22 unlimited sex pleasures for this season and beyond

One of the great things that accompany Christmas and the New Year season is the pleasure it brings along. And how else can a married couple enjoy memorable pleasure than having sex as hot as possible? So today, let us see how far you should be hot for each other, it is actually as simple as ABC.

One: When sex is on the agenda, the greatest mistake any husband would make is not to take advantage of the situation and really go down on the wife’s nipples, clitoris and vagina very carefully. Nipple, clitoral and vaginal stimulation can be the high point of foreplay for any wife, anytime. It can even be the main ‘event’ of the night or an erotic act that a couple return to frequently during a long sexual encounter.

Two: Manual stimulation is incredibly important for wives to have an orgasm. Most wives need a little more nipple, clitoral and vaginal contact than intercourse. Warm wet and intimate stimulation can be just as fun and satisfying as full intercourse.

Three: Actually, 87 per cent of wives prefer nipple, clitoral and vaginal caressing to all other forms of foreplay.

Four: Many wives fantasise about lying back and having their husbands go down on them, but many cannot express it. Moreover, if you want to sexually pamper your wife or want her to be consumed literally with enticing sexual feelings, try this out this Yuletide.

Five:  Do more than playing with the nipples, vagina and the clitoris; you can actually feast on them. There is something about a husband feasting his eyes, hands and mouth on his wife’s nipples, clitoris and vagina that can translate the couple into another world of ecstasy, bliss and elation.

Six: The sensation of the tongue on the nipples, clitoris and vagina, is usually enough to make couples hyperactive with pleasure. However, according to research, many husbands do not lick the right places well or sometimes; they do not stay long enough to make their wives climax.

Seven: During sex, reach down and rub your wife’s clitoris whenever possible and you are guaranteed that her chances of having orgasm will be increased. For many wives, manual stimulation of these areas is the only way they can climax. Rubbing the nipples, vagina and the clitoris the right way is not something husbands just naturally know how to do; it is something they have to learn. When a wife’s vagina is not yet lubricated, ‘never’ try to insert a finger or penis into it; that is ‘pure legal raping’.

Eight: Studies have shown that husbands staring at their wives’ breasts for 10 minutes a day can improve their total well-being.

Nine: The human lips, tongues and genitals are the most sensitive areas of their bodies.

Ten: The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

Eleven: The tip of the clitoris has 700 nerve endings, more than what is found on the head of the penis.

Twelve: The most sensitive part of a woman’s vagina is the first two inches; that is where the majority of the nerves endings are located.

Thirteen: A woman’s skin is 10 times more sensitive to touch than a man’s own.

Fourteen: During arousal, increased blood flow causes a woman’s breasts to swell by 25 per cent; and when stimulated, the vagina expands six inches wider.

Fifteen: As a wife is turned on, blood rushes to her vulva, causing the vagina to release a smooth liquid called ‘drops of Jupiter’. The average duration of a female orgasm is six seconds. The Japanese word for orgasm translates as, ‘I have died and gone to heaven’. Now carefully stimulating your wife’s nipples, clitoris and vagina can make her also utter this statement.

Sixteen: One step at a time is the best secret code; so while together, have your hands under her then stroke her clitoris through her panties to build the anticipation of feeling your fingers against her wet skin.  Even if you have seen your wife’s nakedness a thousand times, don’t rush to take off her panties every time.

Seventeen: Take the action to the next level by sliding your hand under her panties. Don’t just rub the nub but start kissing your wife’s knee up to her inner thigh or from her navel down to her clitoris, then directly to her labia, and then find your way to her nipples.

Eighteen: A wife’s inner thigh is very sensitive. Incredibly, some wives can even have orgasm just by their feet being messaged. Starting your journey to the clitoris by kissing her thighs is still the best. This gives your wife intense pleasure and builds her anticipation for the trill to come. Ask her to hold her legs up and out of the way; this allows you better access to the vagina.

Nineteen: If you want to hear whether she is moaning with pleasure, ask her not to sandwich your ears with her thighs, you will be amazed with the varieties of ‘melodic rhythms’ coming your way! Pay close attention to the moaning and make sure she is not moaning because she is in pain.

Twenty: As you listen to her moans of pleasure, keep stimulating the clitoris and the surrounding areas with all your four fingers. Apply light to firm pressure using an up-and-down motion, slowly circling the area. All this provides wonderful sensation and are helpful in bringing your wife to climax.

Twenty-one:  You can vary the pressure and speed, depending on what she likes best. While on her clitoris, plant several little kisses (on it) and flip your tongue directly around it. On the other hand, you can simultaneously insert your finger into her vagina and caress it as the clitoral kissing is going on, by using the thumb to drive her wild and the other hand to rub her pubic heap.

Twenty-two: Husband, use the tip of your tongue to brush, tap, or flip the clitoris in an up-and-down and/or side-to-side motion. Try it slowly, then quickly, and even more quickly.  The tap can be light or firm.

Questions and answers

My husband’s sexual desire is low

My husband and I have been married for three years. He is 42 and I am about to turn 31. Few months into our marriage, he was very affectionate and loving and we had sex quite regularly. Then it reduced to twice a week, then once a week. Now, it is once in three or more weeks and there is little affection in our relationship. I try to be playful and initiate sex, but it usually ends with my husband giving an excuse (such as being too tired or having too much work to do) and me feeling embarrassed and unattractive.

We have discussed this issue several times and he says that he is very much attracted to me but that it is hard for him to get in the mood because of all the stress from work. He has also told me a few times that he feels that I pressure him for sex so much.

It is still difficult for me to imagine a husband feeling pressured to have sex with his wife. What I also don’t understand is if he’s attracted to me as much as he says he is, wouldn’t having sex help alleviate some of that stress he’s feeling?

When we do have sex, it seems like as soon as I am “ready”, he wants to have sex instead of enjoying the foreplay for a bit longer. It makes me feel like he just wants to get it over with. In addition, when we have sex, he usually wants reverse cowgirl or to be behind me instead of a more affectionate position where we can kiss and make eye contact, which is important to me.

