Sexual order

The best of anything or everything is best enjoyed when it is done well and done properly. One of the frequent complaints of many married lovers is that their spouses are not orderly or the act of sex is very clumsy and un-interesting. One of my quotes of good sex is usually ‘a place for everything and everything in place.’ Whenever couples give priority to good organography for sexual intercourse, they do not only enjoy lasting sex; they enjoy bounding sex, they enjoy sex till old age, they enjoy the type of sex each party looks out for. So today, I want to assist couples on how to take their spouse into attaining the best sexual responses. The sexual response is actually the natural sequence of physical and emotional changes that occur as a spouse becomes sexually aroused and participates in sexually stimulating activities, which include releasing their minds, bodies and will in total abandonment during sexual act. Knowing how your spouse responds during each phase of the cycle enhances the relationship and helps married couples pinpoint the cause of any sexual challenge.

This sexual order is in four phases- excitement, plateau, orgasm, and resolution. Both men and women experience these phases, although the timing usually is different. For example, it is unlikely that both married couples will reach orgasm at the same time. In addition, the intensity of the response and the time spent in each phase varies from person to person. Understanding these differences would definitely help spouses better understand one another’s bodies and responses, and enhance the sexual experience.

Phase 1: excitement: general characteristics of the excitement phase, which can last from a few minutes to several hours, include the following: muscle tension increases, heart rate quickens and breathing is accelerated. Skin may become flushed (blotches of redness appear on the chest and back). Nipples become hardened or erect, blood flow to the genitals increases, resulting in swelling of the woman’s clitoris and labia minora (inner lips), and erection of the man’s penis, vaginal lubrication begins, the woman’s breasts become fuller and the vaginal walls begin to swell, the man’s testicles swell, his scrotum tightens, and he begins secreting a lubricating liquid. This does not just occur if some steps are not taken. For instance, couples can learn to give good sexual speech through whispering, phone calls and text messages. Do you know that with a single sexual and sensual call, you can get your spouse so aroused at his or her desk and he or she will be counting minutes just to get to you.

Hello, now, before you make that call, pick your tone: flirty, seductive, romantic, macho, dominator. When he or she answers, stay silent for a few seconds. Then, in your sexiest voice, describe how you would like him or her to kiss you, touch and undress you. Then take him or her through the finer details of how you are going to give him or her the most amazing oral sex ever. Non-verbal communication is a good element to spark up the best sexual response cycle in our partner. You can groan and moan, but you can also breathe, stay silent and then repeat such. By the time you hang up, you’ll have your spouse  so hot, his or her main problem will be hiding the fast breathing, and erected penis(for men)  from colleagues as he or she sneaks away from his or her desk with a head full of sexual  thoughts, treats and escapade for the night.

Put to use the power of the smooching. This speeds up the response of the other party. While you are smooching, try kissing around the edges of the lips, then run the tip of your tongue over them. The longer you can delay before inserting your tongue, the more sensual it will be. Lift your spouse’s face and teasingly kiss him or her around the chin and jaw, moving down to the sensitive areas of the neck and throat. Then extend your passion to a tongue bath: where you cover every inch of your spouse’s body with kisses.

Phase 2: plateau: general characteristics of the plateau phase, which extends to the brink of orgasm or climaxing,  include the following; the changes begun in phase 1 are intensified, the vagina continues to swell from increased blood flow, and the vaginal walls turn  darker in dark women and purple dark in fair complexioned women. The woman’s clitoris becomes highly sensitive (sometime may even be painful to touch) and retracts under the clitoral hood to avoid direct stimulation from the penis. The man’s testicles are drawn up into the scrotum. Breathing, heart rate, and blood pressure continue to increase. Muscle spasms may begin in the feet, face, and hands. Muscle tension increases. Believe you me, this stage can also be ignited if couples become more creative such as giving each other deep  caressing even with the clothes on. This can deliver some certain sexual thrill. Spouses can simulate each other with all the moves they would perform if both of them were nude, but make up your mind to stop yourselves from shedding your clothes. Then when you both notice you have got to the stage of no return, pull off your clothes and slid into this stage of sexual response cycle.

Phase 3: Orgasm stage: this is the climax of the sexual response cycle. It is the shortest of the phases and generally lasts only a few seconds. General characteristics of this phase include the following: involuntary muscle contractions begin; blood pressure, heart rate, and breathing are at their highest rates, with a rapid intake of oxygen; muscles in the feet spasm, there is a sudden, forceful release of sexual tension. In women, the muscles of the vagina contract. The uterus also undergoes rhythmic contractions. In men, rhythmic contractions of the muscles at the base of the penis result in the ejaculation of semen, a rash or goose pimple or sex flush may appear over the entire body. Two basic things accelerate this stage; careful clitoral stimulation and excellent high quality thrusting in and out.

Phase 4: resolution or the after play experience or often-called ‘aftercare’. During resolution, the body slowly returns to its normal level of functioning and swelled and erect body parts return to their previous size and colour. This phase is marked by a general sense of well-being, enhanced intimacy and, sometimes, fatigue. Some wives are capable of a rapid return to the orgasm phase with further sexual stimulation and may experience multiple orgasms. However, many husbands need recovery time after orgasm called a refractory period, during which they cannot reach orgasm again. The duration of the refractory period varies among men and usually lengthens with advanced age. This is actually not the same thing as inability to go for the second or third round of sex though but a stage of recuperation which more often than not corrects itself within a short period. Women take longer to relax and recoup after orgasm; this is the best time for reassuring communication and comforting cuddling. Few sweet caresses and gentle cuddling can be enough to wrap up a full life sexual encounter; husbands, do not leave your wife hanging.

From research, the fear of pregnancy most time prevents some couples from experiencing this sexual response cycle and they are not very comfortable with many available family planning methods. Condom can still do the trick. Condoms, when used properly, are very effective in preventing unintended pregnancies. Please, use only water-based lubricant oil- lubricants based such as Vaseline will weaken the condom and cause it to break. You can contact me for some of these lubricants. To prevent overflow of semen after sex, husband should withdraw from his wife immediately, holding onto the base of the condom. This will prevent the condom from slipping off and possibly leaking inside his wife’s uterus. Until I come your way, again this is your bedroom instructor. Wishing you a sexy and sweet weekend.

By Funmi Akingbade

Sexual health challenges (II)

Adequate, relevant and up to date information, they say, is the best life saver and best friend. Last week, we started the series on sexual health and today, by the special grace of God, we shall be rounding off our discussion on it.

The issue of low or inadequate testosterone is one area both husband and wife should be knowledgeable about. Many signs of low or inadequate testosterone have been mistaken for heart problems or fever problems or sometimes typhoid problems.

In many men, low testosterone can alter some typical masculine features and these men may start experiencing painful breasts or breast enlargement or rapid loss of body hair. Also, they start noticing shrinkage in their testicles and in most cases, it may be difficult for them to get or keep an erection. In fact, hot flashes are most often seen in men who have very low testosterone. Many men believe that testosterone only relates to sex, no. It also helps to build bone in men and when it is in low supply, it may lead to frail bones and osteoporosis. Testosterone may also help keep muscles strong. It helps produce red blood cells, boosts mood, and aids thinking. Low testosterone may cause anaemia, depression and trouble concentrating.

I always suggest that when men approach the age of 40, it is just wise to go for random check-ups because one of the life threatening dangers of low testosterone is that men with low testosterone don’t have symptoms. Only a blood test can tell what your testosterone levels are. When a boy starts to get a beard and pubic hair, testosterone has fully manifested.  It affects hair growth in men.  Addictive consumption of processed substances such as alcohol, smoking, some steroid medications and extreme processed foods can lower testosterone. Sadly, alcohol is directly toxic to the testicles, especially during the production of testosterone and it seems to affect the release of other hormones related to men’s sexual function and fertility. Shrunken testicles are a common sign of low testosterone in alcoholic men with liver disease, as well as lower libido and sexual potency. Enlarged breasts are common in heavy drinkers because alcohol sometimes may help convert testosterone into the female hormone, oestrogen.

