Sexual health and techniques

Today, I want to assist couples how to unleash their spouse into attaining the best sexual response cycle. The sexual health technique refers to the process and sequence of physical and emotional changes that occur as a spouse becomes sexually aroused and participates in sexually stimulating activities, which include intercourse. Knowing how your body and your spouse’s body respond during each phase of the cycle enhances the relationship and helps married couples to pinpoint the cause of any sexual problem. 

When it comes to sexual health technique, I always encourage couples to make sure they put the interests of their partner first. When you prioritise the satisfaction of your partner, sex between couples becomes healthy and age defiling. Amazingly if you compare the physical look of a married spouse who is sexually satisfied with a married spouse who is not sexually satisfied and also with a single lady of the same age group, you will discover that the sexually satisfied spouse will look much younger than her counterpart who is not sexually satisfied and her unmarried single lady who has not been sexually active.

So, I will appreciate if couples get familiar with this response cycle. They are actually divided into four phases; excitement, plateau, orgasm, and resolution. Both men and women experience these phases, although the timing usually is different. For example, it is unlikely that both married couples will reach orgasm at the same time. In addition, the intensity of the response and the time spent in each phase varies from person to person. Understanding these differences would definitely help spouses better understand one another’s bodies and responses, and enhance the sexual experience.

Phase 1 Excitement: general characteristics of the excitement phase, which can last from a few minutes to several hours, include the following: muscle tension increases, heart rate quickens and breathing is accelerated. Skin may become flushed (blotches of redness appear on the chest and back). Nipples become hardened or erect, blood flow to the genitals increases, resulting in swelling of the woman’s clitoris and labia minora (inner lips), and erection of the man’s penis, vaginal lubrication begins, the woman’s breasts become fuller and the vaginal walls begin to swell, the man’s testicles swell, his scrotum tightens, and he begins secreting a lubricating liquid. This does not just occur if some steps are not taken. For instance, couples can learn to give good sexual speech, sex through whispering, phone calls and text messages. Did you know that with a single sexual and sensual call, you can get your spouse so aroused at his or her desk and he or she will be counting minutes just to get to you?

Hello, now, before you make that call, pick your tone: flirty, seductive, romantic, macho, dominator. When he or she answers, stay silent for a few seconds. Then, in your sexiest voice, describe how you would like him or her to kiss you, touch and undress you. Then take him or her through the finer details of how you are going to give him or her, the most amazing oral sex ever. Non-verbal communication is a good element to spark up the best sexual response cycle in our partner. You can groan and moan, but you can also breathe, stay silent and then repeat such. By the time you hang up, you’ll have your spouse so hot, his or her main problem will be hiding the fast breathing, and erected penis from colleagues as he or she sneaks away from his or her desk with a head full of sexual thoughts, treats and escapade for the night.

Put to use the power of the smooching; this speeds up the response cycle. While you are smooching, try kissing around the edges of the lips, then run the tip of your tongue to open them. The longer you can delay before inserting your tongue, the more sensual it will be. Lift your spouse’s face and teasingly kiss him or her around the chin and jaw, moving down to the sensitive areas of the neck and throat. Then extend your passion to a tongue bath: where you cover every inch of your spouse’s body with kisses.

Phase 2 Plateau: general characteristics of the plateau phase extend to the brink of orgasm or climaxing, which include the following; the changes begun in phase 1 are intensified, the vagina continues to swell from increased blood flow, and the vaginal walls turn darker in dark women and purple dark in fair-complexioned women. The woman’s clitoris becomes highly sensitive (sometime may even be painful to touch) and retracts under the clitoral hood to avoid direct stimulation from the penis. The man’s testicles are drawn up into the scrotum. Breathing: heart rate and blood pressure continue to increase. Muscle spasms may begin in the feet, face, and hands. Muscle tension increases. Believe you me, this stage can also be ignited if couples become more creative such as giving each other deep caressing even with the clothes on. This can deliver some certain sexual thrill. Spouses can simulate themselves with all the moves you would perform if both of you were nude, but make up your mind to stop yourself from shedding your clothes. Then when you both notice you have got to the stage of no return, pull off your clothes and slid into this stage of sexual response cycle.

Phase 3: Orgasm stage; this is the climax of the sexual response cycle. It is the shortest of the phases and generally lasts only a few seconds. General characteristics of this phase include the following: involuntary muscle contractions begin; blood pressure, heart rate and breathing are at their highest rates, with a rapid intake of oxygen, muscles in the feet spasm, there is a sudden, forceful release of sexual tension, in women, the muscles of the vagina contract. The uterus also undergoes rhythmic contractions, in men, rhythmic contractions of the muscles at the base of the penis results in the ejaculation of semen, a rash or goose pimple or sex flush may appear over the entire body. Two basic things accelerate this stage, careful clitoral stimulation and excellent high quality thrusting in and out.

Phase 4: resolution or the after play experience or often-called ‘aftercare.’ During resolution, the body slowly returns to its normal level of functioning and swelled and erect body parts return to their previous size and colour. This phase is marked by a general sense of well-being, enhanced intimacy and, sometimes, fatigue. Some wives are capable of a rapid return to the orgasm phase with further sexual stimulation and may experience multiple orgasms. However, many husbands need recovery time after orgasm, called a refractory period, during which they cannot reach orgasm again. The duration of the refractory period varies among men and usually lengthens with advancing age. This is actually not the same thing as inability to go for the second or third round of sex though but a stage or recuperation which more often than not corrects itself within a short period. Women take longer to relax and recoup after orgasm; this is the best time for reassuring communication, and comforting cuddling. Few sweet caresses and gentle cuddling can be enough to wrap up a full of life sexual encounter. So, husbands, do not leave your wives hanging.

From research, the fear of pregnancy most time prevents some couples from experiencing this sexual response cycle and they are not very comfortable with many available family planning methods. Condom can still do the trick. Condoms, when used properly, are very effective in preventing unintended pregnancies. Please use only water-based lubricants. Oil- lubricant based such as Vaseline will weaken the condom and cause it to break. You can contact me for some of these lubricants. To prevent overflow of semen after sex, husband should withdraw from his wife immediately, holding onto the base of the condom. This will prevent the condom from slipping off and possibly leaking inside his wife’s uterus. Now when a husband is well knowledgeable about these sexual skills, the issue of ‘Eda’ most couples complain of will become a thing of the past. This ‘Eda’ is actually the uncomfortable process whereby the sperm flows out of the wife’s vagina immediately the husband withdraws his penis after ejaculation. All things being equal, this should not be at all.

Until I come your way again, this is your bedroom instructor. Wishing you a sexy and sweet weekend.

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS

This has prevented me from marriage

Funmi, I can boldly say I am a fine man; got a lot of things working for me and I get what I want when I want it. I am the type of guy that is always in charge of situation but one place I shamefully and disgracefully lost face is in the area of premature ejaculation. It humiliates me always and I am fed up. What can I do to save my face from this unending shame? As a matter of fact, this has prevented me from marriage and I have lost potential wives to be. The moment they ask for sex and I try to do my best and they easily discover that I am less than a man, they take off fast. No lady is even willing to help me out!