We used to be affectionate but now, I get a pat on the back in the morning when we leave for work and maybe a hug. If I try to be affectionate (not to initiate sex, but really just to make out), he might give me a few kisses back but it does not feel like he is into it and he usually manoeuvres me into a cuddling position and falls asleep.

After he told me he felt like I pressured him to have sex, I did my best to back off. The point is that I want some sort of affection. Is it wrong to want affection? I would really like some advice from you. I want to make him happy but I want to be happy too. I hate feeling as if I am a sort of abandoned project, as if I am not attractive enough for him.

Joyce, Badagry

 It seems as if he has a low sex drive. From your letter, it looks like you have succumbed to the fact that you are not going to have any active sex life again. It is in the best interest of the marriage for you to express to him that having a strong sexual relationship is important to you and that if he is unable to meet your needs, he should at least meet you halfway. Besides, he is your man. Study him, read him like a book, pamper him like a kid, comfort him like a mother, and get to know how you can win him to your side. I am quite certain you have all it takes to do that. Also, look for his areas of interest and be genuinely interested; this will endear him to you. I know several couples who have been in this situation and 99 per cent of the time, it ended up sweet.

No sign of blood to show she was deflowered

I have been married for close to seven weeks and my wife and I were virgins, but up till now, I have not been able to deflower her. I have tried so hard, but it looks like whenever I penetrate, there is no more depth to go. Moreover, I discovered that whenever it seems as if I have managed to penetrate satisfactorily enough and have released, immediately she gets up, all the sperm pours out of her again in large quantity. The amazing part of it is that we have not seen any trace of blood since we started having sex. Honestly, we are getting worried. What can we do?

Peter Eduloye, Oyo

Your complaint is typical of inexperienced newlyweds and it is expected. Firstly, it is not all virgins that may bleed while breaking their hymen. The hymen, which is a thin but tough membrane found at the entrance of the vagina, may be absent at birth or may be lost during vigorous physical sporting activities. This may explain why you are not seeing blood. Though, the initial breaking of the hymen during sexual intercourse may bleed slightly because of damage to the membrane, this may not be so in some cases because of its classification. There are three types of hymen, the very fragile hymen (which breaks easily few years into puberty); the regular hymen (which breaks at young adult stage); and the tough hymen (which takes months or even years to break, especially when the lady is 25 years and above). If you relax, practise more of foreplay and try to calm down a bit; you will in no time deflower her. The reason why sperm still pours out of her may simply be because she is still tight, which is also typical of a vagina that was not sexually active prior to this time. As times goes on, things will fall into place.

I only enter his bedroom whenever he needs sex

The only time I enter my husband’s bedroom is when he needs sex, any other time, he shuts his door against me. He said that is the tradition in their family and that he is more productive sleeping alone. There have been occasions when the children fell ill in the middle of the night; he only came out of his room, insisting we nursed the child in my room and not his. Curiosity had made me break into the room when he was away but I did not find anything unusual; his slogan is ‘stay in your room, I don’t share a room with a woman’. But I am not just a woman; I’m his wife. This has made me to deny him sex, am I doing the right thing?

Maureen Paul

Ideally, couples should share everything together, including the bedroom. Secluded privacy is not actually for married people. Spontaneous sex, which is still rated as the best sex, happens more often among couples that share same bedroom and mattress. Besides, some crucial marital issues may be best discussed and solved at night. Separate rooms will not help make this happen. It is also easier for couples to reconcile their differences while sleeping together in the same bedroom than while sleeping in separate bedrooms.  But nevertheless, some people may be more productive, experience quality rest and get more privacy with separate rooms. I still think it is best to discuss this.

I am helpless

I have almost given up on my premature ejaculation problem. My first wife fled with my children on some spurious and unfounded excuses. But ostensibly, it was because of this nagging ailment. I have done all that is physically, spiritually and medically possible in the quest for a solution to the problem, but I have failed woefully. This has not deterred me though because I know that God‘s care and mercy extend beyond any imaginable limits. I believe your advice and counsel in this area can help me. You have certainly started a medium that would free millions of people from their fears and helplessness as regards marital sexual fulfilment. I am a helpless man in this area.

Helpless man

 I would love to say that you are not helpless because you have not extensively exhausted all medical solutions. This is because there are always new discoveries every day that may help you out. Researchers are of the opinion that they would likely come up with varieties of solutions. Besides, there is nothing greater than God. To contribute my quota, I would love you to try some of these natural herbs and exercises and I am sure they will be of help to you. Medicine is taking a giant stride as regards these cases.

Funmi Akingbade

13-21 of the 25 sexual things to know before Christmas (III)

Thirteen: Never forget that marital sex boosts self-esteem in both the wife and husband at every stage of their career, business or endeavours. Boosting self-esteem is one of the 237 reasons people have sex, as observed by the University of Texas researchers and published in the Archives of Sexual Behaviour. That finding makes sense to Gina Ogden, PhD, a sex, marriage and family therapist in Cambridge, although she finds that those who already have self-esteem say they sometimes have sex to feel even better. “One of the reasons people say they have sex is to feel good about themselves,” she says. “Great sex begins with self-esteem, and it raises it. If the sex is loving, connected and what you want, it raises it.”   
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Fourteen: Amazing marital sex improves intimacy and binds couples together more than any other joint ventures in life. Having sex and orgasm increase levels of oxytocin, the so-called love hormones, which helps us to bond and build trust. Researchers from the University of Pittsburgh and the University of North Carolina evaluated 59 pre-menopausal women before and after contact with their husbands ending with hugs. They found out that the more contact, the higher the oxytocin levels. According to the researchers, “Oxytocin allows us to feel the urge to nurture and to bond.” Higher oxytocin has also been linked to a feeling of generosity. So, if you suddenly feel more generous towards your spouse than usual, credit the love hormone and credit the sexual activities.

