexual love life healthy and hot for years to come.

When able-bodied men noticed that their erection is different from what it used to be or is not as hard and does not last as long, coupled with the fact that the experience of ejaculation may not feel as strong as it used to, they are quick to associate virility with youthfulness. But I have found out that this may be due, in part, to just the weakening of the pelvic-floor muscles. Pelvic-floor muscles are responsible for drawing blood to the genitals during sexual activity, affecting erection and orgasm. And all that is needed is just a daily regime of Kegel exercise. The exercise actually fixes the problem up to 100 per cent regardless of age or prevailing circumstances.

Another common occurrence men of all ages notice at one time or the other is the experience of a longer refractory period; this is the time it takes the body to be ready for another erection after the first ejaculation, the period between the first and the next ejaculation. In some cases, the cooling off period may be as long as 12 to 24 hours or more or never. If you’ve climaxed, but you or your wife isn’t ready for the sexual experience to end just yet, the best approach is to focus on meeting your wife’s needs or on activities that don’t require an immediate erection. For example, you don’t need an erection for giving your wife an oral sex or manually stimulating her clitoris or sucking her breast or giving her a heavy foreplay that leaves her panting and wanting more. The magic of this is, it helps you to forget about your present predicament and refocus your attention on some other thing. This will spontaneously give an unexpected strong magical erection.

However, remember that whatever you do, don’t get stressed worrying about your virility. This is a sudden occurrence that comes once in a while and not a sign that you’re losing your touch. And you will likely find that the different sexual activities you engage in without an erection are still very pleasurable for you and your wife. Just be sure to reassure your wife that the longer time between your erections is not a reflection of how you feel about her. One of the best ways you can take control of this occasional occurrence is to press the end of your penis into her clitoral head while you are thrusting in and out. Make sure you linger in her vaginal entrance, where the most sensitive nerve endings are. So instead of deep ‘gbam’ ‘gbam’ thrusting, just focus on small, shallow thrusting movements that penetrate the first two to three inches of her vagina. This will not only help you to master the ejaculation but will trigger your wife’s arousal even if she has 3rd degree female genital mutilation [circumcision] and she will be 90 per cent of the time have a good orgasm. The trick here is when you help her have an orgasm first, it relieves you of some of the pressure to perform and the psychological anxiety that feeds into premature ejaculation. Wave off an early emission with some extra attention to her arousal because many husbands by this last much longer the second time around. And the more you practise, the longer that first time will last.

One best thing that helps this is to make your wife stay on top always. When she’s on top, your penis is less stimulated, then ask her to go slowly and slowly; long and fast thrusting is hazardous to a man’s endurance. This is because the area of the brain responsible for triggering orgasm is always engaged when having sex, whether you’re trying to have an ejaculation or trying to control ejaculation. Whichever way, just know that the more attention you give it, the more likely it is to arrive. So focus on what’s happening now, your wife’s silky thighs on your hips, or her erected nipple on your breast and before you know it, you’ll diffuse pleasure throughout your whole body instead of premature ejaculation.

Your health plays an important role in how you experience sex. This is because your body is a complex network of systems that must function properly in order for you to live your best. However, three particular systems take centre stage when it comes to keeping pleasure alive and well in the bedroom as you age; they are the nervous system, cardiovascular system and endocrine system. It’s really important for these three systems to work well together in order for a couple to successfully enjoy their sex life.

Getting sexually excited in the first place all starts with one of the most vital parts of a man’s central nervous system, the brain. So the brain is the most important sexual organ that you have (aside from the penis), because you need to be in a good place mentally and emotionally to enjoy the benefits of a healthy sex life. When you neglect a good eating lifestyle, diseases can damage your nerves like diabetes, which can interrupt nerve signals to the penis and lead to erectile dysfunction (ED), with other problems like incontinence of urine which can also damage the nerves.

As arousal works its way from the brain to the rest of the body, a healthy heart and cardiovascular system play another big role in the sex life of a couple. Each of the two helps you maintain an erection. Blood has to flow into your penis when you’re excited, and then back out after you’ve achieved orgasm. More importantly, the same kind of plaque that could clog the arteries and lead to heart attack can also restrict blood flow to the penis, resulting in ED. That’s why a healthy heart is so key to helping a man of any age to avoid below-the-belt problems.

Finally, the endocrine system comes into play via certain hormonal changes in the body. This is where the male hormone, testosterone, is put to the test. A decrease in the testosterone levels is normal as any man gets older but it must not be hampered by sickness, use of substance, pollution and bad eating habit. Because lack of it is a big reason why many men may feel low on energy and drive when it comes to having the kind of sex you would have loved to enjoy.

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS

What is the meaning of dangerous erection?

Mr. David Suavehu

Dangerous erection is actually a situation when an erection refuses to go down for hours. This is also called Priapism. Priapism is a painful and dangerous condition that happens when blood fills the penis during arousal and fails to drain out. It can cause permanent harm to the organ by preventing oxygen-rich blood from entering. After a while, tissues in the penis actually begin to die due to lack of oxygen. Actually this affects close to about 10,000 men each year. Priapism is a common cause of sickle cell disease, a blood disorder, in which red blood cells become deformed. The cells then can get stuck in blood vessels in the penis and block blood flow. A study found that sickle cell disease accounts for about 20 per cent of priapism cases. Another common cause is a kind of injection that sometimes is used to treat erectile dysfunction. In many cases, the cause is unknown. Whatever the cause, priapism is an emergency that requires medical treatment right away. Remedies: the safest remedy is to quickly get to a doctor on time who may use a needle to remove the stagnant blood and flush out vessels, or inject the penis with a particular medication to help the blood drain under a very hygienic atmosphere or perform a surgery to install a by-pass in the penis. Please, never choose the option of staying home and hope “it” goes away. No, don’t do it! Getting help promptly is the best way to ensure that your manhood stays healthy and continues to work for you.

My wife and I have sex once or twice a day for 15-30 minutes each time.

I’m a 54-year-old man with an extremely active sex life. My wife and I have intercourse once or twice a day for 15-30 minutes each time. Does my activity mean I’m healthy?

Allan, Omoriveh

Waoh! nice to hear this. You are the envy of lots of men out there. Actually, about one in 20 men your age have sex more than four times a week, and by the way, almost 50 per cent of men age 85 with willing wives are still having very pleasurable sex on a regular basis.

Your ability to have sex is a yard-stick for your health. It is an indication of a better arterial health. Here’s what your enviable sex life suggests about your health, you don’t have bad health habits. You probably don’t smoke, aren’t overweight, and exercise regularly (outside the bedroom). You don’t have diabetes. You have plenty of testosterone, although testosterone normally drops 1%-2% annually after age 30, men with diabetes have significantly lower levels. You don’t have an over or underactive thyroid. Typically, thyroid trouble leads to premature ejaculation or an inability to have sex for 30 minutes at a stretch. Your arteries are healthy. Guys with hardening of the arteries, which impedes blood flow, tend not to get the hardening of the penis needed for great sex.

I am certain some other men are satisfying my wife’s sexual appetite

Funmi, I am desperately in need of help. As I am writing to you now, I am certain some other men are satisfying my wife’s sexual appetite all because of excessive belly fat. I am 49 years old with very big tummy. Initially, I did nothing about the excessive fat but when I sensed my wife might be cheating on me, I started working on it but nothing has worked. Initially during sex, we used the dog style while on bed, missionary, sitting position. Even with those styles, my penis just dingles and barely even gets to enter the tip of her vagina.

