How to create delicate lovemaking moments

Sex can always be beautiful within and without all year round in every marriage. I am strongly of the opinion that much more can be added to the wealth of knowledge any couple out there may have acquired. Creating delicate lovemaking moments has been researched to be one of the many ways sex can be enhanced between married lovers.

 Many couples take sexual techniques for granted but believe me, they are still the best of many links to sexual fulfillment.

Sexual technique is simply the act of treating your spouse in a very special way during sex to enhance their passion for sex. In other words, sexual technique is following a sexual and sensual pattern.

To start with, there must be a proper preparation if sex must be enjoyed; careful groundwork is essential. Preparation begins long before bedtime; sex starts in the morning and not at bedtime.

The first homework is to settle any known or foreseen quarrel as soon as possible. Get ready for sex with a positive mindset. Many a time, couples find it difficult to have good sex because of life challenges but I have observed that if couples always wait for a perfect situation for sex, they might not find one. So, a positive mindset for any sexual activity is very important.

At any given time, filth, uncleanness and poor sense of orderliness have ruined many anticipated sexual thoughts. You must be neat and clean, and at the same time be seductively attractive and sexually appealing. Oral, armpit, vulva and penis hygiene should be well-observed, especially when the penis is uncircumcised.

 The pubic hair should not be shaved in a way that will be coarse and cause irritation to the skin of your spouse. Most times, as simple as it appears, this has ruined good passionate sex and made some husbands develop quick ejaculation while some wives have to apply hot water to heal themselves.

Neatness is one of the guiding rules for successful lovemaking. Sex has turned out to be a nightmare just because of some offensive odour from the genitals. Since sometimes sex might be unpredictable, it is important to brush the mouth twice daily, especially when retiring at night.

 This is very important because if there is a need to have oral sex, you must brush your teeth to prevent giving each other infections. Many couples contact some form of toilet disease just from unwashed mouth, because the same bacteria responsible for toilet disease are mostly also found in the mouth.

The bed should be laid with clean or new bedspread; old, stinking bedspreads are a turn-off for spouses. Get enough privacy; make sure your doors are locked to prevent the mind from being distracted. At no time should a lover disapprovingly take off their partner’s clothes in an offensive manner. It is important that both husband and wife slowly undress each other; this is an exciting part of the technique. The moment this has been done, the best part of the groundwork has been achieved. As a matter of fact, these particular habits mostly usher in the love play.

Getting each other aroused before the husband penetrates his wife is important; this can be done by holding each other lovingly, caressing each other tenderly, kissing, and carefully touching and fondling each other’s sexual organs.

At this point, couples should submit to each other by letting their partners know their sensitive areas and points of triggers. For many ladies, it is the clitoris and the breasts, especially the nipples. Let him know that it takes time before your sexual organs respond, especially the clitoris.

Make him kiss and use his tongue to caress your breasts, nipples and neck gently and lovingly, then later your genitals. As this goes on, the nipples become erect and the clitoris increases in size. Caressing should not be done in a hurried way. Take enough time to fully enjoy each other! It is important to understand the timing in lovemaking. The emotions and sensations should build up and be intensified gradually. Do not stop the stimulation once it begins; continue in an ever-increasing manner.

Basically, the whole body of a loving couple is an erotic zone. For the man, the nape of the neck, the back of the ears, the breasts, the armpits, the navel, the inner parts of the thighs, the groin, the pubic hair, the shaft of the manhood and the eye of the manhood are especially their most sensitive areas. All these should be kissed tenderly or caressed gently with the hand and tongue. If the man’s skin is too dry, you can get a bottle of baby lotion and seductively rub on the body parts; it will send sexual signals to the whole body.

The female erotic zone includes the base of the neck, the base of the hair, the lips, the armpits, the breasts, especially the nipples, the tummy, the navel, the inner parts of the thighs, the pubic hair, the clitoris, the lips of the vagina and the inner parts of the vagina.

All these could be tenderly touched and caressed with the man’s hands or tongue. Caressing various areas of your partner’s body shows an interest in the whole person.

In foreplay, the husband and the wife should talk freely to each other. They should tell each other what they want.

While gently caressing each other, it is advisable for the wife to take a comfortable position with legs apart so that the man will be able to gently play with her genitals. As her husband caresses her, she in turn plays with his nipples and the shaft and eye of his manhood.