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Fifteen: Good sex is a pain relief natural herb. Sex reduces pain and inflammation. As the hormone oxytocin surges, endorphins increase; arthritis pain reduces and PMS symptoms seem to improve after sex – you can thank those higher oxytocin levels. In a study published in the Bulletin of Experimental Biology and Medicine, 48 volunteers who inhaled oxytocin vapour and had their fingers pricked, lowered their pain threshold by more than half. Even sex shortly after delivery helps to heal episiotomy pain faster than medication. What a great gift God gave the married couple!

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Sixteen: Amazing healthy sex reduces prostate and breast cancer risk. ‘Frequent ejaculations, especially in the 20-year-old men and above, may reduce the risk of prostate cancer later in life,’ Australian researchers reported in the British Journal of Urology International. When they followed men that were diagnosed with prostate cancer and those without, they found no association of prostate cancer with the number of sexual partners as the men reached their 30s, 40s and 50s. But they found men who had five or more ejaculations weekly while in their 20s, reduced their risk of getting prostate cancer later by a third. Another study, reported in the Journal of the American Association, found that frequent ejaculations, 21 or more a month, were linked to lower prostate cancer risk in older men, as well, compared with less frequent ejaculations of four to seven monthly. The spasm experienced during ejaculation usually sends a reflect muscular post-spasm stimulation all over the pelvic region of the man, helping to splash the prostate with more than enough nutrient-oxygenated blood.  As for the breast, each time the breast is been caressed, stimulated, fondled, it automatically allows the spread of nutrient-oxygenated blood into the milk lobs thereby helping the breast to remain healthy and reducing the risk of breast cancer.

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Seventeen: Never forget that sex strengthens the pelvic floor muscles of both the husband and wife, thereby reducing the risk of bladder leakage, weakness of the pelvic floor, and weakness of the reproductive organs of both man and woman especially the urethra, bladder, virginal wall, penis tissue and the epididymis. So, this is good news for men suffering from erectile dysfunction. When a man practices more of Kegel and pelvic wall exercise and applies the practice during sex, he should be certain of getting a better grip on his erection and ejaculation. For women, doing a few pelvic floor muscle exercises known as Kegel during sex offers a couple of benefits. You will enjoy more pleasure, and you’ll also strengthen the area and help to minimise the risk of incontinence later in life. To do a basic Kegel exercise, tighten the muscles of your pelvic floor as if you are trying to stop urine flow. Count to three, then release.

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Eighteen: As a couple, are you experiencing lack of good sleep or insomnia? Well, the good news is good sex helps you sleep better, especially when you drink moringa tea shortly before or after sex. The oxytocin released during orgasm also promotes sleep, according to research. And getting enough sleep has been linked with a host of other good things, such as maintaining a healthy weight and blood pressure.

Nineteen: The old woman fable of bedroom tricks still work wonders in revitalising the sex bed.  One trick is never to ignore deep kissing; it has a way of stimulating your most sensitive regions, particularly your privates. While kissing, gently run your fingers up and down inside of each other’s arms; it is a teasing and sensual way of creating a sensation that will leave the two of you craving for the real show. At this point, I would encourage the wife to caress her husband’s organ lightly with her fingertips, until it is fully erect. Then, she should wrap her hand around it, and apply more pressure, as if she is pressing a pear fruit to know if it is ripe. If you are not sure he is erect enough, ask him. It may sound funny, but I can assure you that your man will find it erotic. Men appreciate direct sexual, sensual question while in bed. You could say, “Honey, how does that feel?” A wife should also learn to touch and caress her husband a few inches away from his organ. She should learn to run her fingers through his pubic hair, caress his lower stomach and stroke his inner thighs; this will build eagerness and get him ready for action.
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Twenty: Husbands should remember that, in bed, a little bit of aggression makes sex more exciting. So, a husband should be firmer, pinning his wife to the bed, especially when it is the missionary position. And as you are reaching orgasm, try slowing down to an intensity of about 75 per cent of your full speed; stay like that for about one minute, and then pick up the pace again. This will further enhance pleasure and prolong the feeling of enjoyment slightly. This technique will make your orgasm more intense. When a husband is hard and highly erect, the wife could use one hand to push his erect organ up, towards his stomach, and then use her tongue on the underside of his shaft. She could also move her head from side to side to cover more surface area. While doing this, he could return the favour by stroking her G-spot using the ‘come hither’ method.

Unfortunately, I cannot go into this without being explicit, because we will not be able to treat that fully. Next week, we will start a series on ‘G-spot’ in men. Before then, married couples go ahead and have fun.

Twenty-one: You cannot deny that having sex or making love is one of the most enjoyable activities for married couples. But you need to know that it can also lead to untimely death if not properly controlled. Death can occur during sex for a number of reasons, generally because of the physical exertion and strain of the activity, or because of unusual clarifying circumstances and some underlying medical condition. Sudden death during sex accounts for approximately 0.9 per cent of all sudden deaths. Numerous notable cases of individuals dying during or from sex have been recorded and reported. For example, Nelson Rockefeller, one of the modern figures who was also former Vice-President of the United States, died of a heart attack during sex. Last king of the Huns in Europe, Atilla, was also recorded in history of being killed by a heart rendering deadly orgasm.

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Questions and answers

What’s the usual age for the first time erection? My six-year-old is always having frequent erection especially in the morning; I am worried and I don’t know what to do.

Mr. Eerie Akpan

As a matter of fact, some boys are born with erections while in the uterus. Ultrasounds normally show that babies can have erections right in the womb; so boys get  erections when they are even under the age of one. But it is typically very obvious when they get to their early teen – that is when the sex hormone testosterone is active. But when a six-year-old has an erection, it may not be a reason for the alarm if it occasionally happens early in the mornings when he baths or cleans or touches the penis area. But when it becomes a frequent occurrence accompanied by pains and a turgid erection that does not subside, it is better to take the boy to the family doctor. Morning erections normally last longer till men get to adulthood. Men usually have three to five erections each night, often while they dream.

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I have more than two nipples

I have a big problem. My two breasts are not only abnormally unequal but I have an extra nipple on my left breast and it has hair around it. This has made me not to accept any relationship proposal from any man. I cannot even have my bath when others are in the bathroom. I cannot dress up in the presence of others. I am afraid of surgery. What can I do please?