Baba Engliso

It’s estimated that one in 10 men worldwide suffers from erectile dysfunction (ED), as a result of belly fat. Belly fat doesn’t just spell trouble for your heart and blood vessels, it is horrible for your sex life, too. Excessive abdominal fat, known as omentum fat, takes up residence around your liver and other vital organs. When fat is released from the omentum, some of it goes straight to your liver and then on to your arteries. And omentum fat can do serious damage to your blood vessels. Clogged arteries and blood vessels reduce blood flow, not just to your heart but also to other critical organs, including your genitals. Without good circulation down there, men can have trouble getting or maintaining an erection. And both men and women need increased blood flow in sensitive areas to maximise sexual pleasure.

It doesn’t take much to turn up your fat-burning furnace and get your energy levels, self-esteem, and sex life back on track, just walk more. Walking is one of the best exercises for minimising belly fat. Taking a brisk 30-minute walk every day helps keep your fat cells from expanding. Try to measure your waist regularly; your waist should be a little less than half the number of inches in your height. And as a general rule, anytime a man’s waist size reaches 40 inches, his health and sex life are at risk. (Women’s waists should be no more than 36 inches.). Then replace some of the processed foods in your diet with oatmeal and lemon drink, instead of soda drink and in five months, this will become a history.

Have not had sex for four years

I am a widower and for four years now, I have not had sex, will it affect me medically?

Joshua Imobudu

Not at all

Is it safe to have sex with vaginal infections?

Hi Funmi, I am a new bride though I had been sexually active few months to my wedding. But I am worried over some things. Why do I get more vaginal infections now that I am married? Do I have to tell my husband that I am infected? Is it okay to have sex with the condition because the man is just all over me?

Mrs Preyee Jombo

During sex, your husband’s penis can propel rectal bacteria present near your vaginal opening into your urethra. Peeing after sex and cleansing your genital area with soap before sex will kill those bacteria. Yes, do tell him, just assure him that the condition is harmless and poses no risk to his health because they are rarely sexually transmitted diseases. Healthy husbands almost never develop them. With yeast infection, the vaginal tissues become inflamed, having sex further increases the irritation and slows down the healing process. Wait until three days for the infection to clear up before having sex, since symptoms such as burning, itching, and lack of lubrication make sex very uncomfortable.

Should I tell my friend?

I am aware that my friend’s husband is dating their next door neighbour’s wife. My friend doesn’t know about it yet but the two secret lovers are aware that I know of their escapades; should I tell my friend or just keep quiet? I don’t want to destroy another person’s home!

Flipu omo

It is not a wise thing for you to do the telling. No doubt if you go tell your friend that her husband is cheating, she may first not believe you, or her husband may turn the matter upside down and lie that you are actually the one making passes at him, then your friend may not handle the situation maturely and as such, your action may lead to the breakage of that marriage. What you need to do is to pray for your friend’s family to be restored and every strange woman who has come to put asunder God’s design be separated. If you pray for them, you are also sowing seeds of prayer for yourself in future. Besides, you don’t know if this may even endanger your own dear life. I think you should stay clear.

BY FUNMI AKINGBADE

Why we have sex

Sex, since the history of man or human evolution has gone through several changes, even in terms of definition and form and the individuals engaging in it. Once upon a time, sex was thought to be primarily for reproductive reasons, then for the relief of sexual tension and later, for the sexual pleasure. Right from the explosive documentation of the Kama Sutra, various studies and experiences have been carried out by persons and institutions to unravel the mystery of human sexology and why, besides procreation, sex is important to mortal men and women.

From the researches of Alfred Kinsey who is regarded as the father of sexology in the 40s and 50s to Masters and Johnson’s famous researches on orgasms of the 60s and 70s, sex has become a subject of great interest to all.

Now, a research conducted by psychologists Cindy Meston and David Buss on why women have sex which is published in the Archives of Sexual Behaviour, the duo in their new book of the same title, have listed 237 reasons why women have sex with their partners.

Ranging from the mundane desires to experience physical pleasure; to the vengeful intentions of getting back at a cheating partner, the spiritual attempt to get closer to God, or the altruistic gesture of wanting a partner to feel good about themselves, Meston and Buss concluded that the motives for engaging in sexual intercourse may be larger in number than what most people think and psychologically complex in nature too.

Some of the reasons listed are quite glaring and practiced across societies and persons at various times, regardless of their marital status too. In fact, marital sex as well as long term relationships tend to be more complex than those in newer or non-commitment relationships. Just as a married woman may have a legion of reasons for not wanting to have sex, she just might have another gazillion on why she must have sex.

The most important and common reason being “duty sex”. Once married, it is assumed that providing sexual pleasure to her partner is a given. She must fulfill her own side of the bargain to keep the union. To some other women, it is the price for the status and benefits. In this case, it has nothing to do with her own sexual pleasures or preference and more about submission, ditto the man. Many women also believe that the more sex they have with their partners, the less chances he is likely to stray.

Women assume that the more sex he gets with them, the less chances he is likely to think about sex outside the box, much less look for it. While good communication channel and a strong sexual connection may have been identified as important keys to a good relationship, hardly has having sex with a partner on demand been known to keep a person from straying into the thighs of another individual. Some women also believe that sex and children are the perfect ways to keep their men.

Women dubiously believe that the more children and responsibility they throw at their husbands, the less likely they are to walk away from them. So, where they have agreed on two children, these women, on their own volition, manipulate or “accidentally” go on to have more children. This hardly works in some cases. You can only keep a man down for as long as he wants to stay down. I intend to write more about this complex situation in subsequent editions. Let’s just go through some reasons I found quite interesting in this book which I have practical examples for:

Pity sex: Women may sometimes give in to sex for this simple reason, after all, we are women with maternal instincts. Some of the women in the book confessed to have had sex with men just because they felt sorry for them. According to one, she had been dating a guy over two years and he had been pleading with her all through. One day, she said she took pity on him and agreed. However, he was out of the door as soon as he could pull his pants up. A similar scenario happened to one of the young girls I counsel.

She’d been dating the guy for quite some time, and though she’d told him she was no virgin, she’d however decided to go celibate until she was married. The guy had gone on to systematically work on her emotions and soon, broke her down. She said the day she agreed to have sex with him, he had prostrated flat on his stomach, swearing heaven on earth. What kind of desperation is that? However, what happened after the act, almost robbed her of her education as she did not want to return to school.

She said immediately it was over, he jumped up and punched the air with his fist, asking if that was all that she had to offer and that he’d had better lays. He went on to tell her that he had only been acting out a script and never loved her. In fact, he and a couple of guys already placed a bet on her and though she had tried, he had won eventually. To make matters worse, he had ordered her out of his room.

She said she ran away from school and several days was even scared to pick her calls or check the social media as she feared that he had recorded their activities and might post it on the internet. Eventually, he had come to apologise but the damage had already been done. Sex for pity’s sake almost always turn out to leave a sour taste in the mouth as you can never be sure of the other person’s motives.

