What happens when the couch gives better comfort

Just a few days ago, I got a phone call from one of my numerous readers, a couple who wanted to see me by all means despite the heavy rain. I insisted the appointment be rescheduled due to the weather but they insisted on seeing me. On getting to my office, the wife spoke first. She said they wanted to see me because of the question their eight-year-old son raised which they could not honestly answer. Their son said, ‘why does daddy always sleep on the couch?” They were worried that the boy may spill the “secret” of their sexual dryness and drifting apart. Even though the husband tried to make him believe otherwise by saying “Your mom and I still sleep in our bed together,” but the boy was not swayed. He insisted that they were not sleeping on the bed together anymore.

The woman said that was why they came to see me to help them from drifting apart sexually.

No matter what you say, marriage and a sex-filled bed should go hand in hand. Cuddling under the sheets night after night, initiating endless intimacy and sex make marriage healthy. But sometimes, sex gets lost in the shuffle of schedules. Sometimes, couples introduce pornography into their bedrooms, dangerously comparing their spouses to porn stars.

Here are some ideas to jumpstart your sex life and get it sizzling again.

Make sex a priority; go to the extent of writing it on your calendar if you’re having trouble finding the time. While sex is certainly not the biggest part of a marriage, it is a fairly accurate measure of the health of your marriage. It will enhance your sleep and your energy levels, so plan for the first week to have sex every night for a week. Yes, that includes the weekend! Why? Researchers say having sex usually begets the desire to have more.

Ask your spouse what he or she needs. Men are different from women. Women need a reason; men just need a place. Men, if you truly want to touch your wife’s body, touch her heart first. Talk with her. Consider charting her up in the kitchen as a form of foreplay! If you have young children, take over bedtime duties and give your wife precious time to make the transition from mommy to sex goddess! Honour her and be sensitive to her needs. Women, if you truly want to have a great intimate relationship, stop treating your man like he’s a rapist because he wants to have sex. This is his God-given desire and his best way of connecting with you. In general terms, sex might well be more important to men than to women. So make the most of it. Make it your goal to make every room in your house sexually appealing. Get creative, try a fashion show with lingerie; greet your husband at the dinner table wearing his tie and nothing else even if your breast is sagged. Make sure you are under a blowing fan, the cool air will temporarily firm up the breast making your nipple stand out and this will appeal to him greatly, or wake him in the middle of the night for sex wearing his favourite colour hat. Send a text for his eyes only.

Like this couple visiting my office, sometimes some couples need more than the ordinary to revive their sex life and create a passionate heat between themselves. For instance, a very advance version of doggy style has been of tremendous help to many of my clients. So as in my habit, I did not hesitate to introduce this ‘wonder working,’ ‘all in one,’ ‘ever ready to revive style’ to my visiting couple. This style can be practised by any couple regardless of their age, years of sexual starvation, health condition, and most importantly the advantage of this result proven style is that it helps couples to experience erotic sensation and gain back lost feelings. Now husbands, when you are entering your wife, let it be from behind, make sure you flatten her out by placing a pillow under her stomach to raise her buttock. Then lie down fully flat on top of her, instead of staying even with her body, move up as high as you can [even when it is obvious she is taller than you, it is not important] then use the pillow to position yourself so you are able to thrust down directly into her ‘orgasm zone.’ If you can last at least five minutes with this position you are sure as a husband to give your wife an orgasm. And the moment a wife of any age, shape or race can achieve orgasm, she will be ready for sex at any given time regardless of the fact that she is circumcised, old, pregnant or breastfeeding. This position has proven to heal many drifted apart couples like magic. Remember if you are doing it right, your head as the husband should be right above hers, putting you in the perfect position for some nice whispering and sexy talks. When you are ready to turn her around, make sure you wrap her legs around your neck, and you are putting your tongue to work, then reach up and play with her nipples, tease her with your tongue. Use your fingers to trace all over the inside of her thighs and near and around her vulva, you will notice she will be well lubricated. Many wives love a feel of their husband’s private part goes deep enough to their orgasm zone while the husband is thrusting each time. I am sure you know what to do right now as a couple. Well, husband, what are you waiting for? Go grab your wife and put to practice what you have just read; remember even if you have drifted apart for so long, this is an all-time tonic style. Try it RIGHT NOW!

Questions and Answers

My husband wants sex reward for everything

I think my sex drive is normal and I love having sex with my husband. But lately, I feel turned off because he seems to expect sex as a reward for everything. If he gives me money to fix my hair, if he spends time listening to my problems, if he takes me out to see my parents, he expects to be rewarded with sex. I hate feeling obligated. Do I owe my husband sex?

Mrs bolaji udoh

Married life works best when both partners focus on ways to express love and meet each other’s needs. It would be good for you to try to change the way you interpret his interest in sex. If your husband communicates his sexual desires in those terms, try to see his desire for frequent sex as an opportunity for you to show love. Of course, we hope your husband will start communicating his needs in a less demanding way, but you can still choose how you want to interpret those requests. Your husband may be trying to win your heart by performing acts of kindness and service and I personally think you should be happy because out there are countless of wives who would give anything to have what you want to trash away. I think this should be a fun experiment for you.

My wife makes me feel guilty about sex

My wife and I have sex regularly, but it’s always the same and I’m bored with it. The problem is when I try to spice things up, my wife becomes shy or embarrassed. Then I feel like a hunter ready to devour a prey, forcing changes where she doesn’t want them. I’ve heard that sex between married people should get better and better, but that’s not true for us. What can I do?

Mr Agonji Mufutau

Women prefer sameness and men prefer variation. That’s just part of the fascination and frustration of being male and female. Often for men, the fantasies about sexual variety are more exciting than the actual experience of some exotic position. For a woman, those experiments may feel aggressive because she’s uncertain how they’ll feel or how well she’ll perform. If you can talk to your wife about your feelings and listen to hers, it could lead to some helpful negotiation. Learning to adapt to each other’s wishes and needs is what marriage is all about. Being the one to “give in” or make changes is often hard, but it will improve your relationship. Marriage requires some give and take from both partners.

Her neatness affects our sex

When I got married six years ago, I was glad to see that my wife likes things orderly. She is much neater than I am which is great. But her desire for cleanliness has its downside when it comes to sex. Even though I shower and shave beforehand, the smells and fluids associated with intercourse bother her so much that we have rarely had sex for more than two years now. Instead, I am now having sex with her best friend. I know it is wrong but her friend doesn’t reject me like she does.

Tyron Miliokm

Share with your wife your concern for her total sexual enjoyment as well as your desire for the closeness that genital sexual union provides. Taking to adultery few years into your marriage will not help. There may seem to be some question about your wife’s desire for sexual play and orgasmic release that you may need to know. If it is simply the messiness of ejaculation that’s bothering her, then try using a condom or have intercourse in the shower. Keep in mind that sex for her isn’t just sex—as it may be for you. Women tend to express their sexuality as inseparable from their feelings and relationship desires.

As newly married virgins, our sex life is zero

My husband and I have been married for three months. On our honeymoon, my husband got a bad chest cold; the honeymoon wasn’t what I had been waiting for all those years. Both my husband and I were virgins when we married and I thought that our sex life would be exciting and unstoppable once he felt better. Now, three months later, I am the one who makes the move to get intimate. It doesn’t seem to bother him. He used to fast and pray a lot while single to keep the sexual thoughts away. Now that he is married, he is still in that mode; he can’t seem to come out of that. My question is, how am I sure he is not lying to me? Can one fast and pray to the extent that he will not have any sexual feeling in this our time and age?

