Before we conclude the causes and cure of low libido, kindly note that it has been found that low libido in men is a much more common complaint. Men who have a reduced sex drive don’t want to talk about it, and the wives don’t want to talk about it either. The wife is afraid that if she says much about it, people will think that her husband is either gay, or she’s a ‘bad lady.’ She also fears that people will say she is unattractive to stir her husband’s passions. And many husbands have the myth that they’re supposed to want it all the time, anywhere, but this is the time and age of high information. You either see a sex therapist or a neurologist or a medical practitioner for help.
Couples need not feel they have to have sex a certain number of times a week to have a good sex life. The best and biggest low libido remedy is just do it. Once the more obvious causes for a man’s low libido have been identified and eliminated, couples must often work through differences in their relationship to arrive at a solution. When your wife is interested, just do it, this has cured a lot of low libido cases.
For couples who have been together longer, anger often stands in the way of one or both partners’ sex drive. By not dealing with marital anger immediately, it can be a big leading cause of low libido. One possible solution is some long, honest talks. Ideally, couples should have sex about thrice a week but assigning a number to normal frequency of sex may not work for some couples considering their temperament, age, health stability, nature of work, general belief and the type of marriage relationship they operate in. And couples should always do what they are happy about and always think about how happy the person next to you is in bed.
But it is very paramount to note that the loss of oestrogen and testosterone following menopause can lead to changes in a woman’s body and sexual drive. Some categories of women in menopausal and postmenopausal may notice that they’re not as easily aroused, and they may be less sensitive to touching and stroking. That can lead to less interest in sex. Also, lower levels of oestrogen can cause a drop in blood supply to the vagina. That can affect vaginal lubrication, causing the vagina to be too dry for comfortable sex — but there’s help for that. Menopause does not lower sex drive in all women. Rather, many postmenopausal women say they’ve got an improved sex drive. That may be due to less anxiety linked to a fear of pregnancy. Also, many postmenopausal women often have fewer child-rearing responsibilities, allowing them to relax and enjoy intimacy with their husbands.
But for some women who do not want sex during menopause, it is still advisable to still take time for intimacy. You can still show your husband love and affection without having sex. Enjoy your time together: take walks, eat dinner out, or give each other back rubs. This gradually leads to good sex. And to improve your physical intimacy, you can consider experimenting with erotic videos or books, and changes to sexual routines. Use distraction techniques to boost relaxation and ease anxiety. These can include erotic or non-erotic fantasies, exercises with sex, and music, videos, or television. Have fun with foreplay, such as sensual massage or oral sex. These activities can make you feel more comfortable and improve communication between you and your husband. Minimise any pain you might have by using sexual positions that allow you to control the depth of penetration. You may also want to take a warm bath before sex to help you relax, and use vaginal lubricants to help ease pain caused by friction. Tell your husband what’s comfortable and what’s not.
It is needful for both husband and wife suffering from low libido to always try to focus on the last time they had real good passionate earth-shaking sex together. Taking just five minutes out of your busy day to replay the specifics of your last really great sexual encounter will whet your appetite and instantly increase your libido. One of the reasons many wives lose their libido is when they constantly compare their bodies’ configuration with some unrealistic body ideals; you will definitely feel unsexy. Remember some of those body types are un-attainable; they are artificial in most cases and yours is just very natural and fine.
A leading cause of loss of sexual interest and drive is the constant bombardment of old night wears both from the man and the woman. So, buy new under things. Throw away those ripped, faded, you’ve-had-them-for-four-years granny panties and invest in some new underwear. The sexier, the better new bikinis, boy shorts, or even basic briefs can make you feel special.
Never forget to stop worrying. When you’re focused on worry, the last thing on your mind is feeling sexy. Husband in particular should see the bedroom as for three things: friendship arena, sleep and sex. TV, iPhone, laptop etc are life’s distractions, they reduce friend-shipness, reduce hugs and keep you from being fully in touch with real life, never mind anyone else and reduce sex drive. When this persists, low libido sets in practically. Stay in a room without these gadgets for one year, you will notice that your sex drive will improve; your libido will be high all because you are friendlier, communicate better, cuddle frequently and have sex often. And if you can exist without them, try to unplug for a few minutes each day so you can plug in to what’s important, your marriage relationship. Focus on just one activity— just gisting together. Tuning out from the world helps make you a priority, which in turn reminds you just how lovable you are.
Nothing kills sensuality, sexuality and sex drive than a room full of baby stuff: toys, diaper bags and crayon-drawn art. Have a space in your house that’s for daddy and mummy only, so you can focus on yourselves. This room should have nothing kid-oriented in it. No toys, no pictures of their adorable faces. It should be an environment for you as lovers, sweethearts instead of mom and dad’s room. No! It’s better captioned with a more erotic name such as the greatest sweethearts’ room.