Have sex because you want to and not because you feel pressured to, or are sorry for the guy. That way, should things go sour, you can hold your head up, look the a- – in the eye and say “f..k off, you fall me, I fall you, no big deal!” Marriage sex: This is very different from marital sex. This is simply sex to negotiate for marriage. Some ladies believe that having sex with a guy will provide them the opportunity to show the guys and convince them that they are good and suitable for each other.

To add insult to injury, some of these ladies are prepared to play little housewife roles, they go over to the guy’s apartments for chores and even wash their dirty under wears and clothes. Some even cook with their own money to convince the guys that they can support the union financially too. My little sister gave me a gist about one of her friends who played house help for someone she called her fiancé for almost four years, refusing to heed everyone’s warning.

As suspected, her generosity and selfless acts did not succeed at the negotiation table as the guy sprung the most unexpected surprise. He married the daughter of his neighbour and co-tenant, the little girl that had been calling his fiancée “aunty” and often came to the apartment to play with her when the guy was not around! My bet is that she had even run errands between the lovers and had benefited from the older lady’s generosity too. Eventually, they both betrayed her, her goodness did not help, neither her assumed sexual prowess.

Trade by barter sex: Just as the phrase imply, this is when you use what you have to get what you want. The first thing that comes to mind here is prostitution, that age old trade of using the body for financial benefits. The activities of the prostitution ring are a multimillion dollar investment worldwide with tentacles in drugs, violent crimes, human trafficking and many other vices.

Interestingly, the average prostitute in many climes no longer enjoys the liberty of dealing her wares as a one man (sorry, woman) enterprise or sole trader to any interested client today.

To carry on business as usual, she needs protection and this she invests in with the proceeds from her business as well as sex. Again, a drug addict or junkie will exchange sex for drugs naturally and when caught in a tight corner, many women have been known to exchange sex for their freedom.

Negotiation sex: If the above seem rather on the dark side, let’s bring it down to base. Many things have been written about the power of the female anatomy. I mean, bottom power! Many men, both high and lowly have been known to succumb to the aura of this potent natural endowment. Many women have perfected the art of using their gifts from mother nature to get what they want through intense manipulation and negotiation. Sex is thus used by women to curry favour, to get jobs, promotions, or even maintain status as the case might be.

A friend once told me the trick she uses to get anything she wants from her boyfriend. According to her, he is one of those shy types who can hardly express his thoughts or views on issues, let alone approach women. So, he considers himself very lucky to have found her and perhaps cannot trade the opportunity of the occasional sex for anything. (not yet, at least).

So, for her, most times, She engages in sex to get him to do stuff for her. Her crude method even involves stopping in the middle of the act to get him to agree to her demand. And the poor thing just crumbles like a pack of cards.

Revenge sex: This is common with women who have been hurt and who want to get their pound of flesh. Often, a wife might cheat on her cheating husband just to get back at him and probably make him feel the way she felt. It could also be to get back at a partner who has neglected them. Again, she might have sex to reassure herself that she is still pretty and desirable by men after she’d been jilted by one, or to simply walk out of an existing relationship.

Revenge sex may sometimes take a bizarre twist, depending on motive and individual. While working on my book, Youth, Sex and Wellbeing, I spoke with a lady who confessed to having slept with a boyfriend she was no longer interested in and infected him with a STI. According to her, she’d gone to visit on his insistence, thinking that she would seize the opportunity to inform him of her slight indisposition. But to her annoyance, she caught him escorting another girl off.

And though she’d always known she was not his only partner, seeing him that day was just too much and she made up her mind to teach him a lesson. A couple of years back, a National Newspaper published the self confession of a university undergraduate who at the brink of death, afflicted with full blown AIDS, claimed she’d purposely passed on the HIV virus to over 400 men. Her grouse was not with these men but the man who’d given her the virus and she wanted to take her revenge out on the world.

If the men thought she was an easy lay at the time, they definitely would have a change of heart after reading her confession! Cindy Meston and David Buss, aptly summarised the various motives in these words. “Every person brings their own individual history to any sexual situation. The reasons why they are having sex, the way they feel about the sex and the consequences of having sex are all very different across individuals no matter what gender they happen to be”. And that includes men too.

By Yetunde Arebi

For the lover of ‘G’-spot

Is ‘G’-spot a reality or myth? Does it really exist? Why is my wife’s vagina not having a ‘G-spot location?

Recently, I have been receiving several calls, sms and mails about the mystery of ‘G’-spot. So, I thought it would be nice to revisit it for the lovers of this mysterious spot. In this article we would unravel the myth for the benefit of our readers. For many married couples, when the honeymoon is over, sex becomes a boring routine. At such times, the urge to make love often gives way to the tendency to view sex as just a marital commitment. The reason is that most couples make the error of assuming that lovemaking can be exciting and enjoyable only at the initial stage of their relationship.

The truth is that to keep up the excitement in their sex lives, married couples will have to go out of their way to discover new methods to spice it up. For every couple that has been together for some time and has gone the extra mile to try out a variety of sexually stimulating experiences, lovemaking is guaranteed to become more thrilling and adventurous than it used to be at the early stage of marriage. One of the ways to achieve this is through the stimulation of the ‘G’ spot. And from the countless of questions flowing in, many couples still do not know the technicality of the instrument of this ‘G’- spot.

Originally named after the German gynaecologist, Ernst Grafenberg, who first described it in 1944 and theorised its existence, this ‘sacred spot’ has engaged the attention of sex scientists for more than a thousand years. Grafenberg described it as an erotic zone on the anterior wall of the vagina that ‘swells out greatly at the end of orgasm.’

The G-spot can be found on the front wall of the vagina. It is made of erectile tissues and often enlarges when stimulated. If properly stimulated, it can cause women to experience high levels of sexual arousal and then, reach a powerful orgasm. If a husband wants to find out whether his wife has one or not, the best way to do this is to try and feel for an area that’s rough, a bit like a walnut, rather than smooth and silky like the rest of the vaginal wall.

For some women, stimulation of the G-Spot creates a more intense orgasm than can be achieved through stimulation of the clitoris. But it is important to note that not all women can experience orgasm through stimulation of the G-spot.

The female G-spot is surrounded by controversies and conflicting theories. To some people, especially women who think it is essential to achieving orgasm, there is far too much evidence to deny its existence. To others, it is simply non-existent. Many women swear that it gives them an orgasm unlike any other. Some even ejaculate fluid and go into uncontrollable spasms from a G-spot orgasm. For many women, it’s a highly sensitive, highly erotic area that provides hours of pleasure. For others, it’s a twisted bit that, when touched too much, creates an overwhelming sensation of needing a wee.

There are some debates about what the G-spot actually is. Some researchers say that the G-spot is the urethral sponge, also referred to as the female prostate. The urethral sponge is a cushion of tissue that sits against the vaginal wall and surrounds the urethra. The fact that the Skene’s glands (responsible for female ejaculation) are contained in the urethral sponge supports this theory. Another line of thinking is that the G-spot is simply the back end of the clitoris. This theory is supported by the fact that the clitoral nerves extend along the vaginal walls and into the body.

The truth may be somewhere in the middle as the urethral sponge and the clitoral nerve are closely interconnected. Unless you’re a scientist, this shouldn’t even matter much anyway. In the end, all that matters is knowing how to find and stimulate the G-spot.

