Couples don’t know that almost all parts of their bodies are erotic trigger regions. Many times, husbands come to me and complain that they are not enjoying the best of their wives sexually, all because either the women were circumcised, pregnant, nursing a baby, undergoing menopause or fed up with the same old ways they have been making love.
One thing is basic; there are high sexually sensitive and low sexually sensitive areas but when couples concentrate only on the high sensitive areas, they tend to run out of techniques sooner than they wish. But when they interplay the high and low sexual zones intermittently, there is a possibility of newness and excitement at all times. Now, the most basic sexual triggers of most wives that many husband play with are the breast and the clitoris, all because these organs are prominent and easily accessible. This is also because there is a high volume of blood rushing to these areas especially when the woman is turned on, and also because the stimulation of the clitoris triggers the hood of the organ. The hood of the clitoris is the fold of skin that surrounds and protects the clitoral glans. Since it’s less sensitive, many husbands ignore it but amazingly, this hood can handle both gentle squeezes that get the woman ready to be on heat without even touching the clitoris itself.
Essentially also, the pubic mound is a good place to add some variety. Try this trick: take your fingertip into a firm point and trail it around the mound. Since you usually focus on the top three quarters of her vaginal area, she’ll be surprised and aroused because beneath the arena you are trailing your fingers on is packed full of sensory nerves.
Also think of her clitoris like the head of your penis. Her clitoris is jam-packed with millions of nerve endings, as is the tip of your penis. However, if the head of your penis can take a bit more pressure- the nerves are spread over a slightly larger area- her clitoris is more sensitive. This spot is filled with nerves, so it needs to be stimulated carefully. Tease the areas around it first, and then make your way to it, building up speed as you go. But finger with caution: if you spend too much time there or you are too rough, she may become overstimulated too soon and that can be really painful for her. To keep that from happening, switch up your tactics. Don’t stick with one for more than 10 seconds or so.
Think of the outer curve of her breast; it is just like your shaft. Consider how it feels when she gently caresses your shaft at the beginning of foreplay. This makes you totally turned on, right? Same goes for her breasts: touch it lightly, avoiding the nipples, and you’ll build her anticipation, making her all move close up to you. Next, step up the pressure.
Like your shaft, there aren’t a ton of nerves in her breasts, so they can handle a firmer grip. A wife can also get frustrated when her man is too gentle with her. That said, you can definitely be firm; do not be afraid to grab them in your palms and stroke them with passion. Think of her G-spot; imagine it to be just like your perineum. It’s the small, spongy area located about two inches up the front wall of her vagina that gives her one of those super-deep, intense orgasms. A husband’s perineum is the patch of skin between the anus and testicles; it has nerves that run straight to the prostate, which is known as the male G-spot. Treat her G-spot with these fingering moves, as you’re stroking her clitoris with one hand, reach down and insert one finger inside her vagina and keep the motion active.
One other less sensitive area but highly erotic arena is the mind but many couples are not aware of this. And the best way you can stimulate this area is to be friends with each other and learn from your previous mistakes. When couples take record in their mind of how they are progressing sexually, they are on the road to improve dynamic sex. Quite frankly, a lot of couples don’t associate sex with friendship; they associate it with some secondary need and desires as if sex is not one of the top requirements for a successful marriage. When it comes to good sexual harmony, this column is quite explicit about its role and its effect. Sex is very good in marriage and there is no permanent prescribed style. Nowhere does this column say missionary position is the only sexual style, rather the truth of the matter is that not discussing sex in a relationship is a gateway to disintegration of the home and divorce.
A particular wife said ‘I am tired of getting sex fortnightly like a salary.’ Compared to majority of other wives, I think she was lucky to be getting sex fortnightly while majority other wives only get it occasionally on big days, like when their husbands are either promoted at work, or got a big contracts. They also get it on public holidays, maybe on election days, or when there is a general curfew or general strikes. You may smile and think this cannot be, but it will interest you to know that I am handling a serious case where the last time the husband made love to his wife was March 18, 2013 and they are still living together for the fear of what people will say.
