Why office affairs seem difficult to break (4)

As much as I would have loved to put an end to this topic last week and move on to another interesting topic entirely, I kept on getting countless calls, WhatsApp messages, SMS and hectic visits to my office due to the effect the topic has generated so far. So I deemed it necessary one more time to do justice to this topic to the best of my ability. So today, we shall be looking at another two reasons husbands run after office affairs.  Many husbands fall victims of ‘office affair’ in the bid to avoid marital stress. They would rather unwind in a stress-free, conducive, weird but wonderful spot than being at home with their wives. An affluent Ghanaian tourist who was visiting  my office for the second time, came in at about 11am to collect  some erotic, educative films, lubricants and sex tools for himself and his ‘call girl’ which he had earlier on ordered for. Knowing he was married and had previously been treated with the Chinese herbs for enlargement of penis with a fantastic result; I wanted to know why he opted to go on vacation with a ‘call girl’ and not his wife.  ‘Sir, why do you prefer to watch such educative erotic films with a total stranger and not your wife?’ I asked. His instant response was an eye opener. “Madam, I have just one life to live, I want to live it to the fullest; I do not want to die before my time.” ‘Really,’ I replied, ‘are you hiding from kidnappers or running away from hired assassins or what is actually after your life?’ I asked because to the best of my knowledge, this client has a wife that any man would die to have; she is beautiful, elegant, and highly influential. It took him a moment before he actually answered in a low sad voice. He said, “hmmm madam, you know how these things are, before marriage, most Nigerian women often curtail their unpleasant manners, act of devilish jealousy and misbehaviours just to get the man hooked but the moment she starts sharing your bed, kitchen and your cheque book, it does not take long for distinct bad habit to expose itself, even when you are willing to understand, tolerate and bear it, that is the time they are ready to frustrate your life. I know it is not fair for me to do what I am doing but madam, I have tolerated my wife’s ill-manner long enough. I need to live again.

 “Do you know that for the past twelve years of marriage, my wife has always denied me sex time and again, all in the name of her rubbish meetings because of the position she occupies in the office and society. We only have sex once in three months or at her convenience and that is when she has made me less than a man with her speech and attitudes. I have begged, bought her things, established her in business and even bought a copy of your book, Sexual intimacy in marriage, just to feel the passion of sex with the woman I love, married and want to spend the rest of my life with, all to no avail. My wife is a beauty to behold, with excellent shape but she thinks she is too good for me. She would give one thousand and one reasons why I must be sex starved especially when she wants to prove a point or wants to have her way. Her ‘middle name’ is ‘no sex for you’. Why do I have a wife yet suffer tremendously from rejection 24/7?  As much as I would in all sincerity love to take these films home to her for both of us to enjoy, can I tell you what I would get in return? accusations, abuses, rebukes, scolding, lectures, tell offs, castigations, chastisement and preaching. So madam, if you were in my shoes, would you not go for a ‘call girl? Most times, the culture blames men for infidelity but has the culture ever wondered what some of such men are going through in the bid to make their marriage work? Many women are devil incarnate in their behaviour, especially when things are not going their way. I want to live!!!”

Without doubt, the tool of sex is one of the most important ‘can’t do without’ for most men and women. Many times, wives allow whatever differences they have to affect their sex life; when a wife constantly nags, compares, appears too good for the man, disrespects and criticises her husband, the memories of such actions stay longer than expected and such memories do not have expiring date. When a wife does not mind her words, she may mistakenly be sending her man into the arms of ‘call girls’ or office girls because memories affect sexual melody. Research has shown that a husband’s sex drive and libido is directly linked to his ears. The tendency to run away from negative speeches and speaker to positive one makes husbands run into the arms of ‘call girls’ and arms of a female co-workers. I got this direct statement from a barrister that I will call Lopeonje, ‘these girls do not make unattainable demands, take undue advantage, nor ‘school’ you like a mother.’

Wives, do not use demeaning words to describe your husband’s penis or sexual activities, or sexual inadequacies; rather enhance every shortcoming with positive speech. When a wife compares her husband’s sexual skill with her former lover or a porn video, this is an open cheque to try someone new and ‘call girls’ and office co-workers are always the first to heed such calls and beckons.  Do not place a ‘price tag’ or embargo on your sexual organs; if you do, some immature husbands may go for the lesser bidder. From research, many ‘call girls’ are not using ‘juju’ on your husband; they just know how to treat them like an irreplaceable and most important customer. Many wives forbid their husbands from touching their breasts because they don’t  want to be rough handled. Yes, as much as your breast should not become a tissue paper in the hands of your husband, it is one area that arouses their sexual triggers. Tell them how best to handle this special commodity.

  Believe it or not, a dirty, unclean, untidy and an unorganised woman sends her man running to the arm of a ‘fine articulate, sexy female co-worker with good body odour’. Remember, there is a place for everything and everything must be in place. Learn how to be orderly, neat, and well kept. Some husbands would rather pay for the service of a ‘female co-worker or call girl’ than have sex with a dirty wife whose vagina, armpit and hairdo smell.

Many wives fail to interpret their husband’s libidoral preferences and language. Some husbands want wives that are very entertaining in bed, they want to be mentally stimulated which means looking sexy gets them hot! While some are straightforward and down-to-earth in sexual matters, they are impatient and like sex to be fast and satisfying at all times. Another category of men are those with strong, electrifying and deep sexuality, but very particular about hygiene. Good hygiene stimulates their erotic appetites, which can be voracious when awakened.

Music or other forms of sensual, non-verbal expression will strike a chord in some husbands; it opens the floodgates of passion, which can be both insatiable and possessive. They love to listen and feel every moment, they love fresh, clean, and uncomplicated body aroma. Touch is magic to them, and they love long, sensual kissing sessions. The neck and the ear lobe are sensitive zones for such husbands. Kiss and lick it gently, run your fingers on it softly, clutch it tenderly as you kiss slowly and sensually. Undress slowly, this makes them to be solid and strong in bed.

Another set of men are aggressive, action-oriented, often impatient, and at times even a bit impulsive; they find any sort of delay or deferral almost impossible to bear. While others are easily carried away by excellent personality, fine character and nice speeches, the key technique to turning such husbands on is admiration, praise and more praise.

A wife must be a mistress of seduction, giving room for adjustment. According to research, men appreciate foreplay for the same reasons women do; it feels good physically and the extra anticipation makes their orgasm more intense. The common consensus that men like it fast and furious is only a myth. Husbands really like seeing their wives naked; it is a sure fire libido trigger. When a man sees a sexy image, his testosterone levels rise, spiking his sex drive and making his penis erect.

The longer you let his eyes linger, the more aroused he will be. While he is on the bed, peel off your clothes slowly. Keep the lights on and tell him he can look but not touch. Rotate around and let him view you from different angles, then lean unto him for a few close-ups. To draw his gaze to a certain body region, brush your fingers over it or cup it in your hands. Alternatively, keep the area covered a bit by wearing a lacy bra or bum shorts. When you finally remove that last item, he will feel like he is seeing something like a taboo, which is a turn-on move that will slowly bring his craving to a boil. The ultimate take-him-prisoner movie is a move ‘call girls don’t miss out on and who says you can’t make it happen for him.