To give a ‘G’ spot stimulation, sex experts recommend inserting the forefinger to about the second knuckle and making a ‘come here’ motion towards the front vaginal wall. While performing this, a husband needs to experiment with pressure and length of stroke to find out what feels best for her. It’s important that she is sexually aroused first and it is also worth noting that since many ladies’ sensitivity varies throughout the month because of their cycle and hormonal variation, partners should be very observant.

During stimulation and caressing, the first sensation might be the need to want to go and wee, possibly because the G-spot is on the front wall of the bladder, so the bladder is being pushed and excited. So, before a couple engage in ‘G’ spot stimulation, the wife can check out by making sure her bladder’s empty first, then seeing how it feels. The first couple of times, it might be a bit odd, but many women say a little perseverance is more than worth it.

Do most women feel their ‘G’ spot is being stimulated during vagina penetration? Well, sometimes some do but this depends on the size and exact location of their G-spot, and it also depends on the sexual position such couples engaged in at that time, the depth of the thrusting and the firmness of the vagina. All these have a part to play, so therefore a woman may or may not be able to feel her ‘G’ spot stimulation during intercourse.

Some women say they ejaculate when their G-spot is stimulated. Research has shown that approximately 10 per cent of women expel between 9ml and 900 ml of fluid from the urethra during arousal and orgasm and that the G-spot is the equivalent of the male prostate. Remember, we’re all unique. Some female may have a sensitive G-spot or some may not.

Most women describe G-spot orgasms as deep, whole body experiences. These orgasms last much longer than clitoral orgasms and the vaginal muscles spasm and contract much more violently. Many say that G-spot orgasms are the most powerful type of orgasm and hit like rolling waves of pleasure. They are sometimes followed by a euphoric sensation that may last up to a half an hour. G-spot orgasms may cause your spouse to eject a varying amount of clear, silky fluid through her urethra. This is most commonly referred to as female ejaculation.

This week, we shall deal with the actual guides to finding and stimulating the G-spot. The emphasis is on how husbands could find and stimulate this all-important erotic zone. But first, it is important to note that sensations will be different from one person to another. Just as some women prefer a light touch on their clitoris and others enjoy firmer pressure, sensitivity to G-spot stimulation varies. Some women ejaculate during G-spot orgasm, others don’t. Some will enjoy having their G-spot stroked, while others may find it uncomfortable and irritating.

Husbands should simply experiment and find out what their wives love. It is definitely possible to give your spouse a G-spot pleasure and a good foreplay is the best prelude to achieving a good G-spot orgasm. She should feel loved, and completely comfortable with you. She will be able to fully let go and G-spot orgasms will come easier.

Husbands should make sure their hands are clean and their fingernails are clipped short, because they are going to be staying long around her most sensitive parts. Foreplay is compulsory because unlike men, who are ready to go at a moment’s notice, most women need a little bit of time to warm up to really get into the mood. In order to help your wife achieve a G-spot orgasm, you will really have to spend time on foreplay. You may start with a sensual massage with lots of oil. This will relax her and also help to build intimacy. Massage her entire body for at least 20 minutes. Try to stay away from her hot spots and amplify it by kissing her deeply and nibbling her neck, or whatever she really enjoys. Go ahead and stimulate her clitoris until she’s bucking her hips and begging for you inside of her.

Once she is turned on, then look for a comfortable position for both of you. It will help a lot if she lies on her back with her knees bent. You can kneel between her knees or sit on either side of her body. Make sure you are both comfortable. With your palm up, insert a finger or two some inches into her vagina. Slightly crook them towards you, making a “come here” motion. You should feel a spot on the front wall of her vagina that is rougher or more ridged than the surrounding area. If you are not sure, don’t worry about it too much. The G-spot will grow in size as you stimulate the area. Keep your “come here” motion gentle at first, and slowly increase the pressure as the G-spot becomes larger. When you find the pressure that she responds the best to, keep it constant. Some women may feel a slight urge to urinate during this process of stimulation. This should soon give way to an intensifying pleasure that will replace any discomfort. It may take up to half an hour of stimulation for her to reach a G-spot orgasm, but don’t worry because it is worth the while. When she has a G-spot orgasm, you’ll know. Her vagina will contract violently, so violently, in fact, that it may feel like she is trying to push your fingers out. G-spot orgasms are also accompanied by uncontrollable panting or moaning and sometimes, female ejaculation. Clitoral stimulation can produce multiple orgasms, but they are more common with G-spot stimulation. If she still wants more after the first one, continued stimulation may lead to a second, third, or even a tenth orgasm. Multiple or not, many women swear that G-spot orgasms are one of the most satisfying, fulfilling experiences of their entire lives.

Having done justice to the female G-spot, let us examine the male G-spot. I am sure you must be wondering if men also have one. Yes, they do have, men have G-spot too! The male G-spot, which can also be called the prostate gland, can be stimulated but it is not easily located. The two words prostate gland and male G-spot, which can be used interchangeably, is an erogenous spot with the power to drive men wild. Similar to a woman’s G-spot, the important nerves for erection, orgasm and ejaculation converge on the male G-spot and in the prostate and perineum areas. These areas also can provide intense and heightened pleasure, and it is also where emotional and sexual tissues are stored. Prostate stimulation can be both pleasurable and healing for a man, and can help release emotional, as well as physical stress. For many men, the stronger the stimulation to the male G-spot, the stronger and more profound orgasms they experience.

Whenever the wife wants to stimulate this area to give her husband the pleasure of this spot, all she needs to do is to just caress the base of the penis, the scrotum and the inner area of his thighs; by this the sexual pleasure will be heightened.

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS

When the children can tell when we are having sex

My husband loves sex very much, he is always demanding for it all the time. Though this is not a problem to me, my challenge is how we should handle our sexual activities and life that the children are not misled or tempted to do what they are not ready for since they most times see what we do or hear us from the bedroom. Our bedroom is close to theirs and certainly I am sure they know what goes on when we lock ourselves behind the door, especially when they can tell we are making love. The other day, my youngest child asked me, ‘Mummy, are you going to play with daddy again this night? Ola said anytime you do that, I am going to have a sister?’ Ola is his big brother. When I told my husband, he was so nonchalant. Please help, what do I do?

Mrs Davis Mary

Your intimacy with your spouse is as important as the love and time you spend with your children, but your sexual activities are not for public view. Though there are situations and cases when couples are forced to share and live in the same room with their children; in spite of this, you and your spouse must find a way around it. Both of you should brainstorm together to arrive at the best timing and place for your sexual activities without the interference of your children. They should be taught to respect your privacy and time together. Besides, it is also important and advisable for parents to teach their children about sexual behaviours and sexuality. If your husband is nonchalant, please handle the matter of your children’s sexuality wisely and you might be surprised that they may know far more than you think.

I am dying silently, so sex starved

If one spouse is sick for a long time, how can the marriage be helped in a way that the marriage bed would not be defiled? My husband has undergone a major surgical operation that has affected his performances; he is not even helping the situation with his attitude of not seeking for help. I am a young woman who loves sex a lot and still sexually active and sometimes I am tempted to sleep around. Whenever I bring up the idea that he should still go for help, he calls me all sorts of dirty names and even accuses me of cheating on him. What can I do? I am burning with sexual desire and frustrated of not knowing what to do. Honestly, I am dying silently, so sex starved.

