The way you express your sexuality is shaped by your acquisition of relevant knowledge and also by your individuality and your personal circumstances. Whether you’re newlyweds or in a long time marital relationship, sexually challenged or able-bodied, young or old couples, think of your sexuality as a unique part of who you are. As the saying goes, fine wine and classic cars improve with age, so also let your sexuality and marriage relationship improve as the days go by. There are many “right” ways to experience great sex; today, we shall be looking into how to keep the sexual love life healthy and hot for years to come.
When able-bodied men noticed that their erection is different from what it used to be or is not as hard and does not last as long, coupled with the fact that the experience of ejaculation may not feel as strong as it used to, they are quick to associate virility with youthfulness. But I have found out that this may be due, in part, to just the weakening of the pelvic-floor muscles. Pelvic-floor muscles are responsible for drawing blood to the genitals during sexual activity, affecting erection and orgasm. And all that is needed is just a daily regime of Kegel exercise. The exercise actually fixes the problem up to 100 per cent regardless of age or prevailing circumstances.
Another common occurrence men of all ages notice at one time or the other is the experience of a longer refractory period; this is the time it takes the body to be ready for another erection after the first ejaculation, the period between the first and the next ejaculation. In some cases, the cooling off period may be as long as 12 to 24 hours or more or never. If you’ve climaxed, but you or your wife isn’t ready for the sexual experience to end just yet, the best approach is to focus on meeting your wife’s needs or on activities that don’t require an immediate erection. For example, you don’t need an erection for giving your wife an oral sex or manually stimulating her clitoris or sucking her breast or giving her a heavy foreplay that leaves her panting and wanting more. The magic of this is, it helps you to forget about your present predicament and refocus your attention on some other thing. This will spontaneously give an unexpected strong magical erection.
However, remember that whatever you do, don’t get stressed worrying about your virility. This is a sudden occurrence that comes once in a while and not a sign that you’re losing your touch. And you will likely find that the different sexual activities you engage in without an erection are still very pleasurable for you and your wife. Just be sure to reassure your wife that the longer time between your erections is not a reflection of how you feel about her. One of the best ways you can take control of this occasional occurrence is to press the end of your penis into her clitoral head while you are thrusting in and out. Make sure you linger in her vaginal entrance, where the most sensitive nerve endings are. So instead of deep ‘gbam’ ‘gbam’ thrusting, just focus on small, shallow thrusting movements that penetrate the first two to three inches of her vagina. This will not only help you to master the ejaculation but will trigger your wife’s arousal even if she has 3rd degree female genital mutilation [circumcision] and she will be 90 per cent of the time have a good orgasm. The trick here is when you help her have an orgasm first, it relieves you of some of the pressure to perform and the psychological anxiety that feeds into premature ejaculation. Wave off an early emission with some extra attention to her arousal because many husbands by this last much longer the second time around. And the more you practise, the longer that first time will last.
One best thing that helps this is to make your wife stay on top always. When she’s on top, your penis is less stimulated, then ask her to go slowly and slowly; long and fast thrusting is hazardous to a man’s endurance. This is because the area of the brain responsible for triggering orgasm is always engaged when having sex, whether you’re trying to have an ejaculation or trying to control ejaculation. Whichever way, just know that the more attention you give it, the more likely it is to arrive. So focus on what’s happening now, your wife’s silky thighs on your hips, or her erected nipple on your breast and before you know it, you’ll diffuse pleasure throughout your whole body instead of premature ejaculation.
Your health plays an important role in how you experience sex. This is because your body is a complex network of systems that must function properly in order for you to live your best. However, three particular systems take centre stage when it comes to keeping pleasure alive and well in the bedroom as you age; they are the nervous system, cardiovascular system and endocrine system. It’s really important for these three systems to work well together in order for a couple to successfully enjoy their sex life.
Getting sexually excited in the first place all starts with one of the most vital parts of a man’s central nervous system, the brain. So the brain is the most important sexual organ that you have (aside from the penis), because you need to be in a good place mentally and emotionally to enjoy the benefits of a healthy sex life. When you neglect a good eating lifestyle, diseases can damage your nerves like diabetes, which can interrupt nerve signals to the penis and lead to erectile dysfunction (ED), with other problems like incontinence of urine which can also damage the nerves.
As arousal works its way from the brain to the rest of the body, a healthy heart and cardiovascular system play another big role in the sex life of a couple. Each of the two helps you maintain an erection. Blood has to flow into your penis when you’re excited, and then back out after you’ve achieved orgasm. More importantly, the same kind of plaque that could clog the arteries and lead to heart attack can also restrict blood flow to the penis, resulting in ED. That’s why a healthy heart is so key to helping a man of any age to avoid below-the-belt problems.
Finally, the endocrine system comes into play via certain hormonal changes in the body. This is where the male hormone, testosterone, is put to the test. A decrease in the testosterone levels is normal as any man gets older but it must not be hampered by sickness, use of substance, pollution and bad eating habit. Because lack of it is a big reason why many men may feel low on energy and drive when it comes to having the kind of sex you would have loved to enjoy.
QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS
What is the meaning of dangerous erection?
