Natural ways to delay ejaculation

Lifelong premature ejaculation starts early. This usually occurs when as a teenager, you start experimenting with sex and experiencing first sexual contact with under-developed sexual capacity. Ideally, teenager hood period is the last stage of the sexual formative period, it is not a good time to start off sex; this is the late stage of the sexual parts of all the sexual organs. There is a need for those organs to fully develop all their sexual capacity before addictively engaging such organs in active services.

This type of premature ejaculation case is usually harder to treat and often has deeper psychological causes. Bad habits may also contribute (such as masturbating to ejaculate as fast as possible in order to avoid getting caught).

Acquired PE happens later in life and is usually triggered by either psychological (stress or relationship issues) or physical causes (diabetes or high blood pressure, use of substances like marijuana, smoking, eating of synthetic food items, untreated ulcer diseases, some blood type groups, consumption of alcohol, some side effects of some drugs, some local herbal substances, obesity, mid-life-year-crisis).

Acquired PE suddenly begins in a man who has had normal sexual performance up until then.

We also have variable – PE that occurs irregularly and inconsistently, perhaps with one partner or only with specific partners. This is the most dangerous type and it is extremely difficult to treat.

We also have subjective PE – a condition in which a man thinks he experiences PE, but a medical doctor or sex therapist determines that there is no issue. This is psychosomatic in nature and it is easily treatable. When the mindset is well, handling every issue of premature ejaculation becomes a walkover.

This is an old school method most of our forefathers used in their relationships; it is simple but highly effective. But many husbands ignore it. Never ignore but take good care of your wife’s foreplay need. Longer foreplay can help increase satisfaction of your wife as well as delay your ejaculation. Longer foreplay can improve your relationship by reducing dissatisfaction, frustration and performance-related anxiety.

Be aware that the more pressure men feel during sex, the more likely they are to suffer from PE, but when you take time to give and enjoy giving your wife heavy erotic and breathtaking foreplay, you both will develop a good communication.

And good communication will help you overcome many issues and any discrepancies between your desires and those of your wife.

Good communication also helps you to focus on other sexual pleasures: this can decrease anxiety and help you gain better control over your ejaculation.

During heavy and stimulating foreplay, you and your wife should try breathing deeply together during sex.  While both of you are breathing deeply together, you, the husband, should try controlling your breathing. Then go for deep, long breaths. Breathe in through the nose and out from the belly. This is surprisingly effective and relaxing, and automatically helps to delay ejaculation.

One way to get even with premature ejaculation is for couples to cultivate the habit of getting naked together when alone with full privacy in view. Not just when you’re having sex, but around the house.  It has been discovered by sex therapists that when husbands get to see their wives’ luscious body a lot, it will most times not get him quite as excited and that might help him keep going during sex until they are both satisfied in bed. However, with this way, I always tell wives to come up with something new and be creative so that they will still turn him on. He will not get tired of seeing your body. This simply gets him used to having a hot wife and keeps him from being overly aroused when you’re getting it on.

Another way is to slow down the tempo and pace of your thrusting in and out. This technique requires you to slow the pace of pelvic thrusting and varying the angle and depth of penetration before the “point of no return.” When done in conjunction with engaging your pelvic muscles, this approach becomes very effective.

You can also try climax control condoms. This has been specially designed in such a way that with or without sensitivity, you can delay premature ejaculation at your own pace.

This is because men with PE condition cannot identify the feelings that happen right before orgasm – this is the point of no return. In other words, men with PE are unable to recognise that they are about to come until it’s too late. This makes it difficult for them to pace themselves and prevent ejaculation from happening too soon, which also means that their stamina never has a chance to improve. But with climax control condom, this can be achieved.

Do all you can to keep calm and breathe. If you find yourself breathing too fast and shallow, or making more noise than usual when breathing, it could be a sign you’re getting closer to the point of no return. Fortunately, you can reduce your arousal by controlling your breathing during sex. Breathe IN slowly for four seconds. HOLD for four seconds. Then breathe OUT for four seconds. If you can maintain this pattern, especially when feeling more aroused, it can help you stay in control of your body.

