22 unlimited sex pleasures for this season and beyond

One of the great things that accompany Christmas and the New Year season is the pleasure it brings along. And how else can a married couple enjoy memorable pleasure than having sex as hot as possible? So today, let us see how far you should be hot for each other, it is actually as simple as ABC.

One: When sex is on the agenda, the greatest mistake any husband would make is not to take advantage of the situation and really go down on the wife’s nipples, clitoris and vagina very carefully. Nipple, clitoral and vaginal stimulation can be the high point of foreplay for any wife, anytime. It can even be the main ‘event’ of the night or an erotic act that a couple return to frequently during a long sexual encounter.

Two: Manual stimulation is incredibly important for wives to have an orgasm. Most wives need a little more nipple, clitoral and vaginal contact than intercourse. Warm wet and intimate stimulation can be just as fun and satisfying as full intercourse.

Three: Actually, 87 per cent of wives prefer nipple, clitoral and vaginal caressing to all other forms of foreplay.

Four: Many wives fantasise about lying back and having their husbands go down on them, but many cannot express it. Moreover, if you want to sexually pamper your wife or want her to be consumed literally with enticing sexual feelings, try this out this Yuletide.

Five:  Do more than playing with the nipples, vagina and the clitoris; you can actually feast on them. There is something about a husband feasting his eyes, hands and mouth on his wife’s nipples, clitoris and vagina that can translate the couple into another world of ecstasy, bliss and elation.

Six: The sensation of the tongue on the nipples, clitoris and vagina, is usually enough to make couples hyperactive with pleasure. However, according to research, many husbands do not lick the right places well or sometimes; they do not stay long enough to make their wives climax.

Seven: During sex, reach down and rub your wife’s clitoris whenever possible and you are guaranteed that her chances of having orgasm will be increased. For many wives, manual stimulation of these areas is the only way they can climax. Rubbing the nipples, vagina and the clitoris the right way is not something husbands just naturally know how to do; it is something they have to learn. When a wife’s vagina is not yet lubricated, ‘never’ try to insert a finger or penis into it; that is ‘pure legal raping’.

Eight: Studies have shown that husbands staring at their wives’ breasts for 10 minutes a day can improve their total well-being.

Nine: The human lips, tongues and genitals are the most sensitive areas of their bodies.

Ten: The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

Eleven: The tip of the clitoris has 700 nerve endings, more than what is found on the head of the penis.

Twelve: The most sensitive part of a woman’s vagina is the first two inches; that is where the majority of the nerves endings are located.

Thirteen: A woman’s skin is 10 times more sensitive to touch than a man’s own.

Fourteen: During arousal, increased blood flow causes a woman’s breasts to swell by 25 per cent; and when stimulated, the vagina expands six inches wider.

Fifteen: As a wife is turned on, blood rushes to her vulva, causing the vagina to release a smooth liquid called ‘drops of Jupiter’. The average duration of a female orgasm is six seconds. The Japanese word for orgasm translates as, ‘I have died and gone to heaven’. Now carefully stimulating your wife’s nipples, clitoris and vagina can make her also utter this statement.

Sixteen: One step at a time is the best secret code; so while together, have your hands under her then stroke her clitoris through her panties to build the anticipation of feeling your fingers against her wet skin.  Even if you have seen your wife’s nakedness a thousand times, don’t rush to take off her panties every time.

Seventeen: Take the action to the next level by sliding your hand under her panties. Don’t just rub the nub but start kissing your wife’s knee up to her inner thigh or from her navel down to her clitoris, then directly to her labia, and then find your way to her nipples.

Eighteen: A wife’s inner thigh is very sensitive. Incredibly, some wives can even have orgasm just by their feet being messaged. Starting your journey to the clitoris by kissing her thighs is still the best. This gives your wife intense pleasure and builds her anticipation for the trill to come. Ask her to hold her legs up and out of the way; this allows you better access to the vagina.

Nineteen: If you want to hear whether she is moaning with pleasure, ask her not to sandwich your ears with her thighs, you will be amazed with the varieties of ‘melodic rhythms’ coming your way! Pay close attention to the moaning and make sure she is not moaning because she is in pain.

Twenty: As you listen to her moans of pleasure, keep stimulating the clitoris and the surrounding areas with all your four fingers. Apply light to firm pressure using an up-and-down motion, slowly circling the area. All this provides wonderful sensation and are helpful in bringing your wife to climax.