Mr. David Suavehu
Dangerous erection is actually a situation when an erection refuses to go down for hours. This is also called Priapism. Priapism is a painful and dangerous condition that happens when blood fills the penis during arousal and fails to drain out. It can cause permanent harm to the organ by preventing oxygen-rich blood from entering. After a while, tissues in the penis actually begin to die due to lack of oxygen. Actually this affects close to about 10,000 men each year. Priapism is a common cause of sickle cell disease, a blood disorder, in which red blood cells become deformed. The cells then can get stuck in blood vessels in the penis and block blood flow. A study found that sickle cell disease accounts for about 20 per cent of priapism cases. Another common cause is a kind of injection that sometimes is used to treat erectile dysfunction. In many cases, the cause is unknown. Whatever the cause, priapism is an emergency that requires medical treatment right away. Remedies: the safest remedy is to quickly get to a doctor on time who may use a needle to remove the stagnant blood and flush out vessels, or inject the penis with a particular medication to help the blood drain under a very hygienic atmosphere or perform a surgery to install a by-pass in the penis. Please, never choose the option of staying home and hope “it” goes away. No, don’t do it! Getting help promptly is the best way to ensure that your manhood stays healthy and continues to work for you.
My wife and I have sex once or twice a day for 15-30 minutes each time.
I’m a 54-year-old man with an extremely active sex life. My wife and I have intercourse once or twice a day for 15-30 minutes each time. Does my activity mean I’m healthy?
Allan, Omoriveh
Waoh! nice to hear this. You are the envy of lots of men out there. Actually, about one in 20 men your age have sex more than four times a week, and by the way, almost 50 per cent of men age 85 with willing wives are still having very pleasurable sex on a regular basis.
Your ability to have sex is a yard-stick for your health. It is an indication of a better arterial health. Here’s what your enviable sex life suggests about your health, you don’t have bad health habits. You probably don’t smoke, aren’t overweight, and exercise regularly (outside the bedroom). You don’t have diabetes. You have plenty of testosterone, although testosterone normally drops 1%-2% annually after age 30, men with diabetes have significantly lower levels. You don’t have an over or underactive thyroid. Typically, thyroid trouble leads to premature ejaculation or an inability to have sex for 30 minutes at a stretch. Your arteries are healthy. Guys with hardening of the arteries, which impedes blood flow, tend not to get the hardening of the penis needed for great sex.
I am certain some other men are satisfying my wife’s sexual appetite
Funmi, I am desperately in need of help. As I am writing to you now, I am certain some other men are satisfying my wife’s sexual appetite all because of excessive belly fat. I am 49 years old with very big tummy. Initially, I did nothing about the excessive fat but when I sensed my wife might be cheating on me, I started working on it but nothing has worked. Initially during sex, we used the dog style while on bed, missionary, sitting position. Even with those styles, my penis just dingles and barely even gets to enter the tip of her vagina.
Baba Engliso
It’s estimated that one in 10 men worldwide suffers from erectile dysfunction (ED), as a result of belly fat. Belly fat doesn’t just spell trouble for your heart and blood vessels, it is horrible for your sex life, too. Excessive abdominal fat, known as omentum fat, takes up residence around your liver and other vital organs. When fat is released from the omentum, some of it goes straight to your liver and then on to your arteries. And omentum fat can do serious damage to your blood vessels. Clogged arteries and blood vessels reduce blood flow, not just to your heart but also to other critical organs, including your genitals. Without good circulation down there, men can have trouble getting or maintaining an erection. And both men and women need increased blood flow in sensitive areas to maximise sexual pleasure.
It doesn’t take much to turn up your fat-burning furnace and get your energy levels, self-esteem, and sex life back on track, just walk more. Walking is one of the best exercises for minimising belly fat. Taking a brisk 30-minute walk every day helps keep your fat cells from expanding. Try to measure your waist regularly; your waist should be a little less than half the number of inches in your height. And as a general rule, anytime a man’s waist size reaches 40 inches, his health and sex life are at risk. (Women’s waists should be no more than 36 inches.). Then replace some of the processed foods in your diet with oatmeal and lemon drink, instead of soda drink and in five months, this will become a history.
Have not had sex for four years
I am a widower and for four years now, I have not had sex, will it affect me medically?
Joshua Imobudu
Not at all
Is it safe to have sex with vaginal infections?
Hi Funmi, I am a new bride though I had been sexually active few months to my wedding. But I am worried over some things. Why do I get more vaginal infections now that I am married? Do I have to tell my husband that I am infected? Is it okay to have sex with the condition because the man is just all over me?
Mrs Preyee Jombo
During sex, your husband’s penis can propel rectal bacteria present near your vaginal opening into your urethra. Peeing after sex and cleansing your genital area with soap before sex will kill those bacteria. Yes, do tell him, just assure him that the condition is harmless and poses no risk to his health because they are rarely sexually transmitted diseases. Healthy husbands almost never develop them. With yeast infection, the vaginal tissues become inflamed, having sex further increases the irritation and slows down the healing process. Wait until three days for the infection to clear up before having sex, since symptoms such as burning, itching, and lack of lubrication make sex very uncomfortable.
Should I tell my friend?
I am aware that my friend’s husband is dating their next door neighbour’s wife. My friend doesn’t know about it yet but the two secret lovers are aware that I know of their escapades; should I tell my friend or just keep quiet? I don’t want to destroy another person’s home!
Flipu omo
It is not a wise thing for you to do the telling. No doubt if you go tell your friend that her husband is cheating, she may first not believe you, or her husband may turn the matter upside down and lie that you are actually the one making passes at him, then your friend may not handle the situation maturely and as such, your action may lead to the breakage of that marriage. What you need to do is to pray for your friend’s family to be restored and every strange woman who has come to put asunder God’s design be separated. If you pray for them, you are also sowing seeds of prayer for yourself in future. Besides, you don’t know if this may even endanger your own dear life. I think you should stay clear.
BY FUNMI AKINGBADE
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