One of the reasons some positions are better for control is because it’s easier to stay relaxed in them. If you notice yourself tensing your stomach muscles, thighs and buttocks especially, then try to relax instead. If you lie on your back with your wife on top, it’ll be much easier to stay relaxed, and you should find you can breathe deeper and get back in control again.

Relax your mind. Relaxing the mind is a trickier beast to pin down. According to sex therapists, if you go into sex worrying about coming too soon, you’re more likely to do so. So, try using positive affirmations during sex to relax yourself. I know it’s easier said than done, but it’s not impossible. Tell yourself you’re a good lover, feel calm that everything is just fine.

I would appreciate men to know that there is a condition called androgen deficiency, a problem of low testosterone level in the body. This is a condition where men experience a decline in the reproduction of the male hormone testosterone with aging, but this also occurs with a disease like diabetes. Along with decline in testosterone, some men experience symptoms such as fatigue, weakness, depression and sexual/erectile problems.

Unlike menopause in women which represents a well-defined period in which hormone production stops completely, testosterone decline in men is a slower process. The testes, unlike the ovaries, do not run out of the substance it needs to make testosterone. A healthy male may be able to produce sperm well into his eighties or longer.

It is also relatively easy to diagnose menopause in women – their menstrual period stops. Diagnosing decreased testosterone level in men is trickier and requires a blood test to check the level.  So, consequently, the condition often goes undetected.  That is why I always recommend that men close to 40 should undergo PSA test (Prostate-specific antigen test).

Definitely, loss of testosterone in men leads to testosterone deficiency, which has a bad impact on a man’s ego and takes toll on his health.  Among other potential causes of testosterone deficiency are: injury or infection to the testicles, chemotherapy or radiation treatment, genetic abnormalities such as extra x chromosome, too much iron in the body, dysfunction of the pituitary gland, medications, stress, and alcoholism.

Of the estimated 4 to 5 million men with low testosterone, only 5 per cent are currently being treated. About one in every 10 men between the ages of 40 and 60 has low testosterone. Among men over the age of 60, the numbers jump to one in every 5 men, according to researchers. The handy treatment is TRT – Testosterone Replacement Therapy, but some schools of thought have queried whether it is healthy or needful.

A few numbers of studies have shown that TRT in men who have low levels of the hormone may improve libido, enhance sexual performance/ function, increase bone mineral density, increase muscular mass/strength, and help improve mood; however, the adverse effects of TRT outnumber the advantages. One of them is sleep apnea, a potentially serious sleep disorder in which breathing repeatedly stops and starts. TRT causes the body to make too many red blood cells, which can increase the risk of heart disease. It causes acne or other skin reactions, stimulates noncancerous growth of the prostate and possibly stimulates growth of existing prostate cancer, enlarges the breasts, limits sperm production and causes testicle shrinkage. So, if you are considering testosterone therapy to help you feel younger and more vigorous as you age, know the risks before you make your decision.

There are the second categories of men who have low level of testosterone, not because of aging but because of a disease called hypogonadism, a condition in which the body is unable to produce normal amounts of testosterone due to a problem with the testicles or with the pituitary gland that controls the testicles.

Testosterone is a hormone produced primarily in the testicles. It helps maintain men’s bone density, fat distribution, muscle strength, mass red blood cell production, sex drive and sperm production. Testosterone peaks during adolescence and early adulthood.

As man gets older, his testosterone level gradually declines typically about one per cent a year after age 30. It is important to determine in older men if a low testosterone level is simply due to the decline of normal aging or if it is due to a disease (hypogonadism). TRT can improve the signs and symptoms of low testosterone in men with hypogonadism case with fewer side effects than in old age men.

Testosterone therapy can help reverse the effects of hypogonadism, but it’s unclear whether testosterone therapy would have any benefit for older men who are otherwise healthy.