While he is on his back, scoot down so you can touch the skin and awaken the nerves, so you get him ready for a more direct stimulation later on. Boost his bliss even further by gliding your tongue along each crease while his knees are bent and his legs are spread slightly. This position will make him feel more vulnerable, magnifying every sensation your mouth makes.

From my personal experience and interactions with many couples, I have discovered that sex and money are the two most important ingredients in marriage. When the two are present, a marriage enjoys unqualified bliss but when any of the two is missing, just one outcome is possible: unending crises. The way and manner rich wives handle money is another reason why many husbands run to call girls just to nurse their ego.

He who pays the piper calls the tune is a very true statement but when the wife is the one paying the piper, she must wisely and subtly call the tune.

 Have the best of sex life till next week when I come your way. I am still your loyal bedroom instructor.

Why office affairs seem difficult to break (3)

It is amazing how the present topic we are dealing with has generated many responses from our numerous readers from home and abroad. Well, today we shall still examine another reason or reasons why office affairs have become an endemic situation. Believe it or not, the quest and longing for blowjob is one of the reasons many partners especially the husbands find themselves in the arms of another woman. Before you think this is not a good enough reason why a highly educated, responsible, complete gentleman and a good father will condescend so low to fall into the arms of a co-worker just to receive a blowjob, you need to ask what is so special about blowjob men. As strange or anti-culture or anti-tradition blowjob appears, it is one of the many fantasies of most husbands and oddly, the wives of these husbands behave as if blowjob is a death sentence. They live in denial and blind themselves to the need of their husbands who live and dream of this act of sexuality.

Majority of husbands love blowjob but few voice it out for fear of being reprimanded. From the various feedback so far, there is a way ‘many of these ladies in the office perform blowjob that some of these husbands do not only wish their wives would know, but keep making them ask for more. A few days ago, a top executive booked an appointment with me in my Lagos clinic.  He wanted to receive a private sexual health counselling because one of his best friends just died recently in his hotel room while having a romantic session, one of which is a ‘classical’ blowjob treat. His friend, a highly successful man was married with two children but prior to the time he received the blowjob treat, he had suffered a mild stroke.

In the course of our discussion, he said, “Madam, we husbands know the right thing to do, we are aware we should not cheat on our wives but  many of these office girls know how to dish out breathtaking blowjob styles that our wives frown at which we enjoy to the fullest.”

“What do you mean by this, sir? I enquired anxiously. “What I am saying is that these office girls understand and appreciate our sexual cravings; they play the game by the rule and know the right place to hit. Though dirty sometimes, that is what makes it more interesting, appealing, tempting and alluring to many of us. These girls have originality and take initiatives that make us go gaga. If same requisition is asked from our wives, the way and manner these wives will size us up with a disdain look makes you think as if you just slaughtered a living being. And in view of this, we try to play along to make them believe we are the perfect husbands and get all we want from these office girls at little or no expense.”

I am sure many wives are not in good terms with me because they think I am not encouraging bonding between them and their husbands, but on the contrary, believe me, my concern is to see a sexually responsible husband; a man who would be sexually loyal to his wife and a good father to his children. However the truth has to be told that originality and initiative work well on the psychic of men than you can ever imagine, and that is why it is very important for wives to be up to the task. You must learn the secret trade codes of these ‘office girls and send your husband off their back before they send you packing from your matrimonial home.  My fellow sisters, are you good in bed? What is the most memorable and most incredible sex you have ever given your husband lately that can erase his memories of alternatives,  blowjob inclusive? When his mood never strikes, what trick do you play to instigate sex?   Have you ever performed an erotic dance in front of your husband until he caves in and reacts?  The word blowjob sounds so awful to some wives, but the absence of it in some marriages can affect the home adversely. Let us dig deep into the practical details on this sexy treat.

According to research, 33 per cent of husbands say they wish their wives would surprise them with blowjob when they walk in the door, while 54 per cent of them want blowjob as foreplay. Fifty-one per cent of husbands complain that their wives ignore their scrotom during blowjob season. Wisdom then demands that if this is the case, nothing stops a wise spouse to phone or text her husband when he is almost home, and then ambush him with a full dose of blowjob.

As soon as you both are on bed, lay side-by-side by him, put your head near his penis waste no time, start licking his penis. As you lick his penis, let your hands massage his ‘balls’ rubbing them simultaneously. Mrs. Young who went home and practised blowjob on her husband discovered that one of her husband’s ‘balls’ was bigger and this worried her. Please do not let this ruin the thrilling pleasure of the service you are rendering.  It is normal for one ball to be bigger than the other; they are like feet, breasts, hands and ears: no two are identical.

One way to give your man earth-shattering blowjob pleasure is to caress his penis and scrotom until he has an erection; stroke a flat hand all the way down his penis, over his balls and on to his inner thighs, then slowly move it back up again. The sensation will be most intense around the tip of his penis but by continuing the stroke, you will get him used to the different levels of arousal in each area.

Trail your tongue down his shaft to the area between his testicles and the base. Purse your lips together, and lightly suck on the patch of skin. It is packed with nerve endings, so any attention you give it will feel heavenly. One thing that ‘call girls’ employ as a turn on for husbands is enthusiasm. In fact, lots of them have a hard time fully enjoying themselves sexually because they worry that their wives hate being down there. Please let him know you like it by softly moaning as you take him into your mouth.

With blowjob, his temperature rises slightly when he is aroused, so anything cool will be a pleasurable addition. Put on the air-conditioner or point a fan in his direction so that while you are between his legs, he is feeling both warm from your mouth and a cool breeze from the fan or air-conditioner. The combination can send him over the edge. How I wish you will try this, this night and give me a call.

The ridge of his penis where the tip meets the shaft is very sensitive to touch. Place your lips around that ridge like a vice. Apply firm pressure as you would squeeze fruit, then release and repeat. This movement perks up the nerves and lets him relax, which can feel good. There is another unique way to give his frenulum, which is the tiny bump on the underside of his penis where the shaft meets the tip, a treat. Just place the tip of your finger on it, and then take his shaft (along with your finger) into your mouth. As you move your mouth up and down, rub your finger over the joint, he will exclaim in pleasure.

You probably already know a man is visual, but it can be hard for him to get a decent view while you are down there lavishing his penis with devotion and worship. Place a standing mirror next to you so he can check you out. The combination of feeling and seeing you will blow his mind; I am so certain no ‘female co-worker’ can compete with this.

Many wives run from blowjob because they do not want their husband to ejaculate into their mouth. There is no big deal at all. All you need to do is ask him to signal to you when he is about to climax so you can move your mouth from his penis but keep on stimulating him with your hands.

Lastly, another way to get these female co-workers off the back of  your husband into forever blowjob bliss is this: start pleasuring him orally by sucking him, and when he’s close to climax, put his penis between your breasts. You can heat up his passion by rubbing some baby oil into the  cleavage of your breasts, then, place your palms on either side of your breasts and push them together as he slides the shaft of his penis back and forth until he gets to climax. No matter how many times he makes demand on you, the goal is to make it as pleasure-filled as possible. If any wife out there can do this, you will not only win the heart of your husband over again, there would not be need for you to worry over ‘call girls.’