When it comes to sexuality, many couples blame sexual dis-satisfaction on many things but the real one. One thing is certain; and that is when the purpose of a thing is not known or discovered, abuse is inevitable. Many married couples mix libidoral challenge with sexual challenges and emotional challenges. We will do our best to help find solutions to these. Firstly I need every couple out there to know that faulty gender libidoral expression, sexual health challenges such as premature ejaculation, weak erection, erectile dysfunction, frigidity both in husband and wife and animalistic expressions of sexual desires and need are all interwoven; so therefore we can actually use almost same method to cure them all. So relax and read attentively.

To prevent many mistakes, bear it in mind that sexual satisfactions should not be solely directed to an individual alone in the relationship. You first satisfy your spouse before thinking of your own satisfaction. This means you have to be really present during the act; you have to pay passionate attention to your spouse. In the moments of lovemaking, there is nothing more important than your eyes, your lips, and theirs. The best love happens when the world falls away and you are the only two beings that matter. And when the world really does fall away, you’ll be one being, delighting in each other’s bodies, minds, and souls. This should not be the moment when the wife will remember the food on her gas cooker or the cry of the baby or the downpour of rain while her clothes are on the cloth line. Monotony of these actions and attitude over the years kill libido and accelerate premature ejaculation.

Sexuality mistake also comes when couples do not deliberately find a good place for sex; passion has its place; a place that’s clean and uncluttered, not the mattress that is filled with the urine of the baby or room cluttered with the head ties, dresses and make up gadgets of the wife. The sheets are fresh; do not reserve new bedspread for visitors only. Pamper yourself and your spouse with the luxury of the new bed spread. The pillows are plump. The laundry is out of sight. The music is pleasant. Or spicy. Or slow. Or hot. There are fresh flowers or well-tended plants that can spice your room. Sex can take place in your bedroom, where the door is locked, so your hearts can open. But don’t limit your place of passion to the bedroom. Erotic passion can take place in the living room, the kitchen, the pantry, the backyard, the pent house, the grazing land, the beach–wherever you and your lover connect and privacy is hyped.

Many couples [especially some husbands] believe that it is when they do some out of this space action that they can rectify their libidoral mistakes or sexual health blunders, but do you know that novelty is actually an aphrodisiac? Passion ignites when the mind is curious. The excitement of the new has been proven from ages to always challenge the old and leads to new pathways of ecstasy. When your sexual script gets tired and desire fades, trying new ways to delight each other can amplify your appetite and your spouse’s. Simple changes can be stimulating too. Try a new room, a new fragrance, a new technique. Or try a new touch, a new kiss, a new endearment, or a new dirty talk such as the use of local language to describe the sexual organ of your spouse while having foreplay. But oddly, this is the time and moment many married husbands start having extra marital affair, thinking their wives were actually the cause of either their premature ejaculation, weak erection, quick ejaculation, inability to go for many rounds, erectile dysfunction, lack of libido and even impotency. The truth of the matter is familiarity actually breeds contempt. When and if you are so conversant, acquainted, accustomed and familiar with the same woman sexually, display libidoral expression, sexual and erotic fantasisies over some period of years, the possibility of you being able to easily interpret, decipher and decode all her sexual moves and even surprises is very high. And simply because of this, many husbands start off with extramarital escapades but if you give such new sexual relationship some few years, you also experience the same sexual dissatisfaction you had with the first woman. In other words, extra marital affairs mistake does not enhance good sexual performance nor keep good libido.

Another mistake couples make is using sickly tool to want to run a marathon. Many of our vaginas are sick. High percentage of the penises is quarter to pack up, while the prostrate is clamouring for survival. To experience best of sex, you must be healthy. Strength, stamina and flexibility, all enhance the passionate experience. Steadily work towards boosting each. You’d be amazed what simply losing five per cent of your body weight will do for all of these. If you also take conscious effort to alkalinize your body system and take less of acidified and synthetic meals, you’ll have more energy for lovemaking.  And if a wife takes time out to firm her vagina and works on her clitoris and the same time use good natural supplement, you’ll feel better about your body. Many prostrate problems like inflammation of the prostrate, cancer of the prostrate can really be handled by simply eating raw tomatoes and beetroot fruit on a daily basis while eating blended onions, egg, small raw pap, local banana, apple and milk and two cloves of garlic and ginger once in two weeks will rectify penis tissue abnormalities, especially it will prevent premature ejaculation. And the consumption of unripe plantain and cucumber with bitter kola will take care of weak erection with early stage of impotency. It is very important to recognise that there is a connection between diet and sex. Make eating fresh, healthy foods a passion and discover new depths to your enjoyment. And also bear it in mind that food eating by people who love healthy sex must be 80 per cent raw and 20 per cent cooked.

Couples do not give priority to hygiene. Never be too lazy to get up and brush your teeth. Shave, shower, brush the teeth, use fragrance sparingly, watch out for little sharp things like fingernails. Be smooth. Be touchable. On the other hand, don’t become obsessed with your appearance; that’s generally unattractive. Just notice anything that might take away from someone enjoying your body, and take care of it. Don’t let the trap of culture seal your lips; be flirtatious, say sexy, funny little things. Like so many things that give rise to passion, that will make your husband get instant erection and your wife’s vagina starts vibrating for a penis to enter fully. These gestures make erotic lovemaking starts long before you end up in the bedroom.

Saying something that only your partner would understand, placing your hand in an unexpected spot on your partner’s body, you can go as far as carefully putting your clean hands on his penis and start caressing it, or you the husband can trickily dip your fingers inside the panties of your wife, place one of the fingers on the clitoris while the two or three others inside the tip of the vagina and start thrusting in and out with the fingers while looking into  her eyes with fire that can easily signal your desire such as  ‘I am hot’. Everyone loves to be wanted. Flirting lets your spouse know just how much you want them.

To be continued

 QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS

Alcohol and erection

I see many people drink alcohol and they are still fine sexually. I really don’t want to buy that crap and lies that alcohol is the reason for my poor erection. Although I have been having issues with my ejaculation for three years now, a friend talked me into taking alcohol insisting that it helped in his inability to perform sexually. Initially, it helped; I could go for five rounds and still wanting more but now, the reverse is the case. I can barely sustain erection. The point is I try to reduce my alcohol consumption. Please, do you think it is alcohol that is disturbing my erection? Honest reply please.

Mr. Michela olokolale

 I would say yes with authority. I think you got deceived because you think everybody is alike, no.  Our genes differ and that is why your friend’s issue with alcohol and erection has not gone bad. But I can assure you that it will be sooner or later. But alcohol has only one assignment: destruction of our system. Alcohol never makes you sober; you can’t be sober-minded if you are not sober. It is a depressant; anything that depresses should be avoided at all cost. It leaves you worst not better, what you do in moderation, your children will do it in excess. Show me a family where alcohol has made a positive difference in their lives and health, you will not find one. Alcohol does not allow you to have self-control; it is a mind altering legal drug and the simplest drug is a silent poison. Alcohol is addictive. It is a numbing agent for pain and sorrow that only God can heal. Many regrets are associated with alcohol. Alcohol makes us to act in ways we normally would not have. Alcohol kills the brain cells, destroys the nerves and tissue of the penis. It is provided for false peace. It is a money, time and destiny waster. It leads to all bad behaviours. Alcohol makes you behave stupidly; it has ruined many marriages. If you do not want your teenager to start drinking, do not show them how. Alcohol lowers the ability to resist evil. Alcohol fills our mind with impure thoughts. Instead, drink water or water melon, fruits with egg white every night, it will restore your potency. Drinking two glasses of water in the morning helps activate the internal organs. Drinking one glass of water before a meal helps in digestion and weight loss. Drinking one glass of water before bed time helps prevent stroke or heart attack.

