Do couples really have different taste bud? Yes they do but many find it difficult to comprehend these changes, rather they most of the time think that something is wrong with them or their spouse. But experts have made it clear that couples’ sex taste bud differs from age to age, and the earlier a spouse is aware of this, the better it is for the partner.
This awareness is particularly useful for couples who have obvious age gap between them. The understanding of this will assist each partner to sexually please his or her spouse and, of course, help reduce cases of infidelity to the minimum.
Couples’ sex drives, libido and taste change with age. For instance, couples within the ages of 20 and 30 years mostly share sexual similarities in taste, preference, flavour, libido and craving in respect of their temperament, while couples within the ages of 32 and 39 though have the same sexual favourite, passion, desire and yearning than those within the ages of 45 and above but the similarities could be altered by their temperament, nature of job/career and lifestyle.
Experts say those in their 20s and 30s have great sexual chemistry and energy at their disposal. It is the stage where both partners fall madly in love and constantly produce high levels of dopamine and norepinephrine. These chemicals not only make young couples feel extremely active and excited, they drive up testosterone– the hormone that fuels the sex drive in men as well as in women–to the highest height. Apart from this, many couples at this age bracket have lots of time at their disposal. Because these young couples may be with or without children, mornings and evenings are blissfully theirs for romantic romps. What’s more, they are at the beginning of their sexual life and they have a long way to go.
This is the stage where you hear the man complain of premature ejaculation. Because of the sexual tension between the couple, the man sometimes gets so excited that he ejaculates too quickly. There should not be reason to worry even when couples experience premature ejaculation at this stage because it may be basically as a result of anxiety of performance; the challenge will soon fade away. Or since both of them are so young, the man may be an amateur lover. And this is the stage they skip foreplay as they may see it as torture. Nevertheless, this is the time they could really get to know each other’s body and to figure out their likes or dislikes. The couple should see this as an opportunity to create their own sexual template. Actually, for this age group, this is the time to try it all and talk about what both of them are trying out.
Sometimes, couples are clueless about what to say at this point to really heat sex up. You have to tell each other what you want. But for many young couples at this stage, talking about sex may sometimes be embarrassing. This can be especially true of women who may not realise that giving their partner some sexy instructions in bed is likely to turn them on.
To get comfortable with the kind of talk that drives men into action, a wife can try this slightly ridiculous game. This game lets you reveal where and how you want to be touched (as well as finding out his hot spots) without saying a word. Just tell him you want to practise his favourite move but that he has to physically tell you what it is. Sit naked in the middle of the bed, facing each other. Lock eyes with him and fantasise about what you’d like him to do to you while he concentrates on what he wants you to do to him. As if that aren’t fun enough, try to read each other’s mind. After a few minutes, share your thoughts. By now, you should both be hot enough to say anything and be ready to go ‘gaga.’
You can decide to do a ‘leave in message.’ It’s another way for each of you to communicate what you would like without saying a thing. Either of you may go all out to buy an erotic gift and leave a note on the fridge in the morning saying that you don’t mind changing position to a ‘kneeling down and taking off style.’ This style is so unique that it is not a regular style but a special one that you engage in when you want to have a time to remember. And while doing that, take note that for you to get the maximum pleasure, you have to take your time to slowly and passionately rip off your clothes in a wild ride. That is how you really get to know every erotic spot on your mate.
You can even time yourselves to know how far you both can endure heavy foreplay before actual sex. For a start, set a timer for maybe 20 minutes one day, 30 the next and 40 the day after (every other day could be a good idea). This will force you to figure out each other’s pleasure threshold. Or try this technique: put four little bells on four silky strings, and tie one around both your spouse’s wrist and ankle. Then tell him or her not to jingle while you check out the body geography. Partners can learn a lot about what turns them on just by watching their facial expressions as they struggle to stay still.