Another reason married men go after their female office co-workers, stay out at night and hang out with the boys is because many of the girls serve them lots of natural aphrodisiac food and erotic films. They give them one off-time treat that makes these men come over and over again. Aphrodisiacs are substances, usually food, drinks or films that enhance sexual desire and energy that affects sexual ability. Aphrodisiacs have been used from centuries and couples still turn to them to give an increase in sexual desire. I always encourage couples to try aphrodisiacs to spice up their libido. There are many products both natural and artificial that fall into this category; there are imported ones and they are available in our clinic. These girls do not only prepare food with aphrodisiacs, they directly apply them on their body for the man to eat from. For instance, nothing stops a wife from smearing her vagina with pure honey while her husband licks from it. How about serving him with a hot ‘tiger nut drink?’

Some common available ones include combination of watermelon and egg white, locreal drink, ginger, bananas, roasted nuts, cucumbers, ginseng, tomatoes, local popcorn, onions, curry leaves, honey and chocolate.  They have an immediate effect on the couple’s moods and they are sensual-inducing spice and since they produce results, awaken and provoke sexual energy, why not go for them? The list is unending if a wife takes it upon herself to go more than she has gone, many of the husbands will stay home more. Until next week, keep your sex bed fire blasting.

By Funmi AkinGbade

The 7 Characteristics Of An Eagle And Why They Are Lessons For Good Leadership

1. Eagles Have vision if you ever happen to see an eagle sitting high above the tree or cliff of a stiff mountain, watch closely and see how attentive the bird is. The body sits still and the head will be tilted side to side to observed what is happening below, around and above it. Even if its flying close by, you can observe how keen its eyes are looking for its prey. Eagles have a keen vision. Their eyes are specially designed for long distance focus and clarity. They can spot another eagle soaring from 50 miles away.

Does this characteristic ring a bell in your mind? I am sure it does. Look at great leaders of this world who have come and gone. There are many great leaders that came and went but one characteristic that is common in all is"Vision". Vision is a successful leadership characteristic take Abraham Lincoln for example. Abraham Lincoln, the 16th president of the United States, guided his country through the most devastating experience in its national history, the Civil War. He had a vision, to save the union and free the slaves. He is considered by many historians to have been the greatest American president.

You must have a vision that guides and leads your team towards the organization's or societal goals. The vision must be big and focused. A big, focused vision will produce big results.

2. Eagles are fearless. An eagle will never surrender to the size or strength of its prey. It will always give a fight to win its prey or regain its territory.

Try and watch the video on how the Golden Eagle displays remarkable hunting strategy, preying on goats much larger than itself by throwing them off the cliff face.

No matter what the size of that person or what weapon they maybe holding, you would attack them without thought or regard for yourself. It wouldn’t even dawn on you to be afraid because your instinct is to protect that which you love and cherish.

Successful leaders are fearless. They face problems head on.

3. Eagles are Tenacious

Watch an eagle when a storm comes. When other birds fly away from the storm with fear, an eagle spreads its mighty wings and uses the current to soar to greater heights. The eagle takes advantage of the very storm that lesser birds fear and head for cover.

Challenges in the life of a leader are many. These are the storm we must face as leaders to rise to greater heights. Like an eagle, a leader can only rise to greater heights if he takes up the challenges head on without running away from it. This is yet another leadership characteristic.

4. Eagles are High FlyersEagles can fly up to an altitude of10,000 feet, but they are able to swiftly land on the ground. At 10, 000 feet, you will never find another bird. If you find another bird, it has to be an eagle.

An eagle doesn't mingle around with the pigeons. It was Dr. Myles Munroe who said that. Pigeons scavenge on the ground and grumble and complain all day long. Eagles are not.

They fly and make less noise waiting for opportunities to strike their next prey or glide with the current of the storm.

Great leaders are problem solvers.

They don't complain like the pigeons do. They love to take challenges as the eagle does when the storm comes.

5. Eagles Never Eat Dead Meat

An eagle never eats dead meat. In other words, an eagle does not scavenge. It only eats the meat from the prey it kills itself. Eagles eat raw and fresh meat What a great act of true leadership.

A true leader spends time with people who are vibrant and liberal in thinking. You have to be with people who can think, make informed decisions and take actions.

These are the people who bring changes to the society. They are lively and active people. Go out and look for them.

According to Tony Buzan, a proponent of the techniques of Mind Mapping and mental literacy, these type of people are called change thinkers and change makers.

There is a saying that goes like this:"People you hang around with and the books you read eventually determines the person you become."

6. Eagles posses VitalityEagles are full of life and are visionary but they find time to look back at their life and re-energize themselves. This happens at about the age of 30. What happens is that when the eagles reach the age of 30, their physical body condition deteriorates fast making it difficult for them to survive.

What is really interesting is that the eagle never gives up living, instead it retreats to a mountaintop and over a five month period goes through a metamorphosis.

It knocks off its own beak by banging it against a rock, plucks out its talons and then feathers. Each stage produces a re-growth of the removed body parts, allowing the eagle to live for another 30 - 40 years.

There are times in your life as a leader that you must look back and take stock of your life. The good and the bad experiences you have been through as a leader. Are you keeping in trend with the current knowledge trend? Do you need to improve your certain areas in your life as a leader? Great leaders are the ones that always do "check and balance"of their personal and professional lives and make an effort to learn things every day.

7. Eagles Nurture their younger ones Believe this or not.

Eagles are known for their aggression. They are absolutely ferocious aren't they? Any one who doesn't have a total knowledge of this great bird will say yes. What is more astonishing with this bird is their ability to nurture their young ones. Research has shown that no member of the bird family is more gentle and attentive to its young ones than the eagles.

This is how it happens. When the mother eagle sees that time has come for it to teach the eaglets to fly, she gathers an eaglet onto her back, and spreading her wings, flies high. Suddenly she swoops out from under the eaglet and allows it to fall. As it falls,it gradually learns what its wings are for until the mother catches it once again. The process is repeated. If the young is slow to learn or cowardly, she returns it to the nest, and begins to tear it apart, until there is nothing left for the eaglet to cling to. Then she nudges him off the cliff. True leaders are not bosses. They grow with their people. They strive to make individuals in the organization or society grow to their full ability. They teach and guide just like the mother eagle does. They never stop giving challenges but never give-up empowering and directing.

Why office affairs seem difficult to break (2)

Last Saturday, we started a series on why office affairs seem difficult to break. Today, we shall proceed with the continuation. Lopsided libidoral match is a common complaint among women who seek office sexual pleasure outside their matrimonial bed, particularly among those married to men far older than they are, or women who possess a higher sexual libido. It is also common among women in their second or third marriages.