No climaxing in spite of high libido

I have never experienced orgasm. I am not circumcised, I love sex, I demand it from my husband more regularly than he asks me. I cannot stay two days without it but I have never experienced orgasm but I like missionary position. Help

Lola Oghoku

 Frankly, the missionary position is the position least likely to bring a woman to climax.

But there is a subtle adjustment you can make that can increase your chances of having an orgasm: the Coital Alignment Technique, or CAT. Have your husband move his entire body up about two inches. Your husband’s pubic bone will rest on top of yours so that the base of his penis presses on your clitoris. This position provides continuous stimulation of your clitoris during intercourse, increasing your chances of having an orgasm. Besides, let him concentrate more on your clitoris to the extent that you start breathing fast and panting; this is the starting point of orgasm. Although when it comes to sexual behaviour, no two people are always alike, some women can reach orgasm with any position. A wife who thinks about sex has more orgasm than those who do not.

 I need more facts about penis

I am a new bride to be, can you tell me some facts and figure about penis/vagina and their functionality?

Nicole Enjupo

On the lower part of the penis is a V shape tissue that is very sensitive to stimulation. Bigger testicles produce more sperm but not necessarily better quality. On average, the heart beats 70 times per minute but during orgasm, the heart races at 115 beats per minute. It takes 17 muscles to smile and over 100 muscles to have an orgasm. On average, couples spend two weeks of their lives kissing, the record for the longest kiss is 29 hours. In a one minute kiss, you actually burn 26 calories, 80 per cent of husbands are turned on when wives wear sexy lingerie and expose their nipples and clitoris. Women’ skin thins out when they are aroused, most men can maintain an erection for 40 minutes. In the US, the average time for sex is 10; 34pm, but Nigeria has no viable data. A woman’s sex drive is at its peak just before her period. During sex, the testicles retract into the body to protect them from getting knocked around especially during vigorous thrusting in and out and some clumsy movement. Married couples have sex 52 times a year, that is once a week, men experience an average of seven erections in a day five of them when he is asleep. Men’s nipples have the same level of pleasure receptors as women’s nipples, orgasm releases chemicals that curb appetite,  so sex helps you lose weight.

The average speed of an ejaculation is 20 mph, husbands find it incredibly sexy when women take the initiative and swing their breast and buttocks, cold shower can increase the production of sex hormone in men and women.

‎Funke Fajemisin-Ibrahim‎ to Inner Wheel Nigeria District 913

20 September 2015 · 

15 Common Habits That Can Damage Your Kidneys.

Here is a list of habits you should avoid:

1. The Sugary Soda Habit – A study carried out on employees at Osaka University in Japan suggested that drinking two or more soda drinks a day (diet or regular) may be connected with a higher risk of kidney disease. 12,000 employees were included in the study, and those that consumed larger amounts of soda were more likely to have protein in their urine. Protein in urine (proteinuria) is an early sign of kidney damage, but, when discovered at that stage, the disease can still be reversible.

2. Smoking – Smoking has been linked to arthrosclerosis. The narrowing and hardening of blood vessels affects the blood supply to all vital organs, including the kidneys. According to the study published in Clinical Pharmacology and Therapeutics, two cigarettes a day are enough to double the number of endothelial cells present in your blood. This is a signal of arterial damage. Clinical Journal of the American Society of Nephrology cites many different studies conducted since 2003 which all link smoking to decreased kidney function.

3. Vitamin B6 deficiency – A healthy diet is important for good kidney function. According to the studies performed at the University of Maryland Medical Center, vitamin B6 deficiency increases your risk of kidney stones. For optimal kidney function, you should consume at least 1.3 milligrams of vitamin B6 daily. The richest sources of this vitamin include fish, chickpeas, beef liver, potatoes and starchy vegetables, and non-citrus fruits.

4. Lack of exercise – Exercise is another good way to protect your kidneys. A large study published in 2013 in the Journal of the American Society of Nephrology suggested that postmenopausal women who exercised had 31% lower risk of developing kidney stones. Generally speaking, maintaining a healthy weight will reduce your chances of kidney stones, so get moving.

5. Magnesium deficiency – If you don’t get enough magnesium, calcium can’t get properly absorbed and assimilated, which can result in calcium overload and kidney stone formation. To prevent that, consume green leafy vegetables, beans, seeds and nuts. The mighty avocado is a good source of magnesium as well.

6. Frequent sleep disruption – We all like a good night’s sleep. And so do our kidneys. Science Daily reports that chronic sleep disruption can cause kidney disease. According to Dr. Michael Sole, Cardiologist and founding director of the Peter Munk Cardiac Center and Professor of Medicine and Physiology at the University of Toronto, kidney tissue gets renewed during the night, so sleep interruptions can cause direct damage to this organ.

7. Not drinking enough water – Our kidneys need to get properly hydrated to perform their functions. If we don’t drink enough, the toxins can start accumulating in the blood, as there isn’t enough fluid to drain them through the kidneys. The National Kidney Foundation suggests drinking at least 12 glasses of water per day. An easy way to see if you’re drinking enough is to check the color of your urine.

8. Not emptying your bladder early – When nature calls, you should listen. Retaining urine in your bladder is a bad idea. If done on regular basis, it can increase the urine pressure in your kidneys and lead to renal failure or incontinence.

9. Consuming too much sodium – Salt is important for the body, but you should limit your intake. Over consumption can raise your blood pressure and put too much strain on the kidneys. No more than 5.8 grams of salt should be eaten daily, so take it easy with that salt shaker.

10. Consuming too much caffeine – We often consume more caffeine than we think we do. It features in many soft drinks and sodas, and before you know it, your blood pressure goes through the roof and your kidneys start complaining.

11. Pain-killer abuse – Way too often we take medications too fast, in too big doses and not in the right way. When pain occurs, it’s so easy to just swallow the pill. But, you should think twice. All pharmaceutical drugs come with side effects, and many cause damage to the kidneys. Having said that, there are some drugs that you should be taking. See the next point.

12. Missing your drugs – High blood pressure and type 2 diabetes are two very common conditions that are often brought on by our life style and unhealthy diet. If you already have them, be aware of the damage they can cause to your kidneys and protect your precious organs by taking the prescribed medications.

13. Too much protein – According to Harvard University, too much protein in your diet can harm the kidneys. The by product of protein digestion is ammonia – a toxin your hard-working kidneys need to neutralize. More protein means more effort for the kidneys, which can, over time, lead to decreased function.

14. Not treating common infections quickly and properly – We are all guilty of sometimes ignoring simple colds and flu, and pushing our bodies to the brink of exhaustion. But that can cause kidney damage. Studies have shown that people who are reluctant to rest and heal properly, often end up with kidney disease.

15. Too much alcohol consumption – The toxins found in alcohol not only damage the liver, but also your kidneys. According to Kidney Health Australia and American Kidney Fund, one way to avoid kidney disease is to drink alcohol in moderation.

Must Share Please

Why office affairs seem difficult to break (4)

As much as I would have loved to put an end to this topic last week and move on to another interesting topic entirely, I kept on getting countless calls, WhatsApp messages, SMS and hectic visits to my office due to the effect the topic has generated so far. So I deemed it necessary one more time to do justice to this topic to the best of my ability. So today, we shall be looking at another two reasons husbands run after office affairs.  Many husbands fall victims of ‘office affair’ in the bid to avoid marital stress. They would rather unwind in a stress-free, conducive, weird but wonderful spot than being at home with their wives. An affluent Ghanaian tourist who was visiting  my office for the second time, came in at about 11am to collect  some erotic, educative films, lubricants and sex tools for himself and his ‘call girl’ which he had earlier on ordered for. Knowing he was married and had previously been treated with the Chinese herbs for enlargement of penis with a fantastic result; I wanted to know why he opted to go on vacation with a ‘call girl’ and not his wife.  ‘Sir, why do you prefer to watch such educative erotic films with a total stranger and not your wife?’ I asked. His instant response was an eye opener. “Madam, I have just one life to live, I want to live it to the fullest; I do not want to die before my time.” ‘Really,’ I replied, ‘are you hiding from kidnappers or running away from hired assassins or what is actually after your life?’ I asked because to the best of my knowledge, this client has a wife that any man would die to have; she is beautiful, elegant, and highly influential. It took him a moment before he actually answered in a low sad voice. He said, “hmmm madam, you know how these things are, before marriage, most Nigerian women often curtail their unpleasant manners, act of devilish jealousy and misbehaviours just to get the man hooked but the moment she starts sharing your bed, kitchen and your cheque book, it does not take long for distinct bad habit to expose itself, even when you are willing to understand, tolerate and bear it, that is the time they are ready to frustrate your life. I know it is not fair for me to do what I am doing but madam, I have tolerated my wife’s ill-manner long enough. I need to live again.