Mr. Sukulimaki Ejirota

Men who suffer from premature ejaculation are often afraid of being sexually involved. Fear of rejection keeps many from initiating sexual contact at all. While any kind of erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation could be a sign of a medical problem, some men have just learned a quick ejaculatory response. Until you experience an ejaculation that always occurs within one minute or less of penetration, or inability to delay orgasm during vaginal penetration, or experience of negative personal consequences from the experience of early ejaculation, you may not be a victim. A normal time of sperm release is between eight – 15 minutes and this does not include foreplay. The key to making a sexual experience last longer when penetration puts you over the edge is to spend even more time on foreplay! Turn your attention to your wife’s pleasure and make sure she comes at least once before intercourse even begins. Keep her moving and changing her position by suggesting different configurations of hand, finger, mouth and tongue movement. PE will be a lot less stressful for her if you show a dedication to her orgasm. As an advocate of cure kindly, contact me for help, because according to research, men are three times more likely to suffer from premature ejaculation, at least, 40 to 60 per cent of all men, especially in underdeveloped countries like ours.

More money more sex

Funmi, you seem not to realise that good sex comes with good money. Today’s wives will only offer you sex for real good money. They are all the same, both the ones you are dating and the ones in your house; all they advocate for is more money. I think if I can make more money, I will enjoy my wife more.

Mr. Elekode Hassan

Money is good to have and of course, it provides the things of life easily but you will be surprised to know that marital sex between two married lovers gives you more of happiness than money will. If your bedroom has more healthy activity than your bank accounts, you will soon and still experience healthy sex, new ideas to make more money and healthy happy home. This is not to say that being financially poor is okay but healthy good sexual activities are the secret to a happy married life. Despite popular opinion and common theory, more money does not get you more sex, but getting married to a God-given spouse. Such spouse would not place unnecessary financial demands on you. In addition, it has been discovered that sex seems to have a greater effect on happiness levels in intellectual, well-empowered wives than with those with lower educational status. It has also been discovered that uneducated or illiterate spouses commit and indulge more in adultery than educated or literate spouses do. This is because an educated individual places more value on her reputation, priorities in life and still possesses a level of self-principle and control. They reason more on what they will lose over one night stand than the poor individual who trades sex for money to survive. So assist in getting your wife empowered and educated. More money does not mean more sex, but more sex can make you feel richer and help you get good ideas for more money. That is the power of orgasm. The very moment a man relaxes after orgasm, he thinks better, reasons clearly and soars higher in his mind over life challenges; same goes on in the sexual system of a woman.

Threatening life decision

Thanks for all your contributions in our married life. I wish I had known you for years even before I got married. Please ma, my case is private. I am an average old man of 54 years and my wife is 44 years old. I have a very serious challenge in our marital life for the past 18 years. My wife is to undergo a major operation that would involve removal of her fallopian tubes and womb. This is to save her from complicated fibroid and ovarian cyst, which her doctor explained is very risky. If they try cutting the fibroid off one after the other, there would still be several tiny ones remaining. The safest thing to do is totally remove her womb being that she has been operated twice before because of ectopic pregnancy.

We already have a child of 19 years. Now my question is this, wouldn’t she henceforth feel less sexy because our love is always at the peak when she is ovulating. Within those about 12 days, she would make sure she cooks the best of food for me and take special care of me so that I would be happy to give love back. I do not believe in going out since we got married and not even to think of talking of a second wife. Is there any other way I can get her wet again and feel sexy even if not frequently as before. Kindly advise me on how to manage this pathetic situation.

Mr Snowhite Pigold

There is definitely no cause for alarm at all, because there are many other areas in your wive’s body that can help her to be sexually stimulated, excited, provoked and aroused aside from her ovulation period. Such as her breasts, nipples, clitoris, vulva and lips. All you need do is extend the duration of your foreplay and intensify it. In any case, even if your wife did not undertake any surgery, she will definitely go through a menopausal period, which will also affect her ovulation progression. It is human for you to think like that, we are all human but at the same time, pray for her speedy recovery and have a wonderful time together.

Sexuality and its science

Today, we shall be looking at some sexuality facts that can enhance our sexuality. Wives, sex time is not the best time to shed tears because the scent of a woman’s tears decreases sexual arousal in men. Some researchers have speculated that a woman’s libido is linked to her testosterone level. Although usually thought of as a male hormone, testosterone is also made in small quantities in women. It is produced in her ovaries. As she ages, her body produces less of all the sex hormones, which include estrogens, progesterone and testosterone.

 By age 40, the production of testosterone in a woman’s body is about half the amount made in the 20s. Although the ovary continues to produce testosterone after menopause, these levels drop gradually after this time. Women who have their ovaries surgically removed have even lower levels of testosterone.

Do you wonder why your desire for junk food increases when you are in your period? Well, here is the reason. Some women get cravings for strange foods when they are in their period, simply because women are hormonal beings and hormones cause cravings. As the cycle swings, the hormone swings. This makes a woman’s taste buds want spicy and salty food to prevent anaemia, so that the iron level goes up and the blood volume goes up. With the changes in metabolism, some women may feel cravings for carbohydrates, or any number of other food. Do you also wonder why your desire for sex increases when you are ‘on?’ Well, an increase in sexual libido during menstrual period has to do with hormones. They cause the vaginal secretions to increase, causing the breasts to swell, so there is that sexual feeling. It’s the nature’s way of saying, let’s have sex.

Do you wonder why you have such a heavy flow? Well, maybe your body is trying to tell you something because your period is your ‘barometer.’ A heavy flow can be a marker of uterine fibroids, which are benign growths on the uterus, or thyroid problems or hormone irregularities. It is important for you to see your doctor if your periods are heavy [meaning more than a pad an hour] or if you are flooding [meaning bright red blood that just does not stop]. It is not healthy to have menstrual clotting, it most of the time points to the existence of fibroids. And if you have a lot of them, more than a cup a day or saturating those pads, over an hour, or you’re starting to have symptoms of anaemia or low iron like headache and dizziness, see your doctor fast.

Do you wonder why you get diarrhoea and constipation during your period? Again, the single reason is your hormones. All women react differently to hormones. Actually, the hormones in a woman’s body control her temperature, especially around the time she ovulates. It is also responsible for the acne [pimples] around the menstrual periods that people term the breast tenderness, and for so many things. In fact, the slowing down of metabolism in the gastrointestinal tract is the reason why many pregnant women will become constipated or have diarrhoea. It is so because of those high hormone levels during pregnancy.

You can also prevent a whole lot of infections during your menstrual period if you minimise the hours you wear your sanitary pad. Sanitary pad should not be worn more than six to eight hours per day. Sanitary pad worn for longer period can be a medium for bacteria and can lead to uterine infections and toxic shock syndrome. If you are a lover of tampon, bear it in mind that it can be stuck and get wedged behind your cervix. Prescribed antibiotics especially during menstrual period to cure some aliment can allow the growth of yeast infection such as ‘toilet disease, itching in the private part and some STDs. While taking antibiotic prescription, try to eat yogurt, which is the more natural way of taking antifungal to balance up.

Do you wonder why your menstrual cycle is never regular? Well, a research at George Washington University did a first-of-its-kind survey of the menstrual histories of more than 600 women. They found that only 28 per cent of women had textbook cycles, and this is the conclusion. If you are over 45 and you are pushing past 35 days, it may be because you are in your pre-menopausal and beginning to ovulate less frequently. As women age from their 20s through their early 40s, the average menstrual cycle declines from 30 to 27 days (though many women had cycles that were longer or shorter). This average increases as they approach menopause: up to 35 days when they are three to four years away, then 45 days two years prior to the change, and finally 80 days in the year before they stop altogether.