Mrs. Catherin Thomas

Are you genuinely interested in seeing your husband hale and hearty again? I am so certain that if your husband knows you are sincerely interested in his healing and wellbeing, he will come round to agree to your persuasions. I would suggest you patiently and wisely show him love, put aside your needs first and make him feel loved, then when you know you have gained his trust and confidence, let him see reasons why he needs to seek for help without him feeling pressured and let him also see reasons why you also need to have sexual expression. Let him know that his erectile challenges can be cured, that he would be a man again. If you put his interest first, he would cooperate with you.

Morning sex okay or not?

Does early morning sex really do set the man okay for the day? When is the best time to have sex? Is it first thing in the morning or late at night or somewhere in between? Why do people believe good sex is all in the timing?

To be candid, sex can come up between couples at any time of the day; the only most important thing is for each spouse to note and understand their partner’s ‘sex clock.’ According to research, sex in the morning is guaranteed to put a smile on your faces because scientists have found that hormones levels are as much as five times higher in the morning, meaning in the morning, the body sends out all the right chemical signals for both spouses to be in the mood. In fact, men are most in the mood in the mornings because they notice morning erections. Some spouses are in the mood mostly in the heat of the day. This is more of a fantasy which makes them feel good and add a bit of spice that makes some more desirable and passionate. The evening is the most likely time for lovemaking; it is so convenient and is the best way to de-stress. It triggers the release of chemicals that help the body and mind to relax, and after some good rounds or sex, sleep comes naturally.

By Funmi Akingbade

Do couples really have different taste bud

Do couples really have different taste bud? Yes they do but many find it difficult to comprehend these changes, rather they most of the time think that something is wrong with them or their spouse. But experts have made it clear that couples’ sex taste bud differs from age to age, and the earlier a spouse is aware of this, the better it is for the partner.

This awareness is particularly useful for couples who have obvious age gap between them. The understanding of this will assist each partner to sexually please his or her spouse and, of course, help reduce cases of infidelity to the minimum.

Couples’ sex drives, libido and taste change with age. For instance, couples within the ages of 20 and 30 years mostly share sexual similarities in taste, preference, flavour, libido and craving in respect of their temperament, while couples within the ages of 32 and 39 though have the same sexual favourite, passion, desire and yearning than those within the ages of 45 and above but the similarities could be altered by their temperament, nature of job/career and lifestyle.

Experts say those in their 20s and 30s have great sexual chemistry and energy at their disposal. It is the stage where both partners fall madly in love and constantly produce high levels of dopamine and norepinephrine. These chemicals not only make young couples feel extremely active and excited, they drive up testosterone– the hormone that fuels the sex drive in men as well as in women–to the highest height. Apart from this, many couples at this age bracket have lots of time at their disposal. Because these young couples may be with or without children, mornings and evenings are blissfully theirs for romantic romps. What’s more, they are at the beginning of their sexual life and they have a long way to go.

This is the stage where you hear the man complain of premature ejaculation. Because of the sexual tension between the couple, the man sometimes gets so excited that he ejaculates too quickly. There should not be reason to worry even when couples experience premature ejaculation at this stage because it may be basically as a result of anxiety of performance; the challenge will soon fade away. Or since both of them are so young, the man may be an amateur lover. And this is the stage they skip foreplay as they may see it as torture. Nevertheless, this is the time they could really get to know each other’s body and to figure out their likes or dislikes. The couple should see this as an opportunity to create their own sexual template. Actually, for this age group, this is the time to try it all and talk about what both of them are trying out.

Sometimes, couples are clueless about what to say at this point to really heat sex up. You have to tell each other what you want. But for many young couples at this stage, talking about sex may sometimes be embarrassing. This can be especially true of women who may not realise that giving their partner some sexy instructions in bed is likely to turn them on.

To get comfortable with the kind of talk that drives men into action, a wife can try this slightly ridiculous game. This game lets you reveal where and how you want to be touched (as well as finding out his hot spots) without saying a word. Just tell him you want to practise his favourite move but that he has to physically tell you what it is. Sit naked in the middle of the bed, facing each other. Lock eyes with him and fantasise about what you’d like him to do to you while he concentrates on what he wants you to do to him. As if that aren’t fun enough, try to read each other’s mind. After a few minutes, share your thoughts. By now, you should both be hot enough to say anything and be ready to go ‘gaga.’

You can decide to do a ‘leave in message.’ It’s another way for each of you to communicate what you would like without saying a thing. Either of you may go all out to buy an erotic gift and leave a note on the fridge in the morning saying that you don’t mind changing position to a ‘kneeling down and taking off style.’ This style is so unique that it is not a regular style but a special one that you engage in when you want to have a time to remember. And while doing that, take note that for you to get the maximum pleasure, you have to take your time to slowly and passionately rip off your clothes in a wild ride. That is how you really get to know every erotic spot on your mate.

You can even time yourselves to know how far you both can endure heavy foreplay before actual sex. For a start, set a timer for maybe 20 minutes one day, 30 the next and 40 the day after (every other day could be a good idea). This will force you to figure out each other’s pleasure threshold. Or try this technique: put four little bells on four silky strings, and tie one around both your spouse’s wrist and ankle. Then tell him or her not to jingle while you check out the body geography. Partners can learn a lot about what turns them on just by watching their facial expressions as they struggle to stay still.

The age of 32, 39 or thereabout, hormonally speaking, is a great time for a couple. The man’s testosterone level is still high enough to keep him hot, but he’s not as frivolous as he was in his 20s, when a sideways glance at his wife could spark a raw fire within him and turn him on and keep him hard all day long. Those slightly lower levels of excitement may mean that he may still not have put any premature ejaculation problem behind him, or he may be having new set of erectile dysfunction challenge. The wife may have dry spells when she is pregnant or breastfeeding (both of which can decrease her sex drive), it is common for breastfeeding women to have inadequate vaginal lubrication. But experts agree that this is the age when most women hit their sexual stride.

“In their 30s, this is when majority of spouses are more confident with their bodies, their mates and their sexuality. They are less afraid to speak up about what they like, so they are more likely to have orgasms. Although the two of them may have come off that initial wild passionate sex, they may likely settle into what experts call the attachment stage: a period of closeness and contentment when both share a general sense of union and peace of mind. The kind of connection a couple in love share at this stage drives up levels of oxytocin and vasopresin (the two chemicals that flood the brain with feelings of well-being). Here, they think of sex in the brain before the body. A research was carried out on couples within these age ranges to know the percentage of sex in the brain. Researchers wanted to know how much these couples think about sex on a daily basis. The result are as follows: once a day, 34 per cent; once an hour, 44 per cent; whenever I hear love music, three per cent; I’m too busy to think of it much, 19 per cent.

Besides, it is at this stage that such couples are caring for kids and building careers, so they have less time for spontaneous sex. Making sex truly sensational happens when they find ways to put it on their schedule, whether that means more quickies or making foreplay a part of everyday life. But whatever the case may be, the passion must not go off. You both can flood your sexual senses by carving out a day when you’re not so tired that you can’t imagine wanting to get busy in bed. You can refocus with this relaxing but racy ritual, which will wake up you and your husband’s senses. Innocently invite him to “talk” over a favourite dish and your favourite music while you change out of your work clothes. Once you’ve stripped down to your underwear, lean over and lick his neck while unbuttoning his shirt. Next, work your way down to his nipples, where that tingling sensation will fill his head with sexy thoughts. Stimulating your senses is the best way to shut out distractions and ease your way into the bedroom. Even when you’ve got in the mood, you may still have to fit what you used to do in three hours into just few minutes. This makes both of you so connected to each other and sex becomes even more intimate and soulful, no matter how swiftly you both do it.

