A few days ago, I received a call from “Worried guy”. It was simply to inform me that his wife has packed out of their matrimonial home after four years of marriage. I was not sure if I felt relieved or sad by the news. I had seen it coming for a while now but kept hoping that things would not degenerate to such a level. In the last couple of months, a series of developments had taken place that had caused me to think that a separation, even if temporary, might help douse all the tension in their home. For regular readers of this page, worried guy needs very little introduction.
He is the guy who brought about most of the frenetic discussions about sex toys on the Nigerian internet discussion groups when he reported catching his wife with a vibrator on their matrimonial bed. Hundreds of responses were sent in by readers to help counsel him, some quite informative and educative, some rather stiff in the typical Nigerian style laced with hypocrisy and religion, while others were simply hilarious! The messages still running in hundreds have remained inexhaustible due to space constraints.
Let me briefly refresh our memory on worried guy and his wife. Worried guy is a young banker, with a budding career and typical young born again Christian. He is married to a young lady, a teacher with a similar background in Christianity. At least, so it seemed until he came home early one evening to find her masturbating on their bed with a vibrator. Naturally, she denied ownership and insisted she was only trying to experiment with it, after a discussion on its usage with some female friends. And though she pleaded and promised not to engage in such a debasing unchristianlike action again, he caught her with it a second and third time.
It was only after this that she confessed to being the owner of the sex toy and that she could not do without it as it has become her best friend. She thereafter revealed that she was not enjoying their sex life and since all her subtle attempts to let him see things differently had failed, she had no choice but to help herself out. She wanted her husband to look the other way if he could not partake in her pleasure game, insisting that it had nothing to do with their marriage and cannot have any negative effect on it. Naturally, it would be a bit difficult to find a guy who would pretend that its business as usual, after such a discovery. Which was where this platform came in.
At the time, he did not want to share his discovery with his mother, insisting that it might mean the end of the marriage. At the same time, talking to their pastor meant that the whole church congregation might hear about it, making them the butt of jokes, as had been the case for some couples who had reported their matrimonial problems to some elders in their church. He wanted readers to assist them as he felt safer his identity would remain anonymous. Interestingly, responses to worried guy’s story were huge, in fact, I still receive messages and demands for update on the story almost on a weekly basis.
In counselling worried guy I had to meet the woman at the centre of it all. Madam had a lot to say in defence of her actions too. She insisted that worried guy had no time for her. Had very little knowledge about sex and did not show any sign of interest in changing his views and approach to the issue. She accused him of refusing to grow up and still hanging on to his mother’s wrapper and dancing to her tunes in almost all things. She said his mother had over pampered him and turned him into a girl. She said that after reading the responses of readers from all over the world on their problem, she was now convinced that she was not the one with the problem but her husband of three years (at the time) who had refused to grow up and live up to his responsibilities.
Hmm! I must confess that it was a tough one for me indeed. We were arrived at some possible solutions. Wifey must find something very useful to do with all the spare time on her hands, such as taking up a hobby, vocation or getting her Master’s degree. Worried guy must make a very concerted effort to change from his old ways, such as climbing down from his very high horse of sexual morality and ignorance; be a husband and not a baby brother; especially desisting from falling asleep over meals and having his wife wash his hands and put him to bed, while also improving his physical well-being and fitness as well as broadening his knowledge on sex and related matters. However, as with all counselling processes, the most important aspect is the resolve of the subjects to take decisions and implement steps to actualise proffered solutions to the problems. The buck would always end with them. Which is what has now happened.
Shortly after the Christmas holidays, worried guy, unable to deal with all the issues surrounding their marriage and sex life, in a moment of weakness, divulged his wife’s secret to his dotting mother. Alarmed that such a “sinful and wayward act” could be going on in her son’s life, she refused to listen to any entreaties, stormed the flat and confronted the wife. Worried guy’s sisters were briefed and they naturally supported their mother. The wife’s parents were informed and when all pleadings fell on deaf ears, they informed the church. Eventually, a big scandal that could have been avoided as it was already being managed, finally erupted. Worried guy’s mother is insisting that a “common prostitute who had aborted all her children” would not remain in her innocent son’s house, wasting his time and money. Recall that their four years marriage has remained childless. Yours truly received some flacks too from this angry mother, and so did the several hundreds who advised worried guy to bear his cross and manage the situation as his wife was a good woman. After all, she could have sought her satisfaction in some other men’s arms.
I am still convinced that we could not have all been wrong on this matter. It is just the motherly love and instinct to protect her only son that has overwhelmed her. Perhaps, in another few weeks or months, she may review the situation and change her mind. The separation might also be an opportunity for wifey to review her action, resolve in her mind to desist from succumbing to the lure of the flesh and find the will power to do so. This might be the important key to saving this marriage or any other marriage she might contract in future. But for now, that’s the way the cookies crumble, as the saying goes. Do have a wonderful weekend!
Remember that you may reach me via e mail address yetty5050@yahoo.co.uk or inthesunlovezone@yahoo.com if you wish to counsel worried guy in this new development, or share your views/opinions on any other issue raised on this page. Will be glad to read from you. cheers!
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