However, if you have a 14-day cycle followed by a 36-day cycle, that is usually an indication that you have a hormone imbalance, you should see your doctor, especially if you are still at an age where you might want to get pregnant. However, if you are missing periods entirely and you are not pregnant, your ovaries are probably failing to release an egg (anovulation), which means your body will not produce the hormones that guide menstruation. Stress can trigger anovulation; you do not have to worry if it happens just once or twice a year. In older women, a “missed” period may also simply be a very long cycle. Experts say that when you see a 60-day cycle, that is a good indication you are approaching menopause. According to research from the Weizmann Institute of Science in Israel, ginseng root boosts arousal and sexual satisfaction, and chocolate increases desire. A group of scientists recently carried out a research on why a typical teenage Nigerian girl becomes sexually active indiscriminately and this report was sent to my office. In the report, 90 per cent of mothers claimed to have spoken to their daughters about the danger of indiscriminate sexual activities but only 21 per cent of these girls confirmed this statement and 50 per cent said their moms had never talked to them about sex. Ninety four per cent of these mothers said they did not have a conversation about sex with their own mothers before their first sexual experience. 42 per cent of these girls said their beliefs about sex are most influenced by their religion, education, their own thoughts and experiences and have nothing to do with their parents while just 12 per cent of girls said their beliefs about sex are most influenced by their mothers’ beliefs and experiences. The most common message moms said they passed on during the sex talk is, “A man will tell you anything to get you into bed, it doesn’t mean he loves you or will marry you.” “Be careful of men; all they want is ‘use’ you and dump you.”

Seventy per cent of girls say they get most of their information about sex from the Internet and friends. Eighty seven per cent of these girls say if they have opportunity to talk to their moms like their friend about sex, it will shape their commitment to abstinence before marriage and be more comfortable about their sexuality. This is what Nigerian young girls think about sex. Do you know what your girl is really thinking about sex?

Do you know that you can have a great, long-lasting sex life with the same married partner as long as you both are married? Absolutely yes, this was a discovery some researchers got from a group of 600 married couples who have been married for over 25years. However, they discovered that these couples were not having movie-style sex. In movie sex, relationship sex is romantic and passionate: You idealise your partner; you are turned on even before you begin, and you make love every time you are together. In an ongoing relationship, sex is more about intimacy and security and it is integrated with friendship and companionship. It was also discovered that couples who keep their sex lives going develop a style early on in their marriage. Who initiates, how much foreplay is included, do they like taking turns, do they or don’t they appreciate quickies? They also consciously make time for sex. Most long-term couples plan their sexual experiences; it is like going on a holiday trip, part of the pleasure is looking forward to it. Sexually satisfied couples also know that sometimes the “holiday” will be great and other times, it will be business as usual.

This type of healthy, mutually pleasuring sex really helps strengthen the bond between couples. Until next week, I remain your loyal bedroom instructor.

Questions and Answers

Is black hairy tongue normal during pregnancy?

Each time I am pregnant, I always have a black hairy tongue, is this normal?

Mrs Onaviren Solomon

Black hairy tongue is a painless condition, which occurs when the little bumps on your tongue grow long and trap bacteria that live in your mouth, making your tongue look black and hairy. Causes can include antibiotic use, poor oral hygiene, smoking, drinking a lot of tea or coffee, and not producing enough saliva. Brushing your tongue and using a tongue scraper is usually all you need to treat it, though sometimes medication is necessary, but it is not because of pregnancy.

Is my prostate bad?

Is it true that if I urinate frequently at night, it is because my prostrate is bad? I urinate so frequently and it disturbs my sleep.

Mr Dominic Gongode

The prostate is a walnut-sized gland located between the bladder and the penis. The prostate is just in front of the rectum. The urethra runs through the centre of the prostate, from the bladder to the penis, letting urine flow out of the body. The prostate secretes fluid that nourishes and protects sperm. During ejaculation, the prostate squeezes this fluid into the urethra and is expelled with sperm as semen. The vasa differentia (singular: vas deferens) bring sperm from the testes to the seminal vesicles. The seminal vesicles contribute fluid to semen during ejaculation. When a man suffers from inflammation of the prostate, that is Prostatitis, which is sometimes caused by infection. In some cases, he may experience disturbing urination. Symptoms of difficult urination tend to also increase with age when men have enlarged prostate also called a prostate growth. It actually affects virtually all men over 50. It also sometimes may be as a result of weakness of the neck of the bladder, that is the pyloric sphincter. To confirm your prostate and bladder state, you need to go for a check-up. Besides, if you urinate frequently, you may need to do your fasting blood sugar level. This helps to indicate if you are pre-diabetic or diabetic already.

My husband compares me with women in porn movies

From the look of things, it seems my husband compares me with women in porn movies. Don’t you think he is being unrealistic? I can’t meet up and I am fed up.

Paulina Felix

From a realistic point of view, most men do not wish their wives look like porn ladies. Rather, they wish their wives were as comfortable with their bodies and with sex. Women are a lot harder on themselves than men are. All you need is a heart and body that is soft, smells and tastes good. Keep the sex bed adventurous and hot as much as you can put on seductive outfit you feel comfortable in, and forget the elaborate bustier. Not all husbands are into lingerie, and there is nothing worse than squeezing into some skimpy thing you are bulging out of.

Please tell me the truth

Does every woman love a big longer penis? Is this true of every woman or is it only peculiar to our today’s lady? Whenever I have the opportunity to have a close chat with many of these ladies, they usually end up saying the same thing in different ways. Such as ‘I want to marry a man that will sexually satisfy me for real; smallness is not for me’. ‘Abeg, I cannot manage a man who cannot make me feel like a woman on bed,’ ‘As for me, I will only marry a man who is not well endowed with big penis for his money and alongside keep a secret boyfriend with big one’. ‘I love it when penis goes deep and fill up my vagina; that is when I know someone is making love to me’. ‘What is sex with no big penis? These are all my findings. My question is, how do those whose penises are of the small size get genuine women for wives? And please, how far is it true that the size of one’s foot or hands equates the size of one’s penis? Your opinion please.

Mr. Owarnd Zacchaeus

Actually, a lady whose priority is genuine love and marriage does not place much emphasis on the size of a man’s penis. So for many who are not well endowed with big penis, they can start looking for wives from this angle. And the size of your feet or hands does not equate your penis size, it is a fallacy.

My husband does not seek the right help

My husband hardly bathes before we make love. Besides, his breath is always terrible and his fingernails are dirty. The worst part of the matter is that my husband’s penis is very weak, so soft like a strand of banana. Even after he claims he has a good erection, the thing just goes banana at the peak of the game. I have begged him to go for a medical examination but he refuses claiming if I love him, I should bear with him and be able to tolerate the little sex we have. The point is not that I can’t assist him to overcome this challenge but he is not willing to go for help in the right place. At least I have had sex with few men and I know what a good erection is all about, it is very turgid, strong and goes on and on during the thrusting period. I am just frustrated and he is so traditionally adamant. Sometimes I must confess I hungrily look at the penis of his friends wishing my husband’s will appear as turgid as such under the trousers. How can I get him to take care of himself so that we both can enjoy sex together, this has been happening since we got married.