Many husbands leave their wives to seek sexual pleasures everywhere except from their matrimonial home. Many wives have acquired secondary frigidity. They became so by marriage and not by choice or any other way or reason. These wives even sleep fully dressed up as if they are going to resume work at a corporate office. If you want to create a special bonding with your husband, it is advisable to follow this recipe for good harmonious friendly sex: henceforth, you should sleep naked and let your buttocks touch your husband and make sure you do that deliberately because your buttock is another silent sex arena that triggers your husband by a mere touch. I insist on this because, today you find quite a high number of men going out of their way to get a glimpse of how a vagina looks like. Some frantically do this by paging through magazines and even go as far as visit lingerie departments in stores to see what is hidden under panties, just because their wives hide their own vagina like an essential commodity. These men have long forgotten how a vagina looks like.
Marital sexual oneness is about being free with your body. In front of your spouse, a wife should parade naked and do some modelling or cat walking just to ‘temp,’ ‘seduce,’ ‘lure,’ ‘trap,’ ‘entice,’ ‘attract’ her husband. This may surprise you but there are many wives who do not know how their husband’s penis looks like anymore. The only opportunity they have is to only feel it when their husbands enter them or when they start thrusting in and out heavily. Some of these wives have even never touched it, let alone seen it because the husbands switch off the light before undressing and only dish out orders and command to their wives on sex bed. Wives in this category are too timid to voice out their desire because according to custom, they are only to be seen and not heard on sex bed. They are only to fulfil the sexual needs of their husbands.
Husbands, don’t you know that your penis is your wife’s eternal toy as long as the marriage exists and she is supposed to play with it at will, anytime, anywhere and always? Besides, beneath, around and on top of the penis are some hidden erotic arenas the wife can manoeuvre with her tongue to make her husband crazy for daily sex. That is the reason why husbands should teach their timid wives all these hidden sensitive parts and as soon as they become experts, I am sure husbands of such wives will experience regular erotic volcano sexual treat.
It is unaccepted for a spouse to always complain of tiredness at every given opportunity because this increases the data of couples who have been sexually starved for years. As much as God created sex for procreation, he also did it for pleasure; you can’t be married and never have a continuous good time on bed. Do not envy those having good sex, you can be one of them.
Questions and Answers
The head of my penis has some ugly scars
I was circumcised as a child; the head of my penis has some ugly scar formation and sometimes when it is fully erect, I feel some slight pain. And even when I try to enter my wife, I experience premature ejaculation. This has been on since when I got married. The biggest problem I am now facing is that my wife says it is useless having sex with me. She says sex with me frustrates her in two ways: the ugly sight of my penis head and the persistent premature ejaculation. I am devastated as a man, what can I do? I sense she may be sexually satisfying herself somehow and this pains my heart.
Wounded soul
Circumcision is an operation where the foreskin is removed. This piece of skin covering contains a lot of nerve endings and it protects the glans and keeps it sensitive. The foreskin plays a mechanical role in sex and makes it comfortable for both partners.
Luckily, a person’s sex-life doesn’t boil down to the sensitivity of the glans; far from it! Researchers asked both circumcised and uncircumcised men and their spouse about their sexual satisfaction and they didn’t find any difference between the two groups. Just make sure you use lots of lubricant because of the scar formation so that you will not be experiencing pain often. For the premature ejaculation, kindly see me for help and solution. There is absolute hope for you, so cheer up.
Severe menstrual cramps
I experience so severe menstrual cramps to the extent of vomiting and fainting, why is this so?
Every month, the uterus builds up a lining of tissue called the endometrium, where an embryo can implant and grow. If an individual doesn’t get pregnant, the lining breaks down and leaves the body as the menstrual period. Menstrual cramps can occur when the uterus contracts to help push out this blood. The cramps are usually felt in the lower belly or back and last one to three days. But when you experience so much of pain, it may be because your reproductive hormones are in high supply or you naturally don’t exercise a lot. To reduce or prevent this, place a hot water bottle under the lower part of your abdomen or over-the-counter pain relievers may help.