It is no longer a taboo today to see women possessing a high insatiable sexual appetite, and the moment these cravings are in short supply, the tendencies to seek for availability is usually on the rampage. The other Thursday, I paid a visit to a famous shop on Victoria Island and  as I was about entering the store, I noticed a loudspeaker van neatly parked not too far from the store. As I moved nearer, the salesman came out with a microphone singing the praise of some aphrodisiac drug for women. To my surprise, a number of women crowded round this man to examine the products in public! Before now, such was not common, but times are changing fast. Many husbands are not aware of the fact that their wives have more sexual taste bud than they have especially when these wives are highly enlightened and exposed. Many wives with high insatiable sexual appetites now go for artificial penis, younger penis and any available penis while they give excuses of working late at work. One of the reasons why this is rampant is the fact that many of their husbands do not really care to sexually satisfy them or they are down with different kinds of erectile dysfunction cases and are not ready to find solution to such ailment. Also sometimes, such husbands are not sexually experienced, relevant or inspiring  sexually. They either don’t care or do not take the feeling of the wives into recognition.

Imbalance sexual drive is a culprit why married women seek sexual pleasure at work places.  I have seen what happens to marriages when husbands have little or no desire for sex and the wives yearn for it desperately.

Read what a woman said during a recent visit to my office.

‘Please help me. I am 38, married to a 53-year-old man with a three-year-old daughter. For the past three years, my husband has avoided being sexual with me. We have gone from having sex twice a week to now, if I am lucky, once in four months. I am miserable and I cannot keep living like this; sex means a lot to me. Many times, I have to excuse myself from the living room to anywhere to masturbate. I am not only addictive masturbator but I have all sorts of didos but I will give all these up for my husband to just give me sex just once in a week. I am ashamed to say this to my friends but please, I am dying gradually without sex. And to make it worse, I have begun to fall for one of my office workers who has history of going for more than one rounds with sexually starved women with no fees attached. This is not a new thing in my office but my problem is, will this not destroy my marriage?’

One out of every three couples struggle with problems associated with low sexual desire. One study found that 20 per cent of married couples have sex fewer than 10 times a year! In addition, low sexual desire is not only “a woman’s thing.” Many sex experts believe that low sexual desire in men is the world’s best-kept secret. People with low sexual desire are generally married to partners who want more sex; those whose sexuality, intimacy, physical closeness, and connection are extremely on high demand. Sex is an extremely important part of marriage. When it is good, it offers couples opportunities to give and receive physical pleasure, to connect emotionally and spiritually. It builds closeness, intimacy, and a sense of partnership. Husband, if your libido is lacking, remember that your most powerful sexual organ is your brain. In order to feel more sexual, you first have to decide that a loving, satisfying sex life and marriage are important. Then commit to finding your untapped sexuality strength within.

 Although once in a while, every man, even with the highly sexed husbands, experiences occasional lows in their sex drive. However, when a husband’s libido is nowhere to be found, there is danger. There are many reasons to stretch oneself for solution because unsatisfying sexual relationships often cause disaffection, isolation, division, alienation, free office infidelity, and divorce. In most relationships, the spouse with the lower desire sets the pace for the sexual relationship, controlling when and how it happens. Am I saying you should have sex any time your spouse desires or that you should go through the motions just to keep peace? No! Many husbands with lower sex drives are essentially saying, “I know you’re sexually unhappy. I won’t do anything about that, but I still expect you to remain faithful.” Can you see what is wrong with this picture? What many of such husbands get at the end of the day is a woman who has got hooked with an office affair and finds it hard to break because of the satisfaction and fulfilment. It is best for a partner not to be sexually involved with another fellow who makes the victim sexually satisfied than his or her legally married partner. When this is the order of the day, such victim may be forever hooked sexually to the person that brings him or her to the point of no return when it comes to sexual satisfaction.  When you decide to make sexuality more important, you and your wife will become more emotionally connected and you can trust her sincerity. You will not only feel closer to your wife, but you might also discover your sexual appetite has not really vanished; it was merely camouflaged maybe because of stress, sickness or work!  Knowing why you are not so interested in sex will not boost your desire, doing something about it will.

 There are practical ways out. You can adopt the ‘old Nike slogan solution’ which says, “Just do it.” Are you wondering how? Will having sex when I am not in the mood boost my desire? Human sexuality experts once assumed all people experience sexual desire in a similar way: something triggers a sexy thought, which triggers an urge to act. Sexual stimulation then makes you feel aroused. However, recent studies show that for some husbands, sexual desire does not precede arousal; it actually follows it. Some husbands rarely (or never) find themselves fantasising about sex, but when they become sexual with their wives anyway, they become aroused. Once aroused, there is a desire to continue.

 Just because a husband is not hungry for sex does not mean he has a problem with arousal. Lots of husbands with low sexual desire actually enjoy sex once they get started. Now listen, hormones do not have to be raging; you do not need an overwhelming feeling of passion. Many times, husbands with lower desire have sexual urges; they are just more subtle than their wife’s is. Husbands, you might notice your wife looks great in her tight short jeans and have a fleeting thought about sex. The thought may not linger, but it is there. Rather than allow these moments to go unnoticed, heed them and act on them fast.

Quickly seize the opportunity; take her there and march her straight to the bedroom. Make her bend over the side of the bed so her stomach and breasts are against the mattress and her feet are on the floor, legs spread comfortably. As you, the husband penetrate her from behind, lift her legs from just above the knees, hold them apart, and thrust in and out. With her body angled slightly downward and her legs apart, you will get deep penetration. Moreover, since her hips are in your grip, you can thrust away with total abandon. In addition, you can easily view her sexy rear and watch yourself move in and out of her. Your penis is perfectly slanting for her pleasure and when you are getting close to climaxing, shift your hands from her hips to her clitoris. This sudden but subtle adjustment will make for an extra lively ending as you gain even more control.

Alternatively, you may decide to give her the ‘stand and deliver sex’ still wearing her tight short jeans by making her lean against a wall with her legs slightly spread, facing you. Just grab onto the back of her thighs and hold them against your hips, lifting her up and pushing her back into the wall for an advantage, then thrust away as though you are cruising a new car. The fact that you both are up-close-and-personal, your wife’s cravings for face-to-face intimacy is fully delivered with guarantee. In addition, stand-up sex also scratches that I-need-you-now itch that plagues passionate wives; this position is primal and versatile — perfect for a quickie.” In addition, tell her to squeeze her thighs together, this will narrow her vaginal canal, which in turn enhances the friction you will feel.

Again, tell your wife to lie on her side with her arms above her head. With you on your side and your body perpendicular to hers, tell her to slowly raise her top leg while you inch your lower body between her legs. Once you are joined at the groin, grab her shoulders while she anchors herself on the floor. This sideways sex position is one for the record books that your wife would not forget in a hurry! On top of the typical thrusting, you two can enjoy some serious shallow grinding. Moreover, this new entry angle allows you to explore every inch of her inner chamber, especially the often-ignored sides, providing you with an array of options; it will not take much to send your sex drive flying.