FrustrJust a few days ago, I got a phone call from one of my numerous readers, a couple who wanted to see me by all means despite the heavy rain. I insisted the appointment be rescheduled due to the weather but they insisted on seeing me. On getting to my office, the wife spoke first. She said they wanted to see me because of the question their eight-year-old son raised which they could not honestly answer. Their son said, ‘why does daddy always sleep on the couch?” They were worried that the boy may spill the “secret” of their sexual dryness and drifting apart. Even though the husband tried to make him believe otherwise by saying “Your mom and I still sleep in our bed together,” but the boy was not swayed. He insisted that they were not sleeping on the bed together anymore.

The woman said that was why they came to see me to help them from drifting apart sexually.

No matter what you say, marriage and a sex-filled bed should go hand in hand. Cuddling under the sheets night after night, initiating endless intimacy and sex make marriage healthy. But sometimes, sex gets lost in the shuffle of schedules. Sometimes, couples introduce pornography into their bedrooms, dangerously comparing their spouses to porn stars.

Here are some ideas to jumpstart your sex life and get it sizzling again.

Make sex a priority; go to the extent of writing it on your calendar if you’re having trouble finding the time. While sex is certainly not the biggest part of a marriage, it is a fairly accurate measure of the health of your marriage. It will enhance your sleep and your energy levels, so plan for the first week to have sex every night for a week. Yes, that includes the weekend! Why? Researchers say having sex usually begets the desire to have more.

Ask your spouse what he or she needs. Men are different from women. Women need a reason; men just need a place. Men, if you truly want to touch your wife’s body, touch her heart first. Talk with her. Consider charting her up in the kitchen as a form of foreplay! If you have young children, take over bedtime duties and give your wife precious time to make the transition from mommy to sex goddess! Honour her and be sensitive to her needs. Women, if you truly want to have a great intimate relationship, stop treating your man like he’s a rapist because he wants to have sex. This is his God-given desire and his best way of connecting with you. In general terms, sex might well be more important to men than to women. So make the most of it. Make it your goal to make every room in your house sexually appealing. Get creative, try a fashion show with lingerie; greet your husband at the dinner table wearing his tie and nothing else even if your breast is sagged. Make sure you are under a blowing fan, the cool air will temporarily firm up the breast making your nipple stand out and this will appeal to him greatly, or wake him in the middle of the night for sex wearing his favourite colour hat. Send a text for his eyes only.

Like this couple visiting my office, sometimes some couples need more than the ordinary to revive their sex life and create a passionate heat between themselves. For instance, a very advance version of doggy style has been of tremendous help to many of my clients. So as in my habit, I did not hesitate to introduce this ‘wonder working,’ ‘all in one,’ ‘ever ready to revive style’ to my visiting couple. This style can be practised by any couple regardless of their age, years of sexual starvation, health condition, and most importantly the advantage of this result proven style is that it helps couples to experience erotic sensation and gain back lost feelings. Now husbands, when you are entering your wife, let it be from behind, make sure you flatten her out by placing a pillow under her stomach to raise her buttock. Then lie down fully flat on top of her, instead of staying even with her body, move up as high as you can [even when it is obvious she is taller than you, it is not important] then use the pillow to position yourself so you are able to thrust down directly into her ‘orgasm zone.’ If you can last at least five minutes with this position you are sure as a husband to give your wife an orgasm. And the moment a wife of any age, shape or race can achieve orgasm, she will be ready for sex at any given time regardless of the fact that she is circumcised, old, pregnant or breastfeeding. This position has proven to heal many drifted apart couples like magic. Remember if you are doing it right, your head as the husband should be right above hers, putting you in the perfect position for some nice whispering and sexy talks. When you are ready to turn her around, make sure you wrap her legs around your neck, and you are putting your tongue to work, then reach up and play with her nipples, tease her with your tongue. Use your fingers to trace all over the inside of her thighs and near and around her vulva, you will notice she will be well lubricated. Many wives love a feel of their husband’s private part goes deep enough to their orgasm zone while the husband is thrusting each time. I am sure you know what to do right now as a couple. Well, husband, what are you waiting for? Go grab your wife and put to practice what you have just read; remember even if you have drifted apart for so long, this is an all-time tonic style. Try it RIGHT NOW!

Questions and Answers

My husband wants sex reward for everything

I think my sex drive is normal and I love having sex with my husband. But lately, I feel turned off because he seems to expect sex as a reward for everything. If he gives me money to fix my hair, if he spends time listening to my problems, if he takes me out to see my parents, he expects to be rewarded with sex. I hate feeling obligated. Do I owe my husband sex?

Mrs bolaji udoh

Married life works best when both partners focus on ways to express love and meet each other’s needs. It would be good for you to try to change the way you interpret his interest in sex. If your husband communicates his sexual desires in those terms, try to see his desire for frequent sex as an opportunity for you to show love. Of course, we hope your husband will start communicating his needs in a less demanding way, but you can still choose how you want to interpret those requests. Your husband may be trying to win your heart by performing acts of kindness and service and I personally think you should be happy because out there are countless of wives who would give anything to have what you want to trash away. I think this should be a fun experiment for you.

My wife makes me feel guilty about sex

My wife and I have sex regularly, but it’s always the same and I’m bored with it. The problem is when I try to spice things up, my wife becomes shy or embarrassed. Then I feel like a hunter ready to devour a prey, forcing changes where she doesn’t want them. I’ve heard that sex between married people should get better and better, but that’s not true for us. What can I do?

Mr Agonji Mufutau

Women prefer sameness and men prefer variation. That’s just part of the fascination and frustration of being male and female. Often for men, the fantasies about sexual variety are more exciting than the actual experience of some exotic position. For a woman, those experiments may feel aggressive because she’s uncertain how they’ll feel or how well she’ll perform. If you can talk to your wife about your feelings and listen to hers, it could lead to some helpful negotiation. Learning to adapt to each other’s wishes and needs is what marriage is all about. Being the one to “give in” or make changes is often hard, but it will improve your relationship. Marriage requires some give and take from both partners.

Her neatness affects our sex

When I got married six years ago, I was glad to see that my wife likes things orderly. She is much neater than I am which is great. But her desire for cleanliness has its downside when it comes to sex. Even though I shower and shave beforehand, the smells and fluids associated with intercourse bother her so much that we have rarely had sex for more than two years now. Instead, I am now having sex with her best friend. I know it is wrong but her friend doesn’t reject me like she does.

Tyron Miliokm

Share with your wife your concern for her total sexual enjoyment as well as your desire for the closeness that genital sexual union provides. Taking to adultery few years into your marriage will not help. There may seem to be some question about your wife’s desire for sexual play and orgasmic release that you may need to know. If it is simply the messiness of ejaculation that’s bothering her, then try using a condom or have intercourse in the shower. Keep in mind that sex for her isn’t just sex—as it may be for you. Women tend to express their sexuality as inseparable from their feelings and relationship desires.

As newly married virgins, our sex life is zero

My husband and I have been married for three months. On our honeymoon, my husband got a bad chest cold; the honeymoon wasn’t what I had been waiting for all those years. Both my husband and I were virgins when we married and I thought that our sex life would be exciting and unstoppable once he felt better. Now, three months later, I am the one who makes the move to get intimate. It doesn’t seem to bother him. He used to fast and pray a lot while single to keep the sexual thoughts away. Now that he is married, he is still in that mode; he can’t seem to come out of that. My question is, how am I sure he is not lying to me? Can one fast and pray to the extent that he will not have any sexual feeling in this our time and age?

Frustrated new wife

Human level of sexual drive varies. Just as most men have a higher desire for sexual play and intercourse and most women less interest, individual differences may reverse this usual pattern.