Aside from the things already mentioned above, do you know how much hugging and cuddling your lover needs before and after intercourse? How about the sexual fantasies each partner nurtures? Paying a little extra attention to your sex life may be all it takes to transform it from a boring experience to an intense experience.

Couples put lots of efforts into their careers, friendship and parenting-they read books and improve on all other areas in their lives. Well, that is not a bad idea at all. But good sex requires the same level of research, information and attention, which means that making time for sex matters a lot.

Hug each other for 20 seconds each day and flirt with each other. Even when there isn’t time for sex, make sure your partner knows you want to have one with them at any available time. Send a romantic message to your partner’s phone or e-mail. Daydream about making love to your spouse while doing the laundry, dishes, and while at work or during your free time and so on.

What is the appropriate time to teach children about sex?

In this computer age, when everything is computerised, what is the appropriate age for children to read about sex?

Mr. Martins Paul

All children are not alike. But parents’ primary focus each time they want to start introducing sex education to each child or children in general should be to be real friends with them. It is very easy to pass any message across to someone you have already won their confidence, friendship, trust and love. Such persons will not only accept whatever idea you are bringing to them but will consider your idea as the best. This is why some rapists and child molesters try to become so friendly with the child they want to abuse that it will be so difficult for the child to break away even when they know the act is not right. So be a friend, hero and confidant to your child. Then the next step is to be able to understudy the child’s peculiarity; that is, their level of intelligence, exposure, and area of interest. Also, know your child’s circle of friends, his special games and aspirations. Then study his pattern of questions. Now while studying their pattern of questions, make sure you are not reprimanding them or curtailing their originality. Whenever you choose to start, always make the subject matter appear as if it’s not really a big deal. When you put up a face and posture that suggest that it is serious, they will likely keep quiet.

Is sharing rooms with our children a subtle form of child abuse?

My husband has two teenagers from his previous marriage while I have one from my previous marriage. We are newlyweds sharing a bedroom apartment with these teenagers. My question is: how healthy is it for us as parents to be caressing each other in the presence of these children since we cannot afford a bigger place for now and the passion for sex is very high between my husband and me?  Is it safe to be sharing rooms with our children? Is this a subtle form of child abuse?

Mrs. Sunday Saheed

You might not be able to afford the type of accommodation you desire but the point is that even when you are living in a seven-bedroomed apartment, you can or may still dress up in the presence of your children or caress in front of them or make love around them. So the issue is not about the number of rooms; it is about making sure you create a sex safe environment for them. Do not unnecessarily expose them to some things or allow some thoughts to cloud their minds because of your actions. There are better ways to have passionate sex without giving the teenagers any clue about your actions. If you bathe together as a couple and have sex while doing that, they won’t know that you have sex while doing that. You could have a quick one when they are away on errand or in school.

My big boy always has an erection while accessing the Internet

I am a woman with three boys aged between five and seven years and in other not to disturb me with their endless demands and questions, whenever I’m busy with domestic chores, I allow them to play games on mobile devices with Internet facilities. But recently, I discovered that my eldest boy always has an erection while he is playing game or accessing the Internet. Please how can I intervene because even when I stop him, he goes to his friend’s house and still comes home with an erection? Help me!

Worried single parent

Unfortunately many games have been programmed with one form of sexual act or the other. As a matter of fact, even Facebook and Twitter are so overpopulated that our children are not only exposed to sexual perversions and pornography, but also are in daily contact with sex perverts and rapists. These sex perverts and rapists using the platforms are growing in number per minute. The number of sexual assault cases related to both social media sites has reached incredible heights; and half of those cases involve victims under the age of 16. Even when you try to stop them, they quickly defend it by saying that it is “harmless” chatting. Some of those chatting with these young children, especially girls, encourage them to send sexually explicit images on their mobile device. Some adults encourage young children to pornographic sites. Facebook and Twitter have billions of users. The point is that almost everyone has an account with the social media platforms and that naturally means exposure to sexually explicit contents and crimes. As much as there’s really no way for Facebook to control who joins the platform, it is important for you to let your children understand the negative effects that such platforms have on lives, future and well-being of children.

I can’t differentiate between normal erection nor prolonged painful one

I am 35 years old and I recently started having sex after a long abstinence from sex due to my profession. I am a professional boxer, and professional boxers sometimes have to abstain from sex for many months or even a whole year.

But my challenge now is that it seems that I can’t differentiate between normal erection or prolonged painful one. I am not sure if I ejaculate either. How long does it take for an average man to ejaculate during sexual intercourse? Sometimes, I get so confused I don’t understand my body at all. Sometimes, I take a lot of alcohol to stay longer during sex but despite that, my system seems to have broken down. I am in a dilemma, can you help me?