Some husbands with low desire say they’re more interested in making love under certain conditions—at certain times of the week, after a huge contracts, or a good raise at work, on vacation or after a long erotic massaging.  Identify what is different about the times you feel more inclined, and take advantage of those moments. In other words, if cold baths turn you on, go into the shower or bathroom with your wife and act it out. Try acting more sexual. Mr. Victor, a 42-year-old orthopaedic nurse, was in my office with his wife. After intensive counselling section, he discovered that the key to boosting his interest in sex was watching his wife bathing/ sleeping naked under the cloth and watching erotic educative films together. This does not only heighten his interest in sex, but also draws him closer to his wife.

 To those older husbands who are married to younger women, there will be times when you really do not feel like having sex. Instead of just saying no or “I’m too old for that,” which feels like a rejection to your wife, offer an alternative. You could say outright, ‘come have sex with me’. Alternatively, “honey my body needs a massage’ after which I’d love to go on a sex trip with you”. Remember sex is a gift; make up your mind to give the gift of being sexual even when you do not feel like it. Some studies suggest that as many as high percentage of men say their sex drive is not what it used to be before initiating sex but after initiating it, the sex drive skyrocketed. In addition to this, the use of natural herbs against weak erection, erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation is available for a permanent one off cure and the permanent effect of this will take you from a zero level to surplus level.

Another reason why many married women secretly seek sexual pleasure outside their marriage is when they find themselves married to husbands with small penis and who do not smartly put it to use or ready to do anything about it. The bigger the better is the slogan of many women today. As I said earlier on, husbands with such challenge can now smile because of the newly discovered Chinese herbs that have been making waves with fantastic result. Do not let your union become a sex-starved union; create intimacy by meeting her desires, it serves as an assurance of commitment to one another. According to researches, many wives with husbands who are not well endowed crave for bigness and fullness. Although many may and will not voice it out, nature has made it in such a way that you always yearn for what you don’t have.

By Funmi Akingbade   

Why office affairs seem difficult to break

Regrettably and sadly, I have witnessed countless marriages and relationships that have been irrevocably ruined by the negative effects of office affairs/romance. Many homes have been damaged by this menace and many children have become fatherless and destitute all because of a simple office affair. Cheating in marriage by means of office affairs is a common phenomenon today. In one way or the other, spouses cheat on themselves and defile their matrimonial beds, in their offices, shops, and places of work and even inside their matrimonial homes with their paid workers. Statistical record shows that by the eighth  and tenth year of marriage, a great  percentage of couples would have been actually unfaithful! Why is this so? Why do spouses cheat on each other? Why is office affair a common phenomenon that many couples are now very comfortable with? Can our marriage be free from this plague? What are the causes of this terrible behaviour and can there be any solution?

The first reason while spouses cheat on each other or prefer the warmth of some other fellows than their married spouse is when one partner feels that he has been forced or trapped into the marriage against his or her wish. Unwanted pregnancy or an arranged marriage where there is actually no genuine love and commitment could be reason for any of them to cheat on the other especially in their different places of work.

As much as parental advice or counselling from a resource person is good, when it comes to decision making, the will and decision and choice of the person involved should be paramount. Even God who has the final authority over our lives still allows us to take decisions on our own. It is wrong to marry someone against your wish; the moment the love is not flowing, it may never flow. As much as parents want the best of life for their children, when it comes to marriage, the best thing for parents to do is guide those intending to marry and help them make the right choice.

Be man enough to make a firm decision on your choice of marriage partner; it will go a long way to stabilise your marriage and help the two of you to weather the storm of life together.

                  It is also advisable not to patch up a problematic and faulty courtship. If those problems or challenges are obvious reason why the relationship should not be solemnised, it is better to call it quits. A broken courtship is better than a frustrated, heartbreaking and hypertensive marriage that may invariably lead to divorce. Many people are consenting adults and live-in adults all because they are careful of challenges. Instead of living in with someone to examine if he or she is good enough, why don’t you look at the red lights and make up your mind on time?

Let’s dialogue for a minute here, why do people desire marriage? Why do people love marriage? Why does everybody dream of a good marriage?  Firstly, you want to be loved, cared for, appreciated and fulfilled. Secondly, it is the desire for a committed relationship based on the readiness. The third reason for desire for good marriage is the deep belief that it will make us complete, secure and happy or provide something lacking in our lives. I would love to say that the third reason for marriage may not be valid in most cases. Because it has been researched that marriage can become many things, but there is no guarantee that it would make anyone to be completely happy or secure. Your happiness depends on you as an individual.  If you cannot be secure and happy as a single person, you will never be as married, because the single ‘you’ is the same married ‘you’.

 No miracle will happen after the wedding. If you are unhappy, unproductive, insecure, or immoral as a single person you will be the same as married; no other human being can make you happy apart from God. Miracle can only happen when you work on yourself and develop a positive mindset about life. Marriage should not be a goal we aspire to, but a decision we make after God has assisted in the choice of partner. Because one of the many reasons for office affairs is the fact that many partners keep saying that the other married partner is not making them happy and they have finally found happiness in either someone else’s wife or husband. They claim the fellow they are having affairs with understands them more than their married partner and so on. These are all excuses not to work on your marriage relationship.

  Too often, I see singles forcing themselves on any available person. The result is usually a life of misery, compromise and cheating on each other, finding solace in office or place of work affairs and eventually divorce. As much as you attach importance to marriage, it should never be rushed into. After all, it is not a do-or-die affair, neither is it an eternal state.

Another reason many married partners start office affairs and are forever hooked on it is mere curiosity. Curiosity, they say, kills the cat. There are instances where a partner wants to try something new, either for the fun of it or out of boredom or out of not being appreciated or just to satisfy his or her curiosity. Most times, a partner may not just get curious unnecessarily and deliberately cheats on the other. It may just because the other partner is not being sensitive to the other’s sexual desire, craving, fantasy, high libidoral differences and needs, and desire to try something new, something spicy and something tasty, just to experience some fun and get out of the routine of having sex only in the bedroom with the light out, with the same bedspread and the same [missionary] position. I am sure you will laugh and think it is not enough reason for a partner to cheat on another, but you will be shocked to hear the agony in the voice of some spouses after the deed has been done, and the worst has caught up with them. Before marriage ceremony or wedding ceremony, many intending couples can have stolen sex anywhere, everywhere and even inside the ‘molue’ or  bus’ but immediately after the official marriage rites, many [wives] just forget that sex is very important in marriage relationship. And before you know it, many husbands are having serial sexual partners not even bothering to ask their wives for sex, because they are tired of daily flimsy excuses, the love they have for their wives notwithstanding.  And of course, that is why such ‘other women’ have a strong grip on such wives’ husbands. Because it is the person that feeds the dog that will successfully put a rope on the neck of the dog. Many of our husbands’ necks are in the hands of office co-workers, call girls, house helps, road side bread sellers and so on.

 Partners should not take each other for granted, thinking, once married, ever committed. Ordinarily and ideally, our spouses should be committed to us after marriage regardless, Yes, but that is when we are ‘on point’ on our marital roles. Been ‘on point’ is not enough or sufficient reason to neglect our ever-green, relevant on-time sexual responsibilities. Taking each other for granted [especially on sexual matters] leads to spouses cheating on each other and having unbreakable office affairs. Do not leave your marriage life to chances; at times, what goes up does not necessarily come down. In essence, be a sensitive lover. You must be able to code and decode your partner, learn how to spice up your marital bed, look for avenues to keep the flame of romance, seduction, friendliness, and newness burning. Marriage is sweet; do not lose your partner as a result of insensitiveness. Besides, outright denial of marital dues leads to either of the spouses cheating on each other.