Idera Ibe

From documented research, over 2,000 women were asked what they liked least about sex, the fifth most common answer was ‘how my husband smells.’ That sad reality means you are not alone. Try clearly, calmly, and firmly expressing your desire. ‘I want to touch and make love to you, but when you do not shower, clean your finger nails, or brush your teeth, you send me messages that you do not care about me or want to please me. I know that is not really what you want for me deep in your heart, I know you want our lovemaking to be wonderful and exciting. So from here on I am going to wait for you to do those things. I would not associate pain [emotional, olfactory] with having sex with you, which would hamper my desire and possibly cause me to withdraw from sex then wait and see what happens. Secondly as per the weak penis and his traditional attitude towards help, you can go out of your way to help him see a sex therapist and help him get some natural herbs that are meant to be multivitamins for the penis. These penis multivitamins would not only correct the weakness, they actually do a total overhauling positive effect on the nerves, veins, arteries and the tissue of the penis and also help to bring back his sexual confidence. But by stealing looks on some other men’s penis will or may land you in problems. You are actually just suffering yourself. All you have to do is help put your husband’s own penis which is technically yours into good state and both of you will have the best of sex.

By Funmi Akingbade

Why you shouldn’t shave your pubic hair

When it comes to personal hygiene, one major aspect that has been trailed by diverse reactions is the issue of keeping or doing away with pubic hair, the hair that grows in the frontal genital area of humans, located on and around the sex organs of both male and female.

To some, nothing else nauseates like seeing hair in their partner’s private part, while some people are delighted by it as the sight of it is even a major turn-on for them, and to some others, it really does not matter whether the hair is kept intact or not.

To Mr. Johnson Agbede, a lecturer in his mid 50s, there are a few other things that are as disgusting as seeing a hairy private part. “You know how it feels when you see thick (sometimes coloured) hair in someone’s armpit? That is the way I feel when I imagine anyone keeping his or her pubic hair. My wife knows and she dares not keep it. I don’t keep mine too and I make sure I shave every Saturday,” he added.

Agbede, who is a father of three, said he believes the hair should never be allowed to grow because, according to him, it tends to harbour dirt and cause body odour over time. “Keeping it just does not make sense. For what purpose?” he queried.

But just as much as Agbede despises pubic hair, Mrs. Taiwo Peters, a business woman and mother of two, says she sees nothing wrong with keeping the hair in that region “as long as it is kept clean.” Perhaps, her stance is also informed by her husband’s preference for keeping it intact.

“My husband tells me that seeing it turns him on and that the moment I shave it, I would be on my own. I could trim it mildly but not absolute removal. For him too, he doesn’t shave but he could trim it when it is becoming too bushy.”

Interestingly, those who support it say getting rid of the hair makes them feel clean and fresh while those against it say it does not allow for friction during sex and that leaving it is not harmful in any way. Thus, the argument keeps going back and forth. Findings however revealed that most people shave their pubic hair and their reasons differ.

Notably, the methods people use to get rid of the pubic hair include shaving (with the use of razor, clipper or scissors), creaming and waxing, which is a form of semi-permanent hair removal which removes the hair from the root before new hair starts to grow back in the area between four and six weeks.

But according to some experts, pubic hair should not be shaved; rather, it should be left as it grows because of the roles it plays as a cover that shields the organs from avoidable infections and friction. They noted that shaving could open up the skin for pathogens bacteria and viruses, thereby increasing the spread of sexually transmitted infections, skin irritation and other skin infections, like Molluscum contagiosum.

In addition, they said the removal of the hair could increase the risk of genital skin infections because small cuts or scratches occasioned by the removal of the hair could open the door for viruses to cause infections.

Even though the situation applies to both men and women, a study published on the American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynaecology found that about 60 per cent of women who shave their pubic hair were found to have at least one health complication, and the most common health challenges found were epidermal abrasion (a wound caused by superficial damage to the skin) and ingrown hairs.

The study revealed further that women who are obese are almost twice as likely to report a complication and almost three times as likely if they have total hair removal.

A consultant gynaecologist, Hugh Byrne, told United Kingdom Telegraph that the removal of pubic hair could lead to abscess, a swollen area within body tissue containing an accumulation of pus. He explained that an increase in abscesses as reported had been caused by bacteria that enter the body through the hair follicle that was left open. He however said the solution to such infection could be through the use of antibiotics or an operation.

According to a review of some studies on Journal of American Medical Association, published onMail Online, the act of removing pubic hair could cause a deficit in the mucous membrane of the skin, which could allow viruses or bacteria to enter the body.

“Waxing causes deficit in the mucocutaneous barrier that may be sufficient for viral entry and transmission, potentially increasing the risk of acquiring STIs,” the report said.

The report added that waxing as a form of removing pubic hair does not only increase the risk of contracting STI, it also causes small injuries to the skin, the underlying structures, micro tearing of muscle fibres, the sheath around the muscle and the connective tissue. This in turn could lead to spread of infection, burns, bumps that form under the surface of the skin and folliculitis, which is an inflammation of the hair follicles.

It noted, “Pubic hair waxing can also cause burns, with most being superficial or partial-thickness burns, while bacteria including staphylococcus aureus, streptococcus pyogenes and pseudomonas aeruginosa were found to be among the infections people are at risk of contracting. They can be transmitted via contaminated waxing tools or from the person performing the procedure.

“Individuals who wax their pubic hair should be informed of this possible risk and perhaps be advised to abstain from sexual activity for a certain period of time after waxing.”

A gynaecologist, Dr. Olanrewaju Ekujumi, told Saturday PUNCH that when one shaves newly, the risk of transmitting skin infections to each other is high during sexual intercourse.

He said, “When you shave, there tends to be opening where the hair has been removed, it could be an avenue for organisms to penetrate and cause infections. So, when you shave, maybe you should avoid sex, even though it has also not been medically proven, theoretically, it is a possibility.”

Ekujumi explained further that even though some people feel very happy and comfortable when everything is nicely shaved, leaving the pubic hair unshaved has no negative effect on the body. He noted that the hair itself is a protective covering, such that before anything gets into the body through those areas, it would have overcome the hair first.

“In gynaecology, shaving has no medical implication, apart from the bumps and other things that could come with shaving or waxing. However, when someone shaves and the partner does not, if the person who shaves has coarse hair, it could irritate the person who does not shave,” he said.

When asked whether it is advisable to shave or not, he said it depends on what individuals want, but that instead of shaving, people could use scissors to trim the hair so as not to open up the skin.

According to a dermatologist, Dr. Funmilayo Ajose, there is no problem shaving or not shaving, but she suggested that those who wish to shave should do it correctly to avoid infections. However, she said people who have rashes when they shave their beards or legs should not venture into shaving pubic hair. Reason? She said rashes also tend to come up there and that it could be multiplied in the pubic area because the place is warm and germs and bacteria could rapidly multiply there.

She continued, “Some people’s pubic hair can be so strong that it can cause friction for their partner. So, it should be done in a way that it would not be prone to infection or irritation and ensure it does not have a sharp end that could make it a problem instead of being a solution. If in the process of shaving, the hair curls back and pricks the skin, it could introduce the germs that are outside the skin into the skin.