Each of you should explore openly and honestly your deepest attitudes about sex. How did you learn about sex and what were your earliest sexual experiences? What were the constraints that helped you maintain your virginity? Are there expectations about sexual “performance” that present anxiety when you approach sexual interaction? Understanding yourselves and each other may help you find a more agreeable level of interaction. I’d also like to emphasise the delightful journey toward marital oneness. I fully understand how long three months of newly wedded sexuality may seem, but I want to encourage you to be patient. If, in fact, prior to marriage your husband had been fasting and praying to reduce his sexual thoughts and drive, it may take some time for those patterns of denial to diminish. Your patient acceptance of his sexuality can help him overcome those old inhibitions. Affirm and reward his interest and continue to invite him gently whenever you want.Just a few days ago, I got a phone call from one of my numerous readers, a couple who wanted to see me by all means despite the heavy rain. I insisted the appointment be rescheduled due to the weather but they insisted on seeing me. On getting to my office, the wife spoke first. She said they wanted to see me because of the question their eight-year-old son raised which they could not honestly answer. Their son said, ‘why does daddy always sleep on the couch?” They were worried that the boy may spill the “secret” of their sexual dryness and drifting apart. Even though the husband tried to make him believe otherwise by saying “Your mom and I still sleep in our bed together,” but the boy was not swayed. He insisted that they were not sleeping on the bed together anymore.

The woman said that was why they came to see me to help them from drifting apart sexually.

No matter what you say, marriage and a sex-filled bed should go hand in hand. Cuddling under the sheets night after night, initiating endless intimacy and sex make marriage healthy. But sometimes, sex gets lost in the shuffle of schedules. Sometimes, couples introduce pornography into their bedrooms, dangerously comparing their spouses to porn stars.

Here are some ideas to jumpstart your sex life and get it sizzling again.

Make sex a priority; go to the extent of writing it on your calendar if you’re having trouble finding the time. While sex is certainly not the biggest part of a marriage, it is a fairly accurate measure of the health of your marriage. It will enhance your sleep and your energy levels, so plan for the first week to have sex every night for a week. Yes, that includes the weekend! Why? Researchers say having sex usually begets the desire to have more.

Ask your spouse what he or she needs. Men are different from women. Women need a reason; men just need a place. Men, if you truly want to touch your wife’s body, touch her heart first. Talk with her. Consider charting her up in the kitchen as a form of foreplay! If you have young children, take over bedtime duties and give your wife precious time to make the transition from mommy to sex goddess! Honour her and be sensitive to her needs. Women, if you truly want to have a great intimate relationship, stop treating your man like he’s a rapist because he wants to have sex. This is his God-given desire and his best way of connecting with you. In general terms, sex might well be more important to men than to women. So make the most of it. Make it your goal to make every room in your house sexually appealing. Get creative, try a fashion show with lingerie; greet your husband at the dinner table wearing his tie and nothing else even if your breast is sagged. Make sure you are under a blowing fan, the cool air will temporarily firm up the breast making your nipple stand out and this will appeal to him greatly, or wake him in the middle of the night for sex wearing his favourite colour hat. Send a text for his eyes only.

Like this couple visiting my office, sometimes some couples need more than the ordinary to revive their sex life and create a passionate heat between themselves. For instance, a very advance version of doggy style has been of tremendous help to many of my clients. So as in my habit, I did not hesitate to introduce this ‘wonder working,’ ‘all in one,’ ‘ever ready to revive style’ to my visiting couple. This style can be practised by any couple regardless of their age, years of sexual starvation, health condition, and most importantly the advantage of this result proven style is that it helps couples to experience erotic sensation and gain back lost feelings. Now husbands, when you are entering your wife, let it be from behind, make sure you flatten her out by placing a pillow under her stomach to raise her buttock. Then lie down fully flat on top of her, instead of staying even with her body, move up as high as you can [even when it is obvious she is taller than you, it is not important] then use the pillow to position yourself so you are able to thrust down directly into her ‘orgasm zone.’ If you can last at least five minutes with this position you are sure as a husband to give your wife an orgasm. And the moment a wife of any age, shape or race can achieve orgasm, she will be ready for sex at any given time regardless of the fact that she is circumcised, old, pregnant or breastfeeding. This position has proven to heal many drifted apart couples like magic. Remember if you are doing it right, your head as the husband should be right above hers, putting you in the perfect position for some nice whispering and sexy talks. When you are ready to turn her around, make sure you wrap her legs around your neck, and you are putting your tongue to work, then reach up and play with her nipples, tease her with your tongue. Use your fingers to trace all over the inside of her thighs and near and around her vulva, you will notice she will be well lubricated. Many wives love a feel of their husband’s private part goes deep enough to their orgasm zone while the husband is thrusting each time. I am sure you know what to do right now as a couple. Well, husband, what are you waiting for? Go grab your wife and put to practice what you have just read; remember even if you have drifted apart for so long, this is an all-time tonic style. Try it RIGHT NOW!

Questions and Answers

My husband wants sex reward for everything

I think my sex drive is normal and I love having sex with my husband. But lately, I feel turned off because he seems to expect sex as a reward for everything. If he gives me money to fix my hair, if he spends time listening to my problems, if he takes me out to see my parents, he expects to be rewarded with sex. I hate feeling obligated. Do I owe my husband sex?

Mrs bolaji udoh

Married life works best when both partners focus on ways to express love and meet each other’s needs. It would be good for you to try to change the way you interpret his interest in sex. If your husband communicates his sexual desires in those terms, try to see his desire for frequent sex as an opportunity for you to show love. Of course, we hope your husband will start communicating his needs in a less demanding way, but you can still choose how you want to interpret those requests. Your husband may be trying to win your heart by performing acts of kindness and service and I personally think you should be happy because out there are countless of wives who would give anything to have what you want to trash away. I think this should be a fun experiment for you.

My wife makes me feel guilty about sex

My wife and I have sex regularly, but it’s always the same and I’m bored with it. The problem is when I try to spice things up, my wife becomes shy or embarrassed. Then I feel like a hunter ready to devour a prey, forcing changes where she doesn’t want them. I’ve heard that sex between married people should get better and better, but that’s not true for us. What can I do?

Mr Agonji Mufutau

Women prefer sameness and men prefer variation. That’s just part of the fascination and frustration of being male and female. Often for men, the fantasies about sexual variety are more exciting than the actual experience of some exotic position. For a woman, those experiments may feel aggressive because she’s uncertain how they’ll feel or how well she’ll perform. If you can talk to your wife about your feelings and listen to hers, it could lead to some helpful negotiation. Learning to adapt to each other’s wishes and needs is what marriage is all about. Being the one to “give in” or make changes is often hard, but it will improve your relationship. Marriage requires some give and take from both partners.

Her neatness affects our sex

When I got married six years ago, I was glad to see that my wife likes things orderly. She is much neater than I am which is great. But her desire for cleanliness has its downside when it comes to sex. Even though I shower and shave beforehand, the smells and fluids associated with intercourse bother her so much that we have rarely had sex for more than two years now. Instead, I am now having sex with her best friend. I know it is wrong but her friend doesn’t reject me like she does.

Tyron Miliokm

Share with your wife your concern for her total sexual enjoyment as well as your desire for the closeness that genital sexual union provides. Taking to adultery few years into your marriage will not help. There may seem to be some question about your wife’s desire for sexual play and orgasmic release that you may need to know. If it is simply the messiness of ejaculation that’s bothering her, then try using a condom or have intercourse in the shower. Keep in mind that sex for her isn’t just sex—as it may be for you. Women tend to express their sexuality as inseparable from their feelings and relationship desires.