 When a spouse is denied of love, affection, appreciation and sex due to one flimsy excuse or insensitivity, there is a possibility of seeking for such things outside the home. God does not support sexual denials. As a matter of fact, He says that we do not have the right of ownership over our bodies, when it comes to sex. Even in the case of fasting and prayer, there must be a mutual agreement, the consent of your partner must be sought. Do not allow sex, affection and understanding to become a scarce commodity in the home. There is a likelihood of searching for it outside, especially in the offices and different places of cheap substitutes by all means, simply because they are essential commodities. Just like air, water and food, these are the things we need to grow; we cannot grow without them. Human beings are products of love who respond to affectionate gestures. Many unyielding husbands or wives claim they are naturally not romantic, they shouldn’t  have got married in the first place, that you are not romantic is not an excuse, you can learn how to if you put your heart in it. Learning to appreciate your spouse over the little or big thing they do is a beautiful source of growth in marriage, it enhances good sex. Learn to display unexpected love, learn to ‘out-love’ your spouse, even when it is obvious that they do not deserve it. It is a magic that works wonders, because you do not know the extent someone else outside is putting in place just for a one night stand with your husband or wife. Do not be heady when it comes to learning for change; do not deliberately hoard money. Many married wives are victims of deliberate money starvation. Let there be a free flow of money between both of you, in case of obvious short supply, let there be a display of honesty and sincerity, so that the temptation may not arise for the weaker partner. Spouses should not dogmatically display ownership right on money, nor should couples personify properties. For instance, when a spouse says ‘you can’t enter my car,’  ‘if you are not pleased you can leave my house,’ ‘don’t touch my television set.’ The habits of buying things in their names only or in the names of their parents goes a long way to negatively affect the other party, producing a sense of ‘I don’t think I belong here.’ and such partners are highly vulnerable. Your marriage can be affair- proof if you work at it. Office affair has claimed many homes and our partners that are involved in it are very smart with their action. Please beware.

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS

I am afraid of having sex

 It is always nice reading your column. I am a virgin at 28, I am pretty and admirable, but I am scared of sex. This caused me many failed relationships. Now I am married, the problem is still the same and I am worried. What do I do?

 Enechilo Ebube

        Hi Ene,

 There is actually nothing to be afraid of, the most important thing is to marry a man that will both love you and respect you as a wife and a woman, which I think you have now. And since this is in place, you can now share your thoughts with him and ask him to help you work out the issue of sex together. I am sure things will actually fall in place. Nothing is scary about sex. It is to be enjoyed. Have a better perspective towards it. Besides, take things one after the other, you cannot have the same sexual experience like someone who has been in it for a while. I would advise you relax and let romance, foreplay flow naturally. Wait till you get wet fully and participatory; take the bull by the horn by putting the penis inside your vagina yourself. This goes a long way to remove fear and help you overcome clumsiness.

Mouth odour threatens my marriage

 I am in my early thirties, I met a guy a year ago, and we have started talking about settling down together. He has passed the test that I, my family and pastor did for him. As a matter of fact, my parents and his are close. I really like him, but the only challenge I have is that he has mouth odour. I noticed this three months ago. He is the kind of person I want to spend my entire life with, but the odour is really offensive to me. What can I do? I will appreciate if you can help.

Bukolawole

   Hello Bukola,

There is actually no problem at all; all you need to do is introduce him to a lot of mouth washes available and mints that would last for several hours. Also introduce him to hydrogen peroxide, this helps a lot. Lime wash also helps to remove products that can make mouth smell. With wisdom, assist him to do a proper mouth wash whenever he is washing his mouth. Do you know that mouth odour is a typical human thing? Due to the fact that some of us were not good at oral hygiene while we were younger and because of poor health information, some do not take proper care of their mouth. No matter how good the oral hygiene, mouths do smell because of the effects of germs and bacteria that work on the remnants of the pieces of food items left in the mouth cavity. So if he can brush immediately after meals, it will help a lot. That is why dentists recommend mouth wash at least twice a day.

How can we handle this wisely?

I am writing on behalf of my elder sister who is married with three kids. Recently, she took in and her husband asked her to abort it as he was not ready for another baby. Now, she bleeds whenever she makes love with her husband. She has been treated several times for infection but the husband has refused to go for a test, not to talk of getting treated, especially when it is a well-known fact that the husband engages in extra-marital relationships.

Concerned sister

 I am not in support of abortion. However, if she is sure of her husband having affair and each time she gets infected after a sexual act with her husband, I think it is wise she stays off sex till she delivers her baby. She should do so till she is fully treated and till the man is fully treated. Which means            NO SEX until she if fully aware of his free STD status. There should not be sentiment attached to this. STDs have a lot of health hazard and it is one of the potential causes of infertility and cervical cancer.   

Why office affairs seem difficult to break

Regrettably and sadly, I have witnessed countless marriages and relationships that have been irrevocably ruined by the negative effects of office affairs/romance. Many homes have been damaged by this menace and many children have become fatherless and destitute all because of a simple office affair. Cheating in marriage by means of office affairs is a common phenomenon today. In one way or the other, spouses cheat on themselves and defile their matrimonial beds, in their offices, shops, and places of work and even inside their matrimonial homes with their paid workers. Statistical record shows that by the eighth  and tenth year of marriage, a great  percentage of couples would have been actually unfaithful! Why is this so? Why do spouses cheat on each other? Why is office affair a common phenomenon that many couples are now very comfortable with? Can our marriage be free from this plague? What are the causes of this terrible behaviour and can there be any solution?

The first reason while spouses cheat on each other or prefer the warmth of some other fellows than their married spouse is when one partner feels that he has been forced or trapped into the marriage against his or her wish. Unwanted pregnancy or an arranged marriage where there is actually no genuine love and commitment could be reason for any of them to cheat on the other especially in their different places of work.

As much as parental advice or counselling from a resource person is good, when it comes to decision making, the will and decision and choice of the person involved should be paramount. Even God who has the final authority over our lives still allows us to take decisions on our own. It is wrong to marry someone against your wish; the moment the love is not flowing, it may never flow. As much as parents want the best of life for their children, when it comes to marriage, the best thing for parents to do is guide those intending to marry and help them make the right choice.

Be man enough to make a firm decision on your choice of marriage partner; it will go a long way to stabilise your marriage and help the two of you to weather the storm of life together.

                  It is also advisable not to patch up a problematic and faulty courtship. If those problems or challenges are obvious reason why the relationship should not be solemnised, it is better to call it quits. A broken courtship is better than a frustrated, heartbreaking and hypertensive marriage that may invariably lead to divorce. Many people are consenting adults and live-in adults all because they are careful of challenges. Instead of living in with someone to examine if he or she is good enough, why don’t you look at the red lights and make up your mind on time?