The age of 32, 39 or thereabout, hormonally speaking, is a great time for a couple. The man’s testosterone level is still high enough to keep him hot, but he’s not as frivolous as he was in his 20s, when a sideways glance at his wife could spark a raw fire within him and turn him on and keep him hard all day long. Those slightly lower levels of excitement may mean that he may still not have put any premature ejaculation problem behind him, or he may be having new set of erectile dysfunction challenge. The wife may have dry spells when she is pregnant or breastfeeding (both of which can decrease her sex drive), it is common for breastfeeding women to have inadequate vaginal lubrication. But experts agree that this is the age when most women hit their sexual stride.
“In their 30s, this is when majority of spouses are more confident with their bodies, their mates and their sexuality. They are less afraid to speak up about what they like, so they are more likely to have orgasms. Although the two of them may have come off that initial wild passionate sex, they may likely settle into what experts call the attachment stage: a period of closeness and contentment when both share a general sense of union and peace of mind. The kind of connection a couple in love share at this stage drives up levels of oxytocin and vasopresin (the two chemicals that flood the brain with feelings of well-being). Here, they think of sex in the brain before the body. A research was carried out on couples within these age ranges to know the percentage of sex in the brain. Researchers wanted to know how much these couples think about sex on a daily basis. The result are as follows: once a day, 34 per cent; once an hour, 44 per cent; whenever I hear love music, three per cent; I’m too busy to think of it much, 19 per cent.
Besides, it is at this stage that such couples are caring for kids and building careers, so they have less time for spontaneous sex. Making sex truly sensational happens when they find ways to put it on their schedule, whether that means more quickies or making foreplay a part of everyday life. But whatever the case may be, the passion must not go off. You both can flood your sexual senses by carving out a day when you’re not so tired that you can’t imagine wanting to get busy in bed. You can refocus with this relaxing but racy ritual, which will wake up you and your husband’s senses. Innocently invite him to “talk” over a favourite dish and your favourite music while you change out of your work clothes. Once you’ve stripped down to your underwear, lean over and lick his neck while unbuttoning his shirt. Next, work your way down to his nipples, where that tingling sensation will fill his head with sexy thoughts. Stimulating your senses is the best way to shut out distractions and ease your way into the bedroom. Even when you’ve got in the mood, you may still have to fit what you used to do in three hours into just few minutes. This makes both of you so connected to each other and sex becomes even more intimate and soulful, no matter how swiftly you both do it.
‘Nothing spoil’ if both of you have an all-day foreplay in one of the weekends. It also helps if you’re ready to get it on before you hit the sheets. Find little ways to play around during the day. Creativity can help compensate for minimal mattress time. One wife I know writes sexy messages on her husband’s arm (they’re hidden under his sleeve during the day) and forbids him to read them until he gets to work. A man who I particularly admire sticks a ‘you are enough to feed me full’ on the overhead board of the bed in the bedroom. When his wife turns to her side of the mattress, the sticker starts beaming out light and music. You both can savour those late nights by just doing it, because a man’s testosterone level starts going up around 2 a.m. and keeps rising. Sex is actually even better than late morning sex because the man may be in a sort of altered state. And after you both have made love, you can just roll over for a few more delicious hours of sleep. Think sex whenever you find yourselves up at an odd time; it is very pleasurable.
Now let’s look into the age of 45 and above. This isn’t the most hormonally exciting electric-thrilling charged stage of marriage. The onset of peri-menopause may mean that sex hormones are waning. Less estrogenic means that the woman may not lubricate as quickly or easily as she used to. And the man’s lower testosterone level means that it’ll take more to get him turned on and that he’s not thinking about sex as often as he used to. This is also the time most men’s penis starts shrinking and losing its potency. Never mind. At this age, there should still be plenty that should be going on between the two of you to keep sex steamy. In fact, experts say many couples in their 40s say they enjoy making love now more than ever, because there are natural remedies for all sexual challenges both for man and woman. At this point, you and your partner know exactly how to excite each other. The little traditions you have, such as making love on Friday night and slipping into Saturday morning. By this time, kids are old enough to fend for themselves (if you still have young kids, try a workable way out), so you have some quality time to be together alone.