‘Nothing spoil’ if both of you have an all-day foreplay in one of the weekends. It also helps if you’re ready to get it on before you hit the sheets. Find little ways to play around during the day. Creativity can help compensate for minimal mattress time. One wife I know writes sexy messages on her husband’s arm (they’re hidden under his sleeve during the day) and forbids him to read them until he gets to work. A man who I particularly admire sticks a ‘you are enough to feed me full’ on the overhead board of the bed in the bedroom. When his wife turns to her side of the mattress, the sticker starts beaming out light and music. You both can savour those late nights by just doing it, because a man’s testosterone level starts going up around 2 a.m. and keeps rising. Sex is actually even better than late morning sex because the man may be in a sort of altered state. And after you both have made love, you can just roll over for a few more delicious hours of sleep. Think sex whenever you find yourselves up at an odd time; it is very pleasurable.

Now let’s look into the age of 45 and above. This isn’t the most hormonally exciting electric-thrilling charged stage of marriage. The onset of peri-menopause may mean that sex hormones are waning. Less estrogenic means that the woman may not lubricate as quickly or easily as she used to. And the man’s lower testosterone level means that it’ll take more to get him turned on and that he’s not thinking about sex as often as he used to. This is also the time most men’s penis starts shrinking and losing its potency. Never mind. At this age, there should still be plenty that should be going on between the two of you to keep sex steamy. In fact, experts say many couples in their 40s say they enjoy making love now more than ever, because there are natural remedies for all sexual challenges both for man and woman. At this point, you and your partner know exactly how to excite each other. The little traditions you have, such as making love on Friday night   and slipping into Saturday morning. By this time, kids are old enough to fend for themselves (if you still have young kids, try a workable way out), so you have some quality time to be together alone.

Remember, when nature’s doing less to push you into the bedroom, just get down and do it. The more you make love, the more you think about making love. And the more you think about making love, the more you want to make love. But shake things up. Now is the perfect time to explore new moves, since after so many years together, you feel comfortable enough to try wonderful play with your mate or to just be erotically close together than ever before. Besides, at this age, men crave for some sexual surprises. So, give your man something to reflect on.

If you’ve been noticing that it takes your husband a little longer to get it up these days, try this twist on the mirror-above-the-bed cliché. Next time you catch him standing in front of a full-length mirror, sneak up to him from behind with a handful of massage oil that heats up on contact, slowly kneel before him and start stroking his penis seductively and slowly while he watches. Before long, the surprise of what he’s feeling combined with the sexy scene he’s watching will have him totally revved up. This has worked for even an 85-year-old husband. It is a trick of the year that has always done the magic even in a case of severe impotency. Men are visual creatures; nothing turns them on like a sexy image and imagination. This helps their imagination to go wild and become a vibrant youth again by just a magic assistance. Don’t stop there; prevent him from turning around to embrace you or from moving his eyes away from the mirror as you continue to stroke him. You can enhance it by wearing a good push-up bra; it will project your breast and make it stand out for his fancy. I am sure that both of you will enter another world, because the more you can surprise and take your husband unawares at this stage, the hotter he’ll get regardless of his age or health or weakness. Spread the sensation further. Since you’ve got all day to please each other, you may as well prolong the pleasure. Nothing stops you from kissing and caressing your husband’s penis until he’s on the verge of orgasm. This act particularly has helped husbands with shrinking penis. Then shift your attention to other parts of his body; alternate between genital and non-genital stimulation until he’s aroused to a state of being hypersensitive. Try and continue doing this for about 10 minutes. The longer you do this, the better. Then push him over the edge of the bed. His climax will radiate like shock waves through his entire body. Many aged couples who have yielded to this advice after visiting my office have never remained the same; you could also be a part. Try it out and discover that even at old age, you are not losing out sexually.

Questions and Answers

My wife wants to dictate our sex life

My wife is a successful, assertive business person. I am thrilled that she is fulfilled in her work, but she brings that same driven mindset home. I can handle the way she manages the household, but not the way she dictates the terms of our sex life. She schedules our sex as if it is part of her agenda. Her driven nature may work great in the business world, but it fails miserably in bed. What should I do?

Mr. Ajuwon, Kogi

Sex should be driven primarily by your relationship, not a production quota. If either partner makes sex a controlled issue, intimacy goes off the bottom of the profit chart. Your wife’s controlling style has worked well for her on the job, and it is hard for her to relinquish it once she gets home. The same controlling behaviour also protects her from relational and emotional issues that are less comfortable for her. It might be a good idea to borrow the terms and methods of relating in the business world, where your wife feels comfortable. Start ‘speaking her language’ by making an appointment with her, through her support staff. When you get together, have a written proposal for her to consider. Begin by affirming her as a successful executive, telling her the things you mentioned in your letter to me. Next, assure her of your support and love (you are not staging a walkout). Then ask her to consider your point of view. Make this statement appropriately clear: You want to have a closer relationship with her; more emotional, and sexual intimacy. Let her know you feel unfulfilled, disregarded and relegated to the status of just one more agenda item. Tell her you want a sense of mutuality in your sex life. Finally, propose a new ‘contract agreement’ that would restore romance and warmth into your partnership. That may require some lunch meetings or weekend conferences in one of the eateries. At the same time, get your wife’s input about how she would like you to be as a husband. She is an assertive person used to taking control. She may be waiting for you to exercise more strength.

Prostate cancer is curable if detected early

“In November, 2013, I discovered that I had prostate cancer and I have been treating it. I finished treatment on October 28, 2014 and that’s why I’ve come out to tell the world.

“Many people start looking at you as if you are a ghost. No! It’s not a death sentence and it is curable. I have undergone the treatment and I even have a certificate and medal to show for it, but I don’t normally wear decorations.

“I want to use myself to encourage others to take whatever tests are available in our limited circumstances here and more importantly, to encourage those who are in charge of our health to take the cancer menace seriously.” –Prof. Wole Soyinka.

he Nobel Laureate added that he had to make his experience with prostate cancer public in order to demystify the disease, which he says is curable if detected early.

Prostate cancer is a form of cancer that develops in the prostate, a gland in the male reproductive system. Prostate cancer is the most commonly diagnosed cancer among Nigerian men.

This cancer affects only men and it is the commonest type of cancer that kills men, as the cancer cells may spread from the prostate to other parts of the body, particularly the bones and lymph nodes.

Risk factors

Genetics: If a father had prostate cancer, there is five- to 10 per cent risk that the son could have it.

Smoking is also a risk factor. If you are a smoker, your risk is almost 1.5 per cent increased.

Alcohol: Taking of excessive alcohol and sedentary lifestyle increase the risk of prostate cancer.

Men with high blood pressure are more likely to develop prostate cancer.

Prostate cancer occurs more commonly among blacks as they mature in age, particularly above 45 years old. One reason is that higher levels of testosterone in black men expose them to higher risks of prostate cancer.