“However, there are non-irritant shaving chemicals that can remove the hair smoothly, but there is no harm leaving it and there is no harm shaving it.”

She explained that leaving the pubic hair does not lead to odour and shaving it does not reduce it, saying it depends on people’s personal hygiene.

By Tunde Ajaja

Why it is good to sleep naked

How comfortable is it to bare it all at bedtime? Going to bed or sleeping naked is one phenomenon that seems very weird to some people, but to the few who do it, it is extremely refreshing.

Those who do it say it is comfortable, easy, improves quality of sleep and happiness, allows fresh air to penetrate the private part, and of course, for those who are married, it enhances their sex experience as it allows for stress-free and unrestricted access.

But, on the other hand, those who are against it are also quick to point out that cockroaches, mosquitoes or even rats could make it an unforgettable experience as they could attempt to climb the bed and start playing with or attempting to enter the wrong places.

However, in an atmosphere devoid of rats, mosquitoes, cockroaches and spiders, experts have advised that sleeping naked is healthy and reasonably better than wearing clothes to bed.

According to some experts, sleeping naked does not only aerate the genitals, it tends to increase blood flow as there would be no inhibitions around the waistline and other parts of the body.

They however noted that even though there are times when it is necessary to wear clothes to bed, especially during cold weather, as much as it is possible, people should do away with their clothes at bedtime.

They said, “The testes in men are responsible for the production of spermatozoa and it is advised that the testes be kept in a cool temperature at all times to reduce the incidence of low sperm count and fungal infections. Given the treatment that the testes are subjected to during daytime whereby people’s dressing makes the region hot, leaving the balls freely at night is better as that is the only time they get to enjoy natural air.

“For women, keeping the vagina area open to fresh air tends to prevent the growth of yeast and bacteria that thrive in warm environment. That is a kind of thing you avoid when you keep it open because just like men, the area is usually hot or warm during daytime. So, overall, it is good to sleep naked.”

Apart from having a more healthy genitals, sleeping naked has also been found to increase sexiness and more importantly, increase sexual activities among couples.

Researchers explained that the body contact does not only boost the release of the feel-good hormone, which is notable for orgasm and increased libido, it erases inhibitions to sexual act because it puts the couple in a sexy state of mind. Thus, sleeping naked leads to more sex, improved intimacy, acceptance and self-confidence in the presence of a partner.

Beyond this, sleeping naked has been found to ensure a better sleep and prevent insomnia. They found that during sleep, the body releases some heat that must be disposed of the system, but that if by virtue of clothing the heat is retained within the system, it could deprive people of sleep. Thus, they said the interruption of this natural phenomenon could lead to insomnia.

Speaking on the subject of sleeping naked, a medical practitioner, Dr. Rotimi Adesanya, said even though there is no medical proof as to the benefits derivable from sleeping naked, people tend to have some comfort when they do so. He said the body would be more relaxed and there would be increased blood flow. He however pointed out that such would boost couple’s sexual experience.

He added, “You can be sure that men would even like it if their wife sleeps naked because they are moved by sight unlike women who are not. So, such men tend to make the move on seeing a naked woman (partner) beside them. Also, seeing it would make men to secrete more testosterone hormone; it would keep flowing, which is good for them. Thus, it would boost sexual experience. But for women, they may not be moved by seeing the man naked. Overall, men tend to benefit more from this.”

Meanwhile, given that sleep is essential for the overall well being of the human system, some studies have shown that the way people sleep, in terms of positioning, is just as important as it could affect people’s health and well being. They pointed out that while some can help people to be productive, some sleeping positions can boost the likelihood of having nightmare, neck pain and snoring.

According to a study posted on Mail Online, when people suffer heartburn, a form of indigestion felt as a burning sensation in the chest, caused by acid regurgitation into the oesophagus, and they sleep on their left side, they tend to be relieved of the pain. This, according to Dr. Mathew Noble, is because the internal organs seem to align in a way that helps to significantly reduce the amount of acid leaking out of the stomach into the oesophagus, which is what causes the pain associated with heartburn.

However, in a study by some researchers from the Yuzuncu Yil University in Turkey, people who chose to sleep on their left reported regular nightmares compared to those who would rather sleep on their right side.

Also, sleeping on the back comes with its own advantages and disadvantages. The study found that this sleeping position does not only help to align the spine and address any pain in that region, it could also help to prevent wrinkles on the face because the face would not be pressed against the bed or the pillow, according to a cosmetic surgeon, Dr. Goesel Anson.

But, on the other hand, sleeping on the back could double the likelihood of snoring and the temporary cessation of breathing, which could lead to heart problems.

Sleeping in the foetal position has also been found to ensure good night’s sleep, but according to an osteopath, Amy Hope, anyone with neck pain should not consider the posture without the aid of a pillow.

Of great benefit to the heart is the idea of sleeping on the right hand, but not for pregnant women, according to some researchers from Stony Brook University in the United States. They found that people with high blood pressure should consider this position as it gives the heart, located on the left of the chest, more room in the chest cavity and ultimately leads to lower blood pressure and slow heart rate.

But for pregnant women, they pointed out that in late pregnancy, sleeping on the right could lead to stillbirth as it could restrict blood flow to the baby.

Noteworthy is the fact that apart from difficulty in breathing and occasional neck pain when people sleep on their chest, researchers from Hong Kong’s Shue Yan University say it could enable people to have exciting dreams.

But according to Adesanya, there are certain medical conditions that could inform the kind of sleeping position to be recommended for people, such as people that are obese, people with heart problem and pregnant women. He added that if there are no such medical conditions, people could sleep in a position that they find comfortable because the body would always regulate itself for comfort.

He said, “For pregnant women, we tell them not to sleep on their back or on their right. The best position for them is to sleep on their left. This is because the largest vein in the body is on the right and if the woman sleeps on the right, the baby would compress the vein and blood supply would be affected. The same thing would happen when people sleep on their back.

“Apart from that, there is a way the body positions itself for comfort because when we are sleeping, we are not in control of our body. The body controls itself. Even if you sleep in a wrong position, the body will try to respond and prompt you to adjust.”

By Tunde Ajaja

Sexual health and techniques

Today, I want to assist couples how to unleash their spouse into attaining the best sexual response cycle. The sexual health technique refers to the process and sequence of physical and emotional changes that occur as a spouse becomes sexually aroused and participates in sexually stimulating activities, which include intercourse. Knowing how your body and your spouse’s body respond during each phase of the cycle enhances the relationship and helps married couples to pinpoint the cause of any sexual problem. 

When it comes to sexual health technique, I always encourage couples to make sure they put the interests of their partner first. When you prioritise the satisfaction of your partner, sex between couples becomes healthy and age defiling. Amazingly if you compare the physical look of a married spouse who is sexually satisfied with a married spouse who is not sexually satisfied and also with a single lady of the same age group, you will discover that the sexually satisfied spouse will look much younger than her counterpart who is not sexually satisfied and her unmarried single lady who has not been sexually active.