As newly married virgins, our sex life is zero

My husband and I have been married for three months. On our honeymoon, my husband got a bad chest cold; the honeymoon wasn’t what I had been waiting for all those years. Both my husband and I were virgins when we married and I thought that our sex life would be exciting and unstoppable once he felt better. Now, three months later, I am the one who makes the move to get intimate. It doesn’t seem to bother him. He used to fast and pray a lot while single to keep the sexual thoughts away. Now that he is married, he is still in that mode; he can’t seem to come out of that. My question is, how am I sure he is not lying to me? Can one fast and pray to the extent that he will not have any sexual feeling in this our time and age?

Frustrated new wife

Human level of sexual drive varies. Just as most men have a higher desire for sexual play and intercourse and most women less interest, individual differences may reverse this usual pattern.

Each of you should explore openly and honestly your deepest attitudes about sex. How did you learn about sex and what were your earliest sexual experiences? What were the constraints that helped you maintain your virginity? Are there expectations about sexual “performance” that present anxiety when you approach sexual interaction? Understanding yourselves and each other may help you find a more agreeable level of interaction. I’d also like to emphasise the delightful journey toward marital oneness. I fully understand how long three months of newly wedded sexuality may seem, but I want to encourage you to be patient. If, in fact, prior to marriage your husband had been fasting and praying to reduce his sexual thoughts and drive, it may take some time for those patterns of denial to diminish. Your patient acceptance of his sexuality can help him overcome those old inhibitions. Affirm and reward his interest and continue to invite him gently whenever you want.ated new wife

Human level of sexual drive varies. Just as most men have a higher desire for sexual play and intercourse and most women less interest, individual differences may reverse this usual pattern.

Each of you should explore openly and honestly your deepest attitudes about sex. How did you learn about sex and what were your earliest sexual experiences? What were the constraints that helped you maintain your virginity? Are there expectations about sexual “performance” that present anxiety when you approach sexual interaction? Understanding yourselves and each other may help you find a more agreeable level of interaction. I’d also like to emphasise the delightful journey toward marital oneness. I fully understand how long three months of newly wedded sexuality may seem, but I want to encourage you to be patient. If, in fact, prior to marriage your husband had been fasting and praying to reduce his sexual thoughts and drive, it may take some time for those patterns of denial to diminish. Your patient acceptance of his sexuality can help him overcome those old inhibitions. Affirm and reward his interest and continue to invite him gently whenever you want.

Sex keeps you healthy

Men who have sex at least twice in a week can almost halve their risk of heart disease, according to new research. This study was conducted with over 1,000 men.

Sex is an activity that involves intense physical and emotional elements. Sexual intercourse may be a marker for a healthy heart because sex can be a form of physical activity which, like exercise, gives your heart a workout. People who have a desire for frequent sex, and are able to do so, are likely healthier overall; especially because men who have regular sex may also be in a supportive relationship, which offers stress reduction and emotional benefits.

The medical world is finding that regular sex is so good for you that when you go to see a doctor, they are asking many questions about your sex life to give them an indication of your overall health. Apparently, sex is not only good for your heart, it also keeps many other illnesses away.

For example, sex can actually cause you to get fewer colds. Research has shown that couples who have sex weekly have a 30 percent increase in immunoglobulin A, an antibody that fights infection. Sex can also help women have a more predictable period schedule, as a result of being exposed to male pheromones.

In addition, having sex reduces stress — for physiological as well as emotional reasons. Anything that will reduce stress is good for you, as too much stress can lead to many diseases, including cancer. Sex activates a nerve that has a calming effect. Having sex also lowers blood pressure, which reduces the risk of heart disease.

Sex can even reduce LDL (“bad”) cholesterol and increase HDL (“good”) cholesterol! The following are other good health results that a good sex life can give you:

• Fewer colds because of an increase in immunoglobulin A, an antibody that fights infection

• Women can get more predictable periods because of exposure to male pheromones

• A better physical response to stress

• Lower blood pressure, which lowers your risk of heart disease

• Lower your bad cholesterol and increase your good cholesterol

• Help tone your abdomen and pretty much any muscle in your body

• Natural increases in estrogen, thus improving the appearance of your hair, skin and nails

• Improve your memory because blood flow  increases to your brain

• Increased feelings of motivation because of the release of endorphins

As you can see, a good sex life is one way to stay happy, healthy and fit. So, if your doctor starts grilling you about your bedroom habits, now at least you know why.

And this is actually only the tip of the iceberg. Sex has also been found to boost self-esteem and improve intimacy in your relationship. This is because sex and orgasms result in increased levels of the hormone oxytocin — the “love” hormone — that helps you feel bonded to your partner.

As oxytocin increases, so do hormones known as endorphins, which in turn lessens feelings of pain related to everything from headaches and arthritis to symptoms of premenstrual syndrome, PMS. It can also help you to get a better night’s sleep.

Further, for women, having sex can help strengthen the muscles of your pelvic floor (the same ones used to stop urination). As you age, having strong pelvic floor muscles reduces your risk of accidents.

Of course, these benefits are assuming you’re having sex with a mutually monogamous partner, otherwise you risk catching a sexually transmitted disease.

Sexual pleasure begins in your brain

Your brain and nervous system control your sex glands and genitals, and this is why they also control your sexual desire, as well as orgasms. This is why, for example, visual images trigger sexual desire in both sexes.

Your brain stem also emits nerve impulses that control erectile function. These nerve impulses navigate through the erection centre of your spinal column to the erectile tissue of your penis, where they trigger a chain reaction in the membranes of your vascular muscle cells. This sophisticated chain reaction is dependent on a messenger molecule called cyclic guanosine monophosphate, or cGMP.

However, this works in reverse as well: an erection softens as soon as another enzyme, called phosphodiesterase, starts to degrade the cGMP molecules.

Drugs like Viagra, Levitra and Cialis work by inhibiting phosphodiesterase, which may help maintain your erection. But, these pills will not create an erection in and of themselves. Your initial erection still has to be triggered psychologically. Without that initial impetus, potency pills will have no effect whatsoever. This is also why these pills are ineffective for many men who take them hoping for a magic jack-in-the box effect.

As you might suspect, because your sexuality is so intimately tied to your mind, anxiety, defensiveness, fear, and failure of communication are all destructive psychological forces that can take a heavy toll on your libido, whether you’re a man or a woman, by acting as road blocks to desire.

According to Professor Gert Holstege of the University of Groningen in the Netherlands, fear and anxiety need to be avoided at all costs if a woman wishes to have an orgasm.

To be concluded

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Marital Infidelity Why do married women cheat?

This week we serve you the concluding part of our last week cover on marital infidelity

More questions than answers

When the Durex report was published, the question on the lips of many was why on earth would Nigerian women be the most promiscuous? The authenticity of the report has been queried and the question is, why should a sample of 29,000 people be used to make hasty generalisation for whopping populations of 36 countries when Nigeria alone has population of 160 million with half of them being women? Why would Nigerian women emerge the most sexually promiscuous?

If Nigerian women are as promiscuous as claimed , what did the report say about countries where artificial penis, synthetic vaginal, clitoral stimulator and all other paraphernalia and tools of sexual perversion are produced?

Nigerian women are not familiar with the practice of Bondage and Discipline, Sadism and Masochism (BDMS) that has taken firm root in Europe? The kind of lifestyle where men and women enter into self-imposed slavery by surreptitiously maintaining relationships in which they voluntarily yield up their bodies and freewill for the domination and mastery by other men and women or conversely where men and women exercise sexual domination on other men and women who voluntarily yield up their “bodies, souls and spirits” to them, as it were is not in the character of the Nigerian woman.