Many also want to know if testosterone therapy helps increase sex drive in women. Well, research shows that testosterone hormone does impact sex drive as well as remedies other sexual problems in certain women with sexual dysfunction. But the long-term safety of testosterone therapy for women is unknown. Testosterone therapy usually is prescribed only for women who have low libido but sufficient estrogen levels.

Testosterone is one of the best sex hormones present in both gender but more pronounced in men. It regulates mood and fuels up sex drive. A slow drop in testosterone is a normal part of aging. Low testosterone can cause visible changes in some men, such as thinner muscles, loss of body hair, smaller, softer testicles, and larger breasts. As testosterone level drops in a man, the bones may get thinner, weaker, and more likely to break. Less energy, mood changes and poor concentration are a sign of low testosterone.

A drop in testosterone level doesn’t always interfere with sex, but it can make it more difficult for a man’s brain and body to get aroused. Some men may notice a drop in libido, while others may lose interest in sex completely. Low testosterone can also make it tougher to get or keep an erection. Testosterone helps a man’s body make sperm. When levels of the hormone are low, his sperm “count” can be low too. Without enough sperm, he may not be able to father a child.

 Questions and answers

I have lost hope in him and his penis. What should I do?

 It is sad but the truth is that banana is stronger than my husband’s penis. When we newly got married, all went well sexually. The penis was hard, strong and active, but lately what I noticed is that my husband’s penis shrinks inside him by the day. As if that is not enough, it takes him ages to get aroused and sometimes he may never ‘get up’. Then as soon as we are celebrating his arousal, he goes softer like an overripe banana. I am fed up; I need you to get me a vibrator. I am not sure things can ever get better because it has been like this for years. I have lost hope in him and his penis. For me, his penis is just a decoration and nothing more. Please, do not preach to me; just get me a good vibrator.

Mrs. Odopolo Ejiro

Hi Odopolo, you said when you were newly married; sex was ‘ebano.’ Now that things are not rosy, you want to back out? No! Please, before you resign to fate, both of you can visit a sex therapist together. Remember the marriage relationship is for better, for worse. I am certain both of you can weather the storm together and get a permanent solution to the problem.

 Can I really cope with this arrangement?

 I am an ardent reader of your column. I appreciate your prowess. But can I really cope with this arrangement? I love my wife and we have a wonderful marriage and a fantastic sex life. But whenever she is pregnant, we MUST abstain from sexual activities. The reason is that few years ago, we had a premature baby but lost the baby after few weeks in spite of all medical interventions and experts’ skills. And shortly afterwards, we lost another pregnancy. On the basis of this, the doctor advised we should abstain from sex whenever my wife is pregnant. This really worked when a new baby was added and we eventually became parents. The joy of the new addition of children really did not make me feel the burden of the instruction against sex whenever my wife was pregnant. But recently, anytime she is pregnant, I struggle a lot to keep to the commandment of the doctor. Now she’s pregnant, although I have abstained from sex as previously advised, my problem is that I find it so difficult to handle or control my urge for sex. As a matter of fact, my urges are becoming unbearable; I don’t want to engage in extramarital affairs and I get irritated with the idea of masturbation. What is the alternative?

Bisilimu Opagunjelo

 Mr. Bisilimu, due to the fact that the joy of having a healthy baby born to the family is very important in the union, yet it does not rule out the fact that your sexual urges are important. But from the look of things, it seems that you have to pick between sex and going through the stress you went through during the first pregnancy. However, there are other ways you can manage your sexual urges with your wife while she is pregnant.

One, both of you can engage in heavy romance – foreplay and caressing –while you can replace her vagina with her inner thighs. Thereby, you will still wisely, carefully with all discretion, engage in your usual sexual activities but this time around, your point of ejaculation will not be her vagina but in-between her thighs. However, this has to be with doggy style position while both of you are securely lying on the bed.  

Secondly, she can perform a blow job on you in a very comfortable position considering the fact that her extreme comfort matters.