 “Do you know that for the past twelve years of marriage, my wife has always denied me sex time and again, all in the name of her rubbish meetings because of the position she occupies in the office and society. We only have sex once in three months or at her convenience and that is when she has made me less than a man with her speech and attitudes. I have begged, bought her things, established her in business and even bought a copy of your book, Sexual intimacy in marriage, just to feel the passion of sex with the woman I love, married and want to spend the rest of my life with, all to no avail. My wife is a beauty to behold, with excellent shape but she thinks she is too good for me. She would give one thousand and one reasons why I must be sex starved especially when she wants to prove a point or wants to have her way. Her ‘middle name’ is ‘no sex for you’. Why do I have a wife yet suffer tremendously from rejection 24/7?  As much as I would in all sincerity love to take these films home to her for both of us to enjoy, can I tell you what I would get in return? accusations, abuses, rebukes, scolding, lectures, tell offs, castigations, chastisement and preaching. So madam, if you were in my shoes, would you not go for a ‘call girl? Most times, the culture blames men for infidelity but has the culture ever wondered what some of such men are going through in the bid to make their marriage work? Many women are devil incarnate in their behaviour, especially when things are not going their way. I want to live!!!”

Without doubt, the tool of sex is one of the most important ‘can’t do without’ for most men and women. Many times, wives allow whatever differences they have to affect their sex life; when a wife constantly nags, compares, appears too good for the man, disrespects and criticises her husband, the memories of such actions stay longer than expected and such memories do not have expiring date. When a wife does not mind her words, she may mistakenly be sending her man into the arms of ‘call girls’ or office girls because memories affect sexual melody. Research has shown that a husband’s sex drive and libido is directly linked to his ears. The tendency to run away from negative speeches and speaker to positive one makes husbands run into the arms of ‘call girls’ and arms of a female co-workers. I got this direct statement from a barrister that I will call Lopeonje, ‘these girls do not make unattainable demands, take undue advantage, nor ‘school’ you like a mother.’

Wives, do not use demeaning words to describe your husband’s penis or sexual activities, or sexual inadequacies; rather enhance every shortcoming with positive speech. When a wife compares her husband’s sexual skill with her former lover or a porn video, this is an open cheque to try someone new and ‘call girls’ and office co-workers are always the first to heed such calls and beckons.  Do not place a ‘price tag’ or embargo on your sexual organs; if you do, some immature husbands may go for the lesser bidder. From research, many ‘call girls’ are not using ‘juju’ on your husband; they just know how to treat them like an irreplaceable and most important customer. Many wives forbid their husbands from touching their breasts because they don’t  want to be rough handled. Yes, as much as your breast should not become a tissue paper in the hands of your husband, it is one area that arouses their sexual triggers. Tell them how best to handle this special commodity.

  Believe it or not, a dirty, unclean, untidy and an unorganised woman sends her man running to the arm of a ‘fine articulate, sexy female co-worker with good body odour’. Remember, there is a place for everything and everything must be in place. Learn how to be orderly, neat, and well kept. Some husbands would rather pay for the service of a ‘female co-worker or call girl’ than have sex with a dirty wife whose vagina, armpit and hairdo smell.

Many wives fail to interpret their husband’s libidoral preferences and language. Some husbands want wives that are very entertaining in bed, they want to be mentally stimulated which means looking sexy gets them hot! While some are straightforward and down-to-earth in sexual matters, they are impatient and like sex to be fast and satisfying at all times. Another category of men are those with strong, electrifying and deep sexuality, but very particular about hygiene. Good hygiene stimulates their erotic appetites, which can be voracious when awakened.

Music or other forms of sensual, non-verbal expression will strike a chord in some husbands; it opens the floodgates of passion, which can be both insatiable and possessive. They love to listen and feel every moment, they love fresh, clean, and uncomplicated body aroma. Touch is magic to them, and they love long, sensual kissing sessions. The neck and the ear lobe are sensitive zones for such husbands. Kiss and lick it gently, run your fingers on it softly, clutch it tenderly as you kiss slowly and sensually. Undress slowly, this makes them to be solid and strong in bed.

Another set of men are aggressive, action-oriented, often impatient, and at times even a bit impulsive; they find any sort of delay or deferral almost impossible to bear. While others are easily carried away by excellent personality, fine character and nice speeches, the key technique to turning such husbands on is admiration, praise and more praise.

A wife must be a mistress of seduction, giving room for adjustment. According to research, men appreciate foreplay for the same reasons women do; it feels good physically and the extra anticipation makes their orgasm more intense. The common consensus that men like it fast and furious is only a myth. Husbands really like seeing their wives naked; it is a sure fire libido trigger. When a man sees a sexy image, his testosterone levels rise, spiking his sex drive and making his penis erect.

The longer you let his eyes linger, the more aroused he will be. While he is on the bed, peel off your clothes slowly. Keep the lights on and tell him he can look but not touch. Rotate around and let him view you from different angles, then lean unto him for a few close-ups. To draw his gaze to a certain body region, brush your fingers over it or cup it in your hands. Alternatively, keep the area covered a bit by wearing a lacy bra or bum shorts. When you finally remove that last item, he will feel like he is seeing something like a taboo, which is a turn-on move that will slowly bring his craving to a boil. The ultimate take-him-prisoner movie is a move ‘call girls don’t miss out on and who says you can’t make it happen for him.

While he is on his back, scoot down so you can touch the skin and awaken the nerves, so you get him ready for a more direct stimulation later on. Boost his bliss even further by gliding your tongue along each crease while his knees are bent and his legs are spread slightly. This position will make him feel more vulnerable, magnifying every sensation your mouth makes.

From my personal experience and interactions with many couples, I have discovered that sex and money are the two most important ingredients in marriage. When the two are present, a marriage enjoys unqualified bliss but when any of the two is missing, just one outcome is possible: unending crises. The way and manner rich wives handle money is another reason why many husbands run to call girls just to nurse their ego.

He who pays the piper calls the tune is a very true statement but when the wife is the one paying the piper, she must wisely and subtly call the tune.

 Have the best of sex life till next week when I come your way. I am still your loyal bedroom instructor.

Why office affairs seem difficult to break (3)

It is amazing how the present topic we are dealing with has generated many responses from our numerous readers from home and abroad. Well, today we shall still examine another reason or reasons why office affairs have become an endemic situation. Believe it or not, the quest and longing for blowjob is one of the reasons many partners especially the husbands find themselves in the arms of another woman. Before you think this is not a good enough reason why a highly educated, responsible, complete gentleman and a good father will condescend so low to fall into the arms of a co-worker just to receive a blowjob, you need to ask what is so special about blowjob men. As strange or anti-culture or anti-tradition blowjob appears, it is one of the many fantasies of most husbands and oddly, the wives of these husbands behave as if blowjob is a death sentence. They live in denial and blind themselves to the need of their husbands who live and dream of this act of sexuality.