Twenty-one:  You can vary the pressure and speed, depending on what she likes best. While on her clitoris, plant several little kisses (on it) and flip your tongue directly around it. On the other hand, you can simultaneously insert your finger into her vagina and caress it as the clitoral kissing is going on, by using the thumb to drive her wild and the other hand to rub her pubic heap.

Twenty-two: Husband, use the tip of your tongue to brush, tap, or flip the clitoris in an up-and-down and/or side-to-side motion. Try it slowly, then quickly, and even more quickly.  The tap can be light or firm.

Questions and answers

My husband’s sexual desire is low

My husband and I have been married for three years. He is 42 and I am about to turn 31. Few months into our marriage, he was very affectionate and loving and we had sex quite regularly. Then it reduced to twice a week, then once a week. Now, it is once in three or more weeks and there is little affection in our relationship. I try to be playful and initiate sex, but it usually ends with my husband giving an excuse (such as being too tired or having too much work to do) and me feeling embarrassed and unattractive.

We have discussed this issue several times and he says that he is very much attracted to me but that it is hard for him to get in the mood because of all the stress from work. He has also told me a few times that he feels that I pressure him for sex so much.

It is still difficult for me to imagine a husband feeling pressured to have sex with his wife. What I also don’t understand is if he’s attracted to me as much as he says he is, wouldn’t having sex help alleviate some of that stress he’s feeling?

When we do have sex, it seems like as soon as I am “ready”, he wants to have sex instead of enjoying the foreplay for a bit longer. It makes me feel like he just wants to get it over with. In addition, when we have sex, he usually wants reverse cowgirl or to be behind me instead of a more affectionate position where we can kiss and make eye contact, which is important to me.

We used to be affectionate but now, I get a pat on the back in the morning when we leave for work and maybe a hug. If I try to be affectionate (not to initiate sex, but really just to make out), he might give me a few kisses back but it does not feel like he is into it and he usually manoeuvres me into a cuddling position and falls asleep.

After he told me he felt like I pressured him to have sex, I did my best to back off. The point is that I want some sort of affection. Is it wrong to want affection? I would really like some advice from you. I want to make him happy but I want to be happy too. I hate feeling as if I am a sort of abandoned project, as if I am not attractive enough for him.

Joyce, Badagry

 It seems as if he has a low sex drive. From your letter, it looks like you have succumbed to the fact that you are not going to have any active sex life again. It is in the best interest of the marriage for you to express to him that having a strong sexual relationship is important to you and that if he is unable to meet your needs, he should at least meet you halfway. Besides, he is your man. Study him, read him like a book, pamper him like a kid, comfort him like a mother, and get to know how you can win him to your side. I am quite certain you have all it takes to do that. Also, look for his areas of interest and be genuinely interested; this will endear him to you. I know several couples who have been in this situation and 99 per cent of the time, it ended up sweet.

No sign of blood to show she was deflowered

I have been married for close to seven weeks and my wife and I were virgins, but up till now, I have not been able to deflower her. I have tried so hard, but it looks like whenever I penetrate, there is no more depth to go. Moreover, I discovered that whenever it seems as if I have managed to penetrate satisfactorily enough and have released, immediately she gets up, all the sperm pours out of her again in large quantity. The amazing part of it is that we have not seen any trace of blood since we started having sex. Honestly, we are getting worried. What can we do?

Peter Eduloye, Oyo

Your complaint is typical of inexperienced newlyweds and it is expected. Firstly, it is not all virgins that may bleed while breaking their hymen. The hymen, which is a thin but tough membrane found at the entrance of the vagina, may be absent at birth or may be lost during vigorous physical sporting activities. This may explain why you are not seeing blood. Though, the initial breaking of the hymen during sexual intercourse may bleed slightly because of damage to the membrane, this may not be so in some cases because of its classification. There are three types of hymen, the very fragile hymen (which breaks easily few years into puberty); the regular hymen (which breaks at young adult stage); and the tough hymen (which takes months or even years to break, especially when the lady is 25 years and above). If you relax, practise more of foreplay and try to calm down a bit; you will in no time deflower her. The reason why sperm still pours out of her may simply be because she is still tight, which is also typical of a vagina that was not sexually active prior to this time. As times goes on, things will fall into place.