Simisola Tomomere

When you take nipple size and breast shape into account, more than 88 per cent of women report a difference in sizes. So both breasts may not be the same size. Strange as it may sound, some people have more than two nipples. About one per cent of women have them, and twice as many men. But they’re often smaller than other nipples, so there might not be a reason for you to worry. They show up at birth, usually along the body’s “milk line”, somewhere between shoulders and legs. It’s rare, but they can form on other parts of the body, including the forehead and foot. I think this cannot prevent you entering into a meaningful relationship. I would rather suggest you date someone who really loves you and accepts you the way you are and who is worthy of your trust. Hair around your nipple is not an uncommon thing.  It’s normal to have a few small hairs on the nipples, or the dark skin around the nipple. If it bothers you, clip it with small scissors but do not pluck or shave it because it can cause ingrown hairs and infection.

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I can’t get my penis up

I am very fit and I’ve been sexually active since I was 15. Now, I am in my early 30’s and I do a regular medical check-up every four months. Shamefully, I have lost count of many women who refused to put up with me because they couldn’t get my penis up. During sex, I would have to hold my penis down and tight with my fingers like a ring just to make it strong enough for erection. Are there other reasons penis can’t get up? Help, I am dying gradually!

Owen Peters

Sometimes when a man has serial sexual partners, there may be a possibility of being intimidated especially when he is overwhelmed with the feeling that he needs to perform a little more than usual. This is a major reason why you may lose erection as a healthy man. If you’ve been drinking heavily, there’s a good chance your penis might not be able to perform. Besides, online porn is probably the greatest hidden contributor to bedroom ED, because of overuse or overindulgence of it. If you are the type that is addicted to porn and masturbating several times a day, however healthy you may be, you may likely end up not having an erection. Is your mind clouded with issues of life or something is troubling you or are you feeling guilty about something? This aspect of mental instability paralyses a man more than anything else regardless of the high state of well-being.

Will my sexual desires change during pregnancy?

I just got married and my husband says he does not only love sex but he will be making love to me even while I am pregnant till the last stage of my pregnancy. I am okay with this but my fear of his obsession is, supposing my sexual desire changes during pregnancy, does that mean he will be unfaithful? He has actually threatened that if I am not very responsive, he will have to seek for sex anyhow.

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Tricia Seiseiko

It is normal for your desires to be different now that you are pregnant. Changing hormones cause some women to experience an increased sex drive during pregnancy. But others may not be as interested in sex as they were before they became pregnant.

Sex is important in a marriage relationship especially in a new union but it is important for your husband to know that sex is not the only thing in a relationship. Sex, as a final act of commitment, is a powerful statement of love that deepens marital commitment and rekindles excitement and it is designed to exist within certain boundaries. A normal husband should be more caring than threatening his wife when she is pregnant with their child. Every act of sex outside of marriage cheapens both sex and marriage. If there is a need for him to stay off sex for sometime during your pregnancy, I think he should happily do that, this is not as if he is to abstain from basic life necessities, such as eating or drinking or breathing. Sex is something everyone can abstain from—it is a strong desire, yes, but never a necessity

Funmi Akingbade

25 sexual things to know before Christmas

As everyone is about to enter the hustle and bustle usually associated with Christmas period, I want to quickly infuse into the hearts of all the married lovers and couples in a relationship, some 25 ‘never-forget’ discoveries they need to know and be familiar with this season. These 25 discoveries are accessible facts married couples can easily adopt while in the spirit of Christmas. So, enjoy as you read and make sure your sex bed does not experience any dull moment all through this Yuletide.

One: Never forget the fact that every human being is created as a sexual being and all human beings have the ability to reach orgasm at any given time even within seconds. This is because male and female orgasm has been defined as, “an explosive discharge of neuromuscular tension.” Although, there are other definitions, most of the time, the word, ‘tension’ is recurrent. This suggests that if and when sexual intercourse comes up between two married lovers, hot, superb erotic and unimaginable orgasm is expected to be a normal activity when sex is going on. Orgasm during sex should be expected frequently between couples, giving room for utmost unhindered sexual satisfaction.

Two: During orgasmic sexual intercourse, a lot of incredible things happen in human body. Whenever any couple experiences sizzling and burning orgasm, their hearts pump faster while both of them breathe heavily to fuel their muscles. Then, hormones such as endorphins and oxytocin send instant messages about this sexual activity to the couple’s brains and other sensitive parts of their bodies. In a jiffy, blood is pumped into the genital regions to create the tension that ultimately triggers a pudenda reflex (this is a muscular spasm of the genitals). The immediate reflex results in the pelvic-floor muscles, contracting between five and 15 times at 0.8-second intervals. This is the wonder of the orgasm that couple must experience and look forward to experience while in the spirit of Christmas!

Three: Sexual therapists have made it clear that orgasm experience helps to burn out some amount of fat around the heart tissues and neural pathways in the spine. This explosive discharge of a neuromuscular tension is not only peculiar to the male gender, as it is also present in the female gender. The most prominent and sensitive female organ that could trigger orgasm anytime there is sexual activity is the clitoris. This organ is about two inches above the vaginal opening, located in front and above the opening of the urethra (urine outlet). It is the most sexually sensitive part of the female reproductive organ; it becomes slightly enlarged and erect in response to sexual stimulation. This is called the female ‘sexual trigger.” Most married women do not experience orgasm because their husbands hardly take quality time to lovingly and gently caress this organ during foreplay. Sufficient stimulation of this organ during foreplay produces the orgasm experience in nearly all women.

However, it should be noted that this must be done with utmost care, as many husbands had, in the course of caressing the clitoris, inflicted untold pains on their wives. What is expected of such husbands is merely a feather touch caressing, or better still, using their tongue or hands to stimulate the organ, which produces orgasm within a twinkle of an eye. Unfortunately, in most parts of the African continent, this wonderful structure is usually removed or mutilated during female circumcision.