Let’s dialogue for a minute here, why do people desire marriage? Why do people love marriage? Why does everybody dream of a good marriage?  Firstly, you want to be loved, cared for, appreciated and fulfilled. Secondly, it is the desire for a committed relationship based on the readiness. The third reason for desire for good marriage is the deep belief that it will make us complete, secure and happy or provide something lacking in our lives. I would love to say that the third reason for marriage may not be valid in most cases. Because it has been researched that marriage can become many things, but there is no guarantee that it would make anyone to be completely happy or secure. Your happiness depends on you as an individual.  If you cannot be secure and happy as a single person, you will never be as married, because the single ‘you’ is the same married ‘you’.

 No miracle will happen after the wedding. If you are unhappy, unproductive, insecure, or immoral as a single person you will be the same as married; no other human being can make you happy apart from God. Miracle can only happen when you work on yourself and develop a positive mindset about life. Marriage should not be a goal we aspire to, but a decision we make after God has assisted in the choice of partner. Because one of the many reasons for office affairs is the fact that many partners keep saying that the other married partner is not making them happy and they have finally found happiness in either someone else’s wife or husband. They claim the fellow they are having affairs with understands them more than their married partner and so on. These are all excuses not to work on your marriage relationship.

  Too often, I see singles forcing themselves on any available person. The result is usually a life of misery, compromise and cheating on each other, finding solace in office or place of work affairs and eventually divorce. As much as you attach importance to marriage, it should never be rushed into. After all, it is not a do-or-die affair, neither is it an eternal state.

Another reason many married partners start office affairs and are forever hooked on it is mere curiosity. Curiosity, they say, kills the cat. There are instances where a partner wants to try something new, either for the fun of it or out of boredom or out of not being appreciated or just to satisfy his or her curiosity. Most times, a partner may not just get curious unnecessarily and deliberately cheats on the other. It may just because the other partner is not being sensitive to the other’s sexual desire, craving, fantasy, high libidoral differences and needs, and desire to try something new, something spicy and something tasty, just to experience some fun and get out of the routine of having sex only in the bedroom with the light out, with the same bedspread and the same [missionary] position. I am sure you will laugh and think it is not enough reason for a partner to cheat on another, but you will be shocked to hear the agony in the voice of some spouses after the deed has been done, and the worst has caught up with them. Before marriage ceremony or wedding ceremony, many intending couples can have stolen sex anywhere, everywhere and even inside the ‘molue’ or  bus’ but immediately after the official marriage rites, many [wives] just forget that sex is very important in marriage relationship. And before you know it, many husbands are having serial sexual partners not even bothering to ask their wives for sex, because they are tired of daily flimsy excuses, the love they have for their wives notwithstanding.  And of course, that is why such ‘other women’ have a strong grip on such wives’ husbands. Because it is the person that feeds the dog that will successfully put a rope on the neck of the dog. Many of our husbands’ necks are in the hands of office co-workers, call girls, house helps, road side bread sellers and so on.

 Partners should not take each other for granted, thinking, once married, ever committed. Ordinarily and ideally, our spouses should be committed to us after marriage regardless, Yes, but that is when we are ‘on point’ on our marital roles. Been ‘on point’ is not enough or sufficient reason to neglect our ever-green, relevant on-time sexual responsibilities. Taking each other for granted [especially on sexual matters] leads to spouses cheating on each other and having unbreakable office affairs. Do not leave your marriage life to chances; at times, what goes up does not necessarily come down. In essence, be a sensitive lover. You must be able to code and decode your partner, learn how to spice up your marital bed, look for avenues to keep the flame of romance, seduction, friendliness, and newness burning. Marriage is sweet; do not lose your partner as a result of insensitiveness. Besides, outright denial of marital dues leads to either of the spouses cheating on each other.

 When a spouse is denied of love, affection, appreciation and sex due to one flimsy excuse or insensitivity, there is a possibility of seeking for such things outside the home. God does not support sexual denials. As a matter of fact, He says that we do not have the right of ownership over our bodies, when it comes to sex. Even in the case of fasting and prayer, there must be a mutual agreement, the consent of your partner must be sought. Do not allow sex, affection and understanding to become a scarce commodity in the home. There is a likelihood of searching for it outside, especially in the offices and different places of cheap substitutes by all means, simply because they are essential commodities. Just like air, water and food, these are the things we need to grow; we cannot grow without them. Human beings are products of love who respond to affectionate gestures. Many unyielding husbands or wives claim they are naturally not romantic, they shouldn’t  have got married in the first place, that you are not romantic is not an excuse, you can learn how to if you put your heart in it. Learning to appreciate your spouse over the little or big thing they do is a beautiful source of growth in marriage, it enhances good sex. Learn to display unexpected love, learn to ‘out-love’ your spouse, even when it is obvious that they do not deserve it. It is a magic that works wonders, because you do not know the extent someone else outside is putting in place just for a one night stand with your husband or wife. Do not be heady when it comes to learning for change; do not deliberately hoard money. Many married wives are victims of deliberate money starvation. Let there be a free flow of money between both of you, in case of obvious short supply, let there be a display of honesty and sincerity, so that the temptation may not arise for the weaker partner. Spouses should not dogmatically display ownership right on money, nor should couples personify properties. For instance, when a spouse says ‘you can’t enter my car,’  ‘if you are not pleased you can leave my house,’ ‘don’t touch my television set.’ The habits of buying things in their names only or in the names of their parents goes a long way to negatively affect the other party, producing a sense of ‘I don’t think I belong here.’ and such partners are highly vulnerable. Your marriage can be affair- proof if you work at it. Office affair has claimed many homes and our partners that are involved in it are very smart with their action. Please beware.

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS

I am afraid of having sex

 It is always nice reading your column. I am a virgin at 28, I am pretty and admirable, but I am scared of sex. This caused me many failed relationships. Now I am married, the problem is still the same and I am worried. What do I do?

 Enechilo Ebube

        Hi Ene,

 There is actually nothing to be afraid of, the most important thing is to marry a man that will both love you and respect you as a wife and a woman, which I think you have now. And since this is in place, you can now share your thoughts with him and ask him to help you work out the issue of sex together. I am sure things will actually fall in place. Nothing is scary about sex. It is to be enjoyed. Have a better perspective towards it. Besides, take things one after the other, you cannot have the same sexual experience like someone who has been in it for a while. I would advise you relax and let romance, foreplay flow naturally. Wait till you get wet fully and participatory; take the bull by the horn by putting the penis inside your vagina yourself. This goes a long way to remove fear and help you overcome clumsiness.

Mouth odour threatens my marriage

 I am in my early thirties, I met a guy a year ago, and we have started talking about settling down together. He has passed the test that I, my family and pastor did for him. As a matter of fact, my parents and his are close. I really like him, but the only challenge I have is that he has mouth odour. I noticed this three months ago. He is the kind of person I want to spend my entire life with, but the odour is really offensive to me. What can I do? I will appreciate if you can help.