I only enter his bedroom whenever he needs sex

The only time I enter my husband’s bedroom is when he needs sex, any other time, he shuts his door against me. He said that is the tradition in their family and that he is more productive sleeping alone. There have been occasions when the children fell ill in the middle of the night; he only came out of his room, insisting we nursed the child in my room and not his. Curiosity had made me break into the room when he was away but I did not find anything unusual; his slogan is ‘stay in your room, I don’t share a room with a woman’. But I am not just a woman; I’m his wife. This has made me to deny him sex, am I doing the right thing?

Maureen Paul

Ideally, couples should share everything together, including the bedroom. Secluded privacy is not actually for married people. Spontaneous sex, which is still rated as the best sex, happens more often among couples that share same bedroom and mattress. Besides, some crucial marital issues may be best discussed and solved at night. Separate rooms will not help make this happen. It is also easier for couples to reconcile their differences while sleeping together in the same bedroom than while sleeping in separate bedrooms.  But nevertheless, some people may be more productive, experience quality rest and get more privacy with separate rooms. I still think it is best to discuss this.

I am helpless

I have almost given up on my premature ejaculation problem. My first wife fled with my children on some spurious and unfounded excuses. But ostensibly, it was because of this nagging ailment. I have done all that is physically, spiritually and medically possible in the quest for a solution to the problem, but I have failed woefully. This has not deterred me though because I know that God‘s care and mercy extend beyond any imaginable limits. I believe your advice and counsel in this area can help me. You have certainly started a medium that would free millions of people from their fears and helplessness as regards marital sexual fulfilment. I am a helpless man in this area.

Helpless man

 I would love to say that you are not helpless because you have not extensively exhausted all medical solutions. This is because there are always new discoveries every day that may help you out. Researchers are of the opinion that they would likely come up with varieties of solutions. Besides, there is nothing greater than God. To contribute my quota, I would love you to try some of these natural herbs and exercises and I am sure they will be of help to you. Medicine is taking a giant stride as regards these cases.

Funmi Akingbade

13-21 of the 25 sexual things to know before Christmas (III)

Thirteen: Never forget that marital sex boosts self-esteem in both the wife and husband at every stage of their career, business or endeavours. Boosting self-esteem is one of the 237 reasons people have sex, as observed by the University of Texas researchers and published in the Archives of Sexual Behaviour. That finding makes sense to Gina Ogden, PhD, a sex, marriage and family therapist in Cambridge, although she finds that those who already have self-esteem say they sometimes have sex to feel even better. “One of the reasons people say they have sex is to feel good about themselves,” she says. “Great sex begins with self-esteem, and it raises it. If the sex is loving, connected and what you want, it raises it.”   
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Fourteen: Amazing marital sex improves intimacy and binds couples together more than any other joint ventures in life. Having sex and orgasm increase levels of oxytocin, the so-called love hormones, which helps us to bond and build trust. Researchers from the University of Pittsburgh and the University of North Carolina evaluated 59 pre-menopausal women before and after contact with their husbands ending with hugs. They found out that the more contact, the higher the oxytocin levels. According to the researchers, “Oxytocin allows us to feel the urge to nurture and to bond.” Higher oxytocin has also been linked to a feeling of generosity. So, if you suddenly feel more generous towards your spouse than usual, credit the love hormone and credit the sexual activities.

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Fifteen: Good sex is a pain relief natural herb. Sex reduces pain and inflammation. As the hormone oxytocin surges, endorphins increase; arthritis pain reduces and PMS symptoms seem to improve after sex – you can thank those higher oxytocin levels. In a study published in the Bulletin of Experimental Biology and Medicine, 48 volunteers who inhaled oxytocin vapour and had their fingers pricked, lowered their pain threshold by more than half. Even sex shortly after delivery helps to heal episiotomy pain faster than medication. What a great gift God gave the married couple!