Four: Most women need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. More than 60 percent of women must have direct clitoral stimulation in order to climax. In fact, believing a woman should achieve orgasm through intercourse alone is like expecting a man to reach orgasm by only stroking his testicles. Do not ignore the facts of anatomy. A woman’s clitoris is similar to the head (glans) of the man’s penis. Often, the clitoris isn’t stimulated by intercourse. If the head of the penis wasn’t involved in intercourse, the man wouldn’t climax easily!

This does not mean that it is proper for a man to reach for his wife’s clitoris immediately. Women come in all shapes and sizes-physically, emotionally, and particularly, sexually; so the only safe way to approach her clitoris is to find out what she wants and what she likes. It is only few and rare women that are okay with ‘starting’ quickly for their clitoris; most women will be offended or turned off if their husband goes straight to their clitoris first and skip fondling the non-sexual areas. Like the penis, the clitoris engorges with blood during arousal. Touching her before she is aroused can be unpleasant, or even painful to most women.

Five: Most women differ greatly in the way they enjoy having their clitoris stimulated, and the manner of stimulation can vary during the different stages of lovemaking. It is helpful (and can be fun) for a wife to show her husband how she wants to be stroked by placing her hand over his own and actually putting pressure on his fingers to demonstrate where she likes to be touched, how lightly or firmly, and how slowly or quickly she likes the movements to be. The other nerve- invested areas are the nipple, the breast, the lips of the vaginal, and the lobs of the ear.

Questions Answers

Can I still give birth again?

I’m a 30-year-old lady and I have used the contraceptive injection for over four years now because of the new joy I got shortly after getting married. My period has stopped for some time and I am afraid that I may not conceive again. I am worried because my husband and I are thinking of settling down to have a family of our own and the fear of not being able to conceive is affecting my sex life.

Anxious woman

Amenorrhea (temporary stoppage of periods) is a common side effect of the contraceptive injection. It may take up to a year for your menstrual cycle to return to normal after stopping the three-month injectable contraceptive. However, this should not affect your ability to conceive. All you need to do is relax and try to enjoy sex for the fun of it and not because you want to get pregnant.

 Question two

Unbearable pain during sex

          I’m 30 years old and I just got married. My wife and I were both virgins before we got married. Every time we make love, she feels an unbearable pain. We always have sex quickly or not all, because she once said it would be better if she died than endure the pain. It has been a month since we got married but she still complains of the pains. I also ejaculate very early.

Anonymous

I believe the greatest thing any couple could do for each other is to ensure that they both enjoy sex to the fullest. Your experience is common among newly married virgins. Just give yourself time to adjust to your new life. For now, sex will continue to be somewhat painful for your wife, until she gets used to being penetrated. But that should not put both of you off sex. I suggest you see that the sexual conditions are right for the two of you so that her mind will be free to focus on relaxing. I also suggest you see a sex therapist who will teach both of you how your sexual bodies work and how you can enjoy sex in a more satisfying manner. Do not feel embarrassed. This is but a learning process.    

Question three

 My organ is too small, I don’t want to lose my woman

I am a fan of yours and I have been following your write-ups for some time now. Ever since then, my sex life has not been the same. My wife and I are always blessed by each edition, may God in His infinite mercy continue to bless and enrich this column with great knowledge. I have a problem with my penis. It is very small, and my woman is complaining, please what can I do before I lose her.

Monday Alao

This is an immense problem that plagues our men – both young and old, rich and poor, highly influential and the commoner – not only in our country but the whole world and it has been a major concern to many. However, I would love to give a word of advice. Over the years of my being a sex therapist and a sexologist, I have discovered that these following tips have saved a lot of marriage relationships with or without the use of penis- enlargement drugs.

One, if your wife is not complaining, just accept yourself as you are.

Two, if your wife is complaining, then apply the followings:

A: When having sex, engage in varieties of dog style position such as spoon style or side by side style position or any other form of sex than the basic missionary position. The trick of these styles is that it normally reduces the length of the vaginal of the woman. This is because she is not standing straight, sitting straight or bending slightly. With these positions, her virginal is automatically shorter than the usual length when she is straightened up. And when you enter her from whatever angle, your penis will be able to fully fill up the remaining part of her vaginal.

Two, if you are extremely smart with delivering a very good passionate, erotic foreplay; you can easily bring her to the verge of climaxing prior to your entering her and you will be able to get her to orgasm with any size of penis.

Three, make sure you learn the skill of pre-sex fingering and clitoris banqueting. Master it and become an expert with it. What I mean by ‘clitoris banqueting’ is taking quality time to work on the clitoris at the same time, finger the first few inches of her vaginal very extensively. When this is done, it usually compensates for the fullness of the small size penis because by the time you have done justice to her clitoris and the tip of the vaginal with your fingers, your small penis will just finish the job easily.

Four, you can always try many natural herbs available from highly recommended company for increase in size of the penis. 

Five, practice more of blow-job with her valval than penetrative vagina sex.

Can I still love him?

‘I don’t love my hubby’

I don’t feel anything when he touches me. Your column made me to believe that you could solve my problem. Sorry, I am not good at writing. I am 37 years old and have been married for 10 years. I have five children, but I have never enjoyed sex with my husband and I believe that I am frigid. After I got married, I told my friend and she took me to a medical doctor, who said my problem was not medical but emotional. He also asked me if I love my husband and if I had ever been raped in my life. The truth is that I am not in love with my husband. I only married him because of pressure from my family that I was getting old. After this visit to my doctor, I have managed to tolerate my husband, but I am not even aware of his touch, neither do I feel anything when he enters me. That’s how we have managed to have five children. But I don’t think it will be ideal to stay idle and do nothing about my condition. I keep changing doctors and I used traditional medicine to no avail. However, what surprises me is that in all these years, my husband has never complained. He has never revealed that he has noticed my lack of response. When I discuss it with my doctor, he said maybe my husband was the problem and he invited him. But my husband refused to go. Please help me because I don’t know what to do. I have only written 10 percent of what is happening.

H.I

I think your problem needs an urgent attention. Try and see me, you need lots of counselling.