Marital truths about an incredible sex

The truth still remains that when you’re with the right person, sex is always a blast.  As much as sex is a human need, it has been researched that until both married couple work together to satisfy each other and explore possibilities of newness and creativity, sex between two people may not be that fantastic. One of the greatest propellers of an incredible sex is when both partners are extremely comfortable with each other. And once you’re really comfortable, you can find ways to spice things up. But it has been observed that in a typical African setting, many couples end up extremely caught up with loads of activities and before you know it, the best part of their lives has been spent taking care of every other person but themselves. This subtly creates lack of intimacy required for a healthy sexual relationship.

However, extending all possibilities and making use of every available surrounding can provide spontaneous sexual encounters and compensate for lack of time. For instance, partners can make it a habit to cuddle each time they are together; cuddling is all about mood and ambiance which does not require any time allocation. It’s peaceful to lie in someone’s arms in the dark with great music or even the low buzz of the TV in the background. It’s so nice to hear nothing but your lover’s breath against the backdrop of the evening or early morning.

Holding someone close in bed also makes you feel very secure with one another and the relationship, though it is not a bad idea for married couples to have separate rooms for logistic reason,  it is a brilliant, exceptional and superb idea to share a common room; it is not only healthy but comforting.  Falling asleep together is very romantic, and it’s amazing to fall asleep in your lover’s arms.

 There are times when couples accidentally bump into each other. Make use of that opportunity to quickly caress yourselves in a suggestive sensual and sexy style, or while dining together, gently slip your hands into the private part of your spouse under the dining table; you will be amazed to see the extent of the effect on the union. As a matter of fact, it recreates and rekindles sexual awareness for many couples.

If sex often feels like a race to orgasm for lack of time and opportunity, talk a little; massage each other’s neck, shoulder, back, feet or any uncommon area in the body of your mate. You both can consider taking some time out to catch your breath, reconnect and relax. Eat some mints, kiss each other with the taste of mints and feel the energy of each other’s breath. Lie back and let your level of arousal fall considerably and like a volcano rise again.

 Using of hands can help couples go all the way because the hand is one of the crucial skills of getting it on. From the moment you start cuddling, you should already be erotically grasping your spouse’s hips, stroking their arms, back or tight, or sliding your fingers around the breast.

 From caressing to grabbing to slight tingling; there are countless ways you can increase the pleasure of any giving moment by getting your hands involved. There are many spouses that had helped their partner to orgasm just by simply being skillful with their fingers via manual stimulation.

  Besides, manual stimulation helps the receiving partner to enjoy every bit of the action while the giving partner closely watches with high arousal longings.

Many times, husbands do not know what to do to get their wives to their sexual peak; why not try manual simulation of their clitoris. Manual simulation is incredibly important for women. To have an orgasm, some of them, if not most of them, need a little more of clitoral contact than intercourse.

All you have to do during sex as the man is at intervals reach down and rub her clitoris whenever possible and you are guaranteed to increase her chances of having orgasm regardless of her level of circumcision or drop of libido. For some women, manual stimulation is the only way they can connect and appreciate sex with their husbands. Doing this is not something many men know how to carry out, but it is something they have to learn; sexual act is a learning act. Make sure that the vagina is wet enough and handle the area very gently to avoid hurting her. And lastly, never try to insert a finger into a dry vagina.

 While husbands are busy on the clitoris, the wives can comfortably find a way of performing an unforgettable blow job on the penis of their husbands.  No husband runs away from a seductively performed blow job. Many husbands crave for it; they want to experience it on a regular basis. They look out for it like a well-prepared dish of assorted delicacies.

I also want wives to know that no husband would want to remain obstinate being aware of the extra packaging that comes along with well-arranged sex. The aroma of a hygienic, sparkling, fresh, dirt-free, vagina fluid is one of the erotic sexual staying on power and tip-offs for many husbands. So, keep your vagina inviting, captivating, appealing, tempting and enticing always.