Majority of husbands love blowjob but few voice it out for fear of being reprimanded. From the various feedback so far, there is a way ‘many of these ladies in the office perform blowjob that some of these husbands do not only wish their wives would know, but keep making them ask for more. A few days ago, a top executive booked an appointment with me in my Lagos clinic.  He wanted to receive a private sexual health counselling because one of his best friends just died recently in his hotel room while having a romantic session, one of which is a ‘classical’ blowjob treat. His friend, a highly successful man was married with two children but prior to the time he received the blowjob treat, he had suffered a mild stroke.

In the course of our discussion, he said, “Madam, we husbands know the right thing to do, we are aware we should not cheat on our wives but  many of these office girls know how to dish out breathtaking blowjob styles that our wives frown at which we enjoy to the fullest.”

“What do you mean by this, sir? I enquired anxiously. “What I am saying is that these office girls understand and appreciate our sexual cravings; they play the game by the rule and know the right place to hit. Though dirty sometimes, that is what makes it more interesting, appealing, tempting and alluring to many of us. These girls have originality and take initiatives that make us go gaga. If same requisition is asked from our wives, the way and manner these wives will size us up with a disdain look makes you think as if you just slaughtered a living being. And in view of this, we try to play along to make them believe we are the perfect husbands and get all we want from these office girls at little or no expense.”

I am sure many wives are not in good terms with me because they think I am not encouraging bonding between them and their husbands, but on the contrary, believe me, my concern is to see a sexually responsible husband; a man who would be sexually loyal to his wife and a good father to his children. However the truth has to be told that originality and initiative work well on the psychic of men than you can ever imagine, and that is why it is very important for wives to be up to the task. You must learn the secret trade codes of these ‘office girls and send your husband off their back before they send you packing from your matrimonial home.  My fellow sisters, are you good in bed? What is the most memorable and most incredible sex you have ever given your husband lately that can erase his memories of alternatives,  blowjob inclusive? When his mood never strikes, what trick do you play to instigate sex?   Have you ever performed an erotic dance in front of your husband until he caves in and reacts?  The word blowjob sounds so awful to some wives, but the absence of it in some marriages can affect the home adversely. Let us dig deep into the practical details on this sexy treat.

According to research, 33 per cent of husbands say they wish their wives would surprise them with blowjob when they walk in the door, while 54 per cent of them want blowjob as foreplay. Fifty-one per cent of husbands complain that their wives ignore their scrotom during blowjob season. Wisdom then demands that if this is the case, nothing stops a wise spouse to phone or text her husband when he is almost home, and then ambush him with a full dose of blowjob.

As soon as you both are on bed, lay side-by-side by him, put your head near his penis waste no time, start licking his penis. As you lick his penis, let your hands massage his ‘balls’ rubbing them simultaneously. Mrs. Young who went home and practised blowjob on her husband discovered that one of her husband’s ‘balls’ was bigger and this worried her. Please do not let this ruin the thrilling pleasure of the service you are rendering.  It is normal for one ball to be bigger than the other; they are like feet, breasts, hands and ears: no two are identical.

One way to give your man earth-shattering blowjob pleasure is to caress his penis and scrotom until he has an erection; stroke a flat hand all the way down his penis, over his balls and on to his inner thighs, then slowly move it back up again. The sensation will be most intense around the tip of his penis but by continuing the stroke, you will get him used to the different levels of arousal in each area.

Trail your tongue down his shaft to the area between his testicles and the base. Purse your lips together, and lightly suck on the patch of skin. It is packed with nerve endings, so any attention you give it will feel heavenly. One thing that ‘call girls’ employ as a turn on for husbands is enthusiasm. In fact, lots of them have a hard time fully enjoying themselves sexually because they worry that their wives hate being down there. Please let him know you like it by softly moaning as you take him into your mouth.

With blowjob, his temperature rises slightly when he is aroused, so anything cool will be a pleasurable addition. Put on the air-conditioner or point a fan in his direction so that while you are between his legs, he is feeling both warm from your mouth and a cool breeze from the fan or air-conditioner. The combination can send him over the edge. How I wish you will try this, this night and give me a call.

The ridge of his penis where the tip meets the shaft is very sensitive to touch. Place your lips around that ridge like a vice. Apply firm pressure as you would squeeze fruit, then release and repeat. This movement perks up the nerves and lets him relax, which can feel good. There is another unique way to give his frenulum, which is the tiny bump on the underside of his penis where the shaft meets the tip, a treat. Just place the tip of your finger on it, and then take his shaft (along with your finger) into your mouth. As you move your mouth up and down, rub your finger over the joint, he will exclaim in pleasure.

You probably already know a man is visual, but it can be hard for him to get a decent view while you are down there lavishing his penis with devotion and worship. Place a standing mirror next to you so he can check you out. The combination of feeling and seeing you will blow his mind; I am so certain no ‘female co-worker’ can compete with this.

Many wives run from blowjob because they do not want their husband to ejaculate into their mouth. There is no big deal at all. All you need to do is ask him to signal to you when he is about to climax so you can move your mouth from his penis but keep on stimulating him with your hands.

Lastly, another way to get these female co-workers off the back of  your husband into forever blowjob bliss is this: start pleasuring him orally by sucking him, and when he’s close to climax, put his penis between your breasts. You can heat up his passion by rubbing some baby oil into the  cleavage of your breasts, then, place your palms on either side of your breasts and push them together as he slides the shaft of his penis back and forth until he gets to climax. No matter how many times he makes demand on you, the goal is to make it as pleasure-filled as possible. If any wife out there can do this, you will not only win the heart of your husband over again, there would not be need for you to worry over ‘call girls.’

Another reason married men go after their female office co-workers, stay out at night and hang out with the boys is because many of the girls serve them lots of natural aphrodisiac food and erotic films. They give them one off-time treat that makes these men come over and over again. Aphrodisiacs are substances, usually food, drinks or films that enhance sexual desire and energy that affects sexual ability. Aphrodisiacs have been used from centuries and couples still turn to them to give an increase in sexual desire. I always encourage couples to try aphrodisiacs to spice up their libido. There are many products both natural and artificial that fall into this category; there are imported ones and they are available in our clinic. These girls do not only prepare food with aphrodisiacs, they directly apply them on their body for the man to eat from. For instance, nothing stops a wife from smearing her vagina with pure honey while her husband licks from it. How about serving him with a hot ‘tiger nut drink?’

Some common available ones include combination of watermelon and egg white, locreal drink, ginger, bananas, roasted nuts, cucumbers, ginseng, tomatoes, local popcorn, onions, curry leaves, honey and chocolate.  They have an immediate effect on the couple’s moods and they are sensual-inducing spice and since they produce results, awaken and provoke sexual energy, why not go for them? The list is unending if a wife takes it upon herself to go more than she has gone, many of the husbands will stay home more. Until next week, keep your sex bed fire blasting.

By Funmi AkinGbade

The 7 Characteristics Of An Eagle And Why They Are Lessons For Good Leadership

1. Eagles Have vision if you ever happen to see an eagle sitting high above the tree or cliff of a stiff mountain, watch closely and see how attentive the bird is. The body sits still and the head will be tilted side to side to observed what is happening below, around and above it. Even if its flying close by, you can observe how keen its eyes are looking for its prey. Eagles have a keen vision. Their eyes are specially designed for long distance focus and clarity. They can spot another eagle soaring from 50 miles away.

Does this characteristic ring a bell in your mind? I am sure it does. Look at great leaders of this world who have come and gone. There are many great leaders that came and went but one characteristic that is common in all is"Vision". Vision is a successful leadership characteristic take Abraham Lincoln for example. Abraham Lincoln, the 16th president of the United States, guided his country through the most devastating experience in its national history, the Civil War. He had a vision, to save the union and free the slaves. He is considered by many historians to have been the greatest American president.

You must have a vision that guides and leads your team towards the organization's or societal goals. The vision must be big and focused. A big, focused vision will produce big results.