Derin Morris

When one alters the normal system of the body, it is possible the body mechanism gets abnormally disrupted; that is when a person starts experiencing this type of interruption. It took you some years to get into this mess, so you have to take things easy and work towards an ideal body system. An erection begins in the brain. Physical and/or mental stimulation cause nerves in the brain to send chemical messages to nerves in the penis, telling the penile blood vessels to relax so that blood can flow freely into the penis. Once in the penis, high pressure traps the blood within the tissue of the penis. This causes the penis to expand and sustain an erection. When you turn off this process, you alter normal erection. A normal ejaculation, which is the release of semen at climax, is triggered when the man reaches a critical level of excitement. That makes sexual stimulation to cause nerves in the penis to send chemical messages or impulses to the spinal cord and into the brain where other chemical messages are sent back to the penis through the spinal cord, causing ejaculation. When this is also altered because you choose not to allow any form of excitement at all, it can affect the average number of minutes it takes to ejaculate. All things being equal, an average man ejaculates within 9.6 to 15.5 minutes. To worsen the situation, you consume lots of alcohol which you have to stop immediately. Alcohol does not assist in prolonging ejaculation; rather, it undermines the quality of your ejaculation and power to stay erect. What alcohol does is that it helps you get aroused quickly and shortly afterwards; it drops your level of energy and competency.  

By Funmi Akingbade

Marital truths about an incredible sex

The truth still remains that when you’re with the right person, sex is always a blast.  As much as sex is a human need, it has been researched that until both married couple work together to satisfy each other and explore possibilities of newness and creativity, sex between two people may not be that fantastic. One of the greatest propellers of an incredible sex is when both partners are extremely comfortable with each other. And once you’re really comfortable, you can find ways to spice things up. But it has been observed that in a typical African setting, many couples end up extremely caught up with loads of activities and before you know it, the best part of their lives has been spent taking care of every other person but themselves. This subtly creates lack of intimacy required for a healthy sexual relationship.

However, extending all possibilities and making use of every available surrounding can provide spontaneous sexual encounters and compensate for lack of time. For instance, partners can make it a habit to cuddle each time they are together; cuddling is all about mood and ambiance which does not require any time allocation. It’s peaceful to lie in someone’s arms in the dark with great music or even the low buzz of the TV in the background. It’s so nice to hear nothing but your lover’s breath against the backdrop of the evening or early morning.

Holding someone close in bed also makes you feel very secure with one another and the relationship, though it is not a bad idea for married couples to have separate rooms for logistic reason,  it is a brilliant, exceptional and superb idea to share a common room; it is not only healthy but comforting.  Falling asleep together is very romantic, and it’s amazing to fall asleep in your lover’s arms.

 There are times when couples accidentally bump into each other. Make use of that opportunity to quickly caress yourselves in a suggestive sensual and sexy style, or while dining together, gently slip your hands into the private part of your spouse under the dining table; you will be amazed to see the extent of the effect on the union. As a matter of fact, it recreates and rekindles sexual awareness for many couples.

If sex often feels like a race to orgasm for lack of time and opportunity, talk a little; massage each other’s neck, shoulder, back, feet or any uncommon area in the body of your mate. You both can consider taking some time out to catch your breath, reconnect and relax. Eat some mints, kiss each other with the taste of mints and feel the energy of each other’s breath. Lie back and let your level of arousal fall considerably and like a volcano rise again.

 Using of hands can help couples go all the way because the hand is one of the crucial skills of getting it on. From the moment you start cuddling, you should already be erotically grasping your spouse’s hips, stroking their arms, back or tight, or sliding your fingers around the breast.

 From caressing to grabbing to slight tingling; there are countless ways you can increase the pleasure of any giving moment by getting your hands involved. There are many spouses that had helped their partner to orgasm just by simply being skillful with their fingers via manual stimulation.

  Besides, manual stimulation helps the receiving partner to enjoy every bit of the action while the giving partner closely watches with high arousal longings.

Many times, husbands do not know what to do to get their wives to their sexual peak; why not try manual simulation of their clitoris. Manual simulation is incredibly important for women. To have an orgasm, some of them, if not most of them, need a little more of clitoral contact than intercourse.