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Sixteen: Amazing healthy sex reduces prostate and breast cancer risk. ‘Frequent ejaculations, especially in the 20-year-old men and above, may reduce the risk of prostate cancer later in life,’ Australian researchers reported in the British Journal of Urology International. When they followed men that were diagnosed with prostate cancer and those without, they found no association of prostate cancer with the number of sexual partners as the men reached their 30s, 40s and 50s. But they found men who had five or more ejaculations weekly while in their 20s, reduced their risk of getting prostate cancer later by a third. Another study, reported in the Journal of the American Association, found that frequent ejaculations, 21 or more a month, were linked to lower prostate cancer risk in older men, as well, compared with less frequent ejaculations of four to seven monthly. The spasm experienced during ejaculation usually sends a reflect muscular post-spasm stimulation all over the pelvic region of the man, helping to splash the prostate with more than enough nutrient-oxygenated blood.  As for the breast, each time the breast is been caressed, stimulated, fondled, it automatically allows the spread of nutrient-oxygenated blood into the milk lobs thereby helping the breast to remain healthy and reducing the risk of breast cancer.

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Seventeen: Never forget that sex strengthens the pelvic floor muscles of both the husband and wife, thereby reducing the risk of bladder leakage, weakness of the pelvic floor, and weakness of the reproductive organs of both man and woman especially the urethra, bladder, virginal wall, penis tissue and the epididymis. So, this is good news for men suffering from erectile dysfunction. When a man practices more of Kegel and pelvic wall exercise and applies the practice during sex, he should be certain of getting a better grip on his erection and ejaculation. For women, doing a few pelvic floor muscle exercises known as Kegel during sex offers a couple of benefits. You will enjoy more pleasure, and you’ll also strengthen the area and help to minimise the risk of incontinence later in life. To do a basic Kegel exercise, tighten the muscles of your pelvic floor as if you are trying to stop urine flow. Count to three, then release.

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Eighteen: As a couple, are you experiencing lack of good sleep or insomnia? Well, the good news is good sex helps you sleep better, especially when you drink moringa tea shortly before or after sex. The oxytocin released during orgasm also promotes sleep, according to research. And getting enough sleep has been linked with a host of other good things, such as maintaining a healthy weight and blood pressure.

Nineteen: The old woman fable of bedroom tricks still work wonders in revitalising the sex bed.  One trick is never to ignore deep kissing; it has a way of stimulating your most sensitive regions, particularly your privates. While kissing, gently run your fingers up and down inside of each other’s arms; it is a teasing and sensual way of creating a sensation that will leave the two of you craving for the real show. At this point, I would encourage the wife to caress her husband’s organ lightly with her fingertips, until it is fully erect. Then, she should wrap her hand around it, and apply more pressure, as if she is pressing a pear fruit to know if it is ripe. If you are not sure he is erect enough, ask him. It may sound funny, but I can assure you that your man will find it erotic. Men appreciate direct sexual, sensual question while in bed. You could say, “Honey, how does that feel?” A wife should also learn to touch and caress her husband a few inches away from his organ. She should learn to run her fingers through his pubic hair, caress his lower stomach and stroke his inner thighs; this will build eagerness and get him ready for action.
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Twenty: Husbands should remember that, in bed, a little bit of aggression makes sex more exciting. So, a husband should be firmer, pinning his wife to the bed, especially when it is the missionary position. And as you are reaching orgasm, try slowing down to an intensity of about 75 per cent of your full speed; stay like that for about one minute, and then pick up the pace again. This will further enhance pleasure and prolong the feeling of enjoyment slightly. This technique will make your orgasm more intense. When a husband is hard and highly erect, the wife could use one hand to push his erect organ up, towards his stomach, and then use her tongue on the underside of his shaft. She could also move her head from side to side to cover more surface area. While doing this, he could return the favour by stroking her G-spot using the ‘come hither’ method.

Unfortunately, I cannot go into this without being explicit, because we will not be able to treat that fully. Next week, we will start a series on ‘G-spot’ in men. Before then, married couples go ahead and have fun.

Twenty-one: You cannot deny that having sex or making love is one of the most enjoyable activities for married couples. But you need to know that it can also lead to untimely death if not properly controlled. Death can occur during sex for a number of reasons, generally because of the physical exertion and strain of the activity, or because of unusual clarifying circumstances and some underlying medical condition. Sudden death during sex accounts for approximately 0.9 per cent of all sudden deaths. Numerous notable cases of individuals dying during or from sex have been recorded and reported. For example, Nelson Rockefeller, one of the modern figures who was also former Vice-President of the United States, died of a heart attack during sex. Last king of the Huns in Europe, Atilla, was also recorded in history of being killed by a heart rendering deadly orgasm.

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Questions and answers

What’s the usual age for the first time erection? My six-year-old is always having frequent erection especially in the morning; I am worried and I don’t know what to do.