So, I will appreciate if couples get familiar with this response cycle. They are actually divided into four phases; excitement, plateau, orgasm, and resolution. Both men and women experience these phases, although the timing usually is different. For example, it is unlikely that both married couples will reach orgasm at the same time. In addition, the intensity of the response and the time spent in each phase varies from person to person. Understanding these differences would definitely help spouses better understand one another’s bodies and responses, and enhance the sexual experience.

Phase 1 Excitement: general characteristics of the excitement phase, which can last from a few minutes to several hours, include the following: muscle tension increases, heart rate quickens and breathing is accelerated. Skin may become flushed (blotches of redness appear on the chest and back). Nipples become hardened or erect, blood flow to the genitals increases, resulting in swelling of the woman’s clitoris and labia minora (inner lips), and erection of the man’s penis, vaginal lubrication begins, the woman’s breasts become fuller and the vaginal walls begin to swell, the man’s testicles swell, his scrotum tightens, and he begins secreting a lubricating liquid. This does not just occur if some steps are not taken. For instance, couples can learn to give good sexual speech, sex through whispering, phone calls and text messages. Did you know that with a single sexual and sensual call, you can get your spouse so aroused at his or her desk and he or she will be counting minutes just to get to you?

Hello, now, before you make that call, pick your tone: flirty, seductive, romantic, macho, dominator. When he or she answers, stay silent for a few seconds. Then, in your sexiest voice, describe how you would like him or her to kiss you, touch and undress you. Then take him or her through the finer details of how you are going to give him or her, the most amazing oral sex ever. Non-verbal communication is a good element to spark up the best sexual response cycle in our partner. You can groan and moan, but you can also breathe, stay silent and then repeat such. By the time you hang up, you’ll have your spouse so hot, his or her main problem will be hiding the fast breathing, and erected penis from colleagues as he or she sneaks away from his or her desk with a head full of sexual thoughts, treats and escapade for the night.

Put to use the power of the smooching; this speeds up the response cycle. While you are smooching, try kissing around the edges of the lips, then run the tip of your tongue to open them. The longer you can delay before inserting your tongue, the more sensual it will be. Lift your spouse’s face and teasingly kiss him or her around the chin and jaw, moving down to the sensitive areas of the neck and throat. Then extend your passion to a tongue bath: where you cover every inch of your spouse’s body with kisses.

Phase 2 Plateau: general characteristics of the plateau phase extend to the brink of orgasm or climaxing, which include the following; the changes begun in phase 1 are intensified, the vagina continues to swell from increased blood flow, and the vaginal walls turn darker in dark women and purple dark in fair-complexioned women. The woman’s clitoris becomes highly sensitive (sometime may even be painful to touch) and retracts under the clitoral hood to avoid direct stimulation from the penis. The man’s testicles are drawn up into the scrotum. Breathing: heart rate and blood pressure continue to increase. Muscle spasms may begin in the feet, face, and hands. Muscle tension increases. Believe you me, this stage can also be ignited if couples become more creative such as giving each other deep caressing even with the clothes on. This can deliver some certain sexual thrill. Spouses can simulate themselves with all the moves you would perform if both of you were nude, but make up your mind to stop yourself from shedding your clothes. Then when you both notice you have got to the stage of no return, pull off your clothes and slid into this stage of sexual response cycle.

Phase 3: Orgasm stage; this is the climax of the sexual response cycle. It is the shortest of the phases and generally lasts only a few seconds. General characteristics of this phase include the following: involuntary muscle contractions begin; blood pressure, heart rate and breathing are at their highest rates, with a rapid intake of oxygen, muscles in the feet spasm, there is a sudden, forceful release of sexual tension, in women, the muscles of the vagina contract. The uterus also undergoes rhythmic contractions, in men, rhythmic contractions of the muscles at the base of the penis results in the ejaculation of semen, a rash or goose pimple or sex flush may appear over the entire body. Two basic things accelerate this stage, careful clitoral stimulation and excellent high quality thrusting in and out.

Phase 4: resolution or the after play experience or often-called ‘aftercare.’ During resolution, the body slowly returns to its normal level of functioning and swelled and erect body parts return to their previous size and colour. This phase is marked by a general sense of well-being, enhanced intimacy and, sometimes, fatigue. Some wives are capable of a rapid return to the orgasm phase with further sexual stimulation and may experience multiple orgasms. However, many husbands need recovery time after orgasm, called a refractory period, during which they cannot reach orgasm again. The duration of the refractory period varies among men and usually lengthens with advancing age. This is actually not the same thing as inability to go for the second or third round of sex though but a stage or recuperation which more often than not corrects itself within a short period. Women take longer to relax and recoup after orgasm; this is the best time for reassuring communication, and comforting cuddling. Few sweet caresses and gentle cuddling can be enough to wrap up a full of life sexual encounter. So, husbands, do not leave your wives hanging.

From research, the fear of pregnancy most time prevents some couples from experiencing this sexual response cycle and they are not very comfortable with many available family planning methods. Condom can still do the trick. Condoms, when used properly, are very effective in preventing unintended pregnancies. Please use only water-based lubricants. Oil- lubricant based such as Vaseline will weaken the condom and cause it to break. You can contact me for some of these lubricants. To prevent overflow of semen after sex, husband should withdraw from his wife immediately, holding onto the base of the condom. This will prevent the condom from slipping off and possibly leaking inside his wife’s uterus. Now when a husband is well knowledgeable about these sexual skills, the issue of ‘Eda’ most couples complain of will become a thing of the past. This ‘Eda’ is actually the uncomfortable process whereby the sperm flows out of the wife’s vagina immediately the husband withdraws his penis after ejaculation. All things being equal, this should not be at all.

Until I come your way again, this is your bedroom instructor. Wishing you a sexy and sweet weekend.

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS

This has prevented me from marriage

Funmi, I can boldly say I am a fine man; got a lot of things working for me and I get what I want when I want it. I am the type of guy that is always in charge of situation but one place I shamefully and disgracefully lost face is in the area of premature ejaculation. It humiliates me always and I am fed up. What can I do to save my face from this unending shame? As a matter of fact, this has prevented me from marriage and I have lost potential wives to be. The moment they ask for sex and I try to do my best and they easily discover that I am less than a man, they take off fast. No lady is even willing to help me out!

Mr. Sukulimaki Ejirota

Men who suffer from premature ejaculation are often afraid of being sexually involved. Fear of rejection keeps many from initiating sexual contact at all. While any kind of erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation could be a sign of a medical problem, some men have just learned a quick ejaculatory response. Until you experience an ejaculation that always occurs within one minute or less of penetration, or inability to delay orgasm during vaginal penetration, or experience of negative personal consequences from the experience of early ejaculation, you may not be a victim. A normal time of sperm release is between eight – 15 minutes and this does not include foreplay. The key to making a sexual experience last longer when penetration puts you over the edge is to spend even more time on foreplay! Turn your attention to your wife’s pleasure and make sure she comes at least once before intercourse even begins. Keep her moving and changing her position by suggesting different configurations of hand, finger, mouth and tongue movement. PE will be a lot less stressful for her if you show a dedication to her orgasm. As an advocate of cure kindly, contact me for help, because according to research, men are three times more likely to suffer from premature ejaculation, at least, 40 to 60 per cent of all men, especially in underdeveloped countries like ours.