My husband never wants sex
I am coming to you completely desperate for answers. I am 22 and my husband is 29. We have been married for almost a year and a half and have had sex maybe twenty times. I have tried to find information on why this is so, but all I find is information on lack of female sex drive. My case is exactly the opposite. My husband never wants sex. He doesn’t understand the importance of intimacy to me or how it affects every other aspect of our marriage. I am miserable and frustrated most of the time. I feel completely unattractive and disgusting. Despite his constantly letting me know that he is very attracted to me, his actions certainly show differently. Please help me.
Yours is an unusual, but not unheard-of situation. I occasionally counsel couples whose pattern is like yours. There are some men who have lower libido and a once-a-month pattern for intercourse seems to satisfy their needs. This is not because they are sick or so.
There are two considerations that are important, however—things your husband needs to consider. The most important is your sexual desire and the frustration you’re experiencing. It is healthier for you to have both the release of an orgasm and to enjoy a sense of intimacy. This is true physically and relationally, and he should be providing that for you. It sounds like you’ve tried to communicate clearly about your feelings, but you might explore with him what his feelings are in response to your frustration. Often men feel threatened by any suggestion of their wife’s dissatisfaction.
That brings up the second issue for consideration: his sexual interest and libido. There are many possibilities for his lower drive and for most males, they are scary to look at. Denial is usually the first line of defence. It just doesn’t feel right to a man to admit he may not be sexually adequate to meet his wife’s needs. Men like to think of themselves as good in bed.
If he were willing to talk openly with you, that would be a place to start. You can talk about your sexual histories. What were the attitudes in his family of origin? Was he sexually abused? What is his experience with masturbation? How has pornography impacted him? What premarital experiences did he have? There are many life events that can affect a man’s sexual drive; through guilt or anxiety. He may even have low testosterone level, which a medical evaluation would reveal.
If he’s unwilling to discuss these issues with you, perhaps he has a male friend he’d risk it with. Ultimately, it would be helpful for you to go together to a competent counsellor. One way or the other, do something to move the situation forward. The status quo seems to be creating too much tension for you. Also take a good hard look at yourself, get a woman friend to help you see if there are things about you that would be a turn-off to your husband. You said that he says he is still attracted to you, but to say otherwise would be risky for any man. Check out such things as cleanliness, odours, weight, the way you dress, your playfulness, attitudes, or anything you and your friend can think of that might be objectionable to him. Choose this friend very carefully and wisely. She should be someone you know you can trust to keep this confident. If there is no one to help you, ask God to let you know what the problem is. His plan for the two of you is oneness. You can count on him to help you achieve that.
Standard size for vagina?
Does the vagina have a standard shape and size, what can help my orgasms?
The vagina is an elastic, muscular canal with a soft, flexible lining that provides lubrication and sensation. The vagina connects the uterus to the outside world. The vulva and labia form the entrance, and the cervix of the uterus protrudes into the vagina, forming the interior end.
The vagina receives the penis during sexual intercourse and also serves as a conduit for menstrual flow from the uterus. During childbirth, the baby passes through the vagina (birth canal).
The hymen is a thin membrane of tissue that surrounds and narrows the vaginal opening. It may be torn or ruptured by sexual activity or by exercise. Research indicates there’s no standard size or shape for a woman’s vagina; factors as age and height help determine the dimensions of an adult woman’s vagina. Kegels are exercises in which you squeeze the muscles around your vagina as if you were trying to stop the flow of urine. Also called pelvic floor exercises, Kegels can help prevent urine leakage as well as accidental passing of stool or gas by keeping the uterus, urethra (the tube that carries urine outside the body from the bladder), and bowel from sagging into the vagina. Strengthening these muscles may improve orgasm.
By Funmi Akingbade
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