Nigeria women emerging as most promiscuous in the world is not real and should a condom manufacturer tell us about virtues of Nigerian women?

Everything a man does is right

Johnson Okafor, a traditional chief in Igbo land said that a man’s sexual escapades cannot be queried. “Extramarital sex by men is socially tolerated and, in many respects, even socially rewarded. In Nigeria, marriage is as much an economic, social, reproductive, and reputational project as it is a sexual and emotional endeavour.”

Many women observed a dramatic change in their relationships with their spouses after marriage. Before marriage, husbands were more attentive and more willing to do the sorts o f things that they associated with romantic love, for example, saying affectionate things, buying gifts like jewelry or perfume rather than just commodities for the household, or helping out with domestic work that is socially defined as female.

These changes are attributed to the relative shift in power that occurs at marriage. During courtship, a woman has two authoritative vetoes: she can deny sexual access and she can refuse to marry. But once a woman is married, the ability to opt out of either marriage or marital sex is dramatically reduced. Divorce is highly stigmatized, and women are expected to be sexually available for their husbands.

Vivian, a mother of four, lamented that marriage and parenthood encroached on the quality of her emotional relationship with her husband. “When I married my husband, I used to worry all the time about him. Was he happy? Did he still love me? Was he following another woman?

Sometimes I would get very jealous, even when there was no reason. But now I am married to my children.”

Vivian could not say categorically that her husband cheated on her but he said he did and suspects his wife knew. But like a lot of men in extra marital relationships, Vivian’s husband viewed his family as his highest priority and so, he was discreet about his infidelity. “Nothing can interfere with taking care of my wife and children.”

Cynthia, mother of five and married for 12 years recalled her rage when she discovered that her husband, Eddie had a girlfriend. “ When it dawned on me that my husband had another lady he was interested in. I confronted him and told him I would not tolerate that sort of business. I stopped everything. We had no sexual relations at all for sometime and I did not even serve him food.

He became sober. He sent friends to beg me. He even recruited my sister to plead for him. Eventually I forgave him, but I put him on notice that I would not stand such nonsense.” Cynthia was hurt when her husband cheated on her. She saw his infidelity as contradicting his avowed love. But reconciliation strengthened their love relationship.

Promiscuity is a taboo for women

Marital promiscuity is a taboo in Nigeria. In many cultures, a newly married woman is made to sit on a traditional stool in a shrine to guarantee total fidelity. If such a woman cheats on her husband, it’s either she dies or runs mad. Among the Edo kingdom in the Mid-Western region of Nigeria, a Bini (Edo) man has liberty on issues of polygamy but such liberty does not allow him to have sex with another man’s wife.

In the Benin society, the matrimonial bed belongs to the wife and not necessarily the husband. Consequently, extra marital affairs were not counted against the male as it still is in most contemporary African societies.

In Yoruba tradition, magun which means , don’t climb” is an anti-promiscuity or anti-infidelity charm, usually laced stealthily on a woman by the husband, with the belief that should she have an extra-marital intercourse, the man she has it with will immediately after the act, suffer convulsions or epileptic-like seizures leading to instant death. In current times, there have been reports of of deaths by magun in the Yoruba community of South-West Nigeria. The existence of magun reveals indeed that there have been sexual promiscuity amongst married women.

Why do married women cheat?

This is one big question with several answers from our respondents. “Some women have insatiable appetite for sex ,” said Chidi, a businessman. “ If you recall, sometime last year, a lady posted her profile on facebook asking for both male and female sex mates. The lady said she loves sex so much that she loves to do it with both men and women. She went an extra mile of putting up a message on Facebook to announce her status.

If a woman is bold enough to come out to the open with her weird sexual life, you can imagine several others who operate in secret because of social stigma? But left to me, there are many decent ladies. I have four sisters and two are married. I know also that their husbands came back to thank my mother because they found their wives to be virgins at marriage. So, if Nigerian women are said to be the most promiscuous in the entire world, I will doubt it.”

Pedro Johnson, an accountant believes Nigerian women are promiscuous

“Yes, Nigerian women are as promiscuous as the men. They can keep several boyfriends on the go without their men knowing about it and from what I am hearing these days, many are doing it whilst in marriage. In my community in my village, we have treated many cases of marital infidelity and each time, the women either blamed it on the devil or financial problems. But to say they are the most promiscuous in the whole is a different thing. I don’t believe that either because we value decency here.”

Florence Chinonye said married women cheat and she saw one with her eyes,“I don’t understand it, I was shocked the day I caught my neighbour’s wife cheating with a stranger inside his car around the neighbourhood where I live. I was coming back late from work but stopped by the dry-cleaner to pick my clothes. There was a car parked close-by and two people were inside. Initially, I didn’t pay attention because it was not my business who was inside the car parked by the roadside.

But my driver’s attitude drew my attention and I realised it was my neighbour’s wife smooching with another man. I saw her and she saw me but we said nothing to ourselves. “ What I don’t understand is why she was doing it. She is a mother of three and her husband owns two cars and has a good job. The lady has just finished from the University and is waiting for national youths service. In her case, I suspect high libido because she has a young and virile-looking husband who is comfortable and has a good job.

For Christ sake, her husband even bought her a car. As I’m telling you this, we have never discussed this. But what I discovered is that the woman started greeting me since that time. Before then, we hardly talked.” “Ebenezer Matthew, a boutique owner shared the view that married women are promiscuous. “What I cannot say is whether they are the most promiscuous as reported by Durex. But married women in Nigeria cheat. I have a boutique and sell female clothes. I know what I see.

Some married women bring their boyfriends to the boutique to buy them clothes their husbands could not afford. There is this lady that patronises me. She always comes to my shop every week dressed in Iro and buba. But she would either buy new clothes from me and change into them before going to her destination and on her way back, she comes back to change back into her Iro and buba.

She is one of my biggest customers and usually before embarking on her kurukere movement, she would come here and change into jeans trouser and body-hug top before embarking on her mission. She would remove her Iro and buba and keep them somewhere and put on tight jeans trouser and body-hug top. I always marvel at the transformation of a local woman that enters my shop and a city babe that leaves after she transforms herself.

I know she is cheating on her husband but I think she is from a polygamous marriage. Sometimes, she dresses like a muslim woman when she comes and after she changes, I can attest that even her husband cannot recognise her on the road if she walks across him in her new attire. She does this all the time. She must have children because the last time she came, she was pregnant and I doubt that child belongs to her husband. That woman too waka!”

For Tiola, the problem tore her marriage apart. She was married and has three kids but according to her, none of her kids belongs to her husband. “The doctor told me my husband is incapable of impregnating a woman and after five years, I decided to look elsewhere without telling him.

I already had the first two children and was pregnant with the third before my husband found out. I guess they told him but the wicked part of it is that my husband kept the knowledge to himself.

After I put to bed the last child, he sent me out of the home and kept all the children. As I’m telling you this, I have not been able to tell my parents and siblings that my husband was not the father of my three kids and that was why he sent me packing.”

Women protest husbands’ sexual weakness

Recently, the media was agog with a story of a group of women from the Rido community in Kaduna State who took to the streets on Wednesday, February 19, 2015 to publicly complain about their husband’s sexual weakness, asking that they start performing their matrimonial duties or face mass divorce. The women, who were assembled in the state capital, blamed the Kaduna Refining and Petrochemical Company (KRPC) for their husbands’ inability to perform as a result of the chemical waste and fumes from the company into their environment.