All you have to do during sex as the man is at intervals reach down and rub her clitoris whenever possible and you are guaranteed to increase her chances of having orgasm regardless of her level of circumcision or drop of libido. For some women, manual stimulation is the only way they can connect and appreciate sex with their husbands. Doing this is not something many men know how to carry out, but it is something they have to learn; sexual act is a learning act. Make sure that the vagina is wet enough and handle the area very gently to avoid hurting her. And lastly, never try to insert a finger into a dry vagina.

 While husbands are busy on the clitoris, the wives can comfortably find a way of performing an unforgettable blow job on the penis of their husbands.  No husband runs away from a seductively performed blow job. Many husbands crave for it; they want to experience it on a regular basis. They look out for it like a well-prepared dish of assorted delicacies.

I also want wives to know that no husband would want to remain obstinate being aware of the extra packaging that comes along with well-arranged sex. The aroma of a hygienic, sparkling, fresh, dirt-free, vagina fluid is one of the erotic sexual staying on power and tip-offs for many husbands. So, keep your vagina inviting, captivating, appealing, tempting and enticing always.

Husbands, the woman’s surest gateway to a good sex is through 100 per cent carefulness and tenderness. When you ignore it, you are cutting real first-class sex out of the relationship. And what most wives want in bed is a man who is not clumsy and at the same time, who knows how to control the timing of his ejaculation while love play is on, so that both spouses will get the maximum pleasure from sex.

The longer a husband lasts, the deeper his climax, the sweeter the sex for his wife.

This is simply because wives often need to feel close before feeling sexual whereas husbands often need to be sexual to feel close. Besides, 87 per cent of women do not climax through penetrative sex alone.

Most women need some form of extra stimulus, massaging and clitoral caresses. All these help to build a woman’s excitement level before thrusting, and prevent clumsiness because the average woman needs around 20 to 28 minutes of connection.

One major reason many wives are not active sexually is because their anticipated sexual escapade and thrill is frustrated, cut short and curtailed by their husbands’ inability to control their ejaculation timing. If there is anything that is most clumsy for women, it is this singular act.

Remarkably, this can easily be achieved; it is so easy to develop complete self-control to the extent that any husband can actually choose when to ejaculate during sex: and when you have this level of control, your sexual self-confidence will be so high that you can confidently satisfy your wife in bed any time!

Most wives love the inner part of their vagina being caressed with their husband’s finger; so for a supercharged experience, experts recommend the ‘fingering of the vagina or sucking of the nipple [around one per cent of women can reach orgasm from breast stimulation alone] and the clitoris which can keep your wife moaning with delight! The husband should fondle his wife’s labia for at least five minutes before touching her clitoris.

So, while caressing your wife, it must not be done clumsily in a rush, it is advisable for the wife to take a comfortable position with legs wide apart so that her husband will be able to gently play with her genitals.

Sometimes, just touching a wife’s breast is enough to bring her to orgasm while other women are almost totally unresponsive. Therefore, husband, if your wife seems indifferent to your advances, there’s no point insisting; far better, to try to discover her other erogenous zones. In addition, wives do not feel guilty if you do not enjoy breast play. Remember it is not unusual and things can change.

 Breasts should be handled with care for guaranteed pleasure, majority of wives love having their breasts fondled. However, there is one important rule: be gentle and handle them with care. Only few wives enjoy having their breasts pinched, or manhandled.

Questions!!! Answers!!!

Can’t explain precisely what my wife wants

Can you kindly explain the science of a female desire linked to her breast? I am clueless about how to satisfy my wife’s fantasies; she only gets aroused sexually when I only stimulate her breast. To her, I should treat her breast in a special way but all my efforts have amounted to a rigid, stony being on bed. How do I get her into the mood? Do you have an idea of how to give her breast a special treat? She is really busty anyway.

Nurudeen Oba

First and foremost, you have to mentally register her breast as one of your ‘turn-ons.’ Once in a while, deliberately let your eyes wander around her breast and before you know it, you will begin to discover how absolutely gorgeous those breasts are. Make it a habit to be fascinated with her breast each time she lifts her shirt over her head and watch as her large breasts bounce whenever she moves around. You will have realised that sometimes, you will notice a hard on by just looking at her breasts. It will really become a turn-on. During time for lovemaking, make sure your eyes roam on her breasts. Encourage her to laugh as this will make her breast to jiggle. Learn how to undo the hook of a brassiere in a very seductive manner, allowing her bra to hang loose over her large breasts; this will make the nipples hard, standing at attention and begging to be sucked. At such moment, take each one of them in your mouth and suck gently. What you will notice is that your wife will immediately throw her head back and groan softly, then let out a cry of pleasure and invariably collapse in pleasure. At this point, you have given her breast a good treat which will make her satisfy you also. When it comes to the craving for sexual variety, researchers have discovered that women want sex just as much as men do, but men do not take out quality time to locate their hot spots.