Remember, when nature’s doing less to push you into the bedroom, just get down and do it. The more you make love, the more you think about making love. And the more you think about making love, the more you want to make love. But shake things up. Now is the perfect time to explore new moves, since after so many years together, you feel comfortable enough to try wonderful play with your mate or to just be erotically close together than ever before. Besides, at this age, men crave for some sexual surprises. So, give your man something to reflect on.
If you’ve been noticing that it takes your husband a little longer to get it up these days, try this twist on the mirror-above-the-bed cliché. Next time you catch him standing in front of a full-length mirror, sneak up to him from behind with a handful of massage oil that heats up on contact, slowly kneel before him and start stroking his penis seductively and slowly while he watches. Before long, the surprise of what he’s feeling combined with the sexy scene he’s watching will have him totally revved up. This has worked for even an 85-year-old husband. It is a trick of the year that has always done the magic even in a case of severe impotency. Men are visual creatures; nothing turns them on like a sexy image and imagination. This helps their imagination to go wild and become a vibrant youth again by just a magic assistance. Don’t stop there; prevent him from turning around to embrace you or from moving his eyes away from the mirror as you continue to stroke him. You can enhance it by wearing a good push-up bra; it will project your breast and make it stand out for his fancy. I am sure that both of you will enter another world, because the more you can surprise and take your husband unawares at this stage, the hotter he’ll get regardless of his age or health or weakness. Spread the sensation further. Since you’ve got all day to please each other, you may as well prolong the pleasure. Nothing stops you from kissing and caressing your husband’s penis until he’s on the verge of orgasm. This act particularly has helped husbands with shrinking penis. Then shift your attention to other parts of his body; alternate between genital and non-genital stimulation until he’s aroused to a state of being hypersensitive. Try and continue doing this for about 10 minutes. The longer you do this, the better. Then push him over the edge of the bed. His climax will radiate like shock waves through his entire body. Many aged couples who have yielded to this advice after visiting my office have never remained the same; you could also be a part. Try it out and discover that even at old age, you are not losing out sexually.
Questions and Answers
My wife wants to dictate our sex life
My wife is a successful, assertive business person. I am thrilled that she is fulfilled in her work, but she brings that same driven mindset home. I can handle the way she manages the household, but not the way she dictates the terms of our sex life. She schedules our sex as if it is part of her agenda. Her driven nature may work great in the business world, but it fails miserably in bed. What should I do?
Mr. Ajuwon, Kogi
Sex should be driven primarily by your relationship, not a production quota. If either partner makes sex a controlled issue, intimacy goes off the bottom of the profit chart. Your wife’s controlling style has worked well for her on the job, and it is hard for her to relinquish it once she gets home. The same controlling behaviour also protects her from relational and emotional issues that are less comfortable for her. It might be a good idea to borrow the terms and methods of relating in the business world, where your wife feels comfortable. Start ‘speaking her language’ by making an appointment with her, through her support staff. When you get together, have a written proposal for her to consider. Begin by affirming her as a successful executive, telling her the things you mentioned in your letter to me. Next, assure her of your support and love (you are not staging a walkout). Then ask her to consider your point of view. Make this statement appropriately clear: You want to have a closer relationship with her; more emotional, and sexual intimacy. Let her know you feel unfulfilled, disregarded and relegated to the status of just one more agenda item. Tell her you want a sense of mutuality in your sex life. Finally, propose a new ‘contract agreement’ that would restore romance and warmth into your partnership. That may require some lunch meetings or weekend conferences in one of the eateries. At the same time, get your wife’s input about how she would like you to be as a husband. She is an assertive person used to taking control. She may be waiting for you to exercise more strength.
By FUNMI AKINGBADE
No comments:
Post a Comment