Handy information from sex researchers

One thing that is very obvious about life is that it is not static; everything in life appreciates and information increases. Today, we shall be looking at some information from sex researchers and I have gathered some of these facts, especially in the patterns of men and women’s sex drive. Couples should bear it in mind that individuals may vary from these norms. According to the National Opinion Research Centre, the average couple reports having sex 66 times a year. Couples under the age 30 say they have sex an average of 109 times a year. The average number drops to 70 times a year for couples in their 40s and 52 times a year for couples in their 50s.

Experts say that sex drive differs between men and women. They say women’s sexual inclinations are more complicated than men’s. While men may be rigid and specific about what they are aroused by, women have less-directed sex drives. Researchers say women are more likely to be influenced by irrelevant things and factors. Sexual desire in women is extremely sensitive to the environment and context.

Experts say men’s libido is higher, while women’s sex drive is more about intimacy. However, it does not mean that men do not seek intimacy, love and connection in a relationship just as women do. Most men crave more foreplay, but view the role of sex differently.

Women want to talk first, connect first, and then have sex. For men, sex is the connection. Sex is the language men use to express their tender loving vulnerable side.

It is their language of intimacy. Study after study illustrate that a man’s sex drive is not only stronger than a woman’s, it is also much more straightforward. The sources of women’s libido, by contrast, are much more difficult to pin down. It is common wisdom that women place more value on emotional connection as a spark of sexual desire.

Men want sex more often than women at the start of a relationship, in the middle of it, and after many years of it.

About two-thirds of men say they masturbate, even though they feel guilty about it. But they are forced to masturbate because they are constantly being denied sex by their wives. Over 80 per cent of married men confessed having cheated on their wives, though, they say they feel guilty about it. But they also gave reason for this – their wives’ deliberate insensitivities to their sexual fantasies and need. They also blame it on their wives’ tastelessness and lack of innovation.

Men and women travel slightly different paths to arrive at sexual desire.

I hear women say in my office that sexual desire originates much more between their ears than between their legs. For most married women, there is a need for a plan; hence, the romance, affection and foreplay. It is more about the anticipation, how you get there; it is the longing that is the fuel for desire. Women’s desire is more contextual, more subjective, more layered on a lattice of emotion. Men, by contrast, don’t need to have nearly as much imagination, since sex is simpler and more straightforward for them.

Most married women are more influenced by their peer group in their decisions about sex. Wives who are not ‘religious’ are likely to have liberal attitudes towards sex, they let go and release themselves to the pleasure sex has to offer than the more ‘religious’ ones. Married women with higher education levels are more likely to have performed a wider variety of sexual practices, but education makes less of a difference with men. Women are more likely to show inconsistency between their expressed values about sexual activities.

Most married women under the age of 60 think about sex less than once a day.

While the majority of married men under 60 years think about sex at least once a day, only about one-quarter of married women report this level of frequency. As men and women age, each fantasises less, but married men still fantasise about twice as often as women. Men reported more spontaneous sexual arousal and had more frequent and varied fantasies. There are natural libido enhancers that can help women; please contact me.

Older married women are more likely to experience orgasm when sex is within the context of a faithful and loving relationship.

Married women over 50 are more likely to report orgasm when a sexual event takes place in a totally strange environment. Researchers speculate that coming together of long separated partners may find the novelty of a new experience arousing.

Most second round sex is safe and healthy, sex therapists say. In addition, it can improve sexual function and relationships by teaching both spouses about their own sexual responses, so they are better able to explain to their partner what feels good to them. However, a spouse who becomes too obsessed with third round sex may develop sexual problems or lose interest in sex with their partners.

Women experience orgasms differently than men, while researchers find it tricky to try to quantify issues like the differing quality of male vs. female orgasms. There is a data on how long it takes men and women to get there. Men, on average, take 4 minutes from the point of entry until ejaculation; [ideal time should be at least 10 minutes], anything lower than this is considered to be premature ejaculation. If you suffer premature ejaculation, please contact me.

Women usually take around 15 to 18 minutes to reach orgasm. That is another difference between the sexes on how often they have an orgasm during sex. Among married men 75 per cent of them report that they always have an orgasm with their wives while 29 per cent of married women report that they always have an orgasm with their husbands.

Most married women cannot have an orgasm without direct stimulation of the clitoris, so they need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. For women who have trouble achieving orgasm, incorporating clitoral stimulation into sexual activity may be all that is necessary. The G-spot is a sexually sensitive part of a woman’s anatomy found in the anterior vaginal wall.

The G-spot is a region found behind the pubic bone that has been credited as the trigger for a vaginal (vs. clitoral) orgasm, and even a catalyst for female ejaculation. However, some experts note that there is no unique anatomical structure where the G-spot is supposed to be located. If the G-spot exists, it is best described as an erogenous zone rather than a part of a woman’s anatomy.

A study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that the duration before an average married man ejaculates during sexual intercourse from the beginning of vaginal penetration until ejaculation was 7.4 minutes, while the appropriate time should be 12 to 15 minutes. The average penis length is between 8 and 10 inches when erected and averages around 4.6 inches when flaccid. A man’s flaccid penis varies in size considerably because of various environmental factors and their effects on the sympathetic nervous system. Cold water and cold air are perhaps the best known causes of this “shrinkage” phenomenon, but psychological stress can do the same thing. It is advisable to stay off stress.