 My husband is an ex-hardcore sex worker

With my husband, sex irritates me big time; I don’t even enjoy it anymore all because my husband is an ex-hardcore sex worker. Each time we are making love, my husband must scream so hard, say some dirty languages. As a matter of fact, he is so obsessed with dirty talks and the worst of it all is that he mentions some strange names that make me think promiscuity just runs in his veins. If sex is not in agenda, my husband is a nice, kind-hearted person, but as soon as it’s time for sex, I feel like an ‘ileya’ ram going to be slaughtered.’ This looks like a sex prison to me, please help.

Mamiska Itanda

Have you ever sat your husband down and really had a heart to heart discussion about this? If no, you just have to summon courage and nicely share your fears with him. While discussing with him, let him know that mentioning names of ex sex partners is a height of low respect for you, that you deserve some respect as the legal wife. On the other hand, I need you to know that to some spouses, screaming is sexy but many of such spouses do not realize that screaming can only be sexy if their partner is also a screamer. Most of the time, partners could get turned off when their ear drums are getting ready to explode. For hard core sex workers, either an ex or a current one, they have formed a habit and they just have to deliberately work to change if it is offensive to their partner. Besides, the neighbors may hear you! Same precaution goes for obsessive dirty talk.

My wife is behaving funny

I’m just recovering from stroke and I am grateful to God, I am quite fit now to walk around and do some of my normal daily activities, but I have one big problem- my wife. She wants us to keep having sex as before or at least close to it. She said it will not harm me, but I don’t buy into this and since then, she has been behaving funny. What do you think?

Daddy Joe

After a heart attack, some men and women fear that any type of sexual activity will provoke another one. People feel that if they›ve had a heart attack, it›s not a good idea to stress their bodies with sexual activity. But less than one per cent of heart attacks could reoccur from having sex. It makes sense to think of sex as a form of exercise: If your doctor clears you for physical activity, you›re also likely safe for sex.

Changing Positions

Funmi,  when going from missionary to woman-on-top, how do we maneuver the switch while keeping my husband’s penis inside me? Whenever we try this, my husband’s penis just pops out.

Mrs. Monday

I am sure most couples marvel at the expertise of most of the sex actors and wonder when such can be a reality in their home. However, the truth of the matter is sex is not always as flawless and faultless as presented. People knock heads, are twisted up in the sheets and, for a moment get disengaged. It can be awkward to change positions in one smooth moment; most couples stop and reconnect.

However, to give the flawless sex, start with missionary position close to the edge of the left side of the bed. Keeping your right leg straight, wrap your left leg around your husband’s waist and hook your left arm under his shoulder. Pushing off with your right arm, keep a firm grip on your husband as you roll him onto his back toward the right side of the bed in one sweeping motion. If he slips out, stick him back in and resume your captivating section.

Help, we have a fairy-tale sex goal that is destroying our sex life

Please, how attainable is simultaneous orgasm? My husband said this should be our next sexual goal, but I think it is more of a fantasy than a reality. He expects that anytime we are making love; besides, he is hyper active, I can’t even match his speed. How can l be helped?

Mrs Deborah

The myth that simultaneous orgasm is the epitome of sexual fulfillment is based on a number of false assumptions. First, it assumes that married couple gets aroused and then responds at the same pace. That is highly unlikely. Second, it assumes that goal-oriented sex is more fulfilling than pleasure-oriented sex. On the contrary, goal-oriented sex can interfere with fulfillment by introducing demand, anxiety, and often a feeling of failure, all of which hinder the body’s natural response mechanism. Just tell your husband that if he does not expect this to happen by all means, you will be the best on sex bed. Instead, keep kissing passionately, every day. Kissing is the barometer of the state of your sexual relationship. Sometimes I wonder if wives really understand how intense their husband’s sex drive is or how intrinsic a man’s sexual fulfillment is to his self-acceptance. Remember, men and women are different. If wives have their husbands’ testosterone levels, they’d be a lot more interested in sex. Try and keep up with him, you will soon meet up.                                                                                                                                    By Funmi Akingbade