2. Eagles are fearless. An eagle will never surrender to the size or strength of its prey. It will always give a fight to win its prey or regain its territory.

Try and watch the video on how the Golden Eagle displays remarkable hunting strategy, preying on goats much larger than itself by throwing them off the cliff face.

No matter what the size of that person or what weapon they maybe holding, you would attack them without thought or regard for yourself. It wouldn’t even dawn on you to be afraid because your instinct is to protect that which you love and cherish.

Successful leaders are fearless. They face problems head on.

3. Eagles are Tenacious

Watch an eagle when a storm comes. When other birds fly away from the storm with fear, an eagle spreads its mighty wings and uses the current to soar to greater heights. The eagle takes advantage of the very storm that lesser birds fear and head for cover.

Challenges in the life of a leader are many. These are the storm we must face as leaders to rise to greater heights. Like an eagle, a leader can only rise to greater heights if he takes up the challenges head on without running away from it. This is yet another leadership characteristic.

4. Eagles are High FlyersEagles can fly up to an altitude of10,000 feet, but they are able to swiftly land on the ground. At 10, 000 feet, you will never find another bird. If you find another bird, it has to be an eagle.

An eagle doesn't mingle around with the pigeons. It was Dr. Myles Munroe who said that. Pigeons scavenge on the ground and grumble and complain all day long. Eagles are not.

They fly and make less noise waiting for opportunities to strike their next prey or glide with the current of the storm.

Great leaders are problem solvers.

They don't complain like the pigeons do. They love to take challenges as the eagle does when the storm comes.

5. Eagles Never Eat Dead Meat

An eagle never eats dead meat. In other words, an eagle does not scavenge. It only eats the meat from the prey it kills itself. Eagles eat raw and fresh meat What a great act of true leadership.

A true leader spends time with people who are vibrant and liberal in thinking. You have to be with people who can think, make informed decisions and take actions.

These are the people who bring changes to the society. They are lively and active people. Go out and look for them.

According to Tony Buzan, a proponent of the techniques of Mind Mapping and mental literacy, these type of people are called change thinkers and change makers.

There is a saying that goes like this:"People you hang around with and the books you read eventually determines the person you become."

6. Eagles posses VitalityEagles are full of life and are visionary but they find time to look back at their life and re-energize themselves. This happens at about the age of 30. What happens is that when the eagles reach the age of 30, their physical body condition deteriorates fast making it difficult for them to survive.

What is really interesting is that the eagle never gives up living, instead it retreats to a mountaintop and over a five month period goes through a metamorphosis.

It knocks off its own beak by banging it against a rock, plucks out its talons and then feathers. Each stage produces a re-growth of the removed body parts, allowing the eagle to live for another 30 - 40 years.

There are times in your life as a leader that you must look back and take stock of your life. The good and the bad experiences you have been through as a leader. Are you keeping in trend with the current knowledge trend? Do you need to improve your certain areas in your life as a leader? Great leaders are the ones that always do "check and balance"of their personal and professional lives and make an effort to learn things every day.

7. Eagles Nurture their younger ones Believe this or not.

Eagles are known for their aggression. They are absolutely ferocious aren't they? Any one who doesn't have a total knowledge of this great bird will say yes. What is more astonishing with this bird is their ability to nurture their young ones. Research has shown that no member of the bird family is more gentle and attentive to its young ones than the eagles.

This is how it happens. When the mother eagle sees that time has come for it to teach the eaglets to fly, she gathers an eaglet onto her back, and spreading her wings, flies high. Suddenly she swoops out from under the eaglet and allows it to fall. As it falls,it gradually learns what its wings are for until the mother catches it once again. The process is repeated. If the young is slow to learn or cowardly, she returns it to the nest, and begins to tear it apart, until there is nothing left for the eaglet to cling to. Then she nudges him off the cliff. True leaders are not bosses. They grow with their people. They strive to make individuals in the organization or society grow to their full ability. They teach and guide just like the mother eagle does. They never stop giving challenges but never give-up empowering and directing.

Why office affairs seem difficult to break (2)

Last Saturday, we started a series on why office affairs seem difficult to break. Today, we shall proceed with the continuation. Lopsided libidoral match is a common complaint among women who seek office sexual pleasure outside their matrimonial bed, particularly among those married to men far older than they are, or women who possess a higher sexual libido. It is also common among women in their second or third marriages.

It is no longer a taboo today to see women possessing a high insatiable sexual appetite, and the moment these cravings are in short supply, the tendencies to seek for availability is usually on the rampage. The other Thursday, I paid a visit to a famous shop on Victoria Island and  as I was about entering the store, I noticed a loudspeaker van neatly parked not too far from the store. As I moved nearer, the salesman came out with a microphone singing the praise of some aphrodisiac drug for women. To my surprise, a number of women crowded round this man to examine the products in public! Before now, such was not common, but times are changing fast. Many husbands are not aware of the fact that their wives have more sexual taste bud than they have especially when these wives are highly enlightened and exposed. Many wives with high insatiable sexual appetites now go for artificial penis, younger penis and any available penis while they give excuses of working late at work. One of the reasons why this is rampant is the fact that many of their husbands do not really care to sexually satisfy them or they are down with different kinds of erectile dysfunction cases and are not ready to find solution to such ailment. Also sometimes, such husbands are not sexually experienced, relevant or inspiring  sexually. They either don’t care or do not take the feeling of the wives into recognition.

Imbalance sexual drive is a culprit why married women seek sexual pleasure at work places.  I have seen what happens to marriages when husbands have little or no desire for sex and the wives yearn for it desperately.

Read what a woman said during a recent visit to my office.

‘Please help me. I am 38, married to a 53-year-old man with a three-year-old daughter. For the past three years, my husband has avoided being sexual with me. We have gone from having sex twice a week to now, if I am lucky, once in four months. I am miserable and I cannot keep living like this; sex means a lot to me. Many times, I have to excuse myself from the living room to anywhere to masturbate. I am not only addictive masturbator but I have all sorts of didos but I will give all these up for my husband to just give me sex just once in a week. I am ashamed to say this to my friends but please, I am dying gradually without sex. And to make it worse, I have begun to fall for one of my office workers who has history of going for more than one rounds with sexually starved women with no fees attached. This is not a new thing in my office but my problem is, will this not destroy my marriage?’

One out of every three couples struggle with problems associated with low sexual desire. One study found that 20 per cent of married couples have sex fewer than 10 times a year! In addition, low sexual desire is not only “a woman’s thing.” Many sex experts believe that low sexual desire in men is the world’s best-kept secret. People with low sexual desire are generally married to partners who want more sex; those whose sexuality, intimacy, physical closeness, and connection are extremely on high demand. Sex is an extremely important part of marriage. When it is good, it offers couples opportunities to give and receive physical pleasure, to connect emotionally and spiritually. It builds closeness, intimacy, and a sense of partnership. Husband, if your libido is lacking, remember that your most powerful sexual organ is your brain. In order to feel more sexual, you first have to decide that a loving, satisfying sex life and marriage are important. Then commit to finding your untapped sexuality strength within.

 Although once in a while, every man, even with the highly sexed husbands, experiences occasional lows in their sex drive. However, when a husband’s libido is nowhere to be found, there is danger. There are many reasons to stretch oneself for solution because unsatisfying sexual relationships often cause disaffection, isolation, division, alienation, free office infidelity, and divorce. In most relationships, the spouse with the lower desire sets the pace for the sexual relationship, controlling when and how it happens. Am I saying you should have sex any time your spouse desires or that you should go through the motions just to keep peace? No! Many husbands with lower sex drives are essentially saying, “I know you’re sexually unhappy. I won’t do anything about that, but I still expect you to remain faithful.” Can you see what is wrong with this picture? What many of such husbands get at the end of the day is a woman who has got hooked with an office affair and finds it hard to break because of the satisfaction and fulfilment. It is best for a partner not to be sexually involved with another fellow who makes the victim sexually satisfied than his or her legally married partner. When this is the order of the day, such victim may be forever hooked sexually to the person that brings him or her to the point of no return when it comes to sexual satisfaction.  When you decide to make sexuality more important, you and your wife will become more emotionally connected and you can trust her sincerity. You will not only feel closer to your wife, but you might also discover your sexual appetite has not really vanished; it was merely camouflaged maybe because of stress, sickness or work!  Knowing why you are not so interested in sex will not boost your desire, doing something about it will.