More money more sex

Funmi, you seem not to realise that good sex comes with good money. Today’s wives will only offer you sex for real good money. They are all the same, both the ones you are dating and the ones in your house; all they advocate for is more money. I think if I can make more money, I will enjoy my wife more.

Mr. Elekode Hassan

Money is good to have and of course, it provides the things of life easily but you will be surprised to know that marital sex between two married lovers gives you more of happiness than money will. If your bedroom has more healthy activity than your bank accounts, you will soon and still experience healthy sex, new ideas to make more money and healthy happy home. This is not to say that being financially poor is okay but healthy good sexual activities are the secret to a happy married life. Despite popular opinion and common theory, more money does not get you more sex, but getting married to a God-given spouse. Such spouse would not place unnecessary financial demands on you. In addition, it has been discovered that sex seems to have a greater effect on happiness levels in intellectual, well-empowered wives than with those with lower educational status. It has also been discovered that uneducated or illiterate spouses commit and indulge more in adultery than educated or literate spouses do. This is because an educated individual places more value on her reputation, priorities in life and still possesses a level of self-principle and control. They reason more on what they will lose over one night stand than the poor individual who trades sex for money to survive. So assist in getting your wife empowered and educated. More money does not mean more sex, but more sex can make you feel richer and help you get good ideas for more money. That is the power of orgasm. The very moment a man relaxes after orgasm, he thinks better, reasons clearly and soars higher in his mind over life challenges; same goes on in the sexual system of a woman.

Threatening life decision

Thanks for all your contributions in our married life. I wish I had known you for years even before I got married. Please ma, my case is private. I am an average old man of 54 years and my wife is 44 years old. I have a very serious challenge in our marital life for the past 18 years. My wife is to undergo a major operation that would involve removal of her fallopian tubes and womb. This is to save her from complicated fibroid and ovarian cyst, which her doctor explained is very risky. If they try cutting the fibroid off one after the other, there would still be several tiny ones remaining. The safest thing to do is totally remove her womb being that she has been operated twice before because of ectopic pregnancy.

We already have a child of 19 years. Now my question is this, wouldn’t she henceforth feel less sexy because our love is always at the peak when she is ovulating. Within those about 12 days, she would make sure she cooks the best of food for me and take special care of me so that I would be happy to give love back. I do not believe in going out since we got married and not even to think of talking of a second wife. Is there any other way I can get her wet again and feel sexy even if not frequently as before. Kindly advise me on how to manage this pathetic situation.

Mr Snowhite Pigold

There is definitely no cause for alarm at all, because there are many other areas in your wive’s body that can help her to be sexually stimulated, excited, provoked and aroused aside from her ovulation period. Such as her breasts, nipples, clitoris, vulva and lips. All you need do is extend the duration of your foreplay and intensify it. In any case, even if your wife did not undertake any surgery, she will definitely go through a menopausal period, which will also affect her ovulation progression. It is human for you to think like that, we are all human but at the same time, pray for her speedy recovery and have a wonderful time together.

 By Funmi Akingbade

What happens when husbands lose interest in sex

So often, the key to sexual satisfaction may not be as a result of penis size, stamina records, or a technical isolation of the G-spot, good foreplay and so on. Rather, it should also be about understanding oneself and one’s partner’s desires. By recognising that real couples are not born with a perfect, divinely granted understanding of sex and sexuality but are made, and we all get better by the day.

Losing interest in sex may not be as common an occurrence for men as it is for women. When men lose interest in sex, it scares them more than women. It affects about 15-16 per cent of men and the statistics doubles or sometimes increases three times in women. Loss of libido bothers men more and makes them unhappy about the rest of their lives than it does women. Only 23 per cent of men with loss of libido say they still feel very happy about life in general versus 46 per cent of women.

Their masculinity is so linked to their sexuality. From statistics, men do not like to talk about it; neither do their wives. However, loss of libido in men or inhibited sexual desire stresses a marriage more than any other sexual dysfunction. It can be embarrassing to talk about one’s sex life and get back to being intimate with one’s spouse. Loss of libido is not something men have to live with. There are so many things one can do to regain a good sex drive and have a happy outlook on life. In fact, sex therapists can pinpoint the source of the problem and may recommend lifestyle interventions.

So many times, men are not even aware that they have problem with loss of libido until we get talking in my office or while counselling them over the phone. How do you know if you have problem with loss of libido?

Libido loss does not usually happen suddenly, it is not like catching a cold and you start sneezing or coughing. Though difficult to define precisely, loss of libido is a lack of interest in sex for several months. Frequency of sexual activity is not the best measure of sexual interest, because so many circumstances can get in the way of an encounter, even if the desire is there. However, if you are married and having sex less often than the norm, about at least once a week, you might ask yourself whether you are happy with things as they are.

If you are not happy about your loss of libido, researchers agree that it is best to tackle these issues before they become deep-rooted. To help identify the early warning signs, see whether you answer the following questions true or false:

1. Touching takes place only in the bedroom [many African traditional oriented couples find this difficult to answer but touching should be done anywhere anytime]
2. Sex does not give you feelings of connection and sharing.
3. One of you is always the initiator and the other feels pressured.
4. You no longer look forward to sex.
5. Sex is mechanical and routine.
6. You almost never have sexual thoughts or fantasies about your spouse for ages.
7. You have sex once or twice a month at most.

If you answered true to many or most of these questions, you may be on your way to losing sexual desire. Understanding the various causes is the first step to finding the appropriate resolution. So today, we shall be looking at systematic programme to rekindle sexual desire in low-sex and no-sex marriage relationships.

The brain is an often-overlooked erogenous zone. Sexual excitement starts in your head and works its way down. Sadness, hopelessness and dejection can dampen your spouse desire and can lead to erectile dysfunction.

Depression can dampen your desire and can lead to erectile dysfunction. Ironically, many of the drugs used to treat depression can also suppress your sex drive and make it harder to get an erection.

Many husbands confide in me that most times they consider having a few drinks to get in the mood, which may not be a bad idea at all but I have a problem with this in two areas. One, which brand of alcohol are you consuming? Two, what quantity are you consuming? If you are not taking healthy alcohol, for example, real red wine that is good for the heart, your whole body and your sexual activities may be in danger of overloading synthetic brews. Secondly, overindulging and addictiveness of any drink could make it harder for a man to finish the sexual act, simply because too much of everything is bad, and alcohol does not help increase erection or give good stamina on the long run but rather it gives an euphoric feel initially and later gradually destroys sexual performance . Heavy alcohol use can interfere with erections, but the negative effects are usually not seen immediately. The good news is that moderate drinking of real red wine one or two cups a day might have health benefits like reducing heart disease risks. And those risks are similar to erectile dysfunction risks, too.

The contents of your medicine cabinet could affect your performance in the bedroom. A long list of common drugs can cause ED, including certain blood pressure drugs, pain medications, and antidepressants. Street drugs like amphetamines, cocaine, and marijuana can cause sexual problems in men. It is not easy to get in the mood when you are overwhelmed by responsibilities at work and home. Stress can take its toll on many different parts of a man’s body, including the penis. Deal with stress by making lifestyle changes that promote well-being and relaxation, such as exercising regularly, getting enough sleep, and seeking professional help when appropriate. So therefore, you have to reduce stress. Stress is common to everyone. Our bodies are designed to feel stress and react to it. It keeps us alert and ready to avoid danger. However, it is not always possible to avoid or change events that may cause stress and it is easy to feel trapped and unable to cope. When stress persists, the body begins to break down and illnesses can occur. The key to coping with stress is to identify stressors in your life and learn ways to direct and reduce stress.