Bukolawole

   Hello Bukola,

There is actually no problem at all; all you need to do is introduce him to a lot of mouth washes available and mints that would last for several hours. Also introduce him to hydrogen peroxide, this helps a lot. Lime wash also helps to remove products that can make mouth smell. With wisdom, assist him to do a proper mouth wash whenever he is washing his mouth. Do you know that mouth odour is a typical human thing? Due to the fact that some of us were not good at oral hygiene while we were younger and because of poor health information, some do not take proper care of their mouth. No matter how good the oral hygiene, mouths do smell because of the effects of germs and bacteria that work on the remnants of the pieces of food items left in the mouth cavity. So if he can brush immediately after meals, it will help a lot. That is why dentists recommend mouth wash at least twice a day.

How can we handle this wisely?

I am writing on behalf of my elder sister who is married with three kids. Recently, she took in and her husband asked her to abort it as he was not ready for another baby. Now, she bleeds whenever she makes love with her husband. She has been treated several times for infection but the husband has refused to go for a test, not to talk of getting treated, especially when it is a well-known fact that the husband engages in extra-marital relationships.

Concerned sister

 I am not in support of abortion. However, if she is sure of her husband having affair and each time she gets infected after a sexual act with her husband, I think it is wise she stays off sex till she delivers her baby. She should do so till she is fully treated and till the man is fully treated. Which means            NO SEX until she if fully aware of his free STD status. There should not be sentiment attached to this. STDs have a lot of health hazard and it is one of the potential causes of infertility and cervical cancer.   

How long should sex last?

many people would describe  sex as good, exciting, electrifying and refreshing, especially if done with consent and in a favourable atmosphere.

The benefits identified to be derivable from the exercise include improved immunity through the increase in the levels of immunoglobulin A; reduction of blood pressure;  a good form of exercise; reduces pain as well as brings about the release of feel good hormones; reduces stress and the likelihood of prostate cancer in men and improved bladder control in women.Interestingly, the duration of the act may not really matter in determining whether the identified benefits would be derived from it or not, and according to experts, the duration does not even matter when it is done for procreation.

But findings have shown that longer sexual intercourse does not only boost a man’s ego, it helps him to enjoy the act the more. While for women, the longer the act, the more the likelihood of them reaching orgasm.

But the question is, How long should good sex last?

According to a study by two scientists, Eric Corty and Jenay Guardiani, from the Pennsylvania State University in the United States, good sex does not necessarily have to last for hours. In fact, they said it could last for minutes. In their post onsciencedaily.com, they noted that satisfactory sexual intercourse should actually be between three and 13 minutes.

The researchers involved 50 members of the Society for Sex Therapy and Research in the study, and these members include physicians, nurses, psychologists, marriage and family therapists and social workers who have attended to thousands of patients over several decades.

These participants categorised the time sex should last, according to experience, into four, namely too short, adequate, desirable and too long, and the measurement of the time starts from the penetration of the vagina to the actual ejaculation.

The experts categorised sexual intercourse that lasts between one and two minutes as “too short”. They said if it lasts between three to seven minutes, it is “adequate”, if it is between seven and 13 minutes, it is “desirable” while any romp in the sack that lasts between 10 and 30 minutes is deemed to be “too long.”

The researchers pointed out that people tend to judge their performance or that of their partner by the dictates from the society, and not what is okay for them.

They said, “A man’s or woman’s interpretation of his or her sexual functioning as well as the partner’s functioning relies on personal beliefs developed in part from society’s messages; formal and informal. Unfortunately, today’s popular culture has reinforced stereotypes about sexual activity. Many men and women seem to believe the fantasy model of large penises, rock-hard erections and all-night-long intercourse.”

Corty, who is an associate professor of psychology, said their survey would help to rekindle people’s confidence in themselves and trim down on their fantasies, noting that the situation at hand had made people to have unrealistic expectations.

He added, “This seems a situation ripe for disappointment and dissatisfaction. With this survey, we hope to dispel such fantasies and encourage men and women with realistic data about acceptable sexual intercourse, thus preventing sexual disappointments and dysfunctions.

“Also, if a patient is concerned about how long intercourse should last, these data can help shift the patient away from a concern about physical disorders and to be initially treated with counselling, instead of medicine.”

Meanwhile, another study by a psychologist, Dr. Brendan Zietsch, from the University of Queensland, Australia, sought to unravel how long penetrative sex should last. For the sake of avoiding complexities, he said given that there are many other activities that come before sex, like foreplay, the actual time of sex should also be when the man enters the woman. But, what did he arrive at?

About 500 heterosexual couples drawn from around the world participated in the study, and what he did was to give each of them stopwatch and he told them to press start at the time of penile penetration and they should press stop at ejaculation. He observed that even though using a stopwatch was not a perfect measure, it was better than asking people to state how long it took them as there would be biases.

He said, “I know there’s a lot more to sex than putting the penis into the vagina and ejaculating, but the rest is not always easy to define (kissing? Rubbing? Grinding?). To keep things simple and specific, we’ll just focus on the time to ejaculation.”

After the study that lasted one month, Zietsch was able to deduce from the data he collated that the range of the time people had sex was between 33 seconds and 44 minutes. He then pointed out that the average across all the participants was five minutes, four seconds.

He also observed that the use of condom, which according to some, reduces the sensitivity of the penis, did not make any difference, noting further that the age of the couples played a role as younger couples, aged between 18 and 30, lasted longer (six minutes, five seconds) than older couples, 51 years and above, who lasted for four minutes, three seconds.

Also, the participants recorded that in spite of the varying times their romp in the sack lasted, they were satisfied. Thus, Zietsch therefore noted that as far as sex is concerned, there is no standard or normal time that it should take as long as the parties were satisfied.

Commenting on the findings of the studies, a psychologist, Prof. Oni Fagboungbe, said it would be difficult and unrealistic to establish a certain time as the standard duration that sexual intercourse should last.

He said the goal of sex is for both partners to be satisfied, such that they would reach orgasm. He noted that regardless of the time it takes, as long as both parties are satisfied (ejaculation in the case of the man and orgasm in the case of the woman), the deed had been done.

He said, “The essence of sex is to make the persons involved to reach orgasm and enjoy it, but we are not the same, so we cannot actually put a time limit on when one should reach orgasm because it depends on individuals.

“Actually, it is the act of the man that makes the lady to reach orgasm, so a man must be able to locate the woman’s erogenous zone so as to assist her to reach orgasm. And since sex is an act, people can practise and learn it to be better in it and that is why some men use drug to delay the ejaculation.”

Speaking on the factors that could make the man not to be able to perform well to the extent of satisfying a woman, he said the factors responsible could be psychological or physiological, adding that the size of the penis also plays a prominent role in sexual enjoyment.

He said, “The ladies’ vagina has walls that are sensitive and responsive to touch. So, if the penis is too small, it is like wearing an oversized shoe, it won’t match, but if the penis is big enough and firm, it will be able to touch all the necessary areas, like the erogenous zones, especially the ones within the walls of the vagina.

“Likewise, the physiological factors have to do with the health of the organs responsible, for example the turgidity of the penis to be able to penetrate well and deep, and the state of health of the man. The psychological factors on the other hand include depression, tiredness, lack of concentration while the act is going on and the psychological acceptance between the parties is also key. Both parties have to be willing and prepared.