 There are practical ways out. You can adopt the ‘old Nike slogan solution’ which says, “Just do it.” Are you wondering how? Will having sex when I am not in the mood boost my desire? Human sexuality experts once assumed all people experience sexual desire in a similar way: something triggers a sexy thought, which triggers an urge to act. Sexual stimulation then makes you feel aroused. However, recent studies show that for some husbands, sexual desire does not precede arousal; it actually follows it. Some husbands rarely (or never) find themselves fantasising about sex, but when they become sexual with their wives anyway, they become aroused. Once aroused, there is a desire to continue.

 Just because a husband is not hungry for sex does not mean he has a problem with arousal. Lots of husbands with low sexual desire actually enjoy sex once they get started. Now listen, hormones do not have to be raging; you do not need an overwhelming feeling of passion. Many times, husbands with lower desire have sexual urges; they are just more subtle than their wife’s is. Husbands, you might notice your wife looks great in her tight short jeans and have a fleeting thought about sex. The thought may not linger, but it is there. Rather than allow these moments to go unnoticed, heed them and act on them fast.

Quickly seize the opportunity; take her there and march her straight to the bedroom. Make her bend over the side of the bed so her stomach and breasts are against the mattress and her feet are on the floor, legs spread comfortably. As you, the husband penetrate her from behind, lift her legs from just above the knees, hold them apart, and thrust in and out. With her body angled slightly downward and her legs apart, you will get deep penetration. Moreover, since her hips are in your grip, you can thrust away with total abandon. In addition, you can easily view her sexy rear and watch yourself move in and out of her. Your penis is perfectly slanting for her pleasure and when you are getting close to climaxing, shift your hands from her hips to her clitoris. This sudden but subtle adjustment will make for an extra lively ending as you gain even more control.

Alternatively, you may decide to give her the ‘stand and deliver sex’ still wearing her tight short jeans by making her lean against a wall with her legs slightly spread, facing you. Just grab onto the back of her thighs and hold them against your hips, lifting her up and pushing her back into the wall for an advantage, then thrust away as though you are cruising a new car. The fact that you both are up-close-and-personal, your wife’s cravings for face-to-face intimacy is fully delivered with guarantee. In addition, stand-up sex also scratches that I-need-you-now itch that plagues passionate wives; this position is primal and versatile — perfect for a quickie.” In addition, tell her to squeeze her thighs together, this will narrow her vaginal canal, which in turn enhances the friction you will feel.

Again, tell your wife to lie on her side with her arms above her head. With you on your side and your body perpendicular to hers, tell her to slowly raise her top leg while you inch your lower body between her legs. Once you are joined at the groin, grab her shoulders while she anchors herself on the floor. This sideways sex position is one for the record books that your wife would not forget in a hurry! On top of the typical thrusting, you two can enjoy some serious shallow grinding. Moreover, this new entry angle allows you to explore every inch of her inner chamber, especially the often-ignored sides, providing you with an array of options; it will not take much to send your sex drive flying.

Some husbands with low desire say they’re more interested in making love under certain conditions—at certain times of the week, after a huge contracts, or a good raise at work, on vacation or after a long erotic massaging.  Identify what is different about the times you feel more inclined, and take advantage of those moments. In other words, if cold baths turn you on, go into the shower or bathroom with your wife and act it out. Try acting more sexual. Mr. Victor, a 42-year-old orthopaedic nurse, was in my office with his wife. After intensive counselling section, he discovered that the key to boosting his interest in sex was watching his wife bathing/ sleeping naked under the cloth and watching erotic educative films together. This does not only heighten his interest in sex, but also draws him closer to his wife.

 To those older husbands who are married to younger women, there will be times when you really do not feel like having sex. Instead of just saying no or “I’m too old for that,” which feels like a rejection to your wife, offer an alternative. You could say outright, ‘come have sex with me’. Alternatively, “honey my body needs a massage’ after which I’d love to go on a sex trip with you”. Remember sex is a gift; make up your mind to give the gift of being sexual even when you do not feel like it. Some studies suggest that as many as high percentage of men say their sex drive is not what it used to be before initiating sex but after initiating it, the sex drive skyrocketed. In addition to this, the use of natural herbs against weak erection, erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation is available for a permanent one off cure and the permanent effect of this will take you from a zero level to surplus level.

Another reason why many married women secretly seek sexual pleasure outside their marriage is when they find themselves married to husbands with small penis and who do not smartly put it to use or ready to do anything about it. The bigger the better is the slogan of many women today. As I said earlier on, husbands with such challenge can now smile because of the newly discovered Chinese herbs that have been making waves with fantastic result. Do not let your union become a sex-starved union; create intimacy by meeting her desires, it serves as an assurance of commitment to one another. According to researches, many wives with husbands who are not well endowed crave for bigness and fullness. Although many may and will not voice it out, nature has made it in such a way that you always yearn for what you don’t have.

By Funmi Akingbade   

Why office affairs seem difficult to break

Regrettably and sadly, I have witnessed countless marriages and relationships that have been irrevocably ruined by the negative effects of office affairs/romance. Many homes have been damaged by this menace and many children have become fatherless and destitute all because of a simple office affair. Cheating in marriage by means of office affairs is a common phenomenon today. In one way or the other, spouses cheat on themselves and defile their matrimonial beds, in their offices, shops, and places of work and even inside their matrimonial homes with their paid workers. Statistical record shows that by the eighth  and tenth year of marriage, a great  percentage of couples would have been actually unfaithful! Why is this so? Why do spouses cheat on each other? Why is office affair a common phenomenon that many couples are now very comfortable with? Can our marriage be free from this plague? What are the causes of this terrible behaviour and can there be any solution?

The first reason while spouses cheat on each other or prefer the warmth of some other fellows than their married spouse is when one partner feels that he has been forced or trapped into the marriage against his or her wish. Unwanted pregnancy or an arranged marriage where there is actually no genuine love and commitment could be reason for any of them to cheat on the other especially in their different places of work.

As much as parental advice or counselling from a resource person is good, when it comes to decision making, the will and decision and choice of the person involved should be paramount. Even God who has the final authority over our lives still allows us to take decisions on our own. It is wrong to marry someone against your wish; the moment the love is not flowing, it may never flow. As much as parents want the best of life for their children, when it comes to marriage, the best thing for parents to do is guide those intending to marry and help them make the right choice.

Be man enough to make a firm decision on your choice of marriage partner; it will go a long way to stabilise your marriage and help the two of you to weather the storm of life together.

                  It is also advisable not to patch up a problematic and faulty courtship. If those problems or challenges are obvious reason why the relationship should not be solemnised, it is better to call it quits. A broken courtship is better than a frustrated, heartbreaking and hypertensive marriage that may invariably lead to divorce. Many people are consenting adults and live-in adults all because they are careful of challenges. Instead of living in with someone to examine if he or she is good enough, why don’t you look at the red lights and make up your mind on time?

Let’s dialogue for a minute here, why do people desire marriage? Why do people love marriage? Why does everybody dream of a good marriage?  Firstly, you want to be loved, cared for, appreciated and fulfilled. Secondly, it is the desire for a committed relationship based on the readiness. The third reason for desire for good marriage is the deep belief that it will make us complete, secure and happy or provide something lacking in our lives. I would love to say that the third reason for marriage may not be valid in most cases. Because it has been researched that marriage can become many things, but there is no guarantee that it would make anyone to be completely happy or secure. Your happiness depends on you as an individual.  If you cannot be secure and happy as a single person, you will never be as married, because the single ‘you’ is the same married ‘you’.