By Funmi Akingbade

Sexual order

The best of anything or everything is best enjoyed when it is done well and done properly. One of the frequent complaints of many married lovers is that their spouses are not orderly or the act of sex is very clumsy and un-interesting. One of my quotes of good sex is usually ‘a place for everything and everything in place.’ Whenever couples give priority to good organography for sexual intercourse, they do not only enjoy lasting sex; they enjoy bounding sex, they enjoy sex till old age, they enjoy the type of sex each party looks out for. So today, I want to assist couples on how to take their spouse into attaining the best sexual responses. The sexual response is actually the natural sequence of physical and emotional changes that occur as a spouse becomes sexually aroused and participates in sexually stimulating activities, which include releasing their minds, bodies and will in total abandonment during sexual act. Knowing how your spouse responds during each phase of the cycle enhances the relationship and helps married couples pinpoint the cause of any sexual challenge.

This sexual order is in four phases- excitement, plateau, orgasm, and resolution. Both men and women experience these phases, although the timing usually is different. For example, it is unlikely that both married couples will reach orgasm at the same time. In addition, the intensity of the response and the time spent in each phase varies from person to person. Understanding these differences would definitely help spouses better understand one another’s bodies and responses, and enhance the sexual experience.

Phase 1: excitement: general characteristics of the excitement phase, which can last from a few minutes to several hours, include the following: muscle tension increases, heart rate quickens and breathing is accelerated. Skin may become flushed (blotches of redness appear on the chest and back). Nipples become hardened or erect, blood flow to the genitals increases, resulting in swelling of the woman’s clitoris and labia minora (inner lips), and erection of the man’s penis, vaginal lubrication begins, the woman’s breasts become fuller and the vaginal walls begin to swell, the man’s testicles swell, his scrotum tightens, and he begins secreting a lubricating liquid. This does not just occur if some steps are not taken. For instance, couples can learn to give good sexual speech through whispering, phone calls and text messages. Do you know that with a single sexual and sensual call, you can get your spouse so aroused at his or her desk and he or she will be counting minutes just to get to you.

Hello, now, before you make that call, pick your tone: flirty, seductive, romantic, macho, dominator. When he or she answers, stay silent for a few seconds. Then, in your sexiest voice, describe how you would like him or her to kiss you, touch and undress you. Then take him or her through the finer details of how you are going to give him or her the most amazing oral sex ever. Non-verbal communication is a good element to spark up the best sexual response cycle in our partner. You can groan and moan, but you can also breathe, stay silent and then repeat such. By the time you hang up, you’ll have your spouse  so hot, his or her main problem will be hiding the fast breathing, and erected penis(for men)  from colleagues as he or she sneaks away from his or her desk with a head full of sexual  thoughts, treats and escapade for the night.

Put to use the power of the smooching. This speeds up the response of the other party. While you are smooching, try kissing around the edges of the lips, then run the tip of your tongue over them. The longer you can delay before inserting your tongue, the more sensual it will be. Lift your spouse’s face and teasingly kiss him or her around the chin and jaw, moving down to the sensitive areas of the neck and throat. Then extend your passion to a tongue bath: where you cover every inch of your spouse’s body with kisses.

Phase 2: plateau: general characteristics of the plateau phase, which extends to the brink of orgasm or climaxing,  include the following; the changes begun in phase 1 are intensified, the vagina continues to swell from increased blood flow, and the vaginal walls turn  darker in dark women and purple dark in fair complexioned women. The woman’s clitoris becomes highly sensitive (sometime may even be painful to touch) and retracts under the clitoral hood to avoid direct stimulation from the penis. The man’s testicles are drawn up into the scrotum. Breathing, heart rate, and blood pressure continue to increase. Muscle spasms may begin in the feet, face, and hands. Muscle tension increases. Believe you me, this stage can also be ignited if couples become more creative such as giving each other deep  caressing even with the clothes on. This can deliver some certain sexual thrill. Spouses can simulate each other with all the moves they would perform if both of them were nude, but make up your mind to stop yourselves from shedding your clothes. Then when you both notice you have got to the stage of no return, pull off your clothes and slid into this stage of sexual response cycle.

Phase 3: Orgasm stage: this is the climax of the sexual response cycle. It is the shortest of the phases and generally lasts only a few seconds. General characteristics of this phase include the following: involuntary muscle contractions begin; blood pressure, heart rate, and breathing are at their highest rates, with a rapid intake of oxygen; muscles in the feet spasm, there is a sudden, forceful release of sexual tension. In women, the muscles of the vagina contract. The uterus also undergoes rhythmic contractions. In men, rhythmic contractions of the muscles at the base of the penis result in the ejaculation of semen, a rash or goose pimple or sex flush may appear over the entire body. Two basic things accelerate this stage; careful clitoral stimulation and excellent high quality thrusting in and out.

Phase 4: resolution or the after play experience or often-called ‘aftercare’. During resolution, the body slowly returns to its normal level of functioning and swelled and erect body parts return to their previous size and colour. This phase is marked by a general sense of well-being, enhanced intimacy and, sometimes, fatigue. Some wives are capable of a rapid return to the orgasm phase with further sexual stimulation and may experience multiple orgasms. However, many husbands need recovery time after orgasm called a refractory period, during which they cannot reach orgasm again. The duration of the refractory period varies among men and usually lengthens with advanced age. This is actually not the same thing as inability to go for the second or third round of sex though but a stage of recuperation which more often than not corrects itself within a short period. Women take longer to relax and recoup after orgasm; this is the best time for reassuring communication and comforting cuddling. Few sweet caresses and gentle cuddling can be enough to wrap up a full life sexual encounter; husbands, do not leave your wife hanging.

From research, the fear of pregnancy most time prevents some couples from experiencing this sexual response cycle and they are not very comfortable with many available family planning methods. Condom can still do the trick. Condoms, when used properly, are very effective in preventing unintended pregnancies. Please, use only water-based lubricant oil- lubricants based such as Vaseline will weaken the condom and cause it to break. You can contact me for some of these lubricants. To prevent overflow of semen after sex, husband should withdraw from his wife immediately, holding onto the base of the condom. This will prevent the condom from slipping off and possibly leaking inside his wife’s uterus. Until I come your way, again this is your bedroom instructor. Wishing you a sexy and sweet weekend.