Mr. Eerie Akpan

As a matter of fact, some boys are born with erections while in the uterus. Ultrasounds normally show that babies can have erections right in the womb; so boys get  erections when they are even under the age of one. But it is typically very obvious when they get to their early teen – that is when the sex hormone testosterone is active. But when a six-year-old has an erection, it may not be a reason for the alarm if it occasionally happens early in the mornings when he baths or cleans or touches the penis area. But when it becomes a frequent occurrence accompanied by pains and a turgid erection that does not subside, it is better to take the boy to the family doctor. Morning erections normally last longer till men get to adulthood. Men usually have three to five erections each night, often while they dream.

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I have more than two nipples

I have a big problem. My two breasts are not only abnormally unequal but I have an extra nipple on my left breast and it has hair around it. This has made me not to accept any relationship proposal from any man. I cannot even have my bath when others are in the bathroom. I cannot dress up in the presence of others. I am afraid of surgery. What can I do please?

Simisola Tomomere

When you take nipple size and breast shape into account, more than 88 per cent of women report a difference in sizes. So both breasts may not be the same size. Strange as it may sound, some people have more than two nipples. About one per cent of women have them, and twice as many men. But they’re often smaller than other nipples, so there might not be a reason for you to worry. They show up at birth, usually along the body’s “milk line”, somewhere between shoulders and legs. It’s rare, but they can form on other parts of the body, including the forehead and foot. I think this cannot prevent you entering into a meaningful relationship. I would rather suggest you date someone who really loves you and accepts you the way you are and who is worthy of your trust. Hair around your nipple is not an uncommon thing.  It’s normal to have a few small hairs on the nipples, or the dark skin around the nipple. If it bothers you, clip it with small scissors but do not pluck or shave it because it can cause ingrown hairs and infection.

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I can’t get my penis up

I am very fit and I’ve been sexually active since I was 15. Now, I am in my early 30’s and I do a regular medical check-up every four months. Shamefully, I have lost count of many women who refused to put up with me because they couldn’t get my penis up. During sex, I would have to hold my penis down and tight with my fingers like a ring just to make it strong enough for erection. Are there other reasons penis can’t get up? Help, I am dying gradually!

Owen Peters

Sometimes when a man has serial sexual partners, there may be a possibility of being intimidated especially when he is overwhelmed with the feeling that he needs to perform a little more than usual. This is a major reason why you may lose erection as a healthy man. If you’ve been drinking heavily, there’s a good chance your penis might not be able to perform. Besides, online porn is probably the greatest hidden contributor to bedroom ED, because of overuse or overindulgence of it. If you are the type that is addicted to porn and masturbating several times a day, however healthy you may be, you may likely end up not having an erection. Is your mind clouded with issues of life or something is troubling you or are you feeling guilty about something? This aspect of mental instability paralyses a man more than anything else regardless of the high state of well-being.

Will my sexual desires change during pregnancy?

I just got married and my husband says he does not only love sex but he will be making love to me even while I am pregnant till the last stage of my pregnancy. I am okay with this but my fear of his obsession is, supposing my sexual desire changes during pregnancy, does that mean he will be unfaithful? He has actually threatened that if I am not very responsive, he will have to seek for sex anyhow.

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Tricia Seiseiko

It is normal for your desires to be different now that you are pregnant. Changing hormones cause some women to experience an increased sex drive during pregnancy. But others may not be as interested in sex as they were before they became pregnant.

Sex is important in a marriage relationship especially in a new union but it is important for your husband to know that sex is not the only thing in a relationship. Sex, as a final act of commitment, is a powerful statement of love that deepens marital commitment and rekindles excitement and it is designed to exist within certain boundaries. A normal husband should be more caring than threatening his wife when she is pregnant with their child. Every act of sex outside of marriage cheapens both sex and marriage. If there is a need for him to stay off sex for sometime during your pregnancy, I think he should happily do that, this is not as if he is to abstain from basic life necessities, such as eating or drinking or breathing. Sex is something everyone can abstain from—it is a strong desire, yes, but never a necessity

Funmi Akingbade

25 sexual things to know before Christmas

As everyone is about to enter the hustle and bustle usually associated with Christmas period, I want to quickly infuse into the hearts of all the married lovers and couples in a relationship, some 25 ‘never-forget’ discoveries they need to know and be familiar with this season. These 25 discoveries are accessible facts married couples can easily adopt while in the spirit of Christmas. So, enjoy as you read and make sure your sex bed does not experience any dull moment all through this Yuletide.