Family history, as well as growing older, also increases risk of prostate cancer. Prostate cancer is more common in men over 50, although younger men can also have it.

Prevention

Men should cultivate the habit of healthy lifestyle which include a healthy diet and plenty of physical activity. Lifestyle changes will be in order for those who smoke and drink excessive alcohol.

Men should eat enough fresh or cooked tomatoes in order to reduce the chance of having prostate cancer because of the lycopene contained in tomato.

Lycopene-rich foods such as fresh tomatoes and tomato products are potential effectors in the prevention and therapy of prostate cancer.

Symptoms

Early prostate cancer usually causes no symptoms. Sometimes, however, prostate cancer does cause symptoms, often similar to those of diseases such as benign prostatic hyperplasia (BPH).

Weak flow of urine or frequent urination, especially at night, is a culprit.

Other conditions could also cause these symptoms, and they may include trouble starting the flow of urine; pain while urinating; blood in the urine or semen, dizziness and fatigue, persistent pain in the back, hips, or pelvis, pain during ejaculation.

Diagnosis

A number of tests may be performed to investigate symptoms of prostate cancer and confirm the diagnosis. Some of the more common tests include: a digital rectal examination, a blood test to measure levels of prostate specific antigen, imaging of the prostate, which may include transrectal ultrasound, computed tomography scan or magnetic resonance imaging, taking a sample of tissue (biopsy) from the prostate for examination under a microscope.

Treatment

Treatment and care of people with cancer is usually provided by a team of health professionals, called a multidisciplinary team. Treatment for prostate cancer depends on the stage of the disease, the severity of symptoms and the person’s general health.

Treatment options for prostate cancer can include surgery to remove the prostate, radiotherapy and/or hormonal therapy (also called androgen deprivation therapy) to destroy cancer cells.

Psychotherapy

People often feel overwhelmed, scared, anxious and upset after a diagnosis of cancer and will need counselling, support and reassurance. These are all normal feelings.

Detection

Screening is important to detecting prostate cancer early. This is highly recommended for anyone at high risk, such as those with a father, brother, or son diagnosed before age 65; and those with more than one first-degree relative diagnosed at an early age.

Anyone over 40 will need screening tests for prostate on a yearly basis.

Cancer prevention seminar

The strategic health insight (The Hospital) is organising a seminar entitled “Cancer prevention, a must.” A dietician and a medical rehabilitation specialist have been contacted to talk on the role of diet and exercise in cancer prevention. Kindly call 08188343865 or visit www.the-hospitals.com for details.

This will also be accompanied by screening for prostate, breast and cervical cancers. Kindly keep a date with me next week for an insightful piece by a gynaecologist on breast and cervical cancers.

Also, visit my blog for more health information at: www.doctoradesanya.blogspot.com

By ROTIMI ADESANYA

Spot the difference

One of the biggest mistakes couples find themselves struggling with is the mistake of libidoral identity. This is simply the inability to spot physical, emotional and sensual differences in partners that enhance sexual enjoyment. All things being equal; ideally a typical enlightened, well educated and happy couple should at least have sex 200 times in a year or close to such, which means on the average, couples should have sex four times in a week or thereabout. But ironically, the national opinion research centre reports that average couples have sex just 66 times in a year. Even married couples under age 30 say they have sex on an average of 109 times in a year as compared to 368 times that it should be. The average number drops to 90 times per year for 40-something years and 72 times a year for people in their 50s. One of the major reasons for this is the inability to spot or discover these difference and explore or deploy them.

Wives, do you know that most men are more influenced by the attitudes of their peer group in decisions about sex? Husband, do you know that a wife’s willingness to perform various sexual practices is more likely to change over time especially under the atmosphere of acceptance, love and pampering? Only few percentage of husbands reported a preference for oral sex to achieve orgasm, many still want to enter fully into their wives; even after you have given them blow job. They still love the feel of ejaculating into their wives’ virgina and feel that physical contact. This contact produces love, bond feeling that can never be traded for anything. While more percentage of wives reported that they reach orgasm more when their husbands take time to get them aroused in the region of their breast nipples, clitoris, ‘G’ spots and the first segment of their vagina; men are more likely to reach orgasm when sex includes vaginal intercourse. But women are more likely to reach orgasm when they engage in a variety of sex acts that include vaginal intercourse or oral sex and sucking of their nipples and clitoris.

Wives, do you know that more of techniques and less of complaints help husbands to ejaculate at your wishes. A study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that the average duration from the beginning of vaginal penetration until ejaculation was 10.8 minutes, but when and if he is in an environment of assistance, he can go up to 20-30 minutes. One of the major reasons husbands develop penis shrinkage is as a result of stress and anger. A man’s flaccid penis varies in size considerably because of various environmental factors and their effects on the sympathetic nervous system. Unhealthy eating habit, smoking and high alcohol intake are perhaps the best known causes of this “shrinkage” phenomenon, but psychological stress can do the same thing and more. Uncontrolled, unnecessary, constant frequent anger can make the blood rush to the face, but not to the one place men need it most when they want to have sex or not. It’s not easy to feel romantic when you’re raging, whether your anger is directed at your partner or not. Unexpressed anger or improperly expressed anger can contribute to performance problems in the bedroom.

One of the things couples could spot out is the act of masturbation; it is neither safe nor healthy and it can destroy sexual functionality and relationships. The controlling effect is that it makes either of the partners to become a compulsive masturbator to the point of interfering with personal and marital relationships, because of its obsessive behaviour hold. Finally, masturbation can, in fact, cause injury; frequent or overly vigorous masturbation can irritate the skin of the penis, and men who masturbate face-down can injure their urethras.

Couples should know that it is only a very few percentage of wives that may not have orgasm at all, while 29 per cent of wives report that they always have an orgasm regardless but this does not define their enjoyment when it comes to sex. As a matter of research, most wives can have an orgasm without direct stimulation of the clitoris. Although most wives require clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm; but husband should treat the wife’s clitoris like a raw egg, tender and can be injured. For wives who have trouble achieving orgasm, incorporating frequent clitoral stimulation into sexual activity may be all that is necessary. So orgasm or not, wives still enjoy sex when the atmosphere is right and when foreplay is well programmed. But among husbands, 82 per cent report that they always have an orgasm. The G-spot is a sexually sensitive part of a woman’s anatomy found in the anterior vaginal wall.

The ‘G’ spot is a region found behind the pubic bone that has been credited as the trigger for a vaginal (vs. clitoral) orgasm, and even a catalyst for female ejaculation. Couples should note that even when a wife has undergone any degree of female genital mutilation, locating the spot will revive any frigid, timid, un-cooperating or novice wife because all women have this anatomical location in their pelvic area. All the husband needs to do is calmly relax his wife, take her unawares and after the escapade, ask her opinion. The general response from even the most frigid of all is that they would appreciate a repeat of the action. Locating and gently stimulating the ‘G’ spot takes any category of wife from an ordinary sex bed mate to a volcano trigger-responder. It’s worth trying out. This is one of the sites that it’s best described as an erogenous zone rather than a part of a woman’s reproductive organs for childbirth. Older women are more likely to surprise their husbands by their response and reaction because of the novelty of a new arousing experience.