Both husband and wife should have a positive mental attitude and keep their stress level low. If you feel good and self-confident, you may feel more sexual and attractive to your spouse. Remember, prolonged stress can lead to a diminished interest in sex.
Consider special foods and supplements that claim to increase libido in man and woman. Natural supplements can help increase blood flow and sometimes help fight vaginal dryness. Some natural supplements that may increase libido include: vitamin, zinc, vitamin C, arginine, vitamin A, vitamin C, Beta-carotene, vitamin B6, and vitamin B complex. These nutrients may help to boost sperm count, improve sperm motility, enhance prostate gland function, increase testosterone production and create a healthier nervous system. Some foods that may increase libido include: Celery, raw oysters, bananas, avocado, nuts, mangoes, peaches, strawberries, eggs, liver, figs, garlic, pumpkin and chocolate. Certain foods and natural supplements such as these may add much needed nutrients and minerals to your diet, but they are unlikely to make a bigger impact on your sex drive and sexual performance.
Questions and Answers
Money issues getting in the way
My husband and I have separate bank accounts. This did not bother me initially, because we agreed that we should combine our finances. But now, I make more money than him; and when it is time for both of us to pay for any purchase, his decision is getting to be a drag on our relationship. He spends money anyhow and I am not very comfortable with this. This has killed our sex desire for each other. As a matter of fact, I only hear of my husband’s hyper high libido among the girls around rather than with me. Should I just accept things as they are or keep trying to combine our money?
Hope you are not making it so obvious that he who pays the piper dictates the tune. The man may be poor but most of our husbands read in-between the lines; so kindly ask for wisdom on how to handle this dicey issue. Then also in most cases, one person will handle the bills and keep track of the finances. If you two are paying separate bills and expenses, it is easy to lose control of your spending. The best remedy is to set up three checking accounts. The first is the main account to pay all the household bills. Determine how much each of you will deposit into this account from your pay cheques. Even when his own contribution is a kobo, let him put something down. The other two accounts are the ones you are currently using. Instead of paying bills with those accounts, use them for miscellaneous items you spend money on. Make sure you keep enough money in them so you do not have to dip into your joint household account.
If your husband procrastinates on opening the main account, then you take the initiative, go to your bank, and begin the process. Then make a list of all the bills you will pay through this account; do all you can to get the support of your husband because success in life requires being smart.
‘My wife is about leaving’
I am one of your ardent readers. I have a pressing problem that is about to scatter my marriage of three years. I do have quick ejaculation and I cannot go more than one round of sex. My wife is about walking out of our marriage. Kindly tell me what drugs to use to win her back.
Mr. Sunrise Hormalu
‘I lost four girls to premature ejaculation’
I lost four girls that I would have married to premature ejaculation. I hardly read newspapers except for sports. I stumbled on your third series on premature ejaculation which you published in the Saturday Punch of August 16th 2008. I almost shed tears because my case is very critical. I call it ‘pre-premature ejaculation.’ I ejaculate 10 seconds immediately after penetration. At times while fixing condoms, I will ejaculate with the condom half fixed. I feel very disappointed each time it happens, so I have decided not to get married until I have found a solution because of the shame and frustration. Please ma, kindly help me out. I do not want to have any problem with my marital life.
Mr. Psalms Victor
Is it true?
Since having our two children, my husband and I have lost our sex drives and have mutually agreed sex is no longer important. Is there anything wrong with this?
Umman Uyimere
If you are both being honest, I see nothing wrong with your chastity agreement. Keep your options open, however, since sexual interest varies throughout seasons of life. Having children can certainly impact your sexual interests. The fatigue alone could ruin your romance. Worries of having another baby or being unable to support your family’s needs may also contribute. If there are underlying conflicts about your sexual intimacy, investigate those.
My major concern is that sexual intimacy and physical pleasure are significant parts of human needs. Denying their expression may cause either or both of you to become susceptible to outside sexual attractions. Keep a close watch on your hearts and model physical affection for your children. Good family planning will also help.
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Master and Johnson Tips
- Relax and make sure you are free from distractions. This is not a good time to try fixing your mind on non-sexual issues, in order not to ejaculate. Concentrate.
- You and your partner can engage in foreplay, for you to get aroused.
- Signal your partner when you are about to ejaculate.
- At that point, she should stop stimulating you and apply firm but gentle pressure at the point where the head meets the shaft of the male organ.
- The pressure can be applied for about 15 seconds.
- She should then let go and you can both rest for 30 seconds before repeating the technique.
Kegel’s PC Exercise Tips
- Urinate before the exercise and do not do the exercise while urinating. This is not advisable. However, you can use urination to locate the muscles as described in the main article.
- Squeeze your PC muscles shut as tightly as you can and hold them for like 10 seconds.
By Funmi Akingbadd
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