One: Never forget the fact that every human being is created as a sexual being and all human beings have the ability to reach orgasm at any given time even within seconds. This is because male and female orgasm has been defined as, “an explosive discharge of neuromuscular tension.” Although, there are other definitions, most of the time, the word, ‘tension’ is recurrent. This suggests that if and when sexual intercourse comes up between two married lovers, hot, superb erotic and unimaginable orgasm is expected to be a normal activity when sex is going on. Orgasm during sex should be expected frequently between couples, giving room for utmost unhindered sexual satisfaction.

Two: During orgasmic sexual intercourse, a lot of incredible things happen in human body. Whenever any couple experiences sizzling and burning orgasm, their hearts pump faster while both of them breathe heavily to fuel their muscles. Then, hormones such as endorphins and oxytocin send instant messages about this sexual activity to the couple’s brains and other sensitive parts of their bodies. In a jiffy, blood is pumped into the genital regions to create the tension that ultimately triggers a pudenda reflex (this is a muscular spasm of the genitals). The immediate reflex results in the pelvic-floor muscles, contracting between five and 15 times at 0.8-second intervals. This is the wonder of the orgasm that couple must experience and look forward to experience while in the spirit of Christmas!

Three: Sexual therapists have made it clear that orgasm experience helps to burn out some amount of fat around the heart tissues and neural pathways in the spine. This explosive discharge of a neuromuscular tension is not only peculiar to the male gender, as it is also present in the female gender. The most prominent and sensitive female organ that could trigger orgasm anytime there is sexual activity is the clitoris. This organ is about two inches above the vaginal opening, located in front and above the opening of the urethra (urine outlet). It is the most sexually sensitive part of the female reproductive organ; it becomes slightly enlarged and erect in response to sexual stimulation. This is called the female ‘sexual trigger.” Most married women do not experience orgasm because their husbands hardly take quality time to lovingly and gently caress this organ during foreplay. Sufficient stimulation of this organ during foreplay produces the orgasm experience in nearly all women.

However, it should be noted that this must be done with utmost care, as many husbands had, in the course of caressing the clitoris, inflicted untold pains on their wives. What is expected of such husbands is merely a feather touch caressing, or better still, using their tongue or hands to stimulate the organ, which produces orgasm within a twinkle of an eye. Unfortunately, in most parts of the African continent, this wonderful structure is usually removed or mutilated during female circumcision.

Four: Most women need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. More than 60 percent of women must have direct clitoral stimulation in order to climax. In fact, believing a woman should achieve orgasm through intercourse alone is like expecting a man to reach orgasm by only stroking his testicles. Do not ignore the facts of anatomy. A woman’s clitoris is similar to the head (glans) of the man’s penis. Often, the clitoris isn’t stimulated by intercourse. If the head of the penis wasn’t involved in intercourse, the man wouldn’t climax easily!

This does not mean that it is proper for a man to reach for his wife’s clitoris immediately. Women come in all shapes and sizes-physically, emotionally, and particularly, sexually; so the only safe way to approach her clitoris is to find out what she wants and what she likes. It is only few and rare women that are okay with ‘starting’ quickly for their clitoris; most women will be offended or turned off if their husband goes straight to their clitoris first and skip fondling the non-sexual areas. Like the penis, the clitoris engorges with blood during arousal. Touching her before she is aroused can be unpleasant, or even painful to most women.

Five: Most women differ greatly in the way they enjoy having their clitoris stimulated, and the manner of stimulation can vary during the different stages of lovemaking. It is helpful (and can be fun) for a wife to show her husband how she wants to be stroked by placing her hand over his own and actually putting pressure on his fingers to demonstrate where she likes to be touched, how lightly or firmly, and how slowly or quickly she likes the movements to be. The other nerve- invested areas are the nipple, the breast, the lips of the vaginal, and the lobs of the ear.

Questions Answers

Can I still give birth again?

I’m a 30-year-old lady and I have used the contraceptive injection for over four years now because of the new joy I got shortly after getting married. My period has stopped for some time and I am afraid that I may not conceive again. I am worried because my husband and I are thinking of settling down to have a family of our own and the fear of not being able to conceive is affecting my sex life.