By Funmi Akingbade

Sexual health challenges (II)

Adequate, relevant and up to date information, they say, is the best life saver and best friend. Last week, we started the series on sexual health and today, by the special grace of God, we shall be rounding off our discussion on it.

The issue of low or inadequate testosterone is one area both husband and wife should be knowledgeable about. Many signs of low or inadequate testosterone have been mistaken for heart problems or fever problems or sometimes typhoid problems.

In many men, low testosterone can alter some typical masculine features and these men may start experiencing painful breasts or breast enlargement or rapid loss of body hair. Also, they start noticing shrinkage in their testicles and in most cases, it may be difficult for them to get or keep an erection. In fact, hot flashes are most often seen in men who have very low testosterone. Many men believe that testosterone only relates to sex, no. It also helps to build bone in men and when it is in low supply, it may lead to frail bones and osteoporosis. Testosterone may also help keep muscles strong. It helps produce red blood cells, boosts mood, and aids thinking. Low testosterone may cause anaemia, depression and trouble concentrating.

I always suggest that when men approach the age of 40, it is just wise to go for random check-ups because one of the life threatening dangers of low testosterone is that men with low testosterone don’t have symptoms. Only a blood test can tell what your testosterone levels are. When a boy starts to get a beard and pubic hair, testosterone has fully manifested.  It affects hair growth in men.  Addictive consumption of processed substances such as alcohol, smoking, some steroid medications and extreme processed foods can lower testosterone. Sadly, alcohol is directly toxic to the testicles, especially during the production of testosterone and it seems to affect the release of other hormones related to men’s sexual function and fertility. Shrunken testicles are a common sign of low testosterone in alcoholic men with liver disease, as well as lower libido and sexual potency. Enlarged breasts are common in heavy drinkers because alcohol sometimes may help convert testosterone into the female hormone, oestrogen.

When it comes to sexuality, many couples blame sexual dis-satisfaction on many things but the real one. One thing is certain; and that is when the purpose of a thing is not known or discovered, abuse is inevitable. Many married couples mix libidoral challenge with sexual challenges and emotional challenges. We will do our best to help find solutions to these. Firstly I need every couple out there to know that faulty gender libidoral expression, sexual health challenges such as premature ejaculation, weak erection, erectile dysfunction, frigidity both in husband and wife and animalistic expressions of sexual desires and need are all interwoven; so therefore we can actually use almost same method to cure them all. So relax and read attentively.

To prevent many mistakes, bear it in mind that sexual satisfactions should not be solely directed to an individual alone in the relationship. You first satisfy your spouse before thinking of your own satisfaction. This means you have to be really present during the act; you have to pay passionate attention to your spouse. In the moments of lovemaking, there is nothing more important than your eyes, your lips, and theirs. The best love happens when the world falls away and you are the only two beings that matter. And when the world really does fall away, you’ll be one being, delighting in each other’s bodies, minds, and souls. This should not be the moment when the wife will remember the food on her gas cooker or the cry of the baby or the downpour of rain while her clothes are on the cloth line. Monotony of these actions and attitude over the years kill libido and accelerate premature ejaculation.

Sexuality mistake also comes when couples do not deliberately find a good place for sex; passion has its place; a place that’s clean and uncluttered, not the mattress that is filled with the urine of the baby or room cluttered with the head ties, dresses and make up gadgets of the wife. The sheets are fresh; do not reserve new bedspread for visitors only. Pamper yourself and your spouse with the luxury of the new bed spread. The pillows are plump. The laundry is out of sight. The music is pleasant. Or spicy. Or slow. Or hot. There are fresh flowers or well-tended plants that can spice your room. Sex can take place in your bedroom, where the door is locked, so your hearts can open. But don’t limit your place of passion to the bedroom. Erotic passion can take place in the living room, the kitchen, the pantry, the backyard, the pent house, the grazing land, the beach–wherever you and your lover connect and privacy is hyped.

Many couples [especially some husbands] believe that it is when they do some out of this space action that they can rectify their libidoral mistakes or sexual health blunders, but do you know that novelty is actually an aphrodisiac? Passion ignites when the mind is curious. The excitement of the new has been proven from ages to always challenge the old and leads to new pathways of ecstasy. When your sexual script gets tired and desire fades, trying new ways to delight each other can amplify your appetite and your spouse’s. Simple changes can be stimulating too. Try a new room, a new fragrance, a new technique. Or try a new touch, a new kiss, a new endearment, or a new dirty talk such as the use of local language to describe the sexual organ of your spouse while having foreplay. But oddly, this is the time and moment many married husbands start having extra marital affair, thinking their wives were actually the cause of either their premature ejaculation, weak erection, quick ejaculation, inability to go for many rounds, erectile dysfunction, lack of libido and even impotency. The truth of the matter is familiarity actually breeds contempt. When and if you are so conversant, acquainted, accustomed and familiar with the same woman sexually, display libidoral expression, sexual and erotic fantasisies over some period of years, the possibility of you being able to easily interpret, decipher and decode all her sexual moves and even surprises is very high. And simply because of this, many husbands start off with extramarital escapades but if you give such new sexual relationship some few years, you also experience the same sexual dissatisfaction you had with the first woman. In other words, extra marital affairs mistake does not enhance good sexual performance nor keep good libido.