Only 10 per cent of married men reported a preference for oral sex to achieve orgasm, while 6 per cent of married women reported that preference. Men are more likely to reach orgasm when sex includes vaginal intercourse, but women are more likely to reach orgasm when they engage in a variety of sex acts that include vaginal intercourse or real foreplay sex.

Masturbation can cause injury; frequent or overly vigorous masturbation can irritate the skin of the penis, and men who masturbate facedown can injure their urethras. This has been a major cause of erectile dysfunction for many who masturbate.

Sexual activity can reduce the risk of stroke and heart attack in older couples.

While couples with a history of stroke or heart disease should consult their sex therapist about sexual activity, for the most part, sex is a healthy form of exercise for older people. Researchers who tracked 914 married men for 20 years found that having sex twice or more a week reduced the risk of fatal heart attack by half, compared with those who had sex less than once a month. They also found out that the frequency of sex intercourse was not associated with stroke.

Questions and Answers

Is her money a blessing or a curse?

I met and married my wife while both of us were still in the banking service but due to the fact that the banking system does not allow both husband and wife to work together in the same service, my wife volunteered to resign her job as a banker to go into a small business so as to manage the home front and take care of our toddlers. Things picked up well in the business and she’s doing great. However, we are beginning to have a rift over the money she makes from the business. Though she did not say this verbally but through her actions, I discovered that she does not only hide the gain she makes in the business but has been buying lots of landed properties in her name or our children’s names without my knowledge. The last time I confronted her about it, she said she did not know how I’ve been spending my money and therefore wondered why she should give any financial account to me since it was her money. I think as her husband, I have the right to know how she spends the money she makes or am I expecting too much? This has greatly affected our sex life to the extent that until I literarily beg her for sex, she sees no reason why she should have sex with me. But before now, she was the one with a higher sex drive and most times, I had to run from her sexual demands. Is her money a blessing or a curse? What should I do?

Sammy Agifidigo

There is no smoke without fire, so goes an adage. Naturally, many things must have been responsible for your wife’s actions. We are in a world and system where surprises spring up daily and these surprises either teach people to be wise or destroy them. New wives learn some things from their mother’s marital experiences, from friends’ encounters and sometimes, even from their husband’s reactions to life challenges and demands. Maybe real life issues made your wife to make such decisions, and maybe you are just discovering a new person altogether. The few questions I would love to ask are these: what is your own stand with money issues? Are you honest with your wife over money matters? Do you spend more on your own extended families than your immediate ones? Were you stingy or liberal with money when you were earning more than her? What was the agreement between you while the business was kicking off? What is your stand on money matters as a couple? When these questions are answered, then you both can sit and talk as a couple to know the way forward. When this is wisely tackled, your sexual harmony will eventually come around.

My husband is under undue pressure.

I am currently nursing our first child and as much as I want to make love to my husband, I just cannot do it because I have discovered that I have a pelvic inflammatory disease. As a result of this, my husband is under undue sexual pressure. What can I do, is there any way out?

Modinatu Arepoloya

Pelvic inflammatory though can be very painful with excruciating pain but at the same time, it can be treated and cured. What you need to do first is to get treated and cured. While you are undergoing the treatment [which may sometimes take a while], there are other ways you could help your husband ease himself from the undue sexual pressure he is in. One, you can give him some non-sexual pleasure such as good love play or foreplay. By this, he will be a bit relieved momentarily. Second, you can both take time out to just relax in each other’s arms and find solace with one another. When you show him you are genuinely interested in him by doing these gestures, he will be encouraged to hold on a little while for you. But you need to treat yourself first so as to fully perform your marital obligations without any pains.

Latent volcano is preventing me from marriage

Latent volcano, that’s the apt description of my fiancé’s temper. He is a nice man and we have been together for close to seven years now and each time we pick a date for our wedding ceremony, my parents are always finding one reason or the other to make sure it does not hold. They are torn apart over whether I should marry him or not. Mum says ‘No! If you marry him, he’ll kill you one day; his temper is destructive.’ While my dad says, ‘Go ahead and marry, there is no perfect human being anywhere; you’re 42 and shouldn’t be too choosy. With time, his temper will calm down.’ But will it? Truly, he’s loving, warm and generous to a fault, except for this. Latent volcano; should I or should I not?

Hmmm! The act of changing someone does not lay with anyone. Whatever character deficiency you see in your spouse while you are in courtship and you feel you can’t manage it, it’s better you have a rethink about your choice. It would be an unrealistic expectation if you expect such character deficiency to disappear in marriage, regardless of the level of love he professes to you. As for your parents’ views, it’s good to take advice from them, but the ball still lays in your court. You are the one that is going into that marriage and experience everything in it, either good or bad. So you need to make your choice which is, if you think you can cope, then go for it. But if otherwise, then you know the option. But bear it in mind that however long the duration of a courtship takes, it cannot be compared to a lifelong marriage. And the emotional trauma of a broken courtship can never be compared with an hypertensive until-death-do-us-apart marriage. A word is enough for the wise.