Anxious woman

Amenorrhea (temporary stoppage of periods) is a common side effect of the contraceptive injection. It may take up to a year for your menstrual cycle to return to normal after stopping the three-month injectable contraceptive. However, this should not affect your ability to conceive. All you need to do is relax and try to enjoy sex for the fun of it and not because you want to get pregnant.

 Question two

Unbearable pain during sex

          I’m 30 years old and I just got married. My wife and I were both virgins before we got married. Every time we make love, she feels an unbearable pain. We always have sex quickly or not all, because she once said it would be better if she died than endure the pain. It has been a month since we got married but she still complains of the pains. I also ejaculate very early.

Anonymous

I believe the greatest thing any couple could do for each other is to ensure that they both enjoy sex to the fullest. Your experience is common among newly married virgins. Just give yourself time to adjust to your new life. For now, sex will continue to be somewhat painful for your wife, until she gets used to being penetrated. But that should not put both of you off sex. I suggest you see that the sexual conditions are right for the two of you so that her mind will be free to focus on relaxing. I also suggest you see a sex therapist who will teach both of you how your sexual bodies work and how you can enjoy sex in a more satisfying manner. Do not feel embarrassed. This is but a learning process.    

Question three

 My organ is too small, I don’t want to lose my woman

I am a fan of yours and I have been following your write-ups for some time now. Ever since then, my sex life has not been the same. My wife and I are always blessed by each edition, may God in His infinite mercy continue to bless and enrich this column with great knowledge. I have a problem with my penis. It is very small, and my woman is complaining, please what can I do before I lose her.

Monday Alao

This is an immense problem that plagues our men – both young and old, rich and poor, highly influential and the commoner – not only in our country but the whole world and it has been a major concern to many. However, I would love to give a word of advice. Over the years of my being a sex therapist and a sexologist, I have discovered that these following tips have saved a lot of marriage relationships with or without the use of penis- enlargement drugs.

One, if your wife is not complaining, just accept yourself as you are.

Two, if your wife is complaining, then apply the followings:

A: When having sex, engage in varieties of dog style position such as spoon style or side by side style position or any other form of sex than the basic missionary position. The trick of these styles is that it normally reduces the length of the vaginal of the woman. This is because she is not standing straight, sitting straight or bending slightly. With these positions, her virginal is automatically shorter than the usual length when she is straightened up. And when you enter her from whatever angle, your penis will be able to fully fill up the remaining part of her vaginal.

Two, if you are extremely smart with delivering a very good passionate, erotic foreplay; you can easily bring her to the verge of climaxing prior to your entering her and you will be able to get her to orgasm with any size of penis.

Three, make sure you learn the skill of pre-sex fingering and clitoris banqueting. Master it and become an expert with it. What I mean by ‘clitoris banqueting’ is taking quality time to work on the clitoris at the same time, finger the first few inches of her vaginal very extensively. When this is done, it usually compensates for the fullness of the small size penis because by the time you have done justice to her clitoris and the tip of the vaginal with your fingers, your small penis will just finish the job easily.

Four, you can always try many natural herbs available from highly recommended company for increase in size of the penis. 

Five, practice more of blow-job with her valval than penetrative vagina sex.

Can I still love him?

‘I don’t love my hubby’

I don’t feel anything when he touches me. Your column made me to believe that you could solve my problem. Sorry, I am not good at writing. I am 37 years old and have been married for 10 years. I have five children, but I have never enjoyed sex with my husband and I believe that I am frigid. After I got married, I told my friend and she took me to a medical doctor, who said my problem was not medical but emotional. He also asked me if I love my husband and if I had ever been raped in my life. The truth is that I am not in love with my husband. I only married him because of pressure from my family that I was getting old. After this visit to my doctor, I have managed to tolerate my husband, but I am not even aware of his touch, neither do I feel anything when he enters me. That’s how we have managed to have five children. But I don’t think it will be ideal to stay idle and do nothing about my condition. I keep changing doctors and I used traditional medicine to no avail. However, what surprises me is that in all these years, my husband has never complained. He has never revealed that he has noticed my lack of response. When I discuss it with my doctor, he said maybe my husband was the problem and he invited him. But my husband refused to go. Please help me because I don’t know what to do. I have only written 10 percent of what is happening.

H.I

I think your problem needs an urgent attention. Try and see me, you need lots of counselling.

By Funmi Akingbade