Cultural norms and traditions have long defined the woman’s sexuality for many years. According to tradition, a wife is not to ask, seek or initiate sex; it is the responsibility of the man to do so. It is even considered a taboo or a sign of promiscuity for a wife to show signs of dissatisfaction with the sexuality of her husband or for her to show that she has a higher libido than the husband. Such a wife is considered as unfit to be in a matrimonial setting. But thanks to increase in knowledge, it has now been globally accepted that when it comes to sex and sexuality, what men can do, women can do better. And when it comes to sex, women are more detailed, focused, selfless and far more understanding of their husband’s sexual needs and preferences. And according to researches, women handle sexual treats much better than men if given the opportunity and privilege.
Husband, has it ever occurred to you that your wife can get you better aroused and give you the kind of orgasm you can ever imagine? I am sure many people would not believe this but kindly lay back, keep your hands off your wife and let her show you the best way to pleasure her. You wife, when was the last time you lavishly taught your man the stuff you are made of when it comes to sexual surprises?
You both can start by just eating your meals together. One explorative gateway so many couples neglect is eating together; needless to say that the couple that eats together, sleeps together. Eating together is like giving your partner a love potion, because a delicious meal can be a prelude to sex. The act of cooking together can be a form of foreplay, and the smell of food can ignite intimacy, especially when couples eat some aphrodisiac food items together. Certain natural love potions, otherwise known as edible aphrodisiacs, can reignite, spark, and turn up the heat in couples’ sexuality by improving blood flow to the genitals, enhancing performance, pleasure and ultimately put them in the mood for lovemaking. Some couples have found out that fruits such as bananas, cucumbers and carrots speak for themselves on that score.
Newlyweds are mostly encouraged to drink honey wine in their first month of marriage to improve their sexual stamina. That is why honeymoon came from honey. Garlic is rich in antioxidants that protect against cell damage; garlic is said to stir sexual desire and increase blood flow to the genitals. Research has shown that the aroma of local popcorn induces blood flow to the penis, and the combination of cucumber and coconut makes some women ready for sex. Of course, if you want better sex, take care of your health. Being overweight may deflate your libido, especially if you don’t feel attractive as a spouse. Extra body fat raises the spectre of elevated blood glucose levels that can damage the blood vessels and nerves that improve arousal and sexual pleasure. It also increases the risk of high blood pressure and clogged arteries. Upon menopause, women lose 90 per cent of their circulating oestrogen, which may result in less blood flowing to the genitals. It may also diminish capacity for arousal. Body fat offers some protection, because, like the woman’s ovaries, it produces oestrogen.
Another trick that does the magic is sending romantic and erotic text messages while at work or away from home. You can consider messages such as “I’m just thinking about you right now and I have some sexual surprises for you” or “Hurry back and come to where your heart is.” And while at home, when you are certain the coast is clear and the environment is favourable, start off sexual exploration by saying what you dream of, fantasise about and love to take place between both of you. Say what you are going to do and make the promise in a very low sexy seductive voice. Or you can subtly whisper “I love and enjoy passionate sex with you, come kiss me and undress me.” Many husbands are eagerly waiting to hear something hot and seductive like “I love the feel of this, please don’t stop,” or “Oh, I need you inside me.” Then try describing your feelings and sensations, like, “Mmm, you taste so good” or “Ahhh, you feel so good pressed up against my body, are we repeating this soon?”
Researchers say words such as “come into me,” “don’t go, I want more of this,” “your rod satisfies me fully” and so on are said to turn husbands on faster than anything. Words are powerful, especially seductive, erotic, and sexy words. You can try some tonight. Husband, do you know that a simple “come to me” can get your wife in the mood for sex right there and then? Or when she says something that makes you happy: You can say, “hey, you make me so happy. I feel warm inside when I am around you. I can’t wait to go inside with you.” Whenever you envisage sex, make sure you make the foreplay hot and steamy for her. Begin with small bites on the earlobes and along the contours of her neck, followed by smooth and tender sucking on both nipples. Use light touches along the torso with your fingertips. Do these until you come into contact with her inner thighs. Let your wife be the one to guide you once she is prepared to take the exploration to a new level. Then slowly pull her to the bed, play with her affectionately; then tactically open her legs wide with one hand while the other hand lifts her left leg up. Slowly place your male organ on her female organ and push it in gently. Immediately your male organ gets in, make sure she holds you so close while her leg is still lifted for easy entry and say nice things to her hearing. When you notice she is steady on bed, then lift her up, turn her back, making her two hands hold the bed rail. Tilt her up a bit in a doggy style form with her two breasts accessible for your gentle caressing and massaging, the degree of your thrusting can make your wife moan for pleasure.
This type of explorative sex can linger on as long as both spouses desire. After a while, you can even make your wife lie on the couch faced down. Kneel behind her and fill her genitals from behind with all your fingers in a rhythmic manner until you could feel her wet with her natural lubricated fluid. You may keep on exploring with your fingers till she makes some usual sighing. If you notice she enjoys the act, you may then turn her face up and make her hold onto your waist and slowly enter her again but this time, make sure your entering is gentle and welcoming, making her face full of smiles. Nothing stops a wife from being explosive while making love with her husband. Place one of your nipples in your husband’s mouth and seductively tell him you want him to suck it as he makes love to you. Play with his male organ, tease him like a baby; let him giggle while you touch him, it brings the boy out of him. Touch the tip of his penis with your breasts, systematically rub it against your nipple.