Even in cases of high blood pressure and cases of heart attack or stroke experienced by either of the spouses, if and when such partners have been treated and under watch, they can still have good sexual relationship. One because it is a type of exercise, two, it has its healing effect and three, the heart can always repair itself under good medical supervision. Even when all the nerves to your heart are cut, it would keep beating if separated from your body. That’s because the heart has its own electrical system. It just needs oxygen to keep beating. Research has found that the heart and other organs keep making new cells, at least in limited amounts. They could replace damaged ones caused by, for example, a heart attack.

The only devastating effect that may warrant couples with heart conditions not to have sex is when there are cases of extreme stressful condition and a break-up announcement from either of the married partners. A stressful event, like a break-up or sudden loss can bring on sudden chest pains that feel like a heart attack. Those pains are triggered by a rush of stress hormones.

Couples should note that any activity that gets the heart beating faster like brisk walking, playful running around the house, can boost blood flow to the whole body, including the sexual regions. That’s a plus for stronger erections for men and greater arousal for women. Researchers found that male and female swimmers in their 60s had sex lives similar to people 20 years younger. Swimming builds endurance, boosts blood flow, improves flexibility and strength and slashes stress. It also burns some serious calories, a plus for anyone who’s overweight (extra pounds lower libido), especially obese men with erectile dysfunction.

Harsh lubricant can strip the natural moisturising oils in the wife’s vagina. This can cause dryness, irritation, inflammation and pain during thrusting in and out. Petroleum oil-free lotions that are free of fragrance, chemicals, or alcohol work on the vulva better, because they’re made of milder ingredients that don’t deplete vagina’s oils. When the wife has dryness of the vagina, couples can consider a gentle lubricant with added moisturisers. Her vagina and vulva should feel soft and smooth for sexual action at all times. Sometimes, many wives may have undergone episiotomy either single or bilateral and the surface of the vulva in appearance looks so rough, unattractive and coarse. There are available softener-lubricants that remove all the coarseness, rough and uneven edges. For such, kindly give me a call. Above all, wives should always remember to shower and bathe the vagina area twice daily; this adds moisture to the area.

Sleeping pattern and lifestyle is another area couples should spot the difference. Some spouses go to bed too late or rise too early, some have sleep problem like trouble falling or staying asleep, or a condition such as sleep apnea. Many times, couples fail to realise that anything that disturbs a good night’s rest can mess up good sex. Even when you have high ragging libido, fatigue saps sexy feelings. Work on your sleep habits, make sure it is not a hindrance to sex.

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS

What can I do about this 20th century problem?

I have a problem with premature ejaculation. I cannot last more than five or 10 minutes during intercourse. My wife is kind about it, but I feel disappointed, embarrassed and full of anxiety. I am good looking but honestly speaking, when it comes to premature ejaculation, I am not worth the value. It is so terrible I literarily run away from sex, how can I last longer before my wife becomes someone else’s actual wife while I remain the official one?

Mr. Cutisio Jude

Now that we are familiar with the sexual potential of women, there is far greater pressure for husbands to bring their wives to climax. This creates dramatic anxiety to perform, which has triggered an endemic of premature ejaculation. Anxiety during sex is, however, not the only factor. Sometimes, a man has a history of hurried experiences, either from the environmental norms or from rushing sex for fear of being caught in premarital relationship. Some genetic theorists explain that early ejaculations often have a better success rate for impregnation (in other words: not as much satisfaction, but great for conceiving children). Nevertheless, there is no question that premature ejaculation or performance anxiety undoubtedly turns up the speed or is the best in marriage, and there is no doubt that the male response time is inherently different from the female. Your experience is typical: Five or 10 minutes of direct stimulation will usually be adequate for ejaculation.

Therefore, the issue really gets down to mutual marital satisfaction. The definition used clinically for premature ejaculation rests on the percentage of times the wife is left disappointed (65 per cent being the arbitrary number). Rather than perceiving the speed of a man’s response as a biological deficiency, it is preferable for couples to see their teamwork in pleasurable sex as a delightful challenge. It helps to remember that simultaneous orgasm is not the only satisfactory conclusion to sexual play. In addition, foreplay can speed up a wife’s response to become more in harmony with her husband’s, and a husband’s stimulus time before ejaculation can be lengthened. You and your spouse can de-condition your quick response by using the effective ‘squeeze technique’ described in my book on sex. A woman stimulates her husband to the point just before ejaculation, and then applies firm symmetrical pressure to the shaft of the penis just below the glans (the head of the penis). The pressure of this ‘squeeze’ is maintained for several seconds until the feeling of ejaculatory inevitability goes away. After a pause, stimulation is resumed until an orgasm is imminent again; then the squeeze is re-applied. This technique can be practised for several minutes at each setting, ending with intercourse or ejaculation by manual stimulation. These adjustments take time and practice, but over a period of months, you should develop a noticeable increase in stimulus time before ejaculation. Besides, you can request from the natural herbs from Seychelles. Remember working through this kind of problem can be great for your marriage. It is encouraging to know that your wife is kind, so let your mind be at rest, because this is an essential ingredient in marriage. As you focus on giving your wife pleasure and meeting her needs, your premature ejaculation may not matter so much anymore. Tension aggravates the problem.

After our first child, my husband has lost appetite for sex

My husband and I have a one-year-old son, and for months, my husband has had no interest in sex. I am always the initiator, and he turns me down with excuses about being tired or having financial worries. I wonder what it would be like to be married to someone who made me feel wanted and beautiful. What do you suggest?

Mrs. Ruth Magromo

Humm, there are many reasons a husband might lose interest in sex. Fatigue and financial worries are legitimate causes for many men. You also seem to connect his disinterest with the birth of your baby. Pregnancy and delivery of a baby cause more than just abdominal stretch marks and post-partum depression for the mother. New dads get their own set of psychological stretch marks that can make sex less appealing. A father often reacts to the invasion of his space by a competitor. Suddenly he does not have you all to himself. Here is this other little male getting time at your breast. The baby puts new time constraints on both of you. Your focus of attention and affection may have shifted toward your son. In addition, your husband knows that, as a father, he is not supposed to feel jealous of his own baby. Nonetheless, subtle resentment can develop.

Another factor can be a husband‘s unconscious compartmentalisation of ‘mothers ‘versus ‘sexual playmates.’ As a mother, you have moved onto a somewhat sacred, revered pedestal outside the category of women who are sexually stimulating. You may have encouraged this attitude if you wanted a break from sexual play after childbirth.

Remember how you felt about the changes in your body during pregnancy? Your husband may have had some strong reactions, too. Men can be easily offended about stuff like labour and delivery, episiotomies and lactation. The idea of getting you pregnant again may have cooled him on intercourse.

Talking these things through is best, but if he refuses, there are other things you can do. First, try to decrease his life pressures and financial demands, since these are the excuses most men give. Then, try to find out if he has emotional needs that have been left unmet since the baby came. Again, work toward regaining your figure and your playful, romantic and sensual availability. In addition, you can make baby-sitting arrangements; kidnap him to some romantic spot and seduce him, big time. Finally, let him know he is still your sex hero. However, if you are wondering what it would be like to be married to someone “who made you feel wanted and beautiful,” you could be vulnerable to an affair. Please, please be careful! Do not make the mistake of thinking you can listen to someone say how beautiful you are and not be lured into trouble. Make a firm decision ahead of time that you will not let your vulnerability trap you into a compromising situation.