 No miracle will happen after the wedding. If you are unhappy, unproductive, insecure, or immoral as a single person you will be the same as married; no other human being can make you happy apart from God. Miracle can only happen when you work on yourself and develop a positive mindset about life. Marriage should not be a goal we aspire to, but a decision we make after God has assisted in the choice of partner. Because one of the many reasons for office affairs is the fact that many partners keep saying that the other married partner is not making them happy and they have finally found happiness in either someone else’s wife or husband. They claim the fellow they are having affairs with understands them more than their married partner and so on. These are all excuses not to work on your marriage relationship.

  Too often, I see singles forcing themselves on any available person. The result is usually a life of misery, compromise and cheating on each other, finding solace in office or place of work affairs and eventually divorce. As much as you attach importance to marriage, it should never be rushed into. After all, it is not a do-or-die affair, neither is it an eternal state.

Another reason many married partners start office affairs and are forever hooked on it is mere curiosity. Curiosity, they say, kills the cat. There are instances where a partner wants to try something new, either for the fun of it or out of boredom or out of not being appreciated or just to satisfy his or her curiosity. Most times, a partner may not just get curious unnecessarily and deliberately cheats on the other. It may just because the other partner is not being sensitive to the other’s sexual desire, craving, fantasy, high libidoral differences and needs, and desire to try something new, something spicy and something tasty, just to experience some fun and get out of the routine of having sex only in the bedroom with the light out, with the same bedspread and the same [missionary] position. I am sure you will laugh and think it is not enough reason for a partner to cheat on another, but you will be shocked to hear the agony in the voice of some spouses after the deed has been done, and the worst has caught up with them. Before marriage ceremony or wedding ceremony, many intending couples can have stolen sex anywhere, everywhere and even inside the ‘molue’ or  bus’ but immediately after the official marriage rites, many [wives] just forget that sex is very important in marriage relationship. And before you know it, many husbands are having serial sexual partners not even bothering to ask their wives for sex, because they are tired of daily flimsy excuses, the love they have for their wives notwithstanding.  And of course, that is why such ‘other women’ have a strong grip on such wives’ husbands. Because it is the person that feeds the dog that will successfully put a rope on the neck of the dog. Many of our husbands’ necks are in the hands of office co-workers, call girls, house helps, road side bread sellers and so on.

 Partners should not take each other for granted, thinking, once married, ever committed. Ordinarily and ideally, our spouses should be committed to us after marriage regardless, Yes, but that is when we are ‘on point’ on our marital roles. Been ‘on point’ is not enough or sufficient reason to neglect our ever-green, relevant on-time sexual responsibilities. Taking each other for granted [especially on sexual matters] leads to spouses cheating on each other and having unbreakable office affairs. Do not leave your marriage life to chances; at times, what goes up does not necessarily come down. In essence, be a sensitive lover. You must be able to code and decode your partner, learn how to spice up your marital bed, look for avenues to keep the flame of romance, seduction, friendliness, and newness burning. Marriage is sweet; do not lose your partner as a result of insensitiveness. Besides, outright denial of marital dues leads to either of the spouses cheating on each other.

 When a spouse is denied of love, affection, appreciation and sex due to one flimsy excuse or insensitivity, there is a possibility of seeking for such things outside the home. God does not support sexual denials. As a matter of fact, He says that we do not have the right of ownership over our bodies, when it comes to sex. Even in the case of fasting and prayer, there must be a mutual agreement, the consent of your partner must be sought. Do not allow sex, affection and understanding to become a scarce commodity in the home. There is a likelihood of searching for it outside, especially in the offices and different places of cheap substitutes by all means, simply because they are essential commodities. Just like air, water and food, these are the things we need to grow; we cannot grow without them. Human beings are products of love who respond to affectionate gestures. Many unyielding husbands or wives claim they are naturally not romantic, they shouldn’t  have got married in the first place, that you are not romantic is not an excuse, you can learn how to if you put your heart in it. Learning to appreciate your spouse over the little or big thing they do is a beautiful source of growth in marriage, it enhances good sex. Learn to display unexpected love, learn to ‘out-love’ your spouse, even when it is obvious that they do not deserve it. It is a magic that works wonders, because you do not know the extent someone else outside is putting in place just for a one night stand with your husband or wife. Do not be heady when it comes to learning for change; do not deliberately hoard money. Many married wives are victims of deliberate money starvation. Let there be a free flow of money between both of you, in case of obvious short supply, let there be a display of honesty and sincerity, so that the temptation may not arise for the weaker partner. Spouses should not dogmatically display ownership right on money, nor should couples personify properties. For instance, when a spouse says ‘you can’t enter my car,’  ‘if you are not pleased you can leave my house,’ ‘don’t touch my television set.’ The habits of buying things in their names only or in the names of their parents goes a long way to negatively affect the other party, producing a sense of ‘I don’t think I belong here.’ and such partners are highly vulnerable. Your marriage can be affair- proof if you work at it. Office affair has claimed many homes and our partners that are involved in it are very smart with their action. Please beware.

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS

I am afraid of having sex

 It is always nice reading your column. I am a virgin at 28, I am pretty and admirable, but I am scared of sex. This caused me many failed relationships. Now I am married, the problem is still the same and I am worried. What do I do?

 Enechilo Ebube

        Hi Ene,

 There is actually nothing to be afraid of, the most important thing is to marry a man that will both love you and respect you as a wife and a woman, which I think you have now. And since this is in place, you can now share your thoughts with him and ask him to help you work out the issue of sex together. I am sure things will actually fall in place. Nothing is scary about sex. It is to be enjoyed. Have a better perspective towards it. Besides, take things one after the other, you cannot have the same sexual experience like someone who has been in it for a while. I would advise you relax and let romance, foreplay flow naturally. Wait till you get wet fully and participatory; take the bull by the horn by putting the penis inside your vagina yourself. This goes a long way to remove fear and help you overcome clumsiness.

Mouth odour threatens my marriage

 I am in my early thirties, I met a guy a year ago, and we have started talking about settling down together. He has passed the test that I, my family and pastor did for him. As a matter of fact, my parents and his are close. I really like him, but the only challenge I have is that he has mouth odour. I noticed this three months ago. He is the kind of person I want to spend my entire life with, but the odour is really offensive to me. What can I do? I will appreciate if you can help.

Bukolawole

   Hello Bukola,

There is actually no problem at all; all you need to do is introduce him to a lot of mouth washes available and mints that would last for several hours. Also introduce him to hydrogen peroxide, this helps a lot. Lime wash also helps to remove products that can make mouth smell. With wisdom, assist him to do a proper mouth wash whenever he is washing his mouth. Do you know that mouth odour is a typical human thing? Due to the fact that some of us were not good at oral hygiene while we were younger and because of poor health information, some do not take proper care of their mouth. No matter how good the oral hygiene, mouths do smell because of the effects of germs and bacteria that work on the remnants of the pieces of food items left in the mouth cavity. So if he can brush immediately after meals, it will help a lot. That is why dentists recommend mouth wash at least twice a day.

How can we handle this wisely?

I am writing on behalf of my elder sister who is married with three kids. Recently, she took in and her husband asked her to abort it as he was not ready for another baby. Now, she bleeds whenever she makes love with her husband. She has been treated several times for infection but the husband has refused to go for a test, not to talk of getting treated, especially when it is a well-known fact that the husband engages in extra-marital relationships.

Concerned sister

 I am not in support of abortion. However, if she is sure of her husband having affair and each time she gets infected after a sexual act with her husband, I think it is wise she stays off sex till she delivers her baby. She should do so till she is fully treated and till the man is fully treated. Which means            NO SEX until she if fully aware of his free STD status. There should not be sentiment attached to this. STDs have a lot of health hazard and it is one of the potential causes of infertility and cervical cancer.