Learning an effective means of relaxation and using it regularly is a good first step. Allow yourself some “quiet time,” even if it is just a few minutes. Examine and modify your thinking, particularly unrealistic expectations. Talking problems out with a friend or family member can help put things in proper perspective. Seeking professional assistance can help you gain a new perspective on how to manage some of the more difficult forms of stress. Other approaches to reducing stress include; keep a positive attitude, believe in yourself, accept that there are events you cannot control, be assertive instead of aggressive. “Assert” your feelings, opinions, or beliefs instead of becoming angry, combative, or passive. Learn to relax. Exercise regularly. Your body can fight stress better when it is fit. Eat well-balanced meals. Stop smoking. Limit or avoid use of alcohol and caffeine. Set realistic goals and expectations. Get enough rest and sleep. Your body needs time to recover from stressful events. Don’t rely on alcohol or drugs to reduce stress. Learn to use stress management techniques and coping mechanisms, such as deep breathing or guided imagery. Anger can make the blood rush to your face, but not to the one place you need it when you want to have sex. It is not easy to feel romantic when you are raging, whether your anger is directed at your wife or not. Unexpressed anger or improperly expressed anger can contribute to performance problems in the bedroom. Worrying that you will not be able to perform in bed can make it harder for you to do just that. Anxiety from other parts of your life can also spill over into the bedroom. All that worry can make you fear and avoid intimacy, which can spiral into a vicious cycle that puts a big strain on your sex life and relationship.

Carrying extra pounds can influence your sexual performance, and not just by lowering your self-esteem. Obese men produce less of the male hormone testosterone, which is important for sexual desire and producing an erection. Being overweight is also linked to high blood pressure and hardening of the arteries, which can reduce blood flow to the penis. This invariably leads to low self-image. When you do not like what you see in the mirror, it’s easy to assume your partner isn’t going to like the view, either. A negative self-image can make you worry not only about how you look, but also how well you’re going to perform in bed. That performance anxiety can make you too anxious to even attempt sex. Low libido is another thing that can deflate a man’s erection. It is not the same as erectile dysfunction, but a lot of the same factors that stifle an erection can also dampen your interest in sex. Low self-esteem, stress, anxiety, and certain medications can all reduce your sex drive. When all those worries are tied up with making love, your interest in sex can take a nosedive.

Many different health conditions can affect the nerves, muscles, or blood flow that is needed to have an erection. Diabetes, high blood pressure, hardening of the arteries, spinal cord injuries, and multiple sclerosis can all contribute to ED. Surgery to treat prostate, haemorrhoid and bladder problems can also affect the nerves and blood vessels that control an erection.

One way to improve erectile dysfunction is to make some simple lifestyle changes. For some men, adopting a healthier lifestyle, such as quitting smoking, exercising regularly, and reducing stress, may be all that is needed to find relief. For those who require more intensive treatment, adopting these lifestyle changes in addition to other treatments can further help. Quitting smoking can be very difficult and there is no single best way to quit that works for all people. Regular exercise can improve your health in many ways. Along with improving erectile function, exercise can: strengthen the heart, improve the flow of oxygen in the blood, and build energy levels, lower blood pressure improves muscle tone and strength. It can also strengthen and build bones, help reduce body fat, help reduce stress, tension, anxiety, and depression, boost self-image and self-esteem, improve sleep, make you feel more relaxed and rested, make you look fit and healthy.

To get the most benefit, you should exercise at least 20 to 30 minutes, preferably on most days of the week. Current studies suggest that at least five times a week is best. If you are a beginner, exercise for a few minutes each day and build up to 30 minutes. When starting out, you should plan a routine that is easy to follow and stick with. As the programme becomes more routine, you can vary your exercise times and activities. Here are some tips to get you started. Choose an activity you enjoy. Exercising should be fun, not a chore. Schedule regular exercise into your daily routine. Add a variety of exercises so that you do not get bored. Exercise does not have to put a strain on your wallet. Avoid buying expensive equipment or health club memberships unless you are certain you will use them regularly. Stick with it. If you exercise regularly, it will soon become part of your lifestyle. By next week God willing we shall see more of this, until then I remain your one and only bedroom instructor, keep the fire of passionate sex burning.

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS

My wife hardly makes first move

Whenever we make love, my wife seems to enjoy it as much as I do. However, she hardly makes the first move. I told her that I would like her to do so, occasionally and she accepted. Still, she did not change. Why is she like this and how can I make her do what I want?

Mr Loman Rufus

This type of complaint is common among married couples. The average Nigerian male thinks about sex several times in a day. Such frequent sexual thoughts may eventually compel him to have sex with his wife. This is how God made men. Whether it is a sport car or practical automobile, the vehicle for your sex life is typically on the drive mode. Your wife on the other hand, is not ‘sexually wired’ the same way. Most women are in the neutral mode. They are not opposed to sex; they just need to be properly stimulated to get them moving.

Once you initiate sex and she is receptive, both of you will move forward. Frequently, about 10 minutes into foreplay, a woman begins to be aroused, enjoy herself, and becomes aware of her desire for sex. Therefore, she is being honest when she expresses her enjoyment and desire to please by saying that she would like to initiate sex. Then, she will probably not even think about sex for a long while. She does not think about it until you initiate or bring up the subject. While she might agree that, she ‘should’ initiate sex or is willing to do so occasionally, it is difficult to get her in the mood when she is not thinking sexual thoughts.

Make sure you are not missing her promptings. Many couples do not agree as to how to initiate lovemaking or what actually constitutes an initiation, so they miss each other’s signals. Women typically initiate sex in more subtle forms. Your wife’s initiation might be as subtle as taking a shower after work. Make sure you talk about how she prefers to let you know she is in the mood.

My man sleeps with homo

My husband of sixteen years recently confessed to me that he slept with a homosexual whom he met while hunting for a job in Victoria Island, Lagos. I was shocked and devastated. He says he loves me and still finds me sexually attractive, but that he feels attracted to muscular, confident men with cute faces. Although he begged me to help him, I feel insecure and betrayed, is there any hope for us?

Loretta Aramipoku

If you are a little patient and you show him love and understanding, you will be able to get him out of this problem. Find out how long this ‘type’ of thing has been going on and the level of his involvement. Then try to find out where both of you went wrong about your sexual obligation and also where you both can go for counselling and spiritual help. He needs deliverance and help.

His penis too big and large

I notice that my husband’s penis is too big and large, which is not only scary but he compounds the situation by thrusting in so intensely. Can I get pregnant with the depth and intensity of his thrusting? Wouldn’t those thrusting abort pregnancy?

Mrs Andrew

I am sure you are expressing this type of panic because you are newlywed and maybe you have not been sexually active before now. You will eventually get used to his penis size. All he needs to do is good foreplay with you so that you would be completely aroused, your vagina relaxes and ready for sex. Inasmuch as your vagina can accommodate the head of a new baby, it can accommodate any penis size. Heart to heart talk is very crucial in sex; express your worries to your husband while thrusting is in progress. Tell him you want him to be gentle.