Some of the married women revealed that their husbands suffer weak erection and infertility, while the women suffer miscarriage and other health complications. A married woman, Jummai Isaac, 27, said she has not taken in since she got married in the year 2000. “I haven’t conceived since I got married in the last fourteen years, and doctors have, on several occasions, confirmed to me absence of any known cause of inability to get pregnant.

“Initially, doctors thought I had fibroid in my womb, but after several scans and some medical tests, they dispelled that notion.” A community leader, Mohammed Bashar, explained that, “Most of the complaints could be associated with secondary infertility, because victims have, in the past, given birth to children before they suddenly stopped.

“There was widespread belief that smoke and poisonous gases emitted from the refinery have reproductive health effect on people living in the area, but no medical report has confirmed the allegation due to inability of villagers to seek comprehensive medical tests, perhaps owing to lack of awareness and poverty.”

Indeed, male impotence is one reason why married women cheat on their spouses. A divorce case in a court in Enugu several years ago had a twist when the issue of custody of the children came up. The wife who did not contest the divorce stood against her husband having custody or visiting rights because, according to her, “he is not the father of my five children.”

A name of a prominent politician from the South-East was mentioned as the father of the five children and when he was summoned, he proudly acknowledged he fathered the children and made the woman, a proud mother. The case degenerated to a DNA being performed which proved the woman’s claims to be correct.

There is a common place saying among Africans that only a woman knows the father of her children. Few years ago, a Nigerian man currently serving life jail in America killed his wife when he realised he is not the father of his twenty-one year old son. His wife was impregnated by her boyfriend and the husband one day stumbled on the exchanges between her and her lover boy living in Nigeria where they discussed the next time he would come over to see his son.

The worried husband had confronted his wife with his findings and she admitted that her husband was not the father of their twenty-one year old son. The man killed his his wife and got a life sentence.

Other reasons for marital promiscuity

Nigerian men are known to be polygamous. They marry younger women as they grow older and because they could not sexually satisfy these younger women or give them the sexual prowess they crave for, these younger wives go outside in search of younger men who are stronger to give them what they yearn for.

In polygamous households where there are many wives, a husband sometimes could not meet up or match up with the sexual needs of his wives and this inability on his part creates room for sexual infidelity on the part of the various women he acquired but could not satisfy sexually. Even among men who are not polygamous, the quest to go after younger women as mistresses and the neglect suffered by their legally married partners creates room for these wives to go after younger men popularly called toyboys.

Ameh, a housing agent said he helped a middle-aged woman to rent an apartment and that was how he entered into trouble. “ She told me that she hardly sees her husband who junkets all over the world and therefore suggested that I pally with her whenever her husband is away. She has two grown up daughters who are my mate and a son a bit younger than me. The last time she invited to her house, she almost raped me but I managed to escape. I have not crossed her path since that time but I learnt she has a reputation for sleeping with both old and young men.

There was even a rumour that she sexually harasses her son’s friends and seeks the attention of her two daughters ‘boyfriends even when her husband is around.” In a society where women are increasing taking posh jobs and competing with the male folk, there are also women who tend to sleep their way to the top, according Josephine, a lawyer and career counselor.

“ It happens a lot in our society. Women sleep with their superiors in offices to get promoted or keep their jobs. They sleep around for business contacts and contracts and to remain relevant in the job. When a woman sleeps with her boss or influential superior, she can become relevant in that establishment or become untouchable because of who she is sleeping with as against her female contemporaries who are not doing so. These measures sometimes don’t help them but a lot of women do that.

“For instance, some new generation banks in Nigeria tend to employ loose ladies who dress half-naked to work in their marketing departments. These ladies use their female prowess to generate high capital base for the banks. On employment, these women, some of whom are married target top society billionaires whom some of them sleep with as the banks’ customers.

“In our universities, some of our young girls who don’t read believe that they have to sleep with their lecturers to pass exams. It is the same group of ladies that keep sugar daddies who give them money, sleep with lecturers who help them pass their examinations and still, they keep their regular boyfriends. That is almost prostitution but it happens”.

There are endless reasons why women, even the married ones are promiscuous but the last group are those who do so for the fun of it. Such women according to a psychologist Felicia Osagie are hot-blooded. “ They are nymphomaniacs and have insatiable appetite for sex. Even in marriage, there is nothing you can do about them and sometimes, their husbands know their problems and when they realise they cannot measure up, they look the other way and leave them to do whatever they want.

“ As bad as the situation may appear, there is a social and physical well-being associated with regular sex and a lot of women who are termed promiscuous just crave for that”.

Benefits of sex

A 10-year Welsh study found that those who enjoyed an active sex life were 50 per cent less likely to die young than those who did not. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to sexual health benefits, says relationships therapist Dr Gabrielle Morrissey. “It makes sense that sex is good for you because we need lots of inducements to do it so that we stay on the planet,” she says.

Sex involves our circulatory, nervous and muscular systems and brains, so it’s a tune-up and workout of everything that’s important.”Sadly, it’s often the first thing to go when our health is on the blink. We have the attitude that sex is a luxury item instead of a necessity for wellness. We also think of it as something only for the young and strong, but its effects are a bonus as we age.”

“Sex releases feel-good hormones such as dehydroepiandrosterone and oxytocin,” says Dr Darren Russell, president of the Australasian Chapter of Sexual Health Medicine. “You get more blood moving through the blood vessels.” Those who have regular sexual intercourse respond better to stress than those who engaged in other sexual activities or abstained. A partner’s hug can do wonders, too.

A US study found it can lower blood pressure and heart rates in pre-menopausal women. Touch releases quantities of oxytocin, so you don’t have to orgasm,” Dr Morrissey says. Feel-good hormones also help keep depression at bay. Semen contains the hormone prostaglandin, which may be absorbed through the vagina and act like an antidepressant. But this doesn’t mean you should not be sexually responsible.

Men and women who have regular sex have higher testosterone levels, which are linked to a lower risk of osteoporosis and bone problems,” says Dr Russell. Research shows that sex can alleviate an aching noggin, especially in women. The endorphins and corticosteroids released have an analgaesic effect, alleviating the pain of headaches, arthritis, cramps and body aches. “Endorphins are a natural painkiller,” Dr Russell says. The production of oestrogen in women may also ward off period pain.

Dr Russell also prescribes sex for people with sleep problems. “Sex helps people sleep better and is less addictive than things like Valium.” Some experts say that 30 minutes of vigorous sex is comparable to 15 minutes on a treadmill or walking up two flights of stairs, and burns between 360 and 835 kilojoules. Sex works the pelvis, thighs, buttocks, arms, neck and thorax. Your pulse rate doubles from about 70 beats per minute to 150, the same as an athlete mid-stride.

The muscles that stem the flow of urine, reducing leakage and incontinence, are given a workout during sex, says Dr Morrissey. “Orgasm is best because the entire pelvic floor contracts.” Flexing your pelvic muscles during sex maximizes the benefits and makes sex more pleasurable.

Last line

Every single day, women have sexual propositions directly or indirectly thrown at them. As a result of this, women have the final decision to act on or ignore such propositions, and the men looking for long-term mates fear this. Men appreciate and place great value on women who can control themselves and demonstrate a certain degree of sexual discipline because most men certainly can’t.

If a woman can show men that she is honest, loyal, trustworthy, and sexually responsible, then she will have the most powerful weapon to attract men. If, on the other hand, a woman abuses her sexual power with many men, it will backfire on her. Unfortunately, women only realize this when it’s too late and the only choice they have is to lie.

Most women have lost a sense of value for their sexuality over the years. They’ve realized that sex is fun and pleasurable, but in the process, they’ve forgotten that it’s the one gift that they can offer their lover, and that so many men value.