Husbands, the woman’s surest gateway to a good sex is through 100 per cent carefulness and tenderness. When you ignore it, you are cutting real first-class sex out of the relationship. And what most wives want in bed is a man who is not clumsy and at the same time, who knows how to control the timing of his ejaculation while love play is on, so that both spouses will get the maximum pleasure from sex.

The longer a husband lasts, the deeper his climax, the sweeter the sex for his wife.

This is simply because wives often need to feel close before feeling sexual whereas husbands often need to be sexual to feel close. Besides, 87 per cent of women do not climax through penetrative sex alone.

Most women need some form of extra stimulus, massaging and clitoral caresses. All these help to build a woman’s excitement level before thrusting, and prevent clumsiness because the average woman needs around 20 to 28 minutes of connection.

One major reason many wives are not active sexually is because their anticipated sexual escapade and thrill is frustrated, cut short and curtailed by their husbands’ inability to control their ejaculation timing. If there is anything that is most clumsy for women, it is this singular act.

Remarkably, this can easily be achieved; it is so easy to develop complete self-control to the extent that any husband can actually choose when to ejaculate during sex: and when you have this level of control, your sexual self-confidence will be so high that you can confidently satisfy your wife in bed any time!

Most wives love the inner part of their vagina being caressed with their husband’s finger; so for a supercharged experience, experts recommend the ‘fingering of the vagina or sucking of the nipple [around one per cent of women can reach orgasm from breast stimulation alone] and the clitoris which can keep your wife moaning with delight! The husband should fondle his wife’s labia for at least five minutes before touching her clitoris.

So, while caressing your wife, it must not be done clumsily in a rush, it is advisable for the wife to take a comfortable position with legs wide apart so that her husband will be able to gently play with her genitals.

Sometimes, just touching a wife’s breast is enough to bring her to orgasm while other women are almost totally unresponsive. Therefore, husband, if your wife seems indifferent to your advances, there’s no point insisting; far better, to try to discover her other erogenous zones. In addition, wives do not feel guilty if you do not enjoy breast play. Remember it is not unusual and things can change.

 Breasts should be handled with care for guaranteed pleasure, majority of wives love having their breasts fondled. However, there is one important rule: be gentle and handle them with care. Only few wives enjoy having their breasts pinched, or manhandled.

Questions!!! Answers!!!

Can’t explain precisely what my wife wants

Can you kindly explain the science of a female desire linked to her breast? I am clueless about how to satisfy my wife’s fantasies; she only gets aroused sexually when I only stimulate her breast. To her, I should treat her breast in a special way but all my efforts have amounted to a rigid, stony being on bed. How do I get her into the mood? Do you have an idea of how to give her breast a special treat? She is really busty anyway.

Nurudeen Oba

First and foremost, you have to mentally register her breast as one of your ‘turn-ons.’ Once in a while, deliberately let your eyes wander around her breast and before you know it, you will begin to discover how absolutely gorgeous those breasts are. Make it a habit to be fascinated with her breast each time she lifts her shirt over her head and watch as her large breasts bounce whenever she moves around. You will have realised that sometimes, you will notice a hard on by just looking at her breasts. It will really become a turn-on. During time for lovemaking, make sure your eyes roam on her breasts. Encourage her to laugh as this will make her breast to jiggle. Learn how to undo the hook of a brassiere in a very seductive manner, allowing her bra to hang loose over her large breasts; this will make the nipples hard, standing at attention and begging to be sucked. At such moment, take each one of them in your mouth and suck gently. What you will notice is that your wife will immediately throw her head back and groan softly, then let out a cry of pleasure and invariably collapse in pleasure. At this point, you have given her breast a good treat which will make her satisfy you also. When it comes to the craving for sexual variety, researchers have discovered that women want sex just as much as men do, but men do not take out quality time to locate their hot spots.