Questions and Answers
Her size doesn’t excite me anymore
My wife was slim and attractive when we first married, but quickly gained almost 120kg from 40kg. While I want to be faithful and have a fulfilling sex life, she no longer excites me physically and I have really stopped having sex with her. I go after slim ladies who satisfy me real good but I know this is wrong. However, how can I get over the bulge body parts and start having sex with my wife again? I really love her but her body doesn’t excite me anymore.
Mr. Oriepke Amadie from Delta
What a difficult situation! First and foremost, let me say that it is not only because your wife added extra kg that sent you off your marriage to look for sexual satisfaction elsewhere, it is also as a result of your own weak point. However, no person would be happy with an excessive extra weight gain, and losing that weight again is a long-term prospect. Meanwhile, one factor that can be minimised is the visual stimulus in your intimate times. You can use a lights out, under the cover approach. Also, try to find the most sexually comfortable body position. Just as women need to be “warmed up” sexually, if you focus on pleasing your wife while making love, I am sure your arousal will come.
It would be worth asking her gently and lovingly to explain her attitude about sexuality. Some people unconsciously use weight gain as a barrier to hide a self-esteem issue. Then encourage her to adopt a practicable weight loss method that will work for her with you by her side. Remember she was once slim and she could be slim again. Also remember the other ladies could become fat as time goes on; so work on your woman.
Sex by order
Funmi, please how do you handle a partner that does not communicate but only wants sex by order? When I try to refuse, his response is “obey the last order.” Am I in a military school or what? In fact, I have stopped talking to him until he sees reason with me. Because each time I try to talk, he simply tells me he is not a ‘talker.’
I want to stay anonymous. From Lekki.
My dear anonymous lady, the step you have taken to make your husband see reasons with you is absolutely wrong. Communication is a very delicate thing between two married lovers. It must be handled with care; married couples cannot communicate by osmosis. They must work at their communication style. It does not happen by osmosis, which is defined as “a gradual, unconscious process of assimilation or absorption.” That is not how a partner would understand what another person is feeling or thinking. No, they have to talk to each other. I know this can be difficult at first if you are not in the habit of doing it. However, to have a healthy sexual relationship, you must make time to sit down and have eye-to-eye contact. Forget past failed experiences where communication is concerned. Determine to pull down the walls between you two by being willing to talk and patiently listen. To be a better listener, pay attention, do not interrupt and respond in love. An interesting statistics reveals that women speak approximately 25,000 words a day, while men only speak 10,000-12,000 words. It is easier for women to talk. Men often have trouble listening as well as expressing themselves. This may be because of gender culture and what is expected from a man. Given these facts, it is easy to see why couples must work at communication. Effective communication occurs because of a deliberate, conscious decision to respectfully talk to each other. You must not argue or yell. Harsh, critical words cause a person to shut down on the inside. A husband and his wife can experience many moments of blissful connection when they choose to communicate in love. It is worth the effort it takes to develop this skill! Quality, loving communication is a heartfelt dialogue. It is two people sharing their thoughts, desires, feelings, experiences, observations, dreams and ideas with each other in a safe, nonthreatening, non-hostile, friendly environment. Communication is an exchange—not a monologue. Each person feels as though what they have to say is valid, important and respected when this kind of communication takes place. So you have to find a way to talk, listen and respond in love to your husband. This will provide a solution to the issue on ground.
My erection failing me
I recently started feeling funny. Anytime I am with my woman, my erection will not only fail and disappoint me but embarrass me. I went to the hospital and was diagnosed to be having low testosterone. My question is this, is this also called erectile dysfunction or what? Please what’s a “normal” sex drive?
Ben Kokojo
Surprisingly, low testosterone by itself rarely causes erectile dysfunction, or ED. Low testosterone alone- with no other health problems – accounts for a small minority of men with erectile dysfunction. Testosterone isn’t the only fuel for a man’s sex drive and performance. But low testosterone can reduce your ability to have satisfying sex. Lack of sex drive and erectile dysfunction are sexual problems that can result from low testosterone. If low testosterone is the cause, treating it can help. Researchers haven’t unravelled the mystery of just how testosterone increases libido. It’s normal for a man’s sex drive to slowly decline from its peak in his teens and 20s, but libido varies widely between men. What one man might consider a low sex drive, another might not. Also, sex drive changes for a man over time and is affected by stress, sleep, and opportunities for sex. For these reasons, defining a “normal” sex drive is next to impossible. Usually, the man himself identifies a lack of sex drive as a problem. Other times, his wife may consider it to be an issue. Low testosterone symptoms don’t always include feeling like you have no sex drive. Some men maintain sexual desire at relatively low testosterone levels. For other men, libido may lag even with normal testosterone levels. Low testosterone is one of the possible causes of low libido, however. If testosterone is lowered far enough, virtually all men will experience some decline in sex drive.
Pain in belly area during ovulation
I always experience pain in my belly area each time I am about to ovulate, is this normal or am I infected with some sort of illness or disease or what? But the funny thing is that I always feel like wanting to make love. Do you have any idea of what is wrong with me?
Bidi Michela
About a fifth of women can actually feel something happening in their ovaries around ovulation. This can range from mild achiness to twinges of pain. Some women feel ovulation as one-sided backache or a tender area. This condition is called mittelschmerz, it may last anywhere from a few minutes to a few days. If you notice these sensations at roughly the same time each month, check your cervical mucus.
Ovulatory pain can be a useful guide to when you’re fertile. Many women experience heightened sexual desire in the several days immediately before ovulation. Feeling sexy may all be signs that you’re at your most fertile. You may notice a peak in sexual desire at this time.
by Funmi Akingbade
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