What men want

Most men will agree that they’re always on the lookout for a serious soul mate. But this doesn’t mean that they can’t have fun in the process. So if there are women giving themselves away without commitment, men will definitely pounce on the opportunity.

When men meet women, they usually categorize them into two categories: the potentially serious relationship kind, or the “have fun in the process” girl. The outcome of the man’s decision will ultimately be based on how a woman behaves around him.

If she sleeps with him on the first few nights, he’ll definitely throw her in the fun category. But if she can show him that her body is worth a lot more and that he’s going to have to commit to a serious relationship before he can taste her, he’ll definitely consider her as serious potential.

Women need to realize that their bodies are temples or at least men like to think so and that they shouldn’t be shared with any Tom, Dick or Harry.

By CHIOMA GABRIEL

Vibrator wife: the way the cookie crumbles

A few days ago, I received a call from “Worried guy”. It was simply to inform me that his wife has packed out of their matrimonial home after four years of marriage. I was not sure if I felt relieved or sad by the news. I had seen it coming for a while now but kept hoping that things would not degenerate to such a level. In the last couple of months, a series of developments had taken place that had caused me to think that a separation, even if temporary, might help douse all the tension in their home. For regular readers of this page, worried guy needs very little introduction.

He is the guy who brought about most of the frenetic discussions about sex toys on the Nigerian internet discussion groups when he reported catching his wife with a vibrator on their matrimonial bed. Hundreds of responses were sent in by readers to help counsel him, some quite informative and educative, some rather stiff in the typical Nigerian style laced with hypocrisy and religion, while others were simply hilarious! The messages still running in hundreds have remained inexhaustible due to space constraints.

Let me briefly refresh our memory on worried guy and his wife. Worried guy is a young banker, with a budding career and typical young born again Christian. He is married to a young lady, a teacher with a similar background in Christianity. At least, so it seemed until he came home early one evening to find her masturbating on their bed with a vibrator. Naturally, she denied ownership and insisted she was only trying to experiment with it, after a discussion on its usage with some female friends. And though she pleaded and promised not to engage in such a debasing unchristianlike action again, he caught her with it a second and third time.

It was only after this that she confessed to being the owner of the sex toy and that she could not do without it as it has become her best friend. She thereafter revealed that she was not enjoying their sex life and since all her subtle attempts to let him see things differently had failed, she had no choice but to help herself out. She wanted her husband to look the other way if he could not partake in her pleasure game, insisting that it had nothing to do with their marriage and cannot have any negative effect on it. Naturally, it would be a bit difficult to find a guy who would pretend that its business as usual, after such a discovery. Which was where this platform came in.

At the time, he did not want to share his discovery with his mother, insisting that it might mean the end of the marriage. At the same time, talking to their pastor meant that the whole church congregation might hear about it, making them the butt of jokes, as had been the case for some couples who had reported their matrimonial problems to some elders in their church. He wanted readers to assist them as he felt safer his identity would remain anonymous. Interestingly, responses to worried guy’s story were huge, in fact, I still receive messages and demands for update on the story almost on a weekly basis.

In counselling worried guy I had to meet the woman at the  centre of it all. Madam had a lot to say in defence of her actions too. She insisted that worried guy had no time for her. Had very little knowledge about sex and did not show any sign of interest in changing his views and approach to the issue. She accused him of refusing to grow up and still hanging on to his mother’s wrapper and dancing to her tunes in almost all things. She said his mother had over pampered him and turned him into a girl. She said that after reading the responses of readers from all over the world on their problem, she was now convinced that she was not the one with the problem but her husband of three years (at the time) who had refused to grow up and live up to his responsibilities.

Hmm! I must confess that it was a tough one for me indeed. We were arrived at some possible solutions. Wifey must find something very useful to do with all the spare time on her hands, such as taking up a hobby, vocation or getting her Master’s degree. Worried guy must make a very concerted effort to change from his old ways, such as climbing down from his very high horse of sexual morality and ignorance; be a husband and not a baby brother; especially desisting from falling asleep over meals and having his wife wash his hands and put him to bed, while also improving his physical well-being and fitness as well as broadening his knowledge on sex and related matters. However, as with all counselling processes, the most important aspect is the resolve of the subjects to take decisions and implement steps to actualise proffered solutions to the problems.   The buck would always end with them. Which is what has now happened.

Shortly after the Christmas holidays, worried guy, unable to deal with all the issues surrounding their marriage and sex life, in a moment of weakness, divulged his wife’s secret to his dotting mother. Alarmed that such a “sinful and wayward act” could be going on in her son’s life, she refused to listen to any entreaties, stormed the flat and confronted the wife. Worried guy’s sisters were briefed and they naturally supported their mother. The wife’s parents were informed and when all pleadings fell on deaf ears, they informed the church. Eventually, a big scandal that could have been avoided as it was already being managed, finally erupted. Worried guy’s mother is insisting that a “common prostitute who had aborted all her children” would not remain in her innocent son’s house, wasting his time and money.  Recall that their four years marriage has remained childless. Yours truly received some flacks too from this angry mother, and so did the several hundreds who advised worried guy to bear his cross and manage the situation as his wife was a good woman. After all, she could have sought her satisfaction in some other men’s arms.

I am still convinced that we could not have all been wrong on this matter. It is just the motherly love and instinct to protect her only son that has overwhelmed her. Perhaps, in another few weeks or months, she may review the situation and change her mind. The separation might also be an opportunity for wifey to review her action, resolve in her mind to desist from succumbing to the lure of the flesh and find the will power to do so. This might be the important key to saving this marriage or any other marriage she might contract in future. But for now, that’s the way the cookies crumble, as the saying goes. Do have a wonderful weekend!

Remember that you may reach me via e mail address yetty5050@yahoo.co.uk or inthesunlovezone@yahoo.com if you wish to counsel worried guy in this new development, or share your views/opinions on any other issue raised on this page. Will be glad to read from you. cheers!

Sperm count: A reality, misconception or a myth?

I have received countless of mails, text messages and calls from our ardent readers all over the globe wanting to know what could be done to correct insufficient sperm count, sperm motility and semen volume problems. Many want to know why the semen is less in volume as they grow old, or why some semen are either coloured with blood or cloudy. Many want to know the ideal colour of the semen and why some never ejaculate any at all.

We will be providing relevant information on sperm, semen and sexuality. Sit back, read and enjoy with your wife.

There are a lot of people who use the term sperm and semen interchangeably and truly believe that they are one of the same. First, I want to clarify this myth. They are not the same but they do bear several similarities. Let’s take a look at some of the things these two terms have in common.

Sperm for instance has a tail and a head and takes over 70 days to develop. It is produced solely in the testicles. The head actually contains the DNA which is the blueprint for human life. In other words, when the sperm mates with the female egg, it is the head part that enters the egg to create a baby. Sperms produced by the testes represent two to five per cent of the semen volume. The concentration of sperm in an ejaculation should be at least 20 million per ml, even though the total volume of semen should be at least 2ml. The total number of sperm ejaculated should be at least 40 million and at least 75 per cent of the sperm should be alive and at least 30 per cent of the sperm should be of normal shape and form while at least 25 per cent of the sperm should be swimming with rapid forward movement. Howbeit, it must have an indication of fertilising capacity. On an average ejaculation, a man expels 2 to 5ml containing 200 to 300 million sperm.