 My husband is an ex-hardcore sex worker

With my husband, sex irritates me big time; I don’t even enjoy it anymore all because my husband is an ex-hardcore sex worker. Each time we are making love, my husband must scream so hard, say some dirty languages. As a matter of fact, he is so obsessed with dirty talks and the worst of it all is that he mentions some strange names that make me think promiscuity just runs in his veins. If sex is not in agenda, my husband is a nice, kind-hearted person, but as soon as it’s time for sex, I feel like an ‘ileya’ ram going to be slaughtered.’ This looks like a sex prison to me, please help.

Mamiska Itanda

Have you ever sat your husband down and really had a heart to heart discussion about this? If no, you just have to summon courage and nicely share your fears with him. While discussing with him, let him know that mentioning names of ex sex partners is a height of low respect for you, that you deserve some respect as the legal wife. On the other hand, I need you to know that to some spouses, screaming is sexy but many of such spouses do not realize that screaming can only be sexy if their partner is also a screamer. Most of the time, partners could get turned off when their ear drums are getting ready to explode. For hard core sex workers, either an ex or a current one, they have formed a habit and they just have to deliberately work to change if it is offensive to their partner. Besides, the neighbors may hear you! Same precaution goes for obsessive dirty talk.

My wife is behaving funny

I’m just recovering from stroke and I am grateful to God, I am quite fit now to walk around and do some of my normal daily activities, but I have one big problem- my wife. She wants us to keep having sex as before or at least close to it. She said it will not harm me, but I don’t buy into this and since then, she has been behaving funny. What do you think?

Daddy Joe

After a heart attack, some men and women fear that any type of sexual activity will provoke another one. People feel that if they›ve had a heart attack, it›s not a good idea to stress their bodies with sexual activity. But less than one per cent of heart attacks could reoccur from having sex. It makes sense to think of sex as a form of exercise: If your doctor clears you for physical activity, you›re also likely safe for sex.

Changing Positions

Funmi,  when going from missionary to woman-on-top, how do we maneuver the switch while keeping my husband’s penis inside me? Whenever we try this, my husband’s penis just pops out.

Mrs. Monday

I am sure most couples marvel at the expertise of most of the sex actors and wonder when such can be a reality in their home. However, the truth of the matter is sex is not always as flawless and faultless as presented. People knock heads, are twisted up in the sheets and, for a moment get disengaged. It can be awkward to change positions in one smooth moment; most couples stop and reconnect.

However, to give the flawless sex, start with missionary position close to the edge of the left side of the bed. Keeping your right leg straight, wrap your left leg around your husband’s waist and hook your left arm under his shoulder. Pushing off with your right arm, keep a firm grip on your husband as you roll him onto his back toward the right side of the bed in one sweeping motion. If he slips out, stick him back in and resume your captivating section.

Help, we have a fairy-tale sex goal that is destroying our sex life

Please, how attainable is simultaneous orgasm? My husband said this should be our next sexual goal, but I think it is more of a fantasy than a reality. He expects that anytime we are making love; besides, he is hyper active, I can’t even match his speed. How can l be helped?

Mrs Deborah

The myth that simultaneous orgasm is the epitome of sexual fulfillment is based on a number of false assumptions. First, it assumes that married couple gets aroused and then responds at the same pace. That is highly unlikely. Second, it assumes that goal-oriented sex is more fulfilling than pleasure-oriented sex. On the contrary, goal-oriented sex can interfere with fulfillment by introducing demand, anxiety, and often a feeling of failure, all of which hinder the body’s natural response mechanism. Just tell your husband that if he does not expect this to happen by all means, you will be the best on sex bed. Instead, keep kissing passionately, every day. Kissing is the barometer of the state of your sexual relationship. Sometimes I wonder if wives really understand how intense their husband’s sex drive is or how intrinsic a man’s sexual fulfillment is to his self-acceptance. Remember, men and women are different. If wives have their husbands’ testosterone levels, they’d be a lot more interested in sex. Try and keep up with him, you will soon meet up.                                                                                                                                    By Funmi Akingbade