Another mistake couples make is using sickly tool to want to run a marathon. Many of our vaginas are sick. High percentage of the penises is quarter to pack up, while the prostrate is clamouring for survival. To experience best of sex, you must be healthy. Strength, stamina and flexibility, all enhance the passionate experience. Steadily work towards boosting each. You’d be amazed what simply losing five per cent of your body weight will do for all of these. If you also take conscious effort to alkalinize your body system and take less of acidified and synthetic meals, you’ll have more energy for lovemaking.  And if a wife takes time out to firm her vagina and works on her clitoris and the same time use good natural supplement, you’ll feel better about your body. Many prostrate problems like inflammation of the prostrate, cancer of the prostrate can really be handled by simply eating raw tomatoes and beetroot fruit on a daily basis while eating blended onions, egg, small raw pap, local banana, apple and milk and two cloves of garlic and ginger once in two weeks will rectify penis tissue abnormalities, especially it will prevent premature ejaculation. And the consumption of unripe plantain and cucumber with bitter kola will take care of weak erection with early stage of impotency. It is very important to recognise that there is a connection between diet and sex. Make eating fresh, healthy foods a passion and discover new depths to your enjoyment. And also bear it in mind that food eating by people who love healthy sex must be 80 per cent raw and 20 per cent cooked.

Couples do not give priority to hygiene. Never be too lazy to get up and brush your teeth. Shave, shower, brush the teeth, use fragrance sparingly, watch out for little sharp things like fingernails. Be smooth. Be touchable. On the other hand, don’t become obsessed with your appearance; that’s generally unattractive. Just notice anything that might take away from someone enjoying your body, and take care of it. Don’t let the trap of culture seal your lips; be flirtatious, say sexy, funny little things. Like so many things that give rise to passion, that will make your husband get instant erection and your wife’s vagina starts vibrating for a penis to enter fully. These gestures make erotic lovemaking starts long before you end up in the bedroom.

Saying something that only your partner would understand, placing your hand in an unexpected spot on your partner’s body, you can go as far as carefully putting your clean hands on his penis and start caressing it, or you the husband can trickily dip your fingers inside the panties of your wife, place one of the fingers on the clitoris while the two or three others inside the tip of the vagina and start thrusting in and out with the fingers while looking into  her eyes with fire that can easily signal your desire such as  ‘I am hot’. Everyone loves to be wanted. Flirting lets your spouse know just how much you want them.

To be continued

 QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS

Alcohol and erection

I see many people drink alcohol and they are still fine sexually. I really don’t want to buy that crap and lies that alcohol is the reason for my poor erection. Although I have been having issues with my ejaculation for three years now, a friend talked me into taking alcohol insisting that it helped in his inability to perform sexually. Initially, it helped; I could go for five rounds and still wanting more but now, the reverse is the case. I can barely sustain erection. The point is I try to reduce my alcohol consumption. Please, do you think it is alcohol that is disturbing my erection? Honest reply please.

Mr. Michela olokolale

 I would say yes with authority. I think you got deceived because you think everybody is alike, no.  Our genes differ and that is why your friend’s issue with alcohol and erection has not gone bad. But I can assure you that it will be sooner or later. But alcohol has only one assignment: destruction of our system. Alcohol never makes you sober; you can’t be sober-minded if you are not sober. It is a depressant; anything that depresses should be avoided at all cost. It leaves you worst not better, what you do in moderation, your children will do it in excess. Show me a family where alcohol has made a positive difference in their lives and health, you will not find one. Alcohol does not allow you to have self-control; it is a mind altering legal drug and the simplest drug is a silent poison. Alcohol is addictive. It is a numbing agent for pain and sorrow that only God can heal. Many regrets are associated with alcohol. Alcohol makes us to act in ways we normally would not have. Alcohol kills the brain cells, destroys the nerves and tissue of the penis. It is provided for false peace. It is a money, time and destiny waster. It leads to all bad behaviours. Alcohol makes you behave stupidly; it has ruined many marriages. If you do not want your teenager to start drinking, do not show them how. Alcohol lowers the ability to resist evil. Alcohol fills our mind with impure thoughts. Instead, drink water or water melon, fruits with egg white every night, it will restore your potency. Drinking two glasses of water in the morning helps activate the internal organs. Drinking one glass of water before a meal helps in digestion and weight loss. Drinking one glass of water before bed time helps prevent stroke or heart attack.

No climaxing in spite of high libido

I have never experienced orgasm. I am not circumcised, I love sex, I demand it from my husband more regularly than he asks me. I cannot stay two days without it but I have never experienced orgasm but I like missionary position. Help

Lola Oghoku

 Frankly, the missionary position is the position least likely to bring a woman to climax.

But there is a subtle adjustment you can make that can increase your chances of having an orgasm: the Coital Alignment Technique, or CAT. Have your husband move his entire body up about two inches. Your husband’s pubic bone will rest on top of yours so that the base of his penis presses on your clitoris. This position provides continuous stimulation of your clitoris during intercourse, increasing your chances of having an orgasm. Besides, let him concentrate more on your clitoris to the extent that you start breathing fast and panting; this is the starting point of orgasm. Although when it comes to sexual behaviour, no two people are always alike, some women can reach orgasm with any position. A wife who thinks about sex has more orgasm than those who do not.

 I need more facts about penis

I am a new bride to be, can you tell me some facts and figure about penis/vagina and their functionality?

Nicole Enjupo

On the lower part of the penis is a V shape tissue that is very sensitive to stimulation. Bigger testicles produce more sperm but not necessarily better quality. On average, the heart beats 70 times per minute but during orgasm, the heart races at 115 beats per minute. It takes 17 muscles to smile and over 100 muscles to have an orgasm. On average, couples spend two weeks of their lives kissing, the record for the longest kiss is 29 hours. In a one minute kiss, you actually burn 26 calories, 80 per cent of husbands are turned on when wives wear sexy lingerie and expose their nipples and clitoris. Women’ skin thins out when they are aroused, most men can maintain an erection for 40 minutes. In the US, the average time for sex is 10; 34pm, but Nigeria has no viable data. A woman’s sex drive is at its peak just before her period. During sex, the testicles retract into the body to protect them from getting knocked around especially during vigorous thrusting in and out and some clumsy movement. Married couples have sex 52 times a year, that is once a week, men experience an average of seven erections in a day five of them when he is asleep. Men’s nipples have the same level of pleasure receptors as women’s nipples, orgasm releases chemicals that curb appetite,  so sex helps you lose weight.

The average speed of an ejaculation is 20 mph, husbands find it incredibly sexy when women take the initiative and swing their breast and buttocks, cold shower can increase the production of sex hormone in men and women.