Whereas the semen, also called seminal fluid, is the whitish fluid which occasionally appears yellowish [if you don’t drink enough water regularly] is released from the male reproductive tract that contains both sperm and liquid. During ejaculation, some liquid from the prostate gland and seminal pipe dilute the sperm and provide a suitable slightly alkaline environment. Lower volumes of semen may occur after very frequent ejaculation and higher volumes are seen after prolonged abstinence. Semen clots almost immediately after ejaculation, forming a sticky, jelly-like liquid. It will turn to liquid again in 5 to 40 minutes. So, men that complain that their sperm is watery should kindly take note of the timing. If you start noticing it watery five minutes after ejaculation, you may be nursing a misconception.

Both semen and sperm are produced by the male testicles, the fluid produced by the testicles contains several chemicals, but it is particularly rich in testosterone. The sperm is created by the body for the purpose of procreating while semen is created for protecting sperm as it travels through the female reproductive system. Another way to look at this is that semen is really like a bodyguard and its purpose is to take sperm to its destination unharmed.

The male body only produces a certain amount of sperm cells, the quantity of which cannot be changed very much. The volume of semen, unlike sperm, can be increased significantly with changes in diet and life style or using supplements specifically formulated to increase semen volume. Kindly call me for these natural supplements. Even when men undergo vasectomy surgery, the volume of the semen may still be relatively voluminous while there is a drastically or total reduction of sperm. The advantage of increasing semen volume is that it can protect the sperm better and thus increasing the chances of fertilising the female egg. This helps to increase male fertility.

In addition, greater volume of semen drastically increases the intensity of the male orgasm. The more semen a man has to ejaculate, the longer it takes and more contraction are required to ejaculate it. Therefore, semen is sperm combined with bodily sugars which give it the ability to shoot out the way it does. That way, husbands have better chances of getting their wives pregnant. Although ejaculation of semen accompanies orgasm and sexual pleasure, erection and orgasm are controlled by separate mechanisms and semen emission is not essentially for enjoyable sex in most people.

Many of our readers have asked, ‘how long do sperm live? Really, it depends on a number of factors, the most important of which is where the sperm is located at that particular time. If on a dry surface, such as clothing or bedding, they are dead by the time the semen has dried. If in water, sperm will likely live longer because they thrive in warm, wet environments. Inside the vagina, they can live for up to five days depending on the conditions of the vagina. If the environment of the vagina is not healthy, sperm will die by the second. If the vagina is too wide, the sperm pour out immediately the man pulls off and spill and die instantly. If couples have sex even a few days before the wife’s ovulation, there is a chance of achieving a pregnancy.

A couple once asked me, ‘Madam, how many sperm do we need to achieve a pregnancy?’ It takes just one sperm to fertilise an egg and achieve pregnancy, but for each particular sperm to reach and fertilise an egg, it takes lots of effort like swimming well to its destination and there are millions of sperm competing for such. The average ejaculation contains close to 100 million sperm, according to the World Health Organisation, but men who have fewer than 20 million sperm per millilitre of semen may be at risk for having infertility issues.

A curious couple asked, ‘Why are so many sperm released if it takes only one to make a baby? To meet the waiting egg, the semen must travel from the vagina via the fallopian tubes, and this is essentially a strenuous journey that eventually few sperm survive due to the fact that they die easily. Besides those who eventually complete the trip, penetration of the egg is still not easy at all. Because the egg is covered by a thick layer that makes fertilization difficult, experts believe this process may be nature’s way of allowing only the healthiest sperm to fertilise the egg, thereby providing the best chances to produce a healthy baby. So the bone of contention here is that it is very paramount for a man to produce enough fit sperm cell with healthy semen.

Countless of couples have asked me over and again, ‘Is there anything a man can do to improve the health of his sperm? Yes; many of the things men do to keep themselves healthy can also improve the health of their sperm. This they do primarily by adopting a healthy lifestyle and maintaining a healthy weight with a balanced diet and regular exercise; avoid smoking or abuse of drugs. Keep alcohol consumption within recommended limits. Try to avoid exposure to industrial and occupational hazards by following safety procedures and wearing protective clothing. Avoid exposure to sexually transmitted diseases, wearing boxers/shorts or immersing the testicles in cold water will improve semen quality as stress reduces semen quality.

Lastly, frequently going for semen analysis just to be on the safe side cannot be over-emphasized. A couple once asked me why it is necessary to do semen analysis. Semen analysis is a test that helps determine the causes of infertility; it provides information about sperm and semen. Here are some of the things the doctor looks for: amount and thickness of semen, the typical ejaculation is 2-6 milliliters of semen, or around a half teaspoon to one teaspoon. Anything less than this indicates that the semen may not contain enough sperm to achieve a pregnancy. And even more than enough semen indicates that the semen could dilute the concentration of sperm and may not be healthy either. Semen should be thick to start with and become thinner 10 to 15 minutes after ejaculation. Semen that stays thick may make it difficult for sperm to move. They also look out for sperm concentration, also called sperm density. This is the number of sperm in millions per millilitre of semen. Twenty million or more sperm per ml is considered normal. They look out for sperm motility; this is the percentage of sperm in a sample that are moving as well as an assessment of their movement. One hour after ejaculation, at least 50 per cent of sperm should be moving forward in a straight line. While the last thing they look out for is the morphology. This is just an analysis of the sperm size, shape, and appearance. Semen analysis is also used to check for the presence of sperm following vasectomy.

I had an elderly couple, both of them are way into their 60s; they wanted to know if men stop making sperm when they are older. Good news, unlike women whose fertility ends at menopause, men can continue to be fertile throughout life. Although sperm production decreases with age, men continue to produce sperm, and even elderly men have fathered children. There are various causes of drop in sperm count and increase in male infertility and I usually tell couples still wanting to have children to make sure these causes are treated and avoided.

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS

She sweats profusely at the peak of orgasm and this drives me nuts

I am in a dilemma between continuing having sex with my wife and looking for another mistress for sex. Please understand that my wife is one of the best that one can ever ask for in bed but what drives me nuts is the fact that she sweats too profusely at the peak of her climax so bad and the sweat stinks so much even after she must have had thorough scrubbing before sex. My question is, why this unusual sweating only at the peak of her reaching orgasm? I have had sex with few other ladies and this is not the case. So, I am thinking of keeping a mistress because I can’t stand the stench oozing out of her sweat whenever this happens, help.

Mr Jamiu Jamaica

Sweat itself doesn’t stink. It’s the bacteria on our skin that makes it funny. Sweat is the body’s way of cooling itself down. I think one of the reasons your wife would sweat so profusely at the peak of orgasm is because people’s emotions can also affect the sweat glands. We sweat when we’re nervous, tense and elated. The solution to this is not only using a good body deodorant but having sex in a cool environment. Make sure the fan or the air-condition is on. This is one way your wife reacts to her sexual satisfaction; encourage her instead of getting a new mistress.

I fart from my vagina and I am still a virgin

I am a 19-year-old virgin. I have never been sexually active and I fart more than 30 times from my vagina on a daily basis. I do Kegel exercise but the condition still remains the same. Please, what is the way out?

Cynthia Udomajo

Watch the type of food items you eat. Many of these food items may be the reason for the farting. Apply vaginal tightening cream; it will help a lot but still continue with the Kegel exercise.

My case is profuse vaginal discharge

What is the importance of this discharge? I feel so uncomfortable each time I have to change my underwear. I have not even started my menstrual cycle, yet I discharge a lot. Are these discharges safe?

Nonoabi John

Normal vaginal discharge has a lot of benefits. It keeps the vagina clean and moist and helps prevent infection. It should be clear, white, or off-white. It shouldn’t itch or burn. Discharge that causes discomfort or is green, yellow, has a strong odour, or looks like cottage cheese or pus can mean an infection. A normal vaginal discharge can start six months to a year before a girl starts her